forced

So many good comments here, and your original post and comments show your wisdom and maturity. I'm learning just by reading your example. The first thing that came to my mind is structure. Create st…

Long road to dream job and instant healing. — Bestcub called me to write this, I hope it will be helpful to someone. A story like many others. After years of wandering around shitty loa and other stupid spheres, books and forums I finally start…

Anyone else rethinking bulk imports with these tariffs? — I’ve been importing apparel in bulk for a couple years now, but the new Trump tariffs have really forced me to rethink things. Between higher shipping costs and customs delays, the old model just isn’…

Design like your users are high — That's it, design so your users can use your app high, this way you are forced to think in terms of usability

[question] What's the general opinion on best bookkeeping for ecommerce business these days? — This will be my second year in ecommerce -- we own a small ecommerce store in the CPG space. Sales have done much better than expected (We've allocated a lot of effort and resources building relations…

Seeking a low-maintenance frontend/CMS stack for modernizing 10+ year old sites — Hi all, I’m looking for advice on a conservative, low-maintenance frontend and CMS stack for modernizing a couple of old but still functional client sites. **Background:** I’ve got two long-lived s…

Error: Chrome persistently redirecting to HTTPS for HTTP site, code 400, message Bad request version. Need proper solution please. — **code 400, message Bad request version ('...') You're accessing the development server over HTTPS, but it only supports HTTP.** student project with django backend, running on local development. …

Can no longer access my website after changing the URL from HTTP to HTTPS in settings — I am using Siteground to host my website and added an SSL certificate and enforced HTTPS. I was already logged into my Wordpress site when I did this and then changed the settings on Wordpress so both…

When I want to deactivate I swing too far to the other side to preemptively "sooth" my partner, just in case. — (I'm Fearful Avoidant btw) Does this make sense? Anybody else do this? Like, because I'm so aware of when I want to shutdown/avoid/or am feeling a huge ick, I overcompensate by reaching out more and …

Pouncemonial: 9th Kill - 30 Successful Trades — **Mission**: To accomplish 30 successful trades **What I achieved**: Accomplished 30 successful trades and learned how to execute and manage trades well. **Background**: With the previous kill, …

I had a breakthrough tonight! — Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another anxiously attached person. It didn't w…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Both best friends got engaged — I (27F) have never been in a relationship and struggle to form emotional attachments at all. I've gone on dates and forced myself to keep seeing a guy because he's perfectly nice and there's nothing w…

Did I make my Avoidance worse by pushing through it? — Hi all, I’ve been aware I have issues with commitment/avoidance my entire conscious life, but despite it I’ve always wanted to find love I didn’t meet my first boyfriend until I was 22, and it was l…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

My Experience Being an Avoidant Woman — I 27(f) am a lesbian who has a fearful avoidant attachment style. I have almost no control over my attraction; I can be really into/attracted to and excited about someone but then something happens/th…

so what is ”healthy”? — so i’ve read over the several attachment style subs and something interesting i’ve found is that on the anxious side people are talking about how the society is pushing us to be hyper-independent and …

Did Saturn in Aries correlate with the “heroin chic” era of the late 90s? Wondering about parallels with today. — I had a random thought earlier today while watching some video on YouTube, and I’m curious if more experienced astrologers see anything in it. There’s a lot of discussion right now about the return o…

Why Manifestation can FEEL Forced and Unrealistic (Success & Guidance) — Today I came upon a realization that many people do not have for most of their lives. It was the realization that our feelings and the meanings that we attach to them are also affirmations. Right no…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

Unexpected emotional shift after Adventure - Five Messages. Has anyone experienced something similar? — Hi everyone, I wanted to share something that happened recently and see if anyone here has had a similar experience. For some context, I recently went through the end of a **10 year relationship**. …

If you are a dumper missing your dumpee you caused the pain — IF THE SHOE FITS THEN IT FITS What frustrates me is how often dumpers speak about missing their ex as if that somehow balances the situation. It doesn’t. The critical difference is agency. One person…

I (28F) am tired of constantly having to ask or tell my partner (28F) how to love/care for me. Do I just move on? — I’ll start off by saying, I completely understand we have to communicate with others on the ways we want to be loved and cared for. This isn’t that anymore. My gf and I have been together for a littl…

The phrase "you're so strong" is pissing me off. — ETA: TW tags and NSFW added. I apologise. Had a dysfunctional childhood, abusive stuff of all sorts, was struggling with major depression and being extremely suicidal in my teens, have been through a…

