rejection

I'm (23f) currently a few days post broke up and naturally it has been devastating. I broke up with my boyfriend (23m) because after 7 months ultimately because he didn't love me. He said he was …

How to get companies to even VIEW my portfolio. — I have 6 years experience as a UX/UI designer, 2 of those years were at an agency and the most recent 4 are at a pretty big company. I have recently been applying to jobs with my most recent work and …

From Rejection to Redemption: How I Broke Into DevOps — Guys, I'm here sitting on my back yard on a beautiful Saturday and I am about to sign an offer letter with a Fortune 500 company — with a 25% salary increase. But just a few months ago, I was getting…

Rejected in the final interview after a month long process — This is honestly just a rant post, because I feel completely deflated at this point. I’ve been actively looking for a job for over a year now, moved to Spain three months ago to start a new life, and…

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

Why hold out hope for other people to meet my needs when it feels more productive and ultimately better to want nothing from other people? — I try my best to be the most attentive friend I can be no matter my internal state. I don't mind doing this for the people I value, and it makes me feel better to be helpful to other people, although …

This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…

Struggling with losing my best friend/coworker, anxious attachment + limerence making it unbearable — Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for this long post. I’ll just post the TL;DR at the start. TL;DR: Lost my best friend/coworker of 7 years after a conflict. He’s now cold/avoiding me but friendl…

A little look into how fearful avoidants operate (aka, how one of my relationships ended - twice - because I was unaware of my patterns) — When I was 21 and *severely* fearful avoidant I dated a secure guy who was wonderful in every way, but obviously not for me. I did everything stereotypical of a fearful avoidant attachment does in a…

I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …

First Time Serious Connection With an Avoidant — I was in a relationship with an avoidant for around 3 months and everything was going well and we weren't moving too fast in my opinion. We had gone on dates and met each other's families. They had be…

RSD potential cause of AA? — Hey fellow AA folks, Since discovering attachment theory 2+ years ago, life has improved quite a lot. However, for the sake of anyone else who might be fresh to attachment theory, I want to spare yo…

learning to trust with new potential partners — What do you think are some healthy ways to slowly trust someone again in a romantic context so if things go wrong it doesn't feel like moving on is like an impossible task emotionally? I don’t mean t…

Specific Person (SP) Manifestation: No Magic, No Supernatural Forces. Just Proven Science — Hi everyone, It’s been a long time since I last posted, and honestly it was overdue. I keep seeing the same recycled LOA bullshit everywhere. Endless manifestation porn, more unqualified people calli…

I want to to start healing so badly, how can I? — I recently posted here my journey of realizing I have a fearful avoidant attachment. I used to think I was anxious but I realize I'm fearful avoidant and I don't want this anymore. I want to stop push…

College was supposed to be my escape plan — I'm so angry that I'm literally shaking while typing this. My dream all four years of high school was to get good grades and standardized test scores and participate in extracurriculars to get into a …

42M. Do these things basically disqualify me entirely? — I'm 42, Male, home owner almost half way paying off the mortgage, university post-graduate education, full time job in retail middle management that I actually enjoy doing, a bunch of mostly solitary …

I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…

Letting go of LUST — Dear fellow meditators, I have now been meditating for several months and have had tremendous success in letting go of a lot of insecurities I had.. This has helped in improving my social skills and …

When did you finally realise, your life would never be ‘normal’? — I am 47M I grew up in an EXTREMELY dysfunctional household, with every type of abuse you can imagine, and death of a parent at 12. I’ve had to fend for myself since that age, whilst being used and a…

How to permanently stop feeling romantic love for anyone? — wasn’t sure I needed a TL;DR here, but I’ll put it anyway: how do I turn off my ability to feel love for anyone, ever? hi all, I (M,33) have not had a whole lot of luck with dating. I try to stay s…

Great guy, but after 4 months, there's just no physical touch — I've been dating a great guy for about the last four months and we're a good fit in several different ways. We're both in our 40s, no kids, no previous marriages and have lived all over the world. We'…

Need help with purpose — Hello everyone, Right now I am in a mentally rough spot. The short story is that I didn’t get a job I had been working towards for the first couple years of my time at uni. I made it to the final rou…

Idealization vs Devaluation: how it looked like for me — Tldr: Just read the Idealization and devaluation parts.  ## Idealization * You're a king! * You sexy tiger, handsome god of a man * You're the best!  * Gives gifts early on in the relationship * On…

It Was Always About You — I thought I would share an experience I had a while ago that really changed my understanding of Neville’s teachings and manifestation in general. **How it started** In 2022 I was very into occultism…

