friendship

Completely mindfucked and heartbroken after a relationship with a highly intelligent covert narcissist — This is going to be a very long post, but if you want to know how a relationship with a highly intelligent covert narcissist looks like, you might be interested to read this. I've seen so much shit i…

Do push/pull dynamics happen even when you’re not participating in them? — I (F, 32, originally AP, now definitely more secure) have just gone through a very confusing dating experience. 3 months ago I started seeing this man (34 met on Hinge). He started off very interested…

Fear of abandonment after reassurance — Hi Reddit, I'm not sure how to exactly word this or articulate the feeling. I'm 27M who is best friends (and have feelings for) with another guy 24M. We have an incredibly intimate and close frien…

In an avoidant-anxious friendship, how much space should I be giving before I reach out? — The last 2 posts on the sub are about friendship and that encouraged me to post here as well. This is my friend of 5 years. We’ve gone from talking almost everyday to me being given the silent treat…

Does anyone else feel like they cannot truly love? All I know is limerence and anything beyond that is excruciating — I'm constantly stuck in cycles of limerence, I feel almost nothing for anyone UNLESS I am limerent for them. I am still present in relationships and friendships but it's purely out of obligation, I'm …

If I could just stop deactivating!! (FA) — Follow up from some of my previous posts. I’m deactivating again. I think? Or maybe lost feelings for my partner and I’m just lying to myself and not wanting to let go. The thought of that makes me cr…

My DA bf broke up with me Saturday morning. — We’ve been together three years, living together for two. He (38m) wouldn’t ever give me (43f) emotional depth or physical connection. (I had to *ask* for hugs. Anything more was off the table.) Pri…

Workbook help — Hi all! Does any one have any good book/workbook recs for someone with an anxious attachment style in friendships, but a very avoidant one with romantic relationships? Specifically trying to work on …

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

Struggling with losing my best friend/coworker, anxious attachment + limerence making it unbearable — Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for this long post. I’ll just post the TL;DR at the start. TL;DR: Lost my best friend/coworker of 7 years after a conflict. He’s now cold/avoiding me but friendl…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

I had a breakthrough tonight! — Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another anxiously attached person. It didn't w…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Practicing acceptance while anxiously attached? — Hi all, I don't always see myself as AA, but in one specific friendship, I am definitely anxiously attached. I have felt the same way with former friends, so I definitely know the problem is my attach…

I don't want to cry all day and feel lonely anymore. I don't want to fear abandonment anymore. I want to improve myself. — In 12th grade I became very close to a classmate of mine. Both of us bonded over shared trauma and basically became inseparable. We texted each other 24/7 and became very VERY affectionate which then …

Friendships — Hey, super random, but a while back, my friend and I had this conversation. I was just sort of thinking about romantic relationships as friendships. It occurred to me that I was no anxious when it cam…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Physical Reaction — I will try to keep the backstory short. I had not known anxious attachment was a thing or that one of my coworkers had become one of only a couple people I really felt a deep connection to, until a f…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Maintaining this piece of positivity — Alright gang, I hope everyone is well. I’m getting a lot better with my attachment. I’m so proud of myself for times recently when I’ve had a thought about wanting to play into games or behave in cert…

Physically Reacting to Jealousy — My first post was about my deep attachment to a former friend who cut things off because she is now my employee. I'm actually making a lot of progress with that. Well my stress level is very manageabl…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

How do I ask for support in a secure way? (Hyper-independent) — I used to be more anxious-ambivalent and now I’m more secure with a bit avoidance. The pendulum has swung a bit to the other way. My problem now is that I don’t know how to tell someone that I’m curre…

I did it!! I did the hard thing!!! Even though they were a good person, even though I knew they cared, our relationship was hurting me, despite my best attempts at healing myself. At the end of the day, an asymmetrical dynamic hurts. After 2 years of hoping and hurting, I chose myself. — I have been in anxious-avoidant dynamics before, but this was the first relationship where there were genuinely...*good* things about my the person I was seeing. They were emotionally intelligent, had…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Weekly Newcomer Questions, Support, Vents & Victories — As the community continues to grow and attract people who are just figuring this all out, we've decided to change the weekly thread focus to be more open and encourage newcomer questions and support. …

