compatible

The way you describe it sounds more like a stable response, and we wouldn't be here in the first place :P. E.g. you go on a few dates with someone, slowly get to know them, and realise you're just n…

I built a VSCode extension that shows array sizes directly in your code—would love feedback from other devs! — Hey everyone! I’ve been working on a VSCode extension called **Array Size Extension**, and I wanted to share it with you all to get some feedback or maybe help out others who run into the same proble…

Using a MacBook — Hello everyone Just starting to build my storm but I am on a small Apple tablet it's older. I have an opportunity to get a good deal on a MacBook Air 13 in mthree chip. I'm just curious if anybody e…

How do you inspect what actually changed in container images? (My Git-based approach) — Hey everyone, When working with CI images or debugging build issues, I often need to understand *exactly* what changed in a container layer - not just which files were added or removed, but what was …

TransferForge – Convert Oxygen Classic to Oxygen 6 Without Rebuilding — Hey builders, We've been working on a tool called **TransferForge** to solve one of the biggest headaches in our community: migrating from **Oxygen Classic (4.x)** to **Oxygen 6**. As you know, O6 …

Stategies for scaling out MySQL/MariaDB when database gets too large for a single host? — What are your preferred strategies when a MySQL/MariaDB database server grows to have too much traffic for a single host to handle, i.e. scaling CPU/RAM or using regular replication is not an option a…

💾 Why You Should Consider MinIO Over AWS S3 + How to Build Your Own S3-Compatible Storage with Java — Hello ! I just published a 2-part series exploring object storage and S3 alternatives. ✅ In Part 1, I break down AWS S3 vs MinIO, their pros/cons, and the key use cases where MinIO truly shines—esp…

This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…

Rushing to know if I’m long term compatible with someone — The past two years I’ve done a lot of internal work on myself regarding my attachment and codependency issues. I feel that I lean more secure than ever. I recently started seeing someone, I’ve known t…

What did you notice changed when you began leaning secure? — I'm pretty happy with my progress. I notice I have a much lower tolerance for unaware dysregulation (no matter what kind it is whether it's someone push-pulling or an anxious type dumping on me). I d…

Did I make my Avoidance worse by pushing through it? — Hi all, I’ve been aware I have issues with commitment/avoidance my entire conscious life, but despite it I’ve always wanted to find love I didn’t meet my first boyfriend until I was 22, and it was l…

Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment? — I feel like I have a solid grasp of attachment theory after reading a fair amount of the literature over the years, but there’s a philosophical question I can’t quite resolve. Can someone who is secu…

Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…

how to be "chill" in early stages of dating? — hi everyone! something i struggle with in the early stages of dating is obsessing over/thinking about the other person constantly. i know this is not a healthy habit, but i have trouble getting myself…

Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…

Anyone have the experiance of anxious attatchment killing you as a person — I never see anyone talking about this and im wondering if its normal. Ever since i got in my relationship 2 years ago, i cant seem to find any passion within myself. The passion for my intrests and ho…

Women keep telling me I need to date younger and now my daughter has too. — I (39m) look young for my age and have been dating for the last 4 years. I have mostly dated women in their 30s and about half of them have told me to date someone younger after things didn’t work bet…

Talking on the apps, nothing bad happens but you're no longer interested. What do you do? — Let's say you're chatting, and something they say indicates that they aren't what youre looking for. Let's say it's a minor issue, like music tastes or not reading... something that's not worth blocki…

my(F28) bf(M30) thinks themed bridal shower of my friend is stupid and my costume is stupid. — I (F28) am a teacher and my boyfriend(M30) works for a company. we have been together for 4 years and are highly compatible. He has always been reserved and quiet and introvert by nature. i'm more of …

How come everyone has a different view of what stoicism truly is? — Been lurking this sub for a while and I’ve noticed nearly every question has multiple people giving answers as to what stoicism “truly” is, or is in actuality/practice, but Ive also noticed a lot of t…

How to look for signs ⬇️ — Signs manifest just like any other event or circumstance in your reality. You shouldn’t ask the universe for a sign and then wait for it. When you do that, you may end up manifesting the sign yoursel…

33f. Divorcing, plenty of love, no infidelity, almost 20 years, just incompatible. — I’m heartbroken. Husband and I have been together for the best part of 20 years. Met when we were teens. Truly love one another, deeply. We’ve had a pretty dead bedroom for most of our time together. …

Husband suddenly wants to end our marriage and says it’s because of sex. We have a toddler. I also discovered he’s been dishonest about where he’s been. Looking for perspective. — I’m 39F and my husband (34M) and I have been married a little over 3 years. We have a toddler (2). Recently, completely out of nowhere, he told me he thinks we’re “not compatible” and started talking…

