book
go cold
Evidence
Citations (49)
I do now, but I didn't for the first 40 years of my life, and I think I've been deactivated most of it. Even after learning about my attachment style and about deactivation, at first I could not recog…
Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…
Broke up with DA after a year. — Met her a year ago, almost to the day. Things started well, relatively slowly which was nice for a change compared to other situations I have been in around that time. After two months, we became offi…
Planning on cold turkying smoking cannabis for the nth time — I’ve been planning to quit for a long time now. I’ve said “this is my last day” more times than I can count, but every morning I wake up and immediately feel anxious at the thought of not being able t…
This start pissing me alot? Need second thoughts.. — I’ve never really dealt with depressed people or people with complicated attachment styles before. All my previous relationships were with women who had what you would call a secure attachment style. …
One day sober — Posted in here the other day about struggling with 🍃 addiction….. completed my first full day sober yesterday🎉 This is the first time I have willingly not smoked in about 4 years (I went sober for…
Getting help at 18 — TW: mentions of abuse(physical, emotional), self harm sorry if I overshare but Ive recently gotten help at 18, ive recently turned 18 and I havent even gotten my highschool diploma yet but i graduat…
my (f22) boyfriend (m25) tries to make me feel stupid any chance he gets — TL;DR I posted abt this before, my bf always tries to humble me, make me feel ugly or stupid it feels like. we have been dating for a year and a half and I remember when I met his friends and family…
Whag is the meaning of all this I am confused — I was in an on-and-off relationship for almost 2.5 years, and it followed the same pattern every time. Whenever something went wrong in his life, he would shut down, go cold, say he’d “lost all emotio…
Is it normal behaviour from my husband (30M) that I (30F) can only discuss important topics at certain times? — My husband over the past year or so has gotten increasingly angry with my “timing” of bringing up important discussions. It’s particularly frustrating to me because we have a 1.5 year old, so the ma…
Shroom-weed(-alcohol) induced psychosis? — Hello, First off, I'm sorry about my english, its not my first language but I hope you'll be able to understand what you're reading. context: I started smoking weed regularly when I was around 18 (…
Sounds like a DA. They will start to treat you differently for months and then suddenly blow up on you and go cold or straight up just dump you without any reason. I'm sorry they're so messed up there…
FA here. All of my romantic interests have ended in a fiery blaze outside of my most recent with another avoidant. Practice being present and breathing. Learn to communicate your needs and wants. Take…
I am FA but lean dismissive so take my response with a grain of salt. I tend to disappear from time to time not out of anger or resentment but because my nervous system just demands space to reset. I…
I second this! I also loved that book and was able to read it during the pandemic. It was my first exposure to the attachment theory lol and it really helped me gain insights as to how I could determi…
That’s the painful part. You hold back so much, because you don’t want to say or do anything to push them away. Then the resentment builds. I’m so bad at being open and honest. I play the amicable p…
Going through this now also. Had one “accidental phone call” from her followed by a nasty message when I asked if she was ok. Some people just go cold after it’s over, and will act like you were never…
You went nuke. Good job! You can let the OBS know you’re there if she wants to talk and needs evidence. That pretty much will end the A because that POS probably never planned to leave his wife and wi…
classic avoidance. the shame only coming *after* realizing their actions have consequences. even if your anxiety is something you need to work on, his avoidance is just as maladptive and harmful if no…
Feel you bro.. its fucking horrible, but go silent go cold if she messages stay strong be blunt.
