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Citations (101)
Yes my mom is currently estranged from my siblings and recently asked me by text if my sister had told my brother about my Dad's hospitalization. Then 12 minutes later she text again with the same que…
Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…
Backend skills for a hobbyist? — Hi, I'm wondering if y'all have recommendations for backend skills that a lone hobbyist should learn? Right now I don't know everything I want to do with web design, but I know I'd like to create art…
New to drupal Trying to install themes — I'm very new to web build outs I'm using Cpanel I don't know how to install composer can i do it though Cpanel? The goal is to be able to at least change themes in Drupal to start with. Any help is…
The market is bad but employers really shouldn't do this — Within 6 months of time frame I've experienced: - An employer who preferred to go for an offshore option for cheaper salary after showering me with compliments. - An employer that had 6 stage interv…
Hello, all. I am helping my mother run her small business by online admin and things, asking for SEO advice for websites etc. (Reupload) — My mother started a local intensive massage therapy business, is the best way I can put it, and I am designing, advertising and running all the online related things. I am tech-savvy I'd say, but am n…
Local/regional prediction market app/site.i will not promote — The title is an open suggested startup idea Cater for particular country/region for MVP Best target country should be the highest gambling culture but at the same time had less regulated policies I …
Marketplace Connect changed 12000 Amazon inventory items to 0 ! Has this happened to anyone? I can't get help uploading a product list I downloaded. — What a nightmare! This experience has been devastating! The software is supposed to be safe... how on earth does it change all my inventory to 0 and no one is willing to help me fix it?? I have gone a…
Should I leave my 9-5 job in a finance company for a job in an early stage startup (I will not promote) — I am an engineering student who has a degree in Computer science and engineering (Data Science) with an honours in Quantative Finance. I have been a part of 3 startups mainly in the social and influ…
Why do people in LOA communities ALWAYS go to Reddit for their problems when JM advised against that? — Hello everyone. I've been into JM's (and NG's) teaching for quite some time. I enjoy it thoroughly and dipped my toes into the subreddits, so hence why I'm here instead of the NG subreddit since I wo…
Interview for the same company from 2 recruiters (UK) — Hey, I'm in a bit of an awkward position and could do with some advice. I had a recruiter reach out to me last week about a role that was coming up. I said they could send my CV over. On Friday a di…
Help Me Understand Relation Between Guest Posting and Google's TOS — I'll start off by quoting Google's Spam Policies: https://developers.google. com/search/docs/essentials/spam-policies >Advertorials or native advertising where payment is received for articles that i…
{Weekly Discussion} Google seems to be giving the thumbs up to Reddit's AI Scaled Machine Translations — Background - during an earnings call, Reddit said that google said thumbs up to the idea of publishing AI machine translated content - apparently something they've penalized others before. [Gagan Gho…
"Locked" Inspector Stylesheet — So, I recently was modifying and testing something in CSS via inspector-stylesheet and all of a sudden it got... Locked?? I don't know how else to explain it. I can create a new inspector-stylesheet …
Hardstuck in Pre-Seed. i will not promote — Hey fellow startupers, I actually wanna hear some advice from you guys. Currently we're in pre-seed, and tbh, last year when we were having money problems I thought once we overcome them, we'd kinda s…
Manager vs. IC when recruiting soon? — Hi all! I have the opportunity and flexibility at my job right now to move up into a managerial role, and I get a lot of freedom in deciding what it looks like. E.g. I could oversee and manage designe…
Theme Suggestions- simple, visual oriented, for events/non-profit — Hello! I run a small nonprofit that produces low or no cost music shows for the community. Part of our mission is to be as supportive as possible to the creatives "on both sides of the stage"... So w…
Was pushed into a Devops role. Never got the chance to learn properly — I was pushed into a devops role. And since then there was always a deadline on head and was never able to learn things properly. I am still good at my job and can do what is required but somewhere fee…
Starting a startup. (i will not promote) — I have several ideas for applications (social networks), but all the hassle with opening a company and paying taxes to the authorities makes me give up on the idea; I simply don't have the energy for …
SaaS... I have no experience in this area. What is it and if you run one, what does it do? — As the title says, I have worked primarily in the front-end web design world and in the physical business things. I don't know really what SaaS is or any examples of it. What are yall doing?
