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The Pattern
Evidence
Citations (100)
Validated today that ending a friendship was a good thing — I am a formerly anxious leaning mostly secure person. I ended a 4-year friendship about 8 months ago with someone who is anxiously attached and also still my colleague, and I’ve been processing someth…
After raising for 7 startups, my pitch decks have fallen into three categories (I will not promote) — Over the years, I've raised funding for 7 startups. I've also raised for startup funds and stare at a hundred pitch decks a month. Based on the patterns, I've realized my pitch decks have fallen into …
This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…
A message to earnestly curious skeptics and non-experiencers: How to engage experiencers within this community and learn about the topic. — We are seeing an increase of activity from people outside of experiencer circles in threads as time has moved on and more and more people are starting to understand there really is a "there there" and…
The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…
FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…
Read! if you were anxious ! — I am going to write this with neville goddard lectures quotes. I know it will help some of you :) **Feel the wish fullfilled :** I know some people can't generate the feeling of wish fullfilled and b…
Aliens during 1 month patterning — So I've been doing the tapes for about 3-4 weeks now and practicing f12 a lot and I have practiced the 1 month patterning a few times and it usually always goes perfectly fine but tonight for the firs…
Covert narcissists are drawn to people with a strong instinct to help and care. — I grew up early. Owning Responsibilities that weren't mine. I learned that love was earned through being useful, stable, and selfless. I became the person people brought their chaos to. The one who a…
You've Tried Manifesting Them Back Multiple Times - Here's Why It's Not Working — **"I've manifested my SP back multiple times but it never works. Now it just feels draining."** **You're not failing at manifestation.** **You're failing at creating coherent field states.** And th…
Saturn-Neptune conjunctions have preceded every major financial restructuring in recorded history. Here's the data. — I spent a month mapping planetary configurations against economic events going back 100 years. The Saturn-Neptune correlation is hard to ignore: 1937 — Saturn square Neptune → Roosevelt Recession…
When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person — I said this in a comment to someone else’s post but I feel like I should post it here, just in case it helps someone. There’s no way of truly knowing whether or not a person with narcissistic traits…
Gambling Epidemic Among Asians in North America — I recently came back from Vegas, and I was shocked by the number of Asians gambling at the casinos. I talked to a few of them and some of them were from Canada, Los Angeles, Texas and all over. There …
I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…
Are there any patterns for health issues in transits here? — In late June 2025 I started experiencing some severe symptoms that greatly impact ability to carry out daily tasks and responsibilities. Went to ER twice with no answers, countless tests since and ev…
How would you explain to a codependent person what a healthy relationship actually feels like? — I am a recovering codependent. I am in a relationship with someone who is incredibly codependent. I‘ve tried explaining codependency to him in various ways but he seems to view it as an accusation, a …
How I slowly got my mental clarity back after months of brain fog — A few months ago my mind suddenly didn’t feel like itself anymore. I was rereading sentences, forgetting simple words, and struggling to concentrate. What confused me most was that everything medicall…
Something mentioned but not talked about, Serotonin. — What do we know about Serotonin? \-Its produced in the gut, \-Low levels often correlated to anxiety and depression \-Happy hormone, not to be mistaken with dopamine , the pleasure hormone where …
Does anyone have insomnia that could help me out? — I have pretty severe insomnia, and in the past I’ve enjoyed using the Gateway tapes and doing some meditation. However, I’ve run into an issue. As I became more familiar with these practices, it seem…
Does dating get harder the more you actually know yourself? — At 25 I had no idea what I was doing, but somehow that made dating easier. You just showed up, saw what happened, and moved on. Now I actually know what I want. I also know the patterns that don’t wo…
1.5 Years Update 💀 My predictions became true — No, I do NOT want my ex back—like ever 😭 but I do have a story + some lessons from how everything played out. So basically, about 1.5 years ago, my ex randomly broke up with me out of nowhere. Like……
I started writing things down after conversations and it changed how I see things — I started writing things down because I kept leaving conversations with my spouse feeling confused. Not just upset, but genuinely confused. Like I knew how I felt in the moment, but later I couldn’t c…
