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Citations (101)
Brother. I sat here and read every word of this. I want you to know something. That moment where you read your old journals and started bawling? That wasn't weakness. That was your body finally letti…
Long road to dream job and instant healing. — Bestcub called me to write this, I hope it will be helpful to someone. A story like many others. After years of wandering around shitty loa and other stupid spheres, books and forums I finally start…
Feeling stuck between a promo and burnout - advice? — I'm approaching 5 years at my current company (2 years as junior, 3 as mid-level) and am submitting a promotion case for Senior. I won't hear back for a couple months - my director feels optimistic, b…
Building My First B2C SaaS Product – Learning, Struggling, and Still Going — I’ve been working on my B2C SaaS app **Gamify** for a little over a week now. It’s a habit-tracking, gamified to-do list app — a mix of fun and structure I’ve always felt was missing in other tools. …
My co-founder decided to quit: I'm stuck and could really use some advice | I will not promote — Hey All, A few months ago, I shared my story here (original Reddit post in comments) about starting an IT consultancy business in the Netherlands with a friend right after graduation. At that time, w…
Volunteering to be an accountability partner. — Not sure if this is allowed, I'm 20M, looking to help out someone to stay focused with their goals. That's it, gonna hold you accountable over text and measure progress. I would just love to meet new…
I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …
I earned secure attachment in 4 months... — I can't believe I'm writing this. I did this without dating a secure person and without spending money on courses/apps. I promise I'm not selling anything. Big disclaimers: * I am only mostly secure…
How Does a Break Affect a Mission? — I have been working on an SP mission for 11 weeks. However, upon reaching week 11, something changed within me and I no longer wanted to continue, so I spent a week without doing any SH sessions. This…
What did you notice changed when you began leaning secure? — I'm pretty happy with my progress. I notice I have a much lower tolerance for unaware dysregulation (no matter what kind it is whether it's someone push-pulling or an anxious type dumping on me). I d…
8+ Months of LOB practice ( Update from my 1st post ) — Hi everyone, Some of you may remember me from my last post where I did an update of my situation at 4 months in, practicing LOB. After that post, I decided as was recommended to lower the progress g…
I'm deactivated right now and not sure it's worth trying to save my marriage — I'm DA (40M), my wife FA (41F), 3 children. Together 17 years, married 13 years, very distant 11 years (due to my earlier long-term deactivation) with no affection or intimacy at all, working on recon…
Question for those that stayed after D-day — It's been almost 7 years since D-day for me. The question I have is for those that stayed. Did you fully recover? Are you the same person as you were before? For me I'm not 100% and I don't think I ev…
Healing is noticing abuse in REAL time. — One of the signs of healing is, noticing abuse IN REAL TIME. When I mean abuse I mean the manipulations, passive aggressiveness, taking jabs at us, gaslighting and anything that is harmful or disrespe…
I'm learning myself — I'm in my 40s, and I came across Avoidant Attachment about 2 years ago. I made a post on FB about a dating experience I had. He was a great guy. Good job, good father, cool to hang around with, everyt…
The habit of hiding things…. — I really thought I was past this of hiding situations and trying to deal with them on my own. It may not seem like a big deal, but this habit has gotten me into awful situations before, sometimes even…
18 months after my husband’s affair and the “ick” just hit. Has anyone ever gotten attraction back after this? — About 18 months ago I discovered my husband had been having an 3 year long emotional affair with a coworker that he admits he was actively pursuing. We decided to try to reconcile. To his credit, he …
Can I be honest? Scrolling through this subreddit is really depressing. — While I absolutely think it’s necessary to be honest and raw about our struggles and I love this place for that. I think it’s important for us also to appreciate the growth we have experienced. We can…
I'm a rotten abuser and I can't forgive myself for it and I don't feel that I should. — I 30F am an abuser who has ruined my husband just because I can't accept being loved. yesterday I told him that I hope one day he gets the self esteem to leave me, and he responded that he hopes one d…
Update on the method I’ve been using… — If you wish to refresh your memory on what I’m talking about, here my last post about this specific one https://www.reddit.com/r/realityshifting/s/kukQ3o3sc3 TLDR ; Found a shifting sub method that’s…
I want to waste time — I dont know anyone in my life who would understand this, so i wanted to share here to see if anyone has felt this before. Yes, i have asian parents. Scary, but justified - we are immigrants. They wo…
How do I not let regrets hold me back? — I have very deep regrets, im 18, and need to move on forward with college, probably having less time to do my hobbies/develop my skills. I took the free time I had as a teenager for granted, and I jus…
[RESPONDING TO COMMENT] What my Headspace looks like during meditating while using technique: Meditation to the power of 3 — I’m not done animating this yet, but here is the work in progress. This is the inside of my head, exactly what it looks like when I meditate. This is meditation to the power of 3. 2 other consciousn…