What software do you use? — I want to open my own small cafe, but I don't know what software to use to keep track of everything. Any ideas?
Duolingo leader throws shade at r/UXDesign — You all might remember this thread a few months ago, [debating Duolingo renaming UX to “Product Experience.”](https://www.reddit.com/r/UXDesign/comments/1j3hvkw/duolingo_renames_ux/) The VP Mig announ…
Rate limit when trying to log in to WP Engine — Hello everyone. I need to access to WP Engine to restart the plugins installed in a project. The administrators of the page gave me a link to create a password for my user and i loged in using my mobi…
I don't know what to do about my giveaway — I own a super small online jewellery business as a hobby, as I'm still in school. Since Mother's Day is coming up this Sunday, I decided to host a little giveaway for my few followers, expecting at mo…
Front-end dev looking for direction — Hey everyone, I'm a front-end dev for 5+ years, mostly focused on React. I'm looking for any tips as far as getting more knowledgeable, I feel I struggle in tech interviews because I don't know the c…
Should I find a business partner? Sell Or just give up? My business has potential but I don't have to energy to make it happen. — I started a business about two and a half years ago. It is quite niche and has potential but I haven't been able to get over the tipping point of making it really work. We have great processes and a…
Semrush 7 days free trial: how hard is it to avoid payment? — Hi, long story short: I'm applying for a new job and I really need to use some SEO tool to perform a case study. I will need to use it only for a week max, since I have to complete the case study in a…
What to do with my business. Sell partner or fold? — I started a business about two and a half years ago. It is quite niche and has potential but I haven't been able to get over the tipping point of making it really work. We have great processes and a s…
FA trying to be more secure, need some insigh on relationship to have "fresh eyes" on it and not just my insecure one — Hi, So, I'm FA and my partner is secure. We're living together and are together for 9month now, it's going good and we're doing our best in the healthiest way to navigate the complicated stuff (I hav…
When I want to deactivate I swing too far to the other side to preemptively "sooth" my partner, just in case. — (I'm Fearful Avoidant btw) Does this make sense? Anybody else do this? Like, because I'm so aware of when I want to shutdown/avoid/or am feeling a huge ick, I overcompensate by reaching out more and …
A little look into how fearful avoidants operate (aka, how one of my relationships ended - twice - because I was unaware of my patterns) — When I was 21 and *severely* fearful avoidant I dated a secure guy who was wonderful in every way, but obviously not for me. I did everything stereotypical of a fearful avoidant attachment does in a…
Feeling bad after dates? — I asked my friends for some advice regarding how to attempt to move my attachment style in a more secure direction, and one of them said that for them, going out on dates really helped them, especiall…
Thank you — I'm in one of the healthiest relationships I've ever been in, and this subreddit—along with my therapist—has helped me in a big way. I still get triggered, but I'm better at self-soothing and have lea…
Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…
Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…
I have become obsessed with finding someone. — After my breakup in winter of last year, I went through a long period of mourning and not knowing what to do or how to move forward. Now, over the past 2-3 months, I have become obsessed with finding …
What would one call this attachment style? — I feel as tho I'm a pretty particular mix, cause I'm not exactly healthy, but the other labels don't exactly resonate either. I suppose it roots from two main things. One, I was bullied and ostracized…
I regressed so much this year — This year has been brutal since the beginning. Every single aspect of my life increased my anxiety. Multiple health issues in the family, some of them still ongoing and very serious, financial concern…
Working on becoming secure has made me more susceptible to toxic relationships — I think. Here's the thing, I'm fearful avoidant, and before I was aware of attachment styles at all the moment a person I was interested in made me feel at all rejected in the slightest (took too lo…
Finding proof that you were right to be anxious — I'm sure others can relate to this, but whenever I start dating someone, I look for signs that they don't actually like me. Things like "he took hours to text back" or "he was a little quieter than us…
how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? — my partner is FA, I've known him for a long time. He has made a lot of effort and has changed for the better. He's the more secure one between the two of us honestly, and he's pretty good at fighting …
Why do I get upset when bad stuff happens to my partner and it doesn't even impact me? — I'm struggling to understand my pretty intense reactions to certain things. I don't know if attachment theory can help explain this part of my brain. For context: Me (38 F) and partner (44 M) have b…
Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…
Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…
I have anxious attachment but I don't know how to break this loop of getting attached to people with insecure attachment styles? — My therapist keeps saying that childhood events made me like that but I also keep saying that when I can't even remember that, what can I do to unwire my brain? It has been more than 2 years now but I…
Both best friends got engaged — I (27F) have never been in a relationship and struggle to form emotional attachments at all. I've gone on dates and forced myself to keep seeing a guy because he's perfectly nice and there's nothing w…
Attachment in someone with no relationships? — Wondered this for a long time so it's oversharing hours tonight. I basically don't have relationships. I've overly attached with my mom, possibly even enmeshed, but that's it, and there's a lot of du…
Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…
feeling numb in dating but longing for intimacy — For the past few years, I've been mostly numb in dating. I don’t really feel anything romantic. I don’t feel sparks. I don’t feel excited about anyone or attached. I don’t miss people when I’m not wit…
a song about longing for something that never was - disorganized attachment style edition — lyrics: Who am I without wanting you? A shadow tracing something true There's a part of me that still holds onto you tight To every place you touched in my life I can't tell where you end, and I b…
Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…
Hello I just had the weirdest dream and I don't know how to look up my specific type of dream and was so shocked I decided to come here and write. I remember going to sleep around 12:30pm after wakin…
This is awesome. It'll be a good link in the sidebar when you get it how you want it. I don't know if this would be useful for everyone. I found it helpful to learn about early brain development …
So, if I'm asleep... I should just wake up like I usually do? But I don't know when is the right time. 😬 Cause I'm basically hearing myself snore. I don't hear sounds or anything flashing or vibratio…
I've never attempted astral projection while awake, usually I do it by accident when I'm sleeping and I always run into these human -shaped white light creatures (I don't know how else to describe the…
I've tried every method I can find, meditated for months, and still nothing. I don't know what else I can try. There are times when I dream and the line between me and my body is kinda visible, but I …
I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…
Hey, I am an overconfident twat that lacks any real creativity. I tend to just jump in on anything to feel included . Sometimes it's confusing cause I don't even understand what I'm trying to shit on.…
I'm going through divorce, I am 3 months in. I don't know how to survive. How does anyone do this?
If it helps at all, I'm doing better a few months in now. Not *a lot* better... but enough, for now. Pick a couple areas you want to improve in. Now's the time to get started. Don't try to fix every…
None of it *should* stop you from moving forward and healing, but for some people it still nevertheless does. I'm sorry, I know you said this more than half a year ago but I'm going through my situati…
Hello, I'm Kale, and Im 34. I was just married 3 months ago after being in a loving 8+ year relationship with the kindest person I've ever met. Three days ago she told me she had developed a relation…
Therapy is a privilege!! I don't know why people don't understand or know that
Because they were taking over the sub. If everybody who made a masturbation post had read earlier threads about it and would only post not covered issues we would have only 1% of the posts and nobody …
I just fucking want her back. I want her back next to me I just want her back so much, I don't know what to do with myself anymore
Attachment styles are not the sole factors for attraction we create. But cutting off people we have known for a long time - especially family members, to which we are bound to biologically - is a sig…
The problem is FA flips from hot to cold. When I was finally at peace with things and about to leave her alone. She came up to me at a party and danced with me and said she appropriated me. I asked …
How does that show up for you? What kind of thought patterns do you notice yourself having? How are you behaving? Are you communicating your needs? I find the FA a really interesting type so I'd lov…
honestly, it's pretty situational and depends on the person and the relationship, but in general with interpersonal stuff that i have dobuts over, i try to not take any action immediately and instead …
ok so i typed up a hypothetical example haha let's say i have a coworker/acquaintance who seems like they'd have a lot in common with me, but we don't know each other well. i want to become closer to…
I've been reading people's experiences with partners who have borderline personality disorder, and I keep wondering... Is it possible for someone to not have a meltdown for a whole year before it happ…
I am really sorry. Mine would lose his erection constantly. I felt so disgusting. I don't know how you deal with it.