My boyfriend (32M) has low libido issues he won’t get help for and I (30F) don’t know what to do…? — Pretty much what the title says. My boyfriend and I have a great relationship—we laugh and have great conversations—but there is seemingly zero sexual chemistry or desire from him. We’ve spoken about…

If your avoidant ex discarded you: go no contact immediately. — writing this as someone who only figured out I'm avoidant/what avoidance truly is post-breakup: the kindest thing you can do for yourself as the ex of an avoidant is respect yourself enough to have t…

The best and 5 worst things I did after 5 breakups in 12 years chasing unavailable partners, and I just got marriaged on 2.14.2026 — I've been through 5 painful breakups over the last decades, all with the same pattern: I'd chase someone emotionally/physically unavailable—either a cheater or straight-up avoidant—who'd pull away jus…

My (23M) girlfriend (26F) desires less sex and has slowly stopped initiating. When are things deemed as sexual incompatibility? — My (23M) girlfriend (26F) has, over the course of our 3 year long relationship, wanted less sex. At the start of our relationship, we were going at it like crazy. Daily, if not twice a day. Over time …

30 Years in "Functional Freeze": How I mistook Survival for Personality — For three decades, I lived in a state of high-functioning freeze. I was the "perfect" and reliable son, but internally, I felt like a total fraud. I grew up with a mother who used the Silent Treatment…

the anxiety is gone... but now there's just a massive void. How do you handle the "nothingness" after liberation? — Hey everyone, First of all, thank you for the incredible support on my last post. It’s been overwhelming. But I need to be honest with you today: while on the outside it looks like I’m finally "winni…

Need for validation — This one botherd me for a while and I think about this problem a lot. Here is the dilemma: People get motivated by the need for affirmation but the need for affirmation usually leads to showing off a…

Your labels determine your reality — Y’all. You have got to stop taking physical reality as end all be all. “They rejected me” “The job said no” “My bills are due” You are taking all of your cues from physical reality rather than f…

Near death and OBE's are not Hallucinations — Near death and OBE's are not Hallucinations Somebody who is able to recall accurate details during their resuscitation which many doctors have confirmed is clearly not a hallucination if they are des…

Manifesting an acceptance after a rejection?

how do you stop replaying interactions and analysing micro expressions and things nobody would actually even look into that much if they were not anxious? — I have noticed my desire to seek control and gain it through ways that are not helpful or true. It’s been really affecting my day to day life and my rejection sensitivity feels like it’s constantly on…

How to blossom under pain and suffering? — (24M) I feel like i was cursed last year, because a lot of terrible things happened to me. Lost my dream job. Friendships which i thought would endure forever abandoned me.Tried to date and it was rej…

Mourning who you were in the relationship — I am not sure if the title fits but it’s all I can come up with at the moment. It’s been a month. We stopped being a couple a long time ago. There was a glaring gap in overall commitment and a lack …

I just watched a video on how ADHD makes us prime targets for abusive/narcissistic behavior, and I feel so defeated. — Hey everyone, I’m writing this because I really need to vent and see if anyone else here with CPTSD and ADHD has experienced this. I just finished watching a video by a creator named Danish Bashir a…

My ex (30F) and I (30nb) broke up 6 months ago and I want to vent about it — After dating for almost 2 years and living together for 6 months my ex broke it off and I had to move out. I am a trans nonbinary person (AFAB) and the day we met my ex knew I would be pursuing gender…

John Prine is Amazing — Dated a girl for almost 5yrs. Lived together for almost 3. She decided to break up with me for somewhat ambiguous reasons. I was getting ready to propose in the next few months. I can't say it came …

How do you ignore your current reality? — I am trying to manifest a job, while i try to focus on the end goal. Ignore my current reality is hard. How do i keep dreaming when i am just getting rejections? I know it's part of the process but ho…

What do you do after someone declines a date? — I heard from a coworker just this evening that someone I had asked out (different department) is "disappointed that I don't talk to him anymore". I was really into him. He wasn't into me. Or not dati…

I just don't get how mild, unintentional emotional neglect has got me so messed up — I am hyper-sensitive to perceived rejection, I jump at loud sounds and my body physically jolts itself awake from whatever stress is in my body when I try to sleep. My mind is warped in a way that I t…

Conflict about 3rd kid after an affair (36M/36F) — TLDR I 36M and my ex wife 36F (reconciliation after an affair) are fighting a lot because of an unexpected pregnancy (3rd child). She wants to keep it, I want her to abort. So I (36M) and my girlfrie…

