Attached.

Nowadays I usually know. Before I knew about attachment theory I would get intense panic attacks that would make me instantly end things with any romantic interest. I didn't know what was happening, b…

Practicing acceptance while anxiously attached? — Hi all, I don't always see myself as AA, but in one specific friendship, I am definitely anxiously attached. I have felt the same way with former friends, so I definitely know the problem is my attach…

Why do I get upset when bad stuff happens to my partner and it doesn't even impact me? — I'm struggling to understand my pretty intense reactions to certain things. I don't know if attachment theory can help explain this part of my brain. For context: Me (38 F) and partner (44 M) have b…

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

feeling numb in dating but longing for intimacy — For the past few years, I've been mostly numb in dating. I don’t really feel anything romantic. I don’t feel sparks. I don’t feel excited about anyone or attached. I don’t miss people when I’m not wit…

Why Manifestation can FEEL Forced and Unrealistic (Success & Guidance) — Today I came upon a realization that many people do not have for most of their lives. It was the realization that our feelings and the meanings that we attach to them are also affirmations. Right no…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

Finally Got a Lucid Dream... So I Tested your Queries in it — Hey guys, this is gonna be a bit of a long one lol. \[CONTEXT\] For a while, I've been trying to lucid dream, but was too lazy to consistently do training, write in journals, or set multiple alarms …

How to stop being attracted to "unavailable" people? — I had a really, really bad relationship experience like 15 years ago, and ever since then, I seem to only be attracted to people who are confused about what they want/who they are. And this is also wh…

The best and 5 worst things I did after 5 breakups in 12 years chasing unavailable partners, and I just got marriaged on 2.14.2026 — I've been through 5 painful breakups over the last decades, all with the same pattern: I'd chase someone emotionally/physically unavailable—either a cheater or straight-up avoidant—who'd pull away jus…

Just figured out she was cheating today — So there's a long story, I met this girl a almost a month ago, she still to this day was the most beautiful woman ever, I love her so much. I was surprised I got her attention and quickly we got into …

You never call me. — I haven't heard from Mom. She said "I'll call you when I have some free time." This 83 year.old woman is ghosting me. She speaks with my brother every single day. She takes my sister to appoi…

How do I move on from someone I still love? (20F) — I (20F from Japan) recently broke up with my 22M ex who was in the U.S. military. We dated for about 1.5 years and were officially together until last November, then stayed in a secret/on-and-off rela…

Still stuck on her… and I don’t know if I should stop — I once loved a girl deeply. We broke up, but after some time we started talking again, and she told me she still loved me. That messed with my head more than the breakup itself. We stopped talking ag…

"Most people don’t realize that children who grow up without praise don’t struggle with confidence as adults.... — They struggle with believing any compliment is genuine, because their nervous system learned that approval always preceded a request." This one hit hard. My mother always had strings attached. Not …

Time to let go… — A final sort of love letter… My 2-year relationship ended in September, shortly after our anniversary. I’m still heartbroken as fuck. I’ve recently learned he’s already moved on. And I have a feel…

The fact that someone as terrible and disgusting as me has been allowed to live this long is the world's worst joke. — **(This is a repost of a post I made a while ago, which I am reposting because I'm back in a slump again. There aren't any major changes other than the ending bit.)** 20M. This might be the longest p…

Therapy is hard - is this common? — Hello there. I'm in therapy for attachment trauma and other stuff for almost 1,5 years. I used to be a typical dismissive avoidant and it took about a year until my defences crumbled and I became more…

How do you move past genuinely anxiety provoking stimuli — No matter how much healing I try to do on my own this is the issue I always come back to. I can get out of my head and stay secure UNTIL something happens that is genuinely, objectively anxiety provok…

M21 how do I bring up ending things with someone I care about, knowing she’s not over her ex? F24 — I (21M) have been seeing a girl (23F) for around 8–9 months. We started as friends and things developed naturally over time. Early on, we agreed to keep things casual and not label it as a relationshi…

My gf (F19) and I (M23) have cheated on each other. Would I be blinded by love if I stay with her? — Before I start, everytime I tell someone close of mine my current situation they get stunned so my story right now could either intrigue you to reading more or bore you. But if you put yourself in my …

Ex moved on in a week — Me and this girl recently ended things, literally just last wednesday. I sent her a goodbye paragraph and after that she just didn’t bother replying anymore. No answer is an answer after all. What’s …