I think I’m a female narcissist and it’s ruining my relationship — I’m a 29 year old female and I think I’m a covert narcissist. It’s ruining my relationship with my partner, a 28 year old male. I constantly feel overly sensitive to criticism, have the “victim mental…
What if we could use Depression? — I had depression for 16 years, and one thing that helped me was shifting the perspective on it, Instead of seeing depression as anything else other than just a black hole that sucks everything thats…
Is there anything in my chart about family trauma? — Hello, I've grown up having a pretty tough childhood to the point where I have had multiple therapists tell me I could write a book or the things that happened in my life are unfathomable. (Parents di…
Three Tabs Yesterday. — So in the past two months I’ve tried LSD three times. Yesterday I went to the zoo with my girlfriend and her family and dropped three tabs right when we got there. Everything was cool things were brea…
Human Plus (H-Plus) and Patterning — I know that the majority of people use the gateway tapes to pattern, but I wanted to share my thoughts and techniques for using the H-Plus series. I feel that H-Plus is the most advanced system that R…
Cultures that never had contact with each other all described the same invisible life force energy — This is one of those things that gets more strange the more you think about it. In China, they called it qi. In India, prana. In Japan, ki. In Polynesia, mana. In ancient Greece, pneuma. Each of th…
breakthrough trip & the bigger picture — Hello, it's me again. I know that there are people here who enjoy reading my experiences so thus my posting. Obviously a disclaimer is this experience is under the influence of a psychadelic, but it t…
“Time will heal” I finally get it now, I’m not completely there yet, but definitely closer — Time will heal. There will be ups and downs. It’ll be a roller coaster. Never really believed in that, I thought it meant “just suffer, it’s part of it and you can’t avoid it.” And it’s true, you ha…
After 3 years of failed reality checks, here's the protocol that finally gave me consistent lucid dreams (not MILD, not WILD — a hybrid) — I've been chasing lucid dreams since 2021. Like most of you, I started with reality checks and MILD. Got maybe 2 lucid dreams in the first year. Frustrating as hell. Then I went deep — read LaBerge's…
Writing a book for male survivors of emotional manipulation and controlling abuse/coercive control. — Wasn’t intending to post anything yet as this is still very much in draft; but I said I would, so here it is. I am writing a book for male survivors of domestic and family violence; not physical abus…
How do you deal with friendships that only partially match your values? — Hey, today I’ve been thinking about my new friends, and my older ones too to be honest, and a pattern has come to my attention. Many times when I get close to someone, or even a moderate friendship s…
WTF happened — Hello Reddit, I think I just need to get this off my chest. Because I don't get it. Today I shook my head while walking home, because I realised that I never actually took a chance in my life and I …
My progress to a position of strength — I haven't posted my story in this sub mainly because it's far too complex and I felt compared to other people in this thread my betrayal may not have been as catastrophic. A summary for context - I w…
Repeatedly being told working on the relationship “isn’t worth it”; trying to understand the pattern — I’m trying to make sense of a pattern in my relationship. My husband frequently uses the phrase “the juice isn’t worth the squeeze” when I try to address issues or repair after conflict. A coupl…
The moment when everything clicked after the discard. Does this pattern strongly point to NPD? — Hey everyone. After a recent brutal and totally blindsiding discard by someone who I thought loved me, Im trying to understand what I experienced (almost 1 year relationship and attempt at reconnectio…
Letter to Self before Meeting her — Figured it helped a few on other subs so I would add here. I've also been told to warn it may be a trigger to some. Hey dumbass, I don’t really know how to start this without it feeling unreal, beca…
Don't go Outward — I don't usually make these posts, however, I felt compelled to talk about something I've noticed from lurking on this community and a community that criticizes Neville and his work. Now, as many of …
Indian Parents and their control over Children! — I'm a 23 year old women, I somehow wanted to speak about this! wanted to know If I'm not alone in this world. I'm a grown up adult now, due to strict parenting in my childhood here I am having lot's …
Found her kik and Discord profiles — My wife of 20 years (22 years together) and I separated in September last year. This was due to some if the most aggressive narcissistic abuse known to man. The arguing and screaming finally took it…