If trauma made me ‘interesting,’ who am I without it? The grief of getting better. — I’ve been doing EMDR and CBT for 2 years for severe social anxiety and trauma. I’ve made huge progress. But I’m realizing that my entire personality, my dark humor, my hyper-independence, my career in…
Complete beginner looking for practical ways to start sensing energy — Hey everyone! I’ve been getting more and more interested in the metaphysical side of things lately, but I’m really drawn to the direct, practical experience of energy work rather than all the complex …
Help me get my life back on track — I’ve been struggling with doomscrolling, masturbation, and laziness recently. I’m a great student and athlete. Recently, though, I’ve been getting home, hopping on video games, doomscrolling, then goi…
I think I manifested way more than I thought was possible — Okay… so I think I just came to the realization that I manifested ALOT more than I actually knew was possible…. Whether it was positive or negative. For instance. My elementary/ middle school crush…
Best self improvement apps compared side by side so you don't have to download all of them — Used each of these for at least two weeks. Straightforward comparison. Habitica. RPG habit tracking. Character, gold, monster fights. Community quests for group accountability. Fun and unique. Gets c…
Journey from doomer to bloomer , this week's progress. — A week ago, I posted saying that I’m a doomer but (even if it’s late) I’d like to become a bloomer; here are the steps I took this week. 1 - I decided to stop watching porn. I don’t know if porn is …
I’m starting to heal all by myself — I went no contact after a very toxic situation a couple of days back. I’ve started following a couple of YouTubers who preach self-love and healing. I’ve started aggressively trying to glow up these …
any advice would be appreciated. Anxiety. — Over the course of my life, I have always been a very anxious person, but when I got with my partner, I feel like I clung too hard and we are entering a new chapter in our lives where space is somethi…
I still miss her after months of bettering myself — We broke up at the end of November. She (22) left me (21), and I couldn’t let go. For a full month, I kept trying to win her back, texts, calls, the works. Then I booked a flight to her city, determin…
It’s Been A Year… So Here’s My Last Post — Well, tonight makes it official. It has been a full year since I was dumped. Whoever said you lose track of time when you’re having fun is a liar. You REALLY lose track of time when you’re miserable a…
I didn’t realize how much contact was holding me back until I stopped — I didn’t really believe in no contact at first because it felt too extreme. Like part of me thought staying in touch would make things easier or at least less painful. But every time I talked to him,…
Where do I start? — I don’t know what to do anymore. I post detailed texts on subreddits based on what im going through, but no one really seems to answer or understand how I feel. I feel like I’m completely alone. All t…
Avoiding Your Real Work Is Costing You More Than You Think — # Avoiding Your Real Work: The Hidden Cost of Staying Busy Without Progress ***“I’ve been noticing this pattern in myself lately and wanted to share it here because I’m curious if others deal with th…
Anyone else struggle with not having an identity or goals? — I (25f) have a very weak sense of who I am and what I want out of life. I think it's just so ingrained in me that other people's needs were more important than mine that I just trained myself to ignor…
You have the answers — ​ Hello folks, hope your day is going well! Below i'll post the final chapter to a short work I put together. while out of context it does provide some useful tips on how to be. A dedicated …
My complete astral projection system explained — Hey everyone! Before I share my system, I want to give a bit of context. I’ve been practicing astral projection for about 26 years now. A few years back, I wrote a book where I shared my experiences,…
Day 7: Major Progress — # Hi everyone! I’m continuing my daily log to track my progress with lucid dreaming. Today I managed to make great progress. I remembered almost an entire dream (about 96%), and I can recall many det…
pls help — I know this is like a common mindset issue but I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like im the special person who is immune to manifesting. I‘ve known about it for years and I feel lik…
Working on reconciliation, but unsure. — I found out two months ago about the affair. Two woman. One was a one night stand the other was a month of lying and sneaking around but nothing too much physical, except when we were separated for a …
Being Told Sexting Isn't Cheating Because It's Not Physical or Emotional... — My wife (together 8 years, married 3) was recently caught having ongoing sexual/romantic chats with multiple strangers online for about a month—more communication than she’s had with me in months. Th…
Day 8: Big Progress — # Hi everyone! I’m continuing my daily log to track my progress with lucid dreaming. Today I made great progress. I repeated yesterday’s results—I woke up and set a 30-minute mark after waking, th…
Need advice on career progress. In a new country and job contract ends soon. Feeling lost — Moved to a new country in late 2024. Landed a full-time job in October 2025 and contract ends this November. Feeling lost and need advice on career progress, as I also support my parents and my partne…
I responded to an ex of mines no contact breach, with a link to Good Luck Babe — So i 18(M) had a 2 year long weird homoerotic friendship with a guy (20M) who had a boyfriend (22M) (i know stupid ofc) but in my defense, he pretty much introduced himself to me as "tortured guy stuc…
