Secure Love

Message me if you're struggling or feeling out of control. I've been there and it's tough doing it alone. I too was reaching out to whoever, Reddit, friends, weekly posts, dating apps, etc. I could no…

If my nervous system is used to interpreting intensity as chemistry, then...am I just supposed to settle for love where I don't feel any "fuzzy" feelings? Like is love supposed to be boring? Then how do I even know the difference if a relationship is boring but good vs. boring but bad?? — Like I really don't want to be stuck in an anxious-avoidant loop again, and I get that secure love seems more boring to someone with an anxious attachment, but then...like...are all romantic feelings …

Therapist will navigate with you your core wounds which will help you to identify your fears and patterns, learn healthy boundaries, learn about attachment in deeper and learn more about yourself, wor…

I believe it was Secure Love by Julie Menanno.

I think the attachment styles in place work well. I know it was studied exhaustively on thousands of children in the 70s/80s/90s and had there been more definitive styles we would have caught them bac…

On a different note, there is a song called "takes two" by maren morris, and it reminds me of what a secure love would look like to me. I used to listen to it to get over a very emotionally unavailabl…

I mentioned before the breakup that I thought I was AP and that he was DA which he originally denied and said he was secure, then 6 weeks after he reached out regarding returning items. I knew it was …

And isn’t secure love just more fun? For real.

I am having so much trouble with the rage I feel post-breakup. I worked so, so hard to keep my FA responses in check for this relationship and it just wasn’t enough. He gave up super suddenly and it f…

Thank you! I’ve been listening to The Secure Love podcast with Julie menanno and it’s been helping to understand my emotions/my partners.It may be helpful as you heal and go back into the dating world…

On nice, didn't know it was a podcast! I'm actually reading her "Secure Love" book right now, was highly recommended to read after Attached. What lesson (s) have you learned from your breakup? For m…

I recognize that. I had an occupational burnout that I couldn't get rid of. It haunted me for well over a year. Then I was discarded by the avoidant and started to really heal. It made me realize I sh…

Assessing Adult Attachment by Dr. Crittenden was a really validating book for myself personally. It isn’t really a self-help book though. But if you have a curiosity on attachment that is more in ali…

Hi!! I highly recommend these: For core wounds and relationships : 📚Mathew Micheletti and 3 more The Inner Work of Relationships: An Invitation to Heal Your Inner Child and Create a Conscious R…

That is definitely something to be discussed with your therapist. But do keep in mind what exactly 'isn't worth it' means here. Fixing your attachment style now means you can have a lifetime of secure…

Usually worrying about saying the wrong thing, speaking in future tense ways as well. Almost like the other person is talking to you like we're already in a relationship even though it's still early …

FANTASTIC LIST! I've got a few of these and would recommend in the last year the power of attachment by Diane Poole Heller The Nervous System Reset: Unlock the power of your vagus nerve to overcome…

Hi I previously recommended these to someone so will copy and paste it here Book on understanding and healing trauma : 📚The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma…

This is the thing people need to hear but often can't until they've been through it enough times. The fixer role feels like love because it's familiar. Most people who end up studying attachment theo…

When I was behaving more anxiously attached in a situationship with an FA, I experienced extreme highs and extreme lows, moments of euphoria after a super connecting night, and crying another day beca…

When you are used to earning love by chasing - when you meet someone who loves you in such a way that you can just be - it feels relieving initially - and then is followed by ..boredom or loss of exci…

There’s a fantastic book called Secure Love that will help you with your attachment style. It’s helped me a ton. I utilize it in and out of therapy.

thank you for this! I’ve heard of “attached” but not secure love. will check it out