No one cares about me — Im currently in my last year of highschool in the UK, and my friends rarely msg me outside of school except one or two. i always get made fun of everyday in school by my own friends, its not even bant…

How to kindly reject a friend who has a crush on me? — I can tell my friend of many years has a crush on me, and I don’t feel the same way. I truly love him dearly and he’s not UNattractive, but I‘m just not attracted to him in that way. It makes me so ma…

Dating someone who was single for a long time — It's early days, but I'm in a relationship with a promising guy who was purposefully single for a decade. We connect well intellectually, spiritually, physically. I am taking something personally t…

Shifting - is it a transition into REAL parallel realities or is it something from the realm of lucid dreams, tulpa creation, and hyper-realistic fantasies? — I am an absolute beginner in this topic. Literally. I only learned about the concept of 'shifting' and what it means today. And I have the biggest dream - to learn to move between worlds of the infini…

"At some point you can't blame your parents." Excuse me, why TF not? I'll blame them until the day I die. — I never asked to be born. I never asked to be traumatized. I tried to do everything they expected from me or else they would punish me. I tried to smile through their yelling and screaming, doing…

22F - I am a student in canada, facing a lot of problems on career and personal front please help me — I am a student in canada studying CS. I try a lot to get good coops (internships) but am constantly rejected .... inspite of having good grades and being president in various clubs .... these rejectio…

At this point in your journey, I believe, you need two ingredients: grieving and not avoiding your emotions (somatic work, journaling, revisiting painful memories, allowing yourself to cry, etc) and s…

I'm also a recovering FA and I recently realized a few REALLY important things that are actually really simple. Figure out your boundaries and enforce them from a calm place. Our anxiety builds in our…

This is not a competition who is far less irritating or who is more evil than the other. Its about both parties should be taking accountability. I am more than agree with you that AP’s biggest challen…

It’s unhealthy to project or “mind read”. I think there’s a bit of this going on in your post. It may feel (to you) they hate you, because rejection feels bad. It’s not a good feeling to an ego or o…

I feel so seen. I had to take breaks from dating due to that built up resentment but also from sensitivity to rejection that I projected onto my worthiness. I’ve mostly dated FA in the past I felt l…

Rejection is the absolute worst. I also have rsd as well because of my ADHD and any lack of interest from my partner just sends me into deep panic. I've worked fairly hard myself in regulating these …

Well, I could read several books on attachment theory and the words made sense but I couldn’t put it into practice. I was an Anxious Preoccupied and reading about how I had a fear of failure, rejectio…

By ‘phantom ex,’ I mean that the most recent crush is serving as an idealized image of someone they can never have, which makes it easier to compare others to this unrealistic standard. It’s common in…

This isnt wrong. Think about the way we used to punish people in our societies of the past - we would exile them. Being socially ostracized used to mean certain death for us. Somewhere in our genes we…

I had the exact same thing happen to me last year. For third round had to containerize an app and then write some pipelines for it as well as some k8s manifests I think. I presented everything (and th…

The first question is, why does the drugs trigger you? What are you imagining or feeling when they talk about it. Logically, it's just part of their past. If it was something that could happen again o…

I am FA but lean dismissive so take my response with a grain of salt. I tend to disappear from time to time not out of anger or resentment but because my nervous system just demands space to reset. I…

Try not to look at it like this attachment style is selfish while the others are more selfless. We often assume APs are selfless and will sacrifice everything for their partners but reality is that s…

Yes— multiple reasons I’ve noticed for this: 1. Easy an obvious, needing time away from them is seen as rejection because they don’t want time away from you 2. One of the things with us is that we …

I think it's cause anxious attachers (and I say it as a former anxious attacher) tend to go after us a lot, and are very sensitive for rejection. "They don't want me, so they must be deeply fucked up"…

You know you’re limerent and probably codependant. You should probably take advantage of this space between you two to CENTRE yourself! Everything you’ve posted about here is a desperate attempt to …

People who are securely attached are often more than their attachment style because their behavior isn’t constantly filtered through anxiety or emotional defense mechanisms. They’re not performing saf…

Guys I’m in a predicament. I am with this girl(20) and me who’s(22) we started talking around April, and everything has been going good. We started talking and having fun together and building a deep …

I agree with you, I think I might be fawning a little, but when these feelings are happening while I'm with him I don't have the time or space to take care of them like that. And him being FA as well …

Yeah but while you can understand where he's coming from, you're not responsible for his fear of rejection, so your instinct to take the time and space to take care of your emerging feelings is actual…

From my perspectives, doing the internal work is about being happy and comfortable with what you have and who you are. Happiness is no longer outsourced. Learn to value peace more than companionship. …