My mom called my son’s birthday party “f***ing embarrassing” because she cares more about what people think than celebrating him — **UPDATE:** Thank you to everyone who commented and shared advice. A lot of people suggested going no contact with my mom to protect myself and my son. I understand why people said that, but I want …

Choosing myself feels like betraying my family, but staying feels like losing my life — I’m 21F, Bengali, and coming from a strict Muslim family who are very traditional where marrying outside the culture is almost unheard of. All of my siblings had arranged marriages, and my parents hav…

If you're reading this, you're gonna make it. — Hey, you. yeah YOU. I know what you're going through. Nobody is on this sub because they're having a good time of it. I know that, because 4 years ago I was in the exact same place. Any advice you rea…

“She doesn’t have to respect you” — My ex was told this today by a person in a position of major power over him after he vented about how I didn’t treat him like I used to when we were married. I mean he did betray and destroy our famil…

We’re in a computer simulation — I’ve lived my entire life experiencing all sorts of inexplicable illnesses, and I always thought that they were just coincidences or due to bad genetics. However, after I started reading into **religi…

Broke up with me because his father didnt want him to be distracted from his career. Why cant I forget him? — As the title mentions. I (DOB 30.12.1993, first chart) was best friends with this boy (DOB 13.10.1994, second chart) from 2013 and we started dating in 2014 beginning. The relationship was a very good…

Being forced to become smarter than them because they are dumb as hell — My Indian parents turned out be really really dumb. Their problem solving skill is terrible. My father is the worst, he is a utter brainlet. All he does is work all day. No socializing, no nothing. Ju…

Accidentally Forced Into Astral Projection, Now A Beginner Who Has Several Successful Intentional Attempts — I am a beginner in astral projection and only started to AP in Dec of 2025. I have progressed rapidly within the last 2 months in intentional attempts. I was forced into experiencing "symptoms" of A…

What placements show willing and un willing moves? — I know the 9th house is a big one, but what about in instances where people move as a result of natural disasters or war? What placements might show someone who resists moving even ten minutes away, v…

Histories of Native American Treaties and Anti-Chinese Violence Win Bancroft Prize — Emilie Connolly’s “Vested Interests: Trusteeship and Native Dispossession in the United States,” published by Princeton University Press, examines the financial aspects of many U.S. government treatie…

My parents wore my friend out in 10 minutes flat. — Hi all. I'm currently stuck at home recovering from surgery. Trying to put my health first ahead of my demanding parents is hard, but has to be done. Anyway, I had some validation today. A friend of …

Unhealthy Living Conditions with Piano — Like many asian kids I was made to play an instrument. Specifically I was made to play the piano. I'm not that particularly gifted at it. I have hearing issues in my right ear (tinnitus). I didn't hav…

(TW) Forced cosmetic procedures as a minor – is there a name for this kind of trauma? — TW: body shaming, child abuse, medical procedures forced on a child. Hey folks. I've been digging through some memories in therapy and I just recalled something horrifying. Heed the trigger warnings …

Started gateway this week. I’m confused — Hello! I admittedly don’t have the most knowledge about the gateway tapes. I’ve listening to a couple podcast episodes about them but it sounded like this intense experience where you will astral pr…

Advice on how to deal with parent giving ultimatum over my relationship — I'm a 28 year old gay Asian male currently living in an East Asian country for my job, away from my home country and my parents. All my life, I had a great and loving relationship with my parents. I w…

18 months after my husband’s affair and the “ick” just hit. Has anyone ever gotten attraction back after this? — About 18 months ago I discovered my husband had been having an 3 year long emotional affair with a coworker that he admits he was actively pursuing. We decided to try to reconcile. To his credit, he …

Us who were child victims — Do you absolutely melt when you see a parent go above and beyond to protect or avenge their child? I was not believed by my mother when I told her I was raped at 9 years old by a family "friend." When…

I wish I left after the first affair — I feel so stupid for trying to reconcile after I caught the first affair. I was too much of a coward. I was too afraid to be alone. I was still in love. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal, everything wa…

I am 18F and I’m exhausted dealing with my Indian mom who practically worships her narcissistic, manipulative younger brother and lets him control my life while treating me like garbage. — My mom (44F) has two younger brothers. The one I’m talking about is the middle child. He’s married and has a 10-year-old daughter. In my opinion he is one of the most narcissistic, selfish, and arroga…

My mother sent my childhood abuser to my home, after I have been successful at making sure he never knows where I live. — Conversation is below. I have been very careful making sure my brother never knows where I live, as he beat me as a child so much police intervened and I was such a mess I was mandated to go to thera…