Hey guys! I’d like to share a theory that has worked for me in the past — I call it the sync state. I want you guys to think about the instances where you were thinking about something and it happened. According to my observation it always follow the same pattern, well atle…
How do I handle recurring mood shifts and communication issues in my relationship? — I (22M) have been with my girlfriend (20F) for a bit, and I keep running into the same issue. It feels like small inconveniences or minor things can completely shift her mood, and when her mood drops…
Avoiding Your Real Work Is Costing You More Than You Think — # Avoiding Your Real Work: The Hidden Cost of Staying Busy Without Progress ***“I’ve been noticing this pattern in myself lately and wanted to share it here because I’m curious if others deal with th…
I can't stop thinking about what I did to deserve this. I've been cheated on so many times in my life. What's wrong with me??? — (I changed some details and names for privacy reasons,) My ex-fiancé and I were together for just over three and a half years. We got together in 2020 when I was 19 and he was 20. I’m 25 now, a trans…
Meds?? More therapy? — ​ I (30F) have anxiety and have always managed it pretty well through therapy and what not but lately i just feel out of control of my thoughts and I never feel calm and honestly I dont know w…
My partner (40M) always argues with me (32F) whenever I express my "negative" feelings to something he does — We have been together for 3.5 years and I am starting to see the pattern very clearly now. We went out to have lunch during the weekend and he was talking about his work etc, I am currently taking cla…
Delayed Response In Processing Events — Hello, this is my first post. During my contact experience with a being/NHI (June 2025-current) I have begun to notice a pattern that I became aware of as of a few months ago, involving processin…
It is REAL. It is easy. — First things first, I want to start with some of the things I did. \- manifested a change in my position at my job (was close to termination) \- manifested extra on tax returns \- manifested my dre…
Why is healing from a discard taking longer than the relationship itself? It was only 2 months — I'm 3 months out from a discard with a suspected covert narcissist, but we only dated for 2 months. Is it normal for it to take longer to get over the discard than the time we dated? It feels kind of …
you can do it correctly all you want - it has to be permanent in you SM, and in response slowly changes your CM that you even start forgetting about desire. How many times you want want want smth, and…
I'm FA and I identify with this. I value my alone time, and generally speaking, consider myself an introvert. A recharge period is definitely necessary, not just after a social interaction but at the …
Didn’t even know that was an actual theory but wrote something like this in my journal yesterday with regards to my feelings towards the end of a relationship with a DA. I wrote “the patterns that of…
As a previous DA, I did not feel guilt once I disengaged from someone because I had reasons for not wanting to be with them anymore. Those reasons may be very immature they may not make a lot of sense…
I'm glad you made it through your healing process. Would you say being DA with another DA helped you see the pattern/reflect on behaviors and help you break the cycle?
They need to doesn’t mean they can every time, especially when they’re aware and trying to break the pattern. If you’re not willing to support them through the slip ups then the relationship just won’…
This one is loaded, and I really feel it. As someone who's actively working through avoidant tendencies, I’ll say this: therapy *was* a must for me. I get the hesitation—there’s stigma, fear of being …
It's not worth a response, IMO. If you give this type of person an inch, they'll take miles from you. They're probably weighing around all their options and seeing what sticks. They want your attentio…
So the FA I dated for over 3 years sent me an almost identical message like clockwork everytime he would discard me(usually took 1-2 months after no contact) I didn’t know what attachment styles were,…
I can’t tell you that your experience isn’t real. I can just go off of my experience dating someone who was avoidant and hearing other people’s experiences. The fact that you didn’t let yourself care …
Well my post was more about my experience with learning to take space and regulate myself and focus on myself instead of my previous behaviour of being completely focused on him instead. Security is a…
In my possession, I have a lot of antique guns passed down from family members. Like the Derringer my great grandmother carried as a traveling nurse in the early 1900's. And the 38 special her daughte…
Have you managed to overcome these behaviours? If so, How did you manage to?? I’m in my 20s and do pretty much everything you’ve described, in the moment I can’t see the full weight of what i’m doing,…
Ugh, this. I can see the patterns, now I want to break them and replace with more secure behaviors/actions.