Should I reach out to her? — Short version: - Broke up end of October - we were together for a year. - Both were going through intense mental health journeys. - In the meantime, I'm doing/did intense trauma therapy, coaching, and…

disorganized attachment advice — I need honest opinions because I feel like I’m spiraling a bit and trying to make sense of something that might be simple… or not. Also i’m 19, he’s 23. this guy and i have gone out 3 times. though w…

I (19M) think I'm in love with my best friend (20NB) — I've known this person for nearly two years and we're already the bestest friends towards each other. We make jokes all the time, hangout a whole bunch, just be in the same room and do our own thing, …

I am a genuine disgusting, horrible piece of shit, and I don't know what to do about it. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD (I'm not officially diagnosed) and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years…

I’m in love with my best friend — I (33F) am in love with my best friend (34M) of four years and I need advice to stay or go, and also is it even ethical to stay when I feel this way? We met on bumble in Feb 2022 and at the time he e…

Its been 5 months and I feel like I've gone nowhere — Ever since I had a concept of love, (maybe around middle school), I have always had this idea that the ultimate relationship would produce a very specific feeling. I would say it’s a feeling similar t…

Broken up- that girl left- moms about to die(stage-4 CA), On depression meds, tried suicide once, need real help. — Got out of a 7 years relationship last August 2025, saw her video with a guy on some event group page on Instagram, confronted her got blocked, snapchat was left messaged her there ,she called and ask…

On and off for 2+ years, I want this to be the end — \*needing advice & encouragement We had an awfully traumatic relationship - trauma bond, mental health issues (I have complex PTSD from him, and an array of other MH issues like bipolar, and social …

How do I handle a guy with disorganized attachment? — I need honest opinions because I feel like I’m spiraling a bit and trying to make sense of something that might be simple… or not. Also i’m 19, he’s 23. this guy and I have gone out 3 times. though, …

Love bombed again and I hate it — I’m so grossed out with myself for falling for it again. I didn’t want anything serious. Yet he went all in: flowers, sweets, introducing me to his parents and friends, walking me home… the perfect w…

I (F 19 ) developed feelings for a “just friends” situation (M 19) how do I stay friends without hurting myself? — I’m a fairly simple person. My life was predictable..college, gym, home, repeat. I didn’t really have close friends. Not because I didn’t want them, but because I didn't connect easily. I have walls.…

My(25m) girlfriend(26f) wants to wait for sex, but I’m a little confused. — So, I started dating this girl a little less than 2 months ago. Before that, we knew each other for 6 months because we are co-workers. She started as a temp, but right after she got signed on full ti…

Feeling super lost almost 4 months out, Have questions where I need help! — I went through a breakup in December with the woman I genuinely thought I was going to marry. The weird part is that I was not even fully happy in the relationship near the end, and when it first end…

Tired of my mom constantly stealing the spotlight, even now during my engagement — I (F26) am recently engaged to my partner of 6 years (M26). My mom (49) also just got engaged, to a man she *met after* my engagement. We got engaged in June, and from what I can tell, she met him aro…

43M lost a 12-year relationship (8 married) after IVF struggles and likely cheating, now I feel like I’m going through withdrawal. — I’m 43. She’s turning 34. We were together 12 years, married for 8. The last 5 years were all IVF stress, pressure, emotions. I worked a lot (sometimes 2–3 jobs) to support us. She became my whole wo…

I can’t stop thinking about someone who didn’t choose me—how do I let go? — ​ I’m (29F) trying to move on from a short relationship with a coworker (29M), but I feel stuck. He was the one who liked me first—apparently for months. When we finally started talking, it f…

Is this anxious or avoidant behaviour..? — While me and my ex dated he was very anxiously attached. If I didn’t reply for a bit he would text me a million times asking if I’m ok and where I am and he would ask to see me so much and he was very…

I can’t tell if this is anxious or avoidant attachment? — While me and my ex dated he was very anxiously attached. If I didn’t reply for a bit he would text me a million times asking if I’m ok and where I am and he would ask to see me so much and he was very…

What’s this behaviour mean — While me and my ex dated he was very anxiously attached. If I didn’t reply for a bit he would text me a million times asking if I’m ok and where I am and he would ask to see me so much and he was very…

Need advice — While me and my ex dated he was very anxiously attached. If I didn’t reply for a bit he would text me a million times asking if I’m ok and where I am and he would ask to see me so much and he was very…