I knew I'd struggle to go cold turkey no contact when I had to. Tapered it down for a month and then December 5 2025 was when we had last spoken. The urges come and go. There have been instances I've …
Thank you for the tough love honestly, I think I’m going to try and go cold turkey but I need time to build up to it. And honestly I’ve realised that it’s extremely damaging my ability to think by my…
Yeah she is just letting you down lightly bro mine did the same thing wanted to remain as friend’s nothing more but said we can’t talk as much as we’re not in a relationship long story short I was in …
Sure, I would try to give him unconditional support and understanding. I tried really hard to give him an emotional safe space in our relationship. I asked for that in return but he wasn’t capable of …
You are aware of it ..... You just got to cut it off like a drug go cold turkey Nothing will ever change you will just keep going round and round until you leave it will get harder to leave later o…
i deleted tt and followed a couple of youtubers that cover main trends as a long form content, not a perfect solution but at least it is just 30 minutes twice a week i swear deleting app worth trying…
I know this feels like proof that you didn't matter. It's not. What she's doing has a name. It's called a rebound. And it's one of the most common ways people avoid feeling the pain of a breakup. Ins…
I know this feels like proof you didn't matter. It's not. What she's doing is called a rebound. Instead of sitting with the loss, she's filling the space with someone new. It's not about you being re…
You think i didn’t? See my other comments i should maybe gave more infos about the Situation. I asked the same time she pulled away now after she came back she lack depth always try not to answer the…
I’ve learned to let my tone be led by how I feel. If I’m feeling light and friendly, I will present as light and friendly in text. If I’m feeling fun and flirty, I’ll banter. If I’m not feeling much, …
One sign is when people suddenly go cold on you for no reason. They heard gossip / rumors (likely untrue)
Mine would say that he doesn’t like me wearing cardigans or obvious makeup and his reasoning behind his hatred for these things was because his “lazy horrible bitch” ex would wear cardigans a lot and …
If it were me, I’m filing for divorce. Depending on your property standing one of you must leave. Either way I’m out. All communication is through attorney. She cheated she pays. I go cold and dark. B…
You have tasted a truth that many take years to learn: that a friend who breaks your trust was never truly a friend to begin with. He was a river that appeared calm on the surface but hid sharp rocks …
I get a lot of help from Metagenics magnesium glycinate. I white knuckled my entire life from about age 16 or 17 where it was manageable to around 34, when Klonopin gave me my life back. It works for …
Waking up and feeling nothing after feeling everything the night before. That is deactivation. Your nervous system got overwhelmed and hit the off switch. Not because the feelings left. Because they …
You have your doctor make a dosing schedule so you can wean off. Do not go cold turkey. Also, talk to the doctor about why husband wants you to stop taking them.
For the love of God do not go cold turkey on your antidepressants. Go talk to your doctor about the side effects. There are other medications you can try. Also, your husband is either an idiot or …
I took sertraline and when I consulted my doctor about getting off of it, she came up with a PLAN to safely wean me off. It took time and consultation. PLEASE do not go cold turkey on an antidepressan…
No. No. No. Consult doctor. Please. 🙏🏻 my ex husband made me go cold turkey. Two years of my life I’ll never get back. That’s how bad I spiraled after withdrawal.
YOU CANNOT GO COLD TURKEY OFF OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS.
I need you to hear me. I quit SSRIs cold turkey and one week later had a complete breakdown. Do not go cold turkey. Talk to your doctor about the side effects and he can put you on something else like…
The last time I tried to go cold turkey off antidepressants I threw a fan at a door and made a big hole. As others have said, DO NOT GO OFF ANTIDEPRESSANTS WITHOUT YOUR DOC’S SUPERVISION.
Excuse me, this is very inappropriate and unsafe for you and your baby. Please only make decisions about your meds with your prescriber (without your husband there). Your well being and safety (also b…
👆👏👏👏👏👏 His parents need therapy too. OP admittedly treated her like crap and then had his parents pile on too. Once a woman has had enough, she does go cold and moves on to find and be her auth…
yes, but it took a while. A certain point i realised i had to and it helped. I have other pictures of other exes and it doesn't hurt or anything, but this one breakup was so particularly painful i j…
Every time I tell my mother that I have migraines she acts like she is hearing it for the first time and it is some new revelation. I have been having them since I was 12. I am almost 30 now. There w…
Definitely too much porn. He's gotta go cold turkey and no masturbate or watch it. Besides that it's also important to remove the "climax = sex was done right" mentality. It's okay to just enjoy the…
I’m 42 now, and have experienced being too addicted to porn that I couldn’t finish during sex. I also was in anti-depressants for around 6 months a few years ago and couldn’t finish without great dif…