No one has an attachment style. You engage in behavior strategies that are effective for that specific relationship. People do end up dating others that are familiar that allows for that behavior to b…
I think romantic relationships are a funny thing - and kind of special in adulthood because your body makes them feel crucial to your very survival - as it is when you must rely on parents when your a…
Hey mate, I really relate to what you’ve written. I’ve had similar struggles in relationships – my anxious attachment would flare up with partners even though I felt steady with friends or at work. Fo…
I’ve also been exploring ways to understand my own attachment triggers, and I tried a platform with surprisingly relatable questions that helped me notice the patterns behind my reactions. I’ve been u…
im 23 (f), i was in an all girls university and started dating post 2023. ever since, ive noticed that my pattern with all men that i am interested in (even if not that much) is kind of problematic. e…
I’ve been reading and thinking a lot about the anxious–avoidant cycle — the pull of closeness vs. the need for space, the constant push and pull. It’s easy to spot the pattern, but what I’m really cu…
foreal tho but sometimes i can’t help but look at it as self-fulfilling tougths, like the pattern reappears because unconsciously i keep focusing on that? its so so overwhelming always being so confus…
I totally get what you mean, like when we’re anxiously attached, it often feels like our whole sense of self depends on the other person’s attention. Being aware of it is already a huge first step, …
Hey everyone, I’d love some outside perspective. I have been seeing this guy for a while. We’re close, he’s said I’m the person he feels closest to, and we stay in touch every day through TikToks, sm…
I, M29, have been in a long-distance relationship for 6 months now with a Fearful Avoidant. Before this relationship, I had always thought that I'd be secure in a relationship after 2 years of therapy…
I actually did that in our most recent argument which triggered his abandonment wounds hard-core and he completely ripped into me with about 11 paragraphs of why I was a terrible person and why he exp…
I understand. I can relate to these feelings *a lot.* I understand not wanting to label someone you love as an abuser, I think it can prevent so many people from actually healing because… I mean I cou…
Don't go back to FA. I'm planning to break up with mine again after the patterns repeated again and he lashed out at me in an argument. It was the worst blow up we've ever had and the things he said t…
What’s actually happening (in plain language) Roughly, your system is doing this: 1. Distance = danger. When you don’t see him (or replies slow down), your body reads it as “I’m about to be abando…
Wow, I really appreciate how clearly you laid all of this out. It takes a lot of self-awareness to notice the pattern underneath the individual relationships, and even more to name the parts of you th…
Honestly it sounds like you have a fundamental incompatibility. That is really the best way to see it. She knew how you felt beforehand and did it anyway and is not wanting to be any different. Your b…
How long did it take to finally break the anxious–avoidant cycle and move on for real? I’m a 25F with an anxious attachment style, and I just ended an 18 month on and off situationship with a fearful…
I really hope I can find some answers here about why I’m unable to let go of and forget one person. The breakup was unbearably painful, drawn-out, and emotionally exhausting. I spent years chasing an…
Right, completely valid. It’s hard too when it’s reinforced because it’s real all around us and even statistics back it up. Like even if both partners believe men+women should be equals there’s still …
Thanks for this. I completely agree. Attachment is fluid like most everything else in life. There are times when we all can be avoidant too, I’m sure but it’s about the most dominant pattern and how o…
Good to hear that poly seems to have given you a good support system! Honestly, I don't argue that you should drop poly if you feel like it's good for you, however I would argue that a lot of the lon…
Alright I’m doing it again, I know the pattern and I’m still doing it. I started talking to a guy a few months ago and he gave me the ick pretty quickly so I broke things off, now it’s been months and…
I think her perspective on 'if they like you, you will know' is a bit of a reach. When someone attaches to another person is highly subjective. I don't agree with her perspective on anxious = fear of…
I hate to tell you this….and it’s not really something you want to hear right now. But your negative thoughts are connected to the fact that you are abandoning yourself by holding on to this relations…
Sending some telepathic hugs your way! That's a tough place to be. I've been learning being comfortable and understanding that I'll survive the discomfort are two independent concepts. That's helped m…
I think this is the pattern I actually show at work. I was outgoing at the beginning.
I went through this intensly for almost a year, I used to get bodily reactions from anxiety. I recognised it (as in the attachment style) 4 months ago. Since then it got better. It was still intense i…
It’s so fucking annoying because for the first time ever I thought I just want to do some casual dating without me only looking for a relationship and putting so much pressure on the situation. And I …
It doesn’t sound like you’re in good working order for relationships right now. I know that sounds harsh but it doesn’t sound like you’re in a place where you can both be in a relationship and feel …
The fact that both of you heard nearly identical language ("you need a hobby") when expressing a desire for time together is telling. That's not about you being clingy or unreasonable, that's about pa…
You're overthinking - you feel it when you feel it - the timeline doesn't really matter. Not saying ILY doesn't make you un-feel it, but you can still take things slow and be cautious. My bf and I fel…
But you must have looked at somewhere that people with anxious attachment go to vent, so that's not really fair either. I think what you have to remember is that people on that side of the spectrum …
Well, left on read again - guess I’ll just take the 3rd time as a sign they aren’t interested in really talking anymore. This hurts - alot. I want to text him and be like can you just tell me you don…
I’m FA and recently reconnected with someone after a few weeks of no contact and I feel like our message intensity matched the pattern you described. At first it was a rush to talk again, and lots of …
This is a really honest post, and the self-awareness alone puts you ahead of most people stuck in this pattern. What you're describing sounds like classic avoidant attachment, and the "I can find som…
It hurts like hell to start with but it's honestly the best thing. Cutting contact helps break the pattern of being together, but who wants to keep tabs on every ex they've ever had? Who wants their…