Triggered & Unexpected - HBD Hubby — It’s been a rough go of it. Yesterday I (HLF 39) realized I was trying but my heart wasn’t in it. Not in general, just In the moment I wished we weren’t together. He (LLM39) has his ups & downs but he…
HANG IN THERE — Guys, this will sound silly but if you get it, you get it. It’s been 5 days since I haven’t checked the insta from my ex AT ALL 😭 And trust me, there’s times where I’ve had the urge and lurking thoug…
My Nex Contacted Me 2 months after blackmailing me to never contact her. — She specifically blackmailed me to never contact her. After seeing the material I felt so destroyed that she would use something so fragile against me. It's been 2 months since I blocked her from ev…
Journey from doomer to bloomer , this week's progress. ( 3rd week ) — ​ Fifteen days ago, I posted saying that I’m a doomer but I want to become a bloomer, even if I’m running a bit late. Here’s what happened this week. 1 - I focused heavily on finding a job; I…
Yet another year trying to be disciplined — So I've had a lifelong habit of not being able to follow deadlines, to be able to be on time or just finish things in general. It's been ruining my life. When I'm really stressed, I can do anything at…
Your original post and all the replies and updates really do help me feel less alone, so thanks! I'm 2.5 months since she moved out, and I'm basically at where you were in your previous post. Which st…
>I am not a millionaire because that wasn’t my goal. What a foolish and dishonest reply to my earlier point, thus proving that you have no rebuttal. Banned 60 days. And covid ended 2 years back and …
So instead of replying individually and repeating myself, I'm just going to make a comment addressing it all. Firstly, it was interesting to read all these perspectives. I see where some of its comin…
Yeah, it's learning to be honest and open up to the therapist and developing a safe, nurturing relationship with them (often the first one we've had) that does the trick. You gotta do that somehow to …
Reading this did make me more positive! I’ll keep going with more positivity and hope … I’ll share my progress. thank you so much!
Use video conversation exclusively for a while. Trust me, it helps. If he's too raw and unhealed though, it will continue to sabotage your progress. Make sure he's doing his part to heal too. He does…
For me, being healed doesn’t mean that I’ll never be triggered by someone’s actions again. Rather, it means that when I recognize that someone is triggering me, I am able to remove myself from the sit…
It’s not pathetic to have liked the way things were, but unfortunately his inconsistency has revealed some previously unknown information about him. Accept yourself for liking how things were, while a…
In order to overcome my anxious attachment, I wouldn’t say I’m fully healed yet, but I’m so much better compared to earlier this year. One thing I want you to understand is that there’s nothing wrong …
In order to overcome my anxious attachment, I wouldn’t say I’m fully healed yet, but I’m so much better compared to earlier this year. One thing I want you to understand is that there’s nothing wrong …
In order to overcome my anxious attachment, I wouldn’t say I’m fully healed yet, but I’m so much better compared to earlier this year. One thing I want you to understand is that there’s nothing wrong …
In order to overcome my anxious attachment, I wouldn’t say I’m fully healed yet, but I’m so much better compared to earlier this year. One thing I want you to understand is that there’s nothing wrong …
Hi OP! I can totally relate to this. Having anxious attachment makes fights feel huge, like your whole world is about to fall apart. I’ve done the same thing honestly, cried, begged, and felt complete…
Anxious attachment does indeed show up at work The issue is to look at scenes from your childhood where these issues originate from The sense of being abandoned . Anxious attachment is indeed cyc…
I feel you :(( that feeling of tiptoeing around someone you like, even when they’ve already reassured you, is so exhausting. It’s like your brain is still running the old anxious-ambivalent scripts, e…
Thank you! I can answer some of these! 1 & 2. Why she is my attachment source. Several years ago I moved (back) up to HQ when our satellite location closed. At that spot, people of every background …
As people said, both are the real her. But it can change as she gets more secure, and she may get more secure as she sees she can consistently count on you in her relationship. If you want to make it …
Thanks for your response! I see where you're coming from, but I don't think she's being cruel, I think the thought is just somehow stressful for her. I don't really need therapy for myself either, I'…
Thanks! > Resentment and being shut down are usually because things have built up over years. I wonder if you asked her if she’d be open to writing out all the hurt and what she’d need to feel safe a…
I am AA, he is displaying avoidant behaviours. I don't want to speculate on his attachment style, I can only work off of what he says and does. The honeymoon phase was fast and intense, and it ended …
I relate with so much of what you have written. For me, it's very similar in that it feels like an ever-present sense of calm or okayness. I think that there are two main feelings that I often have …
I (49F) am a recovering anxiously attached person. I did a lot of work in therapy after my dismissive avoidant ex discarded me in a blindsided breakup. My goal was to heal so that I never, ever get in…
Happy to hear! It's also very frustrating on my end to see progress with her is so slow, especially because now I long for her a lot and she still barely lets me even touch her. But I do see progress.