DA Downplaying friendship — I have a self-confessed avoidant friend (I am secure). We dated very briefly but ended it because he said he couldn’t do serious relationships and I didn’t want to continue something ambiguous, catch …

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

contemplating root of avoidance — I have been considering why some of my relationships work while others make me disconnect. I think the root is a desire to feel deeply understood and seen. I recently had a connection with someone I…

How do you respond to people who are very quick to think that you’re angry at them? — I’m a DA and I’ve been in friendships and romantic relationships with people like this, where if I’m delayed in replying (due to being at work or similar), they’re quick to think that I hate them or t…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Feeling friendless — Hey guys, Sorry long vent, you can skip to the bottom if needed. Recently I have been doing great attachment-wise on the romantic relationships front. But for some reason I feel like I can’t mainta…

Anxious Attachment Injury - Nervous System Stuck in Fight/Flight — TW: attachment injury, trauma-bond withdrawal, panic attacks, obsessive rumination I think I’m in severe attachment-injury / trauma-bond withdrawal and I’m struggling to function. I’m asking for nerv…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Trying to navigate a "casual" relationship — Hi everyone, I (30F, trans) have been talking to/seeing a woman (24F, cis) for about 5 months. The chemistry is legitimately the strongest I’ve ever experienced - emotional, intellectual, creative, s…

I'm so tired of people. — For reference, a couple of years ago, I was in an abusive relationship that kinda changed who I am. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say that I used to be outgoing and fun, but also I h…

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

Is this an emotional affair? — I (36F, single), have a good guy friend (40M) who has been dating a new woman for 2 ish months now. Full disclosure I don’t like her very much and I think they’re moving super fast (already saying I …

ways to stop ruminating on past relationships/friendships/situationships/etc? — hi everyone! something i struggle with a lot is ruminating on past relationships/friendships/situationships/etc. especially right after they end. even if i know that said relationship was TERRIBLE for…

what do i do? my anxious attachment is getting REALLY bad. — i haven't been like this since i last had a really close online friendship w someone 2 years ago, but i recently started talking to a new friend online and we've known each other for only a few days. …

Bi-Weekly Thread - Advice for Relationship/Friendship/Dating/Breakup — This thread will be posted every other week and is the **ONLY** place to pose a “relationship/friendships/dating/breakup advice” question. Please be sure to read the [Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/…

How do I know if I've emotionally checked out or just a protesting behaviour? — I am at a point where I feel withdrawn and not want to talk to a close friend, after repeatedly being let down. "Let down" is probably too harsh. The cultivating event was when I reached out seeking s…

Life's expectancy for life & love — Unfortunately, I think for the rest of my time on this planet, I will carry a quiet fear. Even in the midst of real, full-blown love, I may never truly trust that one day I won’t be lied to, cheated o…

A friend fell for me, even though he knew I'm happily married. After trying to distance himself for a while, he's now back but acting hostile towards me. I don't know what I've done to deserve his anger, nor how to fix the situation. Any thoughts or advices? — Me (31F) and my husband (32M) have a friend group we often hang out with. We used to be pretty close with this one friend there (30M), who would hang out with us often even outside the group. He came …

DDay - 2/19/2026 - Online Emotional Affair Led to Full Blown Infidelity — I found out my wife was going on “solo” concert trips, but was also using them as a way to vacation with a guy she had been talking to online for years. Seventeen years together and seven years marri…

People who love you, would not treat you this way — When being constantly invalidated and made to feel invisible, and where your opinion or needs don’t matter at all, obviously a part of us is going to start believing that. It can lead to a downward sp…