UPDATE: How do I (28M) tell my girlfriend (28F) a prenup and keeping my inherited house separate are non-negotiable? — TL;DR: I had the conversation. She brought up moving in first. She completely agrees the house and inheritance should stay separate, supports a prenup, was impressed I’d thought it through, and confus…

How to bring up SI to my therapist? — (Prefacing: I am currently safe! This post just sucks to make.) I'm relatively new to having a therapist, I started last year in November. I feel like I hit the jackpot with my therapist, I think we …

I finally moved away from my partner of 13 years. Fuck it's painful — I say finally but I have actually done this one and a half times before. But both times, we were still talking as if we were together, and were soon reunited. But this time, I literally forced myself …

I made my husband confess to OBS and here’s what happened — For your education and entertainment purposes, this is the story of what happened when I forced my husband to confess to OBS. Quick backstory: (you can read the full post on my profile) my husband h…

Cure Avoidant Attachment by Watching TV — Can watching TV help treat a dismissing attachment pattern? In Dr. Dan Siegel’s book "Mindsight,” he presents a case study involving Stuart, a 92-year-old attorney with dismissing attachment. Stuart,…

what finally got me to shift - I broke my mind ⋆˚࿔ — I used to be the person who would try to shift every single night and wake up crying from a failed attempt because I was so frustrated with the fact that I wasn’t shifting. I thought that I fully be…

Disagree. What you think consciously during non-lob times is irrelevant. Alto, cm thoughts will automatically change when sm beleifs are changed. But this is not forced, and it isn't what gives result…

You’re the only one I ever see mentioning coffee 😂I get you’re trying to be cute but I haven’t heard it once. I’m asking about *you*. Not anything thing in any sub. There are dozens of success storie…

Work - it was my first mission. Daily routine as in the index, in three months I missed maybe 3-4 days due to travel. The result - work in a profession for which I had no qualifications.  On the oth…

I think it really depends on the partner and how willing they are to communicate. In my last relationship I was avoidant leaning secure and my partner was preoccupied. There were certain things I thou…

Yes, that's precisely my message! And that's why I started treating myself for my issues so aggressively since my late teens (now mid/late 20s). I didn't want to keep passing on the cycle, and this go…

You can ruin potential connections and negatively impact your social life this way, if that's any important to you. As kindly as I can, this is is a common misconception people can have about avoida…

Oh, this is a cool topic, there is nothing cooler than the fucking time that is chasing us.  I was just in the middle of my first mission related to a new job. At that time I was already quite burnt…

I feel so seen. I had to take breaks from dating due to that built up resentment but also from sensitivity to rejection that I projected onto my worthiness. I’ve mostly dated FA in the past I felt l…

Totally relate to this. I can’t bring myself to “care” or get excited about someone from an app. If I meet someone IRL I’m way more open to exploring. I think from an app I’m just immediately expectin…

I would go with opentofu anything besides hashicorp is forced to use tofu

Snyk is just cli, there is no big mystery you are not even forced to use integration. Just use bare snyk cli in your pipeline, and yes it costs

This is the first I'm seeing about the Backstage platform, it seems like it can do a lot, and is pretty extensible. Considering the tool belt seems to revolve around Typescript, it's giving me the imp…

Because poor schmucks are forced to be complete full stacks and when you only know js from Bootcamp, everything is nail

I was diagnosed three years ago with ADHD. My wife, who is a psychotherapist, speculated for a long time and then gave me an assessment, which was then confirmed with a psychiatrist. But I've been run…

1) your ex needs to solve this problem themselves and cope instead of involving you. It is extremely immature of them to solve this problem by reconnecting, it is incredibly inconsiderate of your time…

Ha, I could have written this. I spent a year with someone as I worked through my issues and we both didn’t immediately realize he was avoidant. Part of your healing should also be disengaging from s…

I mentioned before the breakup that I thought I was AP and that he was DA which he originally denied and said he was secure, then 6 weeks after he reached out regarding returning items. I knew it was …

yeah, we talked about it a lot, and he's now in therapy for it. He didnt realize he had a problem at all until our break up because I kind of raised hell and forced him to reckon with it. He is a good…

I had like a 4 month intense long distance situationship with a severe FA, he deactivated and broke up after meeting for the first time from the increase in intimacy and our first conflicts. I could s…

’m in a really difficult spot with my boyfriend. We’ve been together since late 2021, and recently he’s been second-guessing our relationship. I think im anxious and he’s avoidant. I’m 22 and he’s 25 …

Just my two cents on some points here: Alpha is basically a state where you are so relaxed that when you imagine your scene you are completely immersed in it that you forget your body, its just full r…