I 21M have been seeing this girl 22F and im confused at what we are — I’ve been seeing this girl for about 2–3 weeks and it moved pretty fast. We’ve met around 10–11 times and I’ve basically stayed over every time. When we’re together it feels very couple-like. We spen…

Self concept is the key — Link to my previous post is attached. Can't believe whatever happened after I changed my mindset. So grateful for everyone who advised me and suggested me to try all these steps ❤️ ❤️ I knew my sel…

I got attached in a no-label setup and now I feel uncomfortable—what should I do? — **TL;DR:** I’ve been in a long-term no-label situation with a guy I like. We got sexually involved, but I’m now feeling unsure, uncomfortable, and confused about whether he actually values me or just …

Should I give her a chance or just walk away? — Should I give her another chance or just walk away?I feel stuck.(22M,20F) I (22M) was talking to this girl (22F)for a while, and things were actually really good between us at first. She showed inter…

Am I getting too attached to my therapist? — !!This is not her fault at all! She's never done anything even slightly unprofessional, this is all on me, I promise Also technically idk if therapist is the right word, she is a therapist but not fo…

Mentally weakened after breakup? — M21 We didn’t really date for long, just a really long talking stage (\~6 months) in which we got really attached. Towards the end, there were some misunderstandings that she didn’t want to even both…

I am in the same boat. Had my FA (maybe DA? I never knew about attachment theory until her. She was extremely committed and IN. LOVE. for 2 years and was much more anxious and attached. Then she was j…

Oof sounds like a DA. My MIL is exactly like that. I am happy that my FA did start to reflect and make changes to become more securely attached. It's been a long journey but now they will ask me for …

I don’t know, everyone is saying “you’re imaging it” but this has happened to me. Only once, but it has happened, and I would say im secure. Someone definitely flipped to “hating” me and refused to di…

You might want to work on your attachment issues first. It took a week for you to get attached. You can’t generally “spot” an avoidant. They still want love and all of those things. They’re not avoid…

if someone triggers my attachment system, it's basically the worst. Usually my partners have not done that and I was mostly normal? though the fear of being cheated on has shown up with everyone who …

I think there is a lot of avoidance among parts There were for me also parts that were anxiously attached.

I asked my therapist this question and she said it's not my responsibility to tell him to get therapy. Think about this...you have worked REALLY hard to become securely attached. Don't you think …

I recommend reading the book “Attached.”

avoidants (especially those that are actively working towards healing and becoming secure) may come off as secure in the beginning of a courtship. until they are met with some triggers which will lead…

All insecurely attached people tend to show up the same early on in relationships. They're usually all persistent at the start, which is a sign of someone that is insecure. Secure people don't priorit…

I've never heard someone say this - I'm new to attachment theory - but it's so true. For me, sex is how I connect with my husband. It's not sex for sex, it's sex for feeling safe and attached. And unf…

This is backwards. First, you need healthy self esteem. Boundaries are a natural effect. You need to trust yourself so when the red flags go up, you will do right by you. If you do not value yourself,…

You can’t make her change her attachment style or way of relating to you. That’s her work to do. I ruminate a lot and have an anxious attachment. One of the most eye opening things for me was realizin…

EFT works to change all insecures to securely attached. It’s pretty amazing!

I’m in therapy, meditate regularly, exercise, and on Zoloft. All of those tools have been super helpful for my anxiety. However, audiobooks specifically talking about attachment styles have been game …

Your post is a month old with 251~ comments. my reply is probably going to go into the wind. I'm gay so I can't really comment on dating women but I also feel avoidants is super common in the dating p…

I am FA and my avoidance comes alive if someone wants too much closeness, control, if he wants too much. Sometimes taking a time apart helps. Also giving it real time to feel attached. Also telling yo…

I think it depends on what you want. If your boyfriend is FA and he doesn't know how to regulate his feelings then the exact thing that he would do is breakup/ghost you when he started to become emot…

Hey, possibly so, but that doesn't mean that it's not great that you've actually thought about how you act and react in relationships. You \*can\* rewire your brain. Anyone can. It just depends on ho…

Yes! This was really on mark, looking back at my relationships the best ones where the ones where I just felt... calm, and then I had attenuated and broke up in a discard that made absolutely no sense…

Ask ChatGPT to ask you questions to help determine your style. Then when you answer, give a lot of detail about why you answered that way. Before you send your answers, express that you want to know i…

Text of original post by u/Fine_Pineapple_9150: Hi all, I don't always see myself as AA, but in one specific friendship, I am definitely anxiously attached. I have felt the same way with former friend…