I don't know your situation, but it reminded me of my own, so I'll share in case it might be relevant. (Also: I'm sorry you had to go through that-- that sounds horrible. There's no excuse for that ki…
I don't know if the right word is hurt but when people underestimate you or holds a bias against you, misjudges you only because you are the type of person who is loud and doesn't spell everything out…
20+ years in, I don't know what you mean by 'real devops'. A lot of questions come to mind. What platform are you using? What tools? What languages is the code being developed in? All of these decid…
One thing that's bugging me. By switching to caddy, you are [leaving performance on the table.](https://youtu.be/N5PAU-vYrN8?si=Z-MJqp6Hxw3mJcH4) if nginx is already working, stick to nginx. Otherwis…
Honestly, senior services are going to be drastically needed soon. I'm in the US, so I don't know if it's the same in Canada, but here as the Baby Boomer generation ages, we have so many people who ar…
Preach, brother! That's what I was saying to my friends for years. Don't listen to (almost) anybody. In the SaaS industry (that's the one I am familiar with) I think only Rob Walling (Microconf, Tin…
So $800 is ten days of revenue. I don't know your financial situation, but I'd go for that as long as it wasn't my last $800. I'm not a gamer but my son is and it seems like (to my uneducated self) th…
Umm.. I think your % is off and there are way more lurkers here and some real people out there. I thought about doing posts, a podcast, or a book as an entrepreneur about how hard it was for years ru…
I actually understand this OP. For me it's to do with them being so so wild. Like no context. I just want to meet people as if time and space put us together. We liked the same bar. Whatever. I don't …
I'm sorry you are dealing with this, and I understand that point of desperation. This was me, and some days still is. I still feel invisible and isolated a lot of the time. But me aside, I feel terrib…
To be fair, not exactly pressured because I just wouldn't do it. The implication of one day not doing it and the relationship being tied to this little game would make me avoid it. And how do you real…
I don't know if they were DA or FA. It's more like they used sexual intimacy as a proxy for emotional intimacy.
[We just had a discussion about this in the AvoidantAttachment subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvoidantAttachment/comments/1kp4duk/the_hottest_hot_take/) What you're describing is very indicativ…
Doesn't always apply ofc, but sometimes not being sure someone likes us is actually not being sure you like them, for example because you have resentment that is hard to accept. In your case, having f…
Thank you for your kind, comprehensive comment. I don't know, I feel I'm in such an odd place. I am legitimately intelligent, extremely emotionally open, & reflective. But, I just cannot get close to…
Free will is a fundational lense through which we experiment the world. We have the impression of free will. We hold ourself and other responsible for their actions. It seems impossible to think the w…
I'm definitely not a philosopher by any means, but here are my thoughts. The article references previous research by Monroe & Malle (2009), where it's said that people's concept of free will consists …
I understand the thought patterns here, and I definitely see how expectations are triggering for avoidant types. But I've also found many of them project what they assume my expectations are onto me? …
That last part is what happens with my partner. It hurts so much that she feels me trigger a core wound. She will retreat for a few days, usually 4 or 5 and then come back when she's regulated. She …
I don't want to go to those other spaces and have to wade through the slog, but could someone explain why we are lumped in with narcissists? Most of my family members are avoidant attatchers (it runs …
I don't know what's more of a red flag: OP, or you
Haha...the only link I have sent him recently, for real, is a link to my Amazon wish list to get my apology gift. I've talked to him before about it and he's not willing to do the work or go to therap…
I understand your point, however what I really don't understand about all this is besides this weird thing she is otherwise pretty positive abou reconnecting with me, so I guess that's what's strange.…
Thanks qgain for such in-deep advices, I really appreciate that. No, I don't know for a fact that she's a DA, that's just my conclusion from reading different online resources (includong this sub). Th…
I also am AP leaning secure. I am coming from a breakup with an avoidant woman (FA or DA, I don't know). Right now,I don't know how I could stay in a romantic relationship with an avoidant, if they…
I feel this. I've been seeing a DA off and on for 3 years now. We had a fight a few weeks ago and I don't know where we currently stand because he's gone quiet. He has admitted to having major trust …
What I would say is that you should decide if you can deal with this long term. In my case, this is the second time we've had an explosive fight like this, where he goes into a full on defensive spi…
I don't know, but whenever I decide to believe in free will (or the illusion of free will because I clearly don't believe in it) it makes me much more successful, gives me an ego boost and makes me at…
I am feeling lonely. Like I am not a priority to my partner. Yet? Or any more? Who knows? I know this is mostly her communication style over text/online. But in the beginning, we would call every da…