How did you know a therapist wasn’t a good fit for you? — I’ve been seeing my current therapist for about four months, and I was recommended him as he is apparently one that a lot of people request. However compared to other personalities I’ve talked with, i…

I (37F) am tired of my boyfriends (45M) cleaning OCD and the comments it comes with. Is this workable? — My boyfriend is very smart, caring and kind in so many ways, but we're not on the same page about cleaning. I feel like a broken record bc I know this is an issue in many relationships, but what's hap…

It unfolds so naturally — I have spent a lot of time treating the Law like a science experiment rather than a mathematical equation. I thought “if I do x, then maybe y will happen” When in reality it’s more like “X + Y = Z”…

The 'technique' that helped me manifest in 1 week what I have been trying for months — I decided to make this a more general post since it's extremely helpful for any manifestation. Like everyone, I was trying to manifest something for a few months with common techniques like visualizi…

Ghosted at 45 — I’m genuinely heartbroken. I (45F) was ghosted by a 40 year old man after exclusively dating for 4 months. I have been divorced for 3 years, I’ve dated here and there, but really took time to work on …

Am I (50M) Widower With A 7 YO Just Doomed To Be Alone? — Delete if this doesn’t fit the theme of the sub. I was 35 when I met my wife, she was 10 years younger than I was. Married at 38 and had trouble conceiving. Our miracle/rainbow baby was born in 2018 …

My husband led me to believe he almost never drinks alcohol. 2 years into our marriage I find out it's a lie. — My husband (32m) and I (30f) have been married for 2 years. During our courtship and dating I stated many boundaries around values - one being that I was at the time 5 years sober - and I didn't want …

It’s okay to walk away from someone you do not vibe with — I feel like so many times I have invested time in people i wasn’t compatible with because I didn’t want to be “ too picky”, but I’m 44 now and I have learned a lot. 1. You will never change a person a…

1.5 Years Update 💀 My predictions became true — No, I do NOT want my ex back—like ever 😭 but I do have a story + some lessons from how everything played out. So basically, about 1.5 years ago, my ex randomly broke up with me out of nowhere. Like……

[23M] gf [24F] wants my parents to be grandparents to her child, but they’re not open to it right now, should I end it? — I (23M) have been with my girlfriend (24F) for a year. We’re very compatible, great communication, and I can see a future with her. She has a 2-year-old from a previous relationship. I haven’t really…

Boyfriend with a mentally ill ex wife. — I have been dating a guy (45m) for 6 months. We are very compatible and enjoy traveling and being together. He lives an hour away from me and works crazy shifts, so we only see each other about 4-5 t…

My girlfriend (24F) and I (26M) just mutually broke up after an on/off cycle. Did we make the right call or did I handle this badly? — My girlfriend (24F) and I (26M) just mutually broke up after an on/off cycle. Did we make the right call or did I handle this badly? This is very fresh. We just ended things and I need honest outside…

Success Story! — To anyone in the thick of their Divorce. I know it's hard, but realize the pain will pass. I got Divorced back in September 2024. My Ex Wife and I def weren't doing well and had a bad blowup fight a…

Ouch. Starting over, into the lonely void of dating — I'm 38M and picking up the pieces after abruptly being discarded by an avoidant two days ago. She told me I'm in different 'tier' of people who is able to express emotions and needs. And that she's u…

Ex spinning narrative — He keeps posting passive aggressive things on his social that are seemingly aimed at me and my character. He’s told mutual friends all the reasons why I was a bad partner, but I was one who broke up w…

Tell me your most devastating heartbreak love story — I don’t mean like “we loved each other and broke up” or a “we weren’t compatible” I mean like a gut wrenching situation that broke your heart and left you traumatised. Share and read each others sto…

Just three months of dating and I'm having a tough time getting over it. — Hey everyone. So, I (28/M) met my ex (43/F) about three months ago. I was a bit fresh out of my previous relationship, which I ended after almost two years because of sexual incompatibility. I was j…

am i childish for not being able tolet go? — its a little complicated we didnt just date and break up, i mean we kinda did but there was a lot before that. im gonna start from the beginning. i will skip a bit of unimportant stuff just keep in m…

How do you honor your pain, recognize the source and want to turn away from it? — I'm anxious attached and am very much the type of person who chases after my source of pain to be my source of comfort. I've been through so much pain from a break up, and have been NC with this per…