Sounds very fearful avoidant. I’m an FA, and I now understand that the fear of getting too close to someone emotionally (being vulnerable) and the inability to take accountability is actually a fear o…

Well if both parties are aware of attachment theory then I think they are less likely to judgemental of the different attachment styles. If not you can explain what an unhealthy attachment is and wha…

The fact that she brought it up so early, to me, is a green flag. Those who have been repeatedly hurt by FAs would say it’s a green flag in a sea of red, but IMO to be able to openly have discussions …

I love this! I'm so happy to see how this has helped. I feel I can relate to your insights about yourself. I've been working on self-regulating, and because most of my interaction with my Avoidant is …

Its very simple but not easy. For starter, you try to find the longest time you can go without losing your mind and ask for reassurance. Then add +30 minutes each time. Do it like how you lift weights…

The second to last paragraph here is so important. I didn't truly start healing until I realized that I was treating relationships like they were something I could react correctly to rather than corre…

This exact same thing happened to me except I’m still at that stage where I feel rejected and abandoned because he broke up with me. I am not going to reach out. Do you think you could give any advice…

I'm still learning to self-sooth, the grief and rejection take over me, I'm completely not myself. But it helps to journal, and imagine how in 3 months it'll be so much better. And not reaching out is…

https://youtu.be/9l5ALCPEBkc?si=i3VKUlg3rHPJem1n She’s got tons of fantastic talks on everything around this topic. Also: knowing you can give it to yourself. For some reason, realizing that I was t…

what’s funny is watching her videos is exactly what led me to ask this question!! Her videos were very revelatory for me. But you make such a good point about leaning on yourself to comfort yourself,…

This might be due to a lack of internal confidence perhaps. I know that when I was younger and would get involved with someone with an anxious attachment, they’d internalize almost everything while tr…

This sounds so similar to my relationship with my ex. I’m female FA (leaning AP) and he’s male FA (leaning avoidant). It’s been three months and so heartbreaking and most of all so confusing trying to…

I am going through this exact same scenario right now with a girl. I met her while traveling and got her number, and we've spent time on Discord hanging out together. Eventually, I asked her if I coul…

I think it's normal in anxious attachment style. That doesn't mean it feels comfortable for you - nor for him, to be honest. It sounds like you could both benefit to do work around your attachment sty…

this isn’t about them it’s about the chemical storm your brain fires when it senses rejection or replacement your body’s not wrong - it’s just conditioned every time you saw “connection” disappea…

There’s an app called Attached: Attachment Healing that has done more for me than therapy or reading, though both of those are also important. The responsive journaling and personalized guided meditat…

Thank you for sharing this. Reading your post felt like someone handed me the secret playbook to my own current nightmare. I am on the other side of this dynamic—the anxious partner desperately in lov…

I literally have been having these same conversations with my bf the past month. There was a week or two where he wasn’t initiating— i told him that this made me feel not desired which was emptying my…

yeah this is textbook anxious attachment cleanup in chaotic relationships, sex = survival you used it to keep closeness, delay rejection, feel wanted now you’re safe - so the urgency’s gone an…

You already have expectations - you admit that you don’t want to just be friends. This is why you are experiencing all the anxiety. Plus you are trying to pretend to text with no expectations when rea…

Dismissive avoidants also have a fear of abandonment and rejection. That's why they often preemptively breakup with you when they feel you getting fed up with them. Common misconception.

Do you find you hold your genuine complaints in to yourself and then explode after it has built up and something triggers it? Or do you think you find things to justify feeling how you feel that might…

You have a very interesting perspective that I appreciate. I’m AuDHD which I feel has also affected my attachment style. I’ve been anxious and flipped around from avoidant and fearful avoidant based…

Tbh I don’t think it’s a fear of conflict I think it’s a fear of rejection. He probably believes expressing his needs are both weakness and embarrassing and so he hopes u are just the right person for…

Yeah I guess that's an interesting perspective, thank you. I guess I can see how fear of rejection would show up. I do think part of him feels that the right person would just know and things would ju…

What’s actually happening (in plain language) Roughly, your system is doing this: 1. Distance = danger. When you don’t see him (or replies slow down), your body reads it as “I’m about to be abando…

Hi everyone. I’m a woman in my mid-30s and recently I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed and ashamed about how dating affects my mental health. I’ve had depressive episodes before, and it feels li…

dismissive avoidant and anxious preoccupied are more centred around a fear of abandonment. fearful avoidant tends to be more about fear of betrayal and rejection, they can look very similar but the tr…