parents

kinky boyfriend ruined straight sex for me, pedophelia ruined lesbian sex for me — This thing has been eating me from the inside and making me so miserable I've been thinking abt it every single day since it happened. I hate how this happened to me. Sex is my only good escape but it…

Handling another crush as a FA — Hello all, spring is here and so is a new crush. I really can't get used to how excited but anxious my butterflies and fantasies make me. Sometimes they make me so anxious to the point I get dysfuncti…

Founders, Seriously, Please Don't Quit your Day Job (I will not promote) — I say this as a lifelong Founder who spends all his time trying to make other people lifelong Founders - **"Please don't quit day job" ... at least not yet.** Seriously, hold on to that steady incom…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

I earned secure attachment in 4 months... — I can't believe I'm writing this. I did this without dating a secure person and without spending money on courses/apps. I promise I'm not selling anything. Big disclaimers: * I am only mostly secure…

What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…

Master’s degree, big scholarship, and leaving a toxic situation — Background: I was keen to leave my toxic family situation for years but let’s just say it wasn’t happening. I got a good job in my hometown, I found someone I loved who was desperate to marry me, I …

For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…

Anxious Attachment Help — I'm a 44 M and feel like an emotionally secure relationship is impossible. What's helped you heal? I feel like everything in my life has been taken from me and have a difficult time finding motivation…

Trading book recommendation! For those trying to fix attachment issues. — “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” -by Lindsay C. Gibson, PHD This book helped me realize that, at my core, I struggle with dating and attachment because it’s hard for me to comprehend …

Trying to navigate a "casual" relationship — Hi everyone, I (30F, trans) have been talking to/seeing a woman (24F, cis) for about 5 months. The chemistry is legitimately the strongest I’ve ever experienced - emotional, intellectual, creative, s…

Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…

I'm so tired of people. — For reference, a couple of years ago, I was in an abusive relationship that kinda changed who I am. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say that I used to be outgoing and fun, but also I h…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

I want love but can't push past knowing that I would be a burden in all of my relationships — Hi, I am a 26F and want to seek some advice from this subreddit because I truly do not know who else I can talk about this with, and writing has always been easier than talking out loud. Sidenote: I …

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

I want to to start healing so badly, how can I? — I recently posted here my journey of realizing I have a fearful avoidant attachment. I used to think I was anxious but I realize I'm fearful avoidant and I don't want this anymore. I want to stop push…

Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…

How honest are securely attached people? — I'm curious how honest secure people are with others in their life. I'm healing from dismissive avoidant attachment and my instinct whenever something bothers or upsets me is to dismiss it as not a bi…

Feeling alone because my partner lives in his own Fantasy World — Recently I discovered I am a Codependent. I've been with my boyfriend for about six years, and he has this habit of always engaging and interacting by talking a lot about marvel or superpower fantas…

College was supposed to be my escape plan — I'm so angry that I'm literally shaking while typing this. My dream all four years of high school was to get good grades and standardized test scores and participate in extracurriculars to get into a …

Did anyone elses parents correct your reality growing up? — I just realised that whenever i would be upset and overwhelmed because of my parents pressuring me constnatly they would instead tell me that i am feelig overwhlemed because i am just too overwhelmed …

I (28F) cut off my in-laws after how they treated me before and during my wedding, but I get anxious when my husband (27M) still talks to them. How do I move on? — TL;DR: My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law insulted me, fat-shamed and color-shamed me before our wedding and caused major drama during the wedding itself. Now they act sweet in front of my husband. I…

I’m 20 and my mom still asks for my phone and laptop every night or there's consequences — I'm 20 (F) and turning 21 in a few months. My mom recently started asking me to surrender my laptop and phone again. "Again" because she did this to me as well when I was 13-18 years old. Before, she…

Are these early signs of narcissism? — So I met this guy on Hinge a couple of weeks ago. We do know some random people in common. Here are the signs that I find strange: \- He’s absolutely grandiose - have a ton of projects, ideas, storie…

My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …

Will I ever not feel so lonely? (Seeking input from older folks on this platform) — I am nearly 47 years old and the emotional neglect I suffered as a kid and still suffer at the hands of my parents, still has such a profound impact on me. I know there are people of all ages in this …

Wife cheated on me with multiple men over the course of 3 months. — Me (31m) found out this past December that my wife (27f) had been talking to as many as 20+ people on Snapchat (non nude but inappropriate photos, sexting, ect.). I confronted before new years by tell…

DDay - 2/19/2026 - Online Emotional Affair Led to Full Blown Infidelity — I found out my wife was going on “solo” concert trips, but was also using them as a way to vacation with a guy she had been talking to online for years. Seventeen years together and seven years marri…