On nice, didn't know it was a podcast! I'm actually reading her "Secure Love" book right now, was highly recommended to read after Attached. What lesson (s) have you learned from your breakup? For m…

First of all, I just want to say, I really feel your pain in this. Healing isn’t linear, and even when you’ve made so much progress, nights like this can hit hard. The fact that you’ve gone almost a y…

Yup, it 100% comes from being anxiously attached. I've never broken up with someone thinking, "they were awkward this one time, I can't be with them anymore." But I wonder if it's like.. the awkward…

Backing this wholeheartedly.  This, combined with dating someone secure, was one of the most beneficial things in helping me become securely attached. I recommend this to almost everyone I coach. 

My relationship is still less than a year old and is long distance. I love my girlfriend very much and I know she loves me and she has put up with various of my problems and supported me and has been …

Its an illusion that we can be fully categorized by an attachment style. In truth, most of us have a primary, secondary, and even overlapping traits that shape our patterns. In attachment therapy, we…

What is different? All you've shared shows red flag behaviour, no accountability, no change, etc. I get it. I went back to a guy that dumped me multiple times. Working on my attachment style helped …

Dating is one of my biggest struggles in life. I think I am disorganized leaning avoidant attached. I have never been able to date. When I was younger I didn't understand how people do it because of h…

I also had terrible spirals where I become like an octopus clutching at him aggressively when I “feel” that he gets distant when in fact, he is just very busy. I would call him incessantly until his p…

I understand where you are coming from and I can understand your anxious behaviour coming about because of this. However, in order to help you feel more secure in yourself, trust yourself to let go. …

As an anxiously attached parent of two genuinely awesome kids, be prepared for literal years of being stared at while you go to the toilet, or stand in the shower.  You will become a climbing frame, …

I went through a devastating break up three years ago. My ex was a dismissive avoidant. We were in couples therapy before the breakup. I kept seeing the same therapist after the breakup and that’s whe…

Let me preface this by saying there's a lot of overlap to all these labels we give ourselves. That said based on current attachment theory I'm FA-leaning avoidant becoming more securely attached. I …

The anxious behavior strategies are fairly more obvious. >C1 (Threateningly Angry): They use anger to coerce attached figures into proving care and comfort. >C2 (Disarmingly Desirous of Comfort): Co…

Am I (26M) being triggered by my anxious attachment with this guy I'm seeing (25M)? Hi everyone, I (26M) am struggling to separate reality from past trauma (a toxic avoidant ex) and need a rational a…

I could have written this post myself. I turn 27 in a month. And well, I have never been in a real relationship (although I dated for a while in a very avoidant non-committed way that makes me feel st…

get ready to cry a lot and get real uncomfy 💕 but it’s so worth it. i’m earned-secure now, and i’m currently in a really painful breakup with an old avoidant attachment figure from before i ever sta…

Ok chiming in as earned secure: I don’t think secure attachment automatically means “no casual sex,” but I also don’t think casual sex is some kind of requirement or proof of security either. In my …

My ex dumped me in a cruel-hearted way on September 8 (I’ve written a ton about it in comments and posts in my history if you’re interested), texted me one week later with a chatGPT-written non-apolog…

You just defined insecure attachment. After claiming you’re securely attached.

As someone who was avoidant in the past (10-15 years ago) and believes himself to be secure now, yet also does NOT like casual sex, I do think YES, it *is* compatible with secure attachment. What wou…

I am kind of freaking out. I’ve recently begun to talk to someone I met on a dating app with whom I have so much in common. We are both of the same religion, have the same values, similar humor and in…

I have always been the avoidant person as I’ve often dated anxiously attached people. But now that I have a secure/avoidant partner, I’ve become anxiously attached. This is brand new to me and while I…

I think that this is kind of missing the forest for the trees. Working through attachment patterns doesn't prepare you to be able to tell if someone else is insecure/secure. Most of the time, someone…

I want to focus on what you said is your knee jerk response. Explaining that you can’t reply because you’re busy and take time is something worth considering. It’s not justifying yourself, it’s making…

Why is it so hard for me to admit that I am unsure if I like this person across from me, but the fact that she is going on dates and is attractive is keeping me attached. It doesn't feel like she can …

No one promises you love, even if you're secure attached.

I feel like asking how to be chill, is basically the same as asking how to become securely attached. There are two layers to anxious attachement in early dating: what you feel, and what you show. (t…