The relationship never learn how to end — I’m a 27M and she is my childhood best friend 25F We’ve been close friends our whole lives, even though we lived in different places and had never met in person. We never really thought about meeting,…

Was this an avoidant discard? — Was this an avoidant discard or genuine loss of feelings? I (F) was in a short but very intense relationship with a guy. In the beginning, he pursued me really hard — put in a lot of effort, consiste…

7 weeks later — I've been lurking this sub for about 7 weeks.. as the title may suggest.. My (30m) 3 year relationship ended rather unexpectedly about 7 weeks ago, with a we need to talk talk, then 3 weeks of heavy t…

Envy and Despair — It’s been just over a week since the divorce was finalized. The separation lasted a long 15 months. I found out that she had an affair partner during our separation. As far as I can tell it had been g…

I need help with a sensitive conversation of the NSFW variety (late 20F) (mid 30M) — I (late 20F) need some advice on how to have a sensitive conversation with a man (mid 30M) that I've been seeing consistently for about 2 months. It's about sex, and I know that this is a "just talk t…

Did I push reconciliation with my ex too quickly? (26M, 26F) — Hi all! Firstly, I want to thank you for all the comfort and support you give to everyone on this sub; it does not go unnoticed! I'm a 26M who ended things with his 27F partner of a year and a half i…

(21f) No sex with boyfriend (25m) of 6 months — I’ve been dating a guy for six months. We’ve had our ups and downs but he listens to me and always fixes problems when I bring them up and we don’t argue. I’m his first serious relationship and he’s …

Their loss though, they lost someone who would never give up on them and love them unconditionally. They will realise it one day, but we would’ve found someone more compatible. Life goes on with or wi…

Also, not to be cheesy but working on self love and self confidence. Like, real confidence from doing shadow work and also awesome shit that you’re actually proud of (both take time but so worth it). …

Simply get back to the things that give me joy in life. Nature, cycling, career progression, healthy cooking, travel, caving, gym, movie buff, research, etc. Never abandon my identity ever again when …

What have you done to resolve your fear of commitment, your emotional unavailability and the inferiority complex? Why are you searching for excitement from a partner? What does that mean to you? Is i…

I think what others are saying unless someone says I hate you, then it's based on your feelings. Feelings are 100% valid but not facts. I'm anxiously attached and felt many people have disliked me ov…

I'm pretty sure my ex bf was FA. He claimed he was anxious but the trauma he experienced and his behaviors leading up to our breakup kind of point to FA. He broke up with me for just shutting down. Li…

That’s cool and all but how would you know if you are compatible seeing each other on a regular basis?

Yes, all developers in our company use it. Check out mise too, it’s compatible with asdf. We use asdf to manage terraform, terramate, ruby, python, nodejs, helm and awscli.

Considering Hashicorp/IBM changed Terraform licensing from Open Source to Source Available, there is now community maintained form - Opentofu. Currently it's backwards compatible with Terraform but th…

Thanks for sharing your perspective :) no we didn’t really break up yet, I first accepted to still see him casually cause I do like him and thought that maybe it would work out fine being casual for a…

I'm more FA but have definitely been in this situation when going on holidays. In my case I mainly needed space due to chronic illness, so I usually try my best to explain it to people politely - but …

Some of these comments are saying silly (and heteronormative) things like "weird around children" or "checks out other women when they think you're not looking". Obvious reminder that being uncomforta…

Hi, thanks for chiming in, I agree with your answer! I also noticed my ex (months into the relationship) was activated, and usually it was either by deep intimacy (also by sex), or by external stresso…

Try not to look at it like this attachment style is selfish while the others are more selfless. We often assume APs are selfless and will sacrifice everything for their partners but reality is that s…

Before I say anything else, I want to say that there's no excuse for abuse, including emotional abuse. Ever. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced that. I also don't think an anxious person should sac…

I will give my own experience as an FA. A lot of women will project who they want me to be onto me, even If I gave no indication of such from the beginning and even when I actively try to shatter pr…

I say this with kindness because reading through your posts, you remind me of me from 5-6 years ago. I think your feeling of shame is clouding your judgement a bit here. It sounds like you were just i…

Dude you're in here acting entitled and demanding, thinking everyone is wrong but you, calling anyone who holds you accountable toxic, and for some reason you think women must all be avoidant? You'r…

It's wonderful that you are doing the work. Keep doing that. MOST people aren't aware of their attachment styles and don't need to. Unless it is on an extreme part of the spectrum, it's not an issue…

Im very proud of you for being so grounded! Dating as adults is nothing more or less than deciding whether your issues are compatible. Its a constant battle of making the conscious effort to get your…

Your story might be my story if he didn’t break up with me (of course, with having a mature conversation). It lasted a month, and we were thrilled until we first met and it became real and fantastic –…

It's so disappointing when I know deep in my heart that if we were both secure, we probably would have had an amazing relationship. We were compatible in terms of our personalities, lifestyle, physica…

I feel very seen as an AP. It’s hard, when you meet someone great, but fundamentally incompatible. Keep investing in yourself. Your answer will come.