Why Being Ok With Not Having Your Desire Manifests It Faster — It’s a very contradictory thing in manifesting where you desire something, but you’re told to let it go and not care about whether or not you have it (because in 4D you already have it). But let’s fo…

Have been feeling this heavily lately. Ex has moved on but is keen on maintaining friendship. My logical side has moved on. When she's open about personal things in her life, I become convinced that…

Omg that’s horrible. I was ghosted to, that feeling of no clarity hits. You get so desperate that you reach out in so many ways in the beginning just to get an answer onto why?. I was never able to mo…

Ew. I hate an ex who breaks up with me but wants to stay friends. You cannot have your came and eat it too and you cannot have me whatever way you want and demote and downgrade me after my investment …

This is the way. My ex broke up with me last week on the phone before my dentist appointment. I had to cut the call short because I needed to make my appointment. I lied about watching a sad show on m…

Then why does MC recommend NC during SP missions? Because, many times, that is the appropriate conventional action, at that moment. Either because they are increasingly fearful of you, or unfairly ho…

I totally relate to this, I’m secure with my friendships and FA in romantic relationships, and this is me in friendships 100%. I’m a terrible texter and mostly only text to make plans with friends, bu…

I’ve experienced all of the attachment styles in one way or another. What has been working for me is finding security in my friendships first. I’ve become so severely avoidant that im not pursuing a r…

Omg twins. Hi! Yeah I hadn’t been in a romantic relationship at all for six years before I finally tried with this FA guy. In my last real relationship I was targeted by a psychopath and it fucked me …

I found security in friendships first as well- I was severely DA to start. Friendships are more malleable in expectations, less conditional, and you can experience emotional intimacy, practice healthy…

I've been in therapy for over a year for various reasons, and for me the first thing I needed to work on was my self image. Understanding and accepting myself, building confidence and a stronger sense…

This is the one. I'd also add that attachment doesn't just stop at partners — it's also at play at work, friendships, family relationships/siblings, and even children. It's really fucking hard to be …

They can be self critical, but that's actually the opposite of being accountable and aware because typically it's just another way to ruminate. I also think that tendency in general is what drives the…

Simply get back to the things that give me joy in life. Nature, cycling, career progression, healthy cooking, travel, caving, gym, movie buff, research, etc. Never abandon my identity ever again when …

I feel this! The stakes are higher when I truly love/like someone (idk about you OP but for me this even extends to platonic friendships/ coworker relationships) and so my fear of messing up and pushi…

“It shifts your worldview to think that some people can love and care about you, but still fee nothing about hurting you.” WOW wow wow. I’m going thru this with someone I believed to be chosen family…

Very wise words. This really resonates with me and a previous friendship break up. Thanks for sharing.

That might as well be, I have no idea and probably don’t even wanna know if he been seeing other people 😂 he was free to do that cause being exclusive was anyways never brought up. But regardless of…

Yeah. Several people ended friendships with me for needing time and replying slowly. And I can’t really blame them. If it’s not okay with them, if my communication style is painful for them- then it’s…

Secure here. I still do learn and learn to accept that a lot of people cant express themself and selfreflect. Long distance friend of mine and, probably DA, got into arguments with me via whatsapp. …

"If my communication style is painful for them" Say I feel entitled to treat people like shit and play victim without saying it. I would never throwaway a friendship where the other person said "Hey…

I'm more FA but have definitely been in this situation when going on holidays. In my case I mainly needed space due to chronic illness, so I usually try my best to explain it to people politely - but …

My takeaway from this is that you should release this app for the general public. Would be useful for loads of people, not just avoidants. In my own life, I often don’t have enough energy to respond t…

I as talking to a friend online who seems DA. I really valued the connection & after six months shared something vulnerable. They totally ghosted 😂and I was offended as hell. A silence for 4 months. …

That makes sense. I always expect to stay in the "enemy zone" with that person. Sometimes the other person reaches out first and then we can shift to a sort of casual friendship. Once, I reached out f…

so true, I gave up permanently on it because I ALWAYS incinerate my friendships or get too deep in the attachment, now I have to accept I'll be alone for the rest of my life even if I don't want to bc…