Parents spending all of their inheritance — This might come off as entitled, but essentially our family has always been relatively poor. About 5 years ago, a relative died and left my parents and their siblings $5m each. The relative had save…

Struggling with wondering where life went wrong without a "defining moment" — I struggle with wondering where my life went wrong. I have good parents, had a good childhood, got good grades, had friends, went to college, etc. However, I've never been in a healthy romantic relati…

does anyone feel a little pain when they see how other parents treat their kids? — i was with my mates at about 8 or 9pm catching up in a cafe. we’re all south asian in the uk (all our parents immigrated and we were born here) and they all go uni and i’m working a corporate job so w…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

Reflection on over friendly therapist? — Hi readers. This is something that has been on my mind for months and I don't know how to wrap my head around it. Some professional insight might be helpful. I left therapy a few months ago. I had …

It’s my birthday. I’ve made it to 55. — Despite having two narcissistic, extremely emotionally immature, miserably inadequate so-called parents who made my life a living hell , I have SURVIVED. 💜❤️💜

People who love you, would not treat you this way — When being constantly invalidated and made to feel invisible, and where your opinion or needs don’t matter at all, obviously a part of us is going to start believing that. It can lead to a downward sp…

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

People whose parents only seemed to notice you when you achieved something and didn’t really accept you as you were — did you end up loving yourself once you reached real undeniable success? — Or did the inner critic never actually shut up? All my life I’ve thought that if I reach undeniable heights, then I’ll finally feel at peace and accept myself. But my perfectionism keeps me from ta…

I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…

Parents raised me financially. Growing up, Emotionally, they weren't there. And they act like they're so perfect. "You never want to talk to us." I fucking wonder why.

I Genially Think My (35F) Husband (36M) is a Psychopath — Hi everyone, please I need help. I’m 35F and my husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys (7 and 5). I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. About three months ago my hus…

My husband cheated and is now the meanest person I’ve ever met — I really just need to rant because I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. So my (30F) husband (38M) cheated on me 4 days after my 30th birthday. To go into more detail, he snuck out of our house while…

A lot can change, if you allow it to. — It’s my time to give back to this community. Just to put a perspective to things, I don’t mean to boast. I am not very talented, just stubborn and a hard worker. If I can transform my scenario, so c…

Why did it take me so long to realize the neglect? — I was always a fairly gifted child and after puberty I started to question everything in the world, society, meaning, etc. I was aware that I was depressed at the time and having clear symptoms of lo…

My Fiancé kicked me out with only a few hours notice — This is the situation I am in. About a week ago my fiancé (25 M) brought up how he has some problems with me (25 F). We have been together for almost three years. He said he cant bring up sensitive to…

This is a great read, thank you for the effort put into it. As someone who sort of knew they were emotionally neglected but never really understood it was a real thing before I discovered this sub, t…

Are there people that REALLY HONESTLY get all, or most, of that from their parents? If parents did all of that, they’d be pretty special don’t ya think? Mine sucked!

Just found this sub, I know I'm a little late commenting. One thing that I think can be added in relation to how emotional neglect can cause PTSD: People think of PTSD as something that is a threat …

The very first paragraph really struck me. I haven’t learned how to copy text here yet since I’m new to Reddit. But “Non-intrusive and engaged curiosity from parents about what you were feeling and ex…

Physically present but (often) emotionally unavailable describes my parents pretty accurately along with, I'm sure, most if not all of the parents of people reading this sub. I once heard Gabor Mate m…

Ok- I dunno how to approach this. My parents did *not* talk about feelings. Still don't-- small town German-Irish silence. I never once witnessed conflict resolution-- just behind the back bottling an…

Hi there - you may want to post this as a new thread (a toplevel post) or as a comment in the weekly check-in thread since not many people are going to see it here. I think basically all parents who …

Thanks for this. The 'element of conscious choice' bit is interesting. I see how earnest I am to teach and share now, but still see some elements of passivity that my parents had-- a permissiveness,…

Sigh theres a book I read that said even parents who were average at these things made a huge difference in their kids lives. Was a lot for me coming to terms with my own reality.

Thank you so much for this, it’s cathartic to see the traits childhood emotional neglect can cause. I always just thought well this is how I am like I was just made this way, and seeing them as result…

I was neglected from birth till, well, now, and have CPTSD for 28479227392 reasons related to my parents and to other experiences. I don't think focusing on blame is useful. I can't blame my one paren…

Hey there’s a Z code in the DSM 5 for emotional neglect, I’m sure. I haven’t looked but there’s a lot of different Z codes to help