You can listen to someone who just admitted they don't even have a paid account and just reads what they see online or listen to someone who's gotten more out of it in the last 30 days than four diffe…
You're amazing. I love this progress. Happy New Year!
Tbh I think you’re not facing the hard facts on this one. There’s a huge difference between someone being avoidant, and someone just being an asshole. This guy sounds like he’s leaning more towards an…
Hey so, if they are inconsistent or not prioritizing you as the relationship progresses, or it feels the relationship does not progress. It is true that avoidant dynamic show until things get real, bu…
Awesome! Congrats on your progress. I'm not doing therapy, so it's very interesting to hear the things you do in therapy are similar. For myself I do journalling, and I use my wife's state as a metri…
Been studying Stoicism for a while and wanted a way to "consult" Marcus Aurelius when working through difficult situations. So I trained a chatbot exclusively on Meditations (Hays translation) plus so…
I'm also FA and everything you said is the same for me. One of the most healing things I've done in my life is force myself to be the consistent initiator in one relationship that I really care abou…
That is the sweetest story! And so awesome that you’re making an effort and actually feeling the positive emotions of progress. This post needs little gold stars 🌟 I wish I could make the object of m…
I know deep down. Not talking for 6 days when we used to talk for hours every other day is wrong. I know her enought to say, she was doing to create more energy in the relationship. Playing games, pus…
There are two possibilities: 1. You are not entering alpha during your sessions. 2. The LOB is not working, or this method is not capable of changing your beliefs. I hate this option, but I am in a …
Great recommendation! Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents is a cornerstone for understanding why validation can feel tied to self-erasure. What really stands out is you checked in with your…
thank you! this is helpful. i am working on speaking up when something bothers me and i think i am getting better at it. i do try not to make it sound like were in a relationship already, like if im t…
i mean, i think i am seeing progress. i have like a billion more miles to go for sure, but i feel like i have seen a lot of improvement within the last few years especially. like last year i ended a r…
Greetings from a therapist! It is probably worth it to ask how they measure progress. And how they structure their sessions. Do they jump right into somatic work from the first session? I’d also be cu…
So I broke up with Mr. Called Me His Ex's Name after a year. The same one who seemed to not care when I was navigating a busted pipe situation last weekend. We talked for awhile on the phone, and I th…
That makes a lot of sense. What you’re describing doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. It sounds like a nervous system shutdown when you’re pushed to go inward. When the body tenses and wants to run,…
I think this is mostly just a preference thing where there is no right or wrong answer, outside of extremes. I do think once a week or less is not enough (beyond the early stages) if you’re seeking …
To me it depends. Like someone else mentioned, if gym is something that's important to you, then a gym selfie would provide me a confirmation that you're not lying. But the point of the selfie should …
Was in a similar situation. Married with kids, I'm 41M DA and she is 40F AP. We separated 6 months ago on relatively good terms. We still spend a lot of time together daily with the kids. We don't spl…
Thank you for making me feel not abnormal or something like that, I truly appreciate it and it calms me down a little bit because I've been feeling very overwhelmed with all the aspects of my life I f…
I'm afraid I can't help much with those feelings. Those are things you should explore best with a professional. Aka, a therapist. The reason I can't help is because if someone without the training tri…
It's just being awareness, but it's an approach that is understood best and best practiced after awareness has been established enough that it's more conscious than is typical. Before open awareness …
I can't name anyone in particular but I do a lot of gimmicky meditations that my mom sends me, like archangel meditation type stuff, and one of them did mention that one shouldn't share what's sacred …
My jaw dropped. From what you shared here, this was bad in so many ways. The therapy relationship is incredible vulnerable for patients, in a million ways. The therapist can take on multiple roles a…
I have a few different things to say in response: First, I should answer your direct question: # What is Kindness I'd say that's just a semantic thing. The real question is what you think is the ri…
That's fair. Fear is a scary thing... very challenging to overcome. It's designed to protect us, but can also prevent us from any sort of growth/progress. It's a hard way to live, policing everything …
Yay!! 🎉 I'm so proud of you for actually acknowledging that you've made it. That is definitely progress. I'm actually turning the same age next month :)