Never give up on friendship or love. You can overcome this

Reassurance never actually helps us, it just makes us more addicted to it and sourcing our safety and validation from their words. It would be more helpful to slowly talk yourself through the case wh…

I understand the thought patterns here, and I definitely see how expectations are triggering for avoidant types. But I've also found many of them project what they assume my expectations are onto me? …

One of my biggest and longstanding issues is that I do not/did not involve anyone. It’s not even like I lay something at their feet and then rip it away suddenly and blame them. I simply never asked. …

I feel this. as a female FA who leans anxious (specifically towards men) I can relate a lot because in my female friendships, a lot of the time you're expected to be an emotional rock all the time for…

lots of people party in their 30s especially if they are a friendship group with similar music interests

I think a lot of people have a hard time being self aware with how much modern culture and friendships have skewed one gender over the other. Theres even films and whole industries which prey on this …

If there is no sex and no commitment but two people enjoy hanging out, Is that not a friendship? Or at least a friendship where the guy is settling for the friend zone even though he wants more.

Not a dating situation though 🤔 I’ve done brutal honesty with the boundaries. What’s so hard is it deteriorates the friendship. I’m here for them, I need them to stop checking; stop forcing it.

Sorry, if one is attached - and the other isn’t - is it really a friendship? ( I’m asking actually - no criticism )  Is he ( I’ m assuming it’s a “he”) only friends with the goal to get together?

You assume wrong, I’m a woman and friend is. It’s a platonic relationship. Close friendships also involve attachment, it’s not strictly a romantic thing. I’m not unattached from my friend, I just am …

Well this might be an unpopular opinion but since this is a friendship and not a committed relationship, it's okay to just back off a bit. Also, when you've repeatedly set boundaries and had them re…

So true. I was a secure and became anxious after being with an avoidant for 24 years. I became secure again and after 14 years of being broke up, he love bombed me, we got back together. It was great …

I had a DA friend who never called first and i asked him to do it from time to time. When we talked (me initiating) he was always nice, helpful and responsive but without me calling first he was only …

This. Also try to answer yourself is it first time your friendships feels one- sided. If it lasts just because of you carrying it on and on. I'm sorry it is happening to you but if she is really avoid…

They might have been more hurt that when they didn’t come in, you didn’t call to check on them, after they called to check on you when you were sick? So - I would think maybe it would be good to apol…

Okay, this is long and it might sound harsh, but I relate to a lot of what you're going through and acted much in the same way as you did, and I've gone from anxiously attached within a friendship to …

Aww I feel you op. I think you’re trying and learning a lot! I hope things work out with this friend but I even if they don’t it sounds like your a great friend and I hope you have plenty of other fri…

Like I said in my reply to the above comment, I realized I blurred the lines between friendship and coworker. I’ve said this as well when I apologized to her. I’m not saying this as an excuse but she …

It wasn’t like this before. I’m discovering this new side to her after 6 years of friendship. We’ve had petty fights here and there but this is the first time we’re dealing with something major and it…

I became quick best friends with an avoidant attachment; and she cut me off one day. No fight. Nothing. Just a straight up don’t want to be friends anymore, have a nice life. She never reached out aga…

I’m sorry for the late reply. Yeah still been given the silent treatment. I didn’t say anything offensive afaik. I think the lines between friendship and coworker was blurred and that was the whole is…

It’s a really hard spot. If I try to bring it up, she will not talk to me at all so I just stopped bringing it up altogether. It’s really hard to gauge. She seems to have moved on from the friendship …

Having less of a support system has probably all played in this entire cycle. I'm at that age in life where friends are moving onto other life stages (kids etc when I don't want kids), other cities, a…

Yes it is closure and don’t be his friend right now . Could he really be a great friend being DA at this time ? Friendship also requires a certain level of intimacy . ? I think your shell shocked from…