>Just my two cents on some points here: Alpha is basically a state where you are so relaxed that when you imagine your scene you are completely immersed in it that you forget your body, its just full …

Sigh im not sure yet because it feels too early and I've not talked about this to them yet. 2 months in, with everything that happened between us (they were forced to breakup with me because i couldn'…

The fact that OP says a few months aho they would have been spiralling.... suggests that this has happened before and they didnt cope well and is now celebrating coping well, suggests that this sotuat…

Text of original post by u/DaniT0n: Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another an…

So I (37F) apparently still have anxious attachment. I thought I had managed to get past it 😅 so I started talking to a younger colleague (29M) at work. A couple weeks ago we admitted we liked each o…

The most effective for me was tapping into my creativity. Practicing hand exercises on the piano quiets the brain, learning to play some mellow songs is a bit of a hack that allows you to indulge in l…

I found an engagement ring in his office and fucked everything up. I've been with my boyfriend for 2ish years now, he's definitely avoidant but secure leaning. Since the beginning, we have had the sa…

The majority of a message (thought stream) sent to my significant other, after two days of receiving (what I believe to be) whimsical communication and apathetic tone, from someone I know loves me—am …

I often do ask direct questions or address things (eg. ‘I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit distant lately, is everything okay?’ and such) but it still doesn’t relieve the anxiety or stop me from overanaly…

My relationship is still less than a year old and is long distance. I love my girlfriend very much and I know she loves me and she has put up with various of my problems and supported me and has been …

Thank you! I can answer some of these! 1 & 2. Why she is my attachment source. Several years ago I moved (back) up to HQ when our satellite location closed. At that spot, people of every background …

Sure, here is a portion that resonated with me a lot and made sense on what attracts me to the avoidants or unavailable or troubled people. Shall share more if you are interested: The need to be need…

Its an important story that one. Though I will say my own references to us growing out of childhood involve way less of a catastrophic forced disclosure than what happens in that story. It involved gr…

Hi, (18M) sorry for the long story: For context, my girlfriend and I have been dating for around 7 months now. Her and I both have avoidant tendencies but she talked to me about my avoidant tendencies…

"*Quiet does not equal danger.*" Oh gosh. Yes. I understand this. This is how my partner now reminds me to be assured of space, and with myself. What also helps is, both of our quirky nature and humo…

Your question took me back six years. I was in exactly the same situation. A week after the breakup, anxiety overwhelmed me so much that I had to call a mental health hotline. I wasn't eating, I could…

>“If I knew 100% that I wouldn’t date anyone ever again, what would I need in my life to live a fulfilled and meaningful life” Heidi Priebe suggested this exercise for healing anxious attachment and …

I don't have a good answer for you- hust wanted to let you know you aren't alone in the struggle. I struggle with hyper-independance as well and have found when I ask for help and don't get it, it has…

Right, completely valid. It’s hard too when it’s reinforced because it’s real all around us and even statistics back it up. Like even if both partners believe men+women should be equals there’s still …

> Well there is no existing relationship lol. that's what I mean. I was wondering if using an online dating app felt like an admission of that. I certainly have a level of anxiety about people as…

Stuck around birth family for three days, came away with loads of goodies of course but at the expense of my sanity. Holidays are superficial commericalized bull, people are stupid, unhealed careg…

Beautiful write up! I loved the part where you spoke about how you enforced your boundaries without trying to control the other person. I’ve been on a similar trajectory as yourself where I’ve complet…

I feel really conflicted about this post. Enough to come back to it days later. On the one hand, everyone is entitled to their own boundaries and enforcing your own boundaries is empowering and health…

All of the above. Whenever i feel triggered by something (The latest one is an approaching movein with a partner) it’s a lot easier for me to step back and look at it and think to myself, why do i fee…

This is fascinating thank you. And firstly I just want to say I relate on many levels. I have actually run workshops on attachment and yet still found myself in situations similar to this, except she …

I agree. I used to get anxious when someone takes time to reply, but even then if remind myself hat other people have lives and aren't necessarily just waiting around all day to text me. But a lot o…

Late to the convo here but this is a very grounding post to read. I believe I’m securely attached with anxious tendencies and found myself exploring a connection recently with someone who based on the…

I’m not dismissing the fact that you have engaged in some amount of healing. However you managed to avoid doing the most important part of the healing that would make this all so much more bearable. Y…

Hi there, if he said you can hit hit up whenever, I'm sure he means it. If I said that to someone, I would mean it. I recently got "rejected" by a person with NPD, multiple times, and I finally let th…