The avoidant(not sure which type of avoidant) I was dating of 3 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago through text. We had our flaws of course and there were times where she felt unwanted or unseen (I ta…

Honestly? It's mostly up to her to resolve that issue, not on you. But somethings you can do to help is tell her you like when people are being real, it doesn't matter if that's a bit imperfect. I al…

How did you communicate your feelings of being apprehensive? Did you make sure to reassure him that it wasn’t about him, but your nervous system reacting to being vulnerable? There’s a world of differ…

No, not at all. But perhaps it’s also because I have BPD, so I have a black and white thinking. I’d feel anxious during the relationship because they might leave me for being hot and cold — not delibe…

Oh I see, interesting. I don't think he had BPD but he definitely would idealise me in the beginning and then devalue me in the deactivation stage. I definitely noticed his black and white thinking an…

No. No. No. It's not about you being "worthy enough." It's about people's preferences, their own emotional issues that makes them choose someone, and a host of other reasons. I learned through my Avoi…

That makes sense, I briefly dated a guy a few years ago who seemed unable to have any deeper conversations and that was partially why I ended things (he also hid smoking cigarettes from me lol). I thi…

Yes absolutely . but not every avoidant is self-aware so they wouldn’t be able to communicate effectively.and one of them hardest thing I struggle with as fearful avoidant is to figure out the differe…

Boundaries are about how you will act…not what they do or don’t do. So your boundary around opposite sex friends, would be that your values don’t align then you don’t date them. You are allowed to hav…

I know the feeling and you can heal it. In my opinion, texting or the lack of it can be so triggering for anxious attachment because you can’t check their reactions, moods, or faces when they are not…

We are not meant to be all alone. But that doesn't mean we need romantic relationships. Loneliness often stems from a disconnect with community, family, friends etc. You could try volunteering somewhe…

The second to last paragraph here is so important. I didn't truly start healing until I realized that I was treating relationships like they were something I could react correctly to rather than corre…

1) There is no advice that would make this “break” easier or healthier for you. You are abandoning yourself being in this relationship at all. So aside from standing up for yourself and your own needs…

Was she avoidant? I dated this girl for almost a year. At first, I didn’t think she was avoidant. She was good at communicating her boundaries, was consistent with everything, and made me feel secur…

No you didn’t rush anything. You expressed your needs (exclusivity) and he declined. You are not compatible, so it makes sense to move on. This feels like secure behaviour to me. If you were removin…

It’s kind of normal to go through this with a lot of mental health treatments. People finally understand themselves and others better, there’s new skills to implement, but the outcomes initially swin…

There isn’t really anything you can do to “help” her. This is a personal healing journey that she has to decide to be on and do the work herself to change her patterns. You cannot and should not be tr…

The way you talk about your partner makes me think you two aren’t compatible.

Thanks so much, I definitely pride myself on being self-aware. I was self-aware through the whole toxic "relationship" but just wanted to convince myself it could work because I had a really good time…

Idk what your attachment style is but you sound somewhat hyper independent and like you expected him to read your mind. I bet you know he’s not someone very attentive but you want someone to take care…

Two Fa trying to make it work and she’s labeling things that aren’t related to attachment style as FA Of course they not compatible.

I feel like our levels are compatible because we're both just freaking exhausted all the time and more often than not, both fall asleep on the couch watching TV. He really doesn't initiate very often,…

She’s a real go getter and plenty of men want her. We’re just not compatible because I want someone who’s flirtatious, adventurous, and easygoing. She was only adventurous.

I usually just try to focus on something or write down my feelings if it's too overwhelming. I don't really know why I'm like this, but I do tend to take a little while before feeling fully trusting a…

maybe the rule of attracting people in the same level as you doesnt always work...maybe this happen to make you feel aware that uve changed and the thing that u can do is to not settle and always acce…

Having strong feelings isn't inherently bad. What's bad is if they are supported entirely by fantasy. Anxiously attached people tend to lean into the hyper-romantic early on, nothing wrong with that, …

Text of original post by u/BornEducation4428: I am quite curious to hear if there are those who are still in their own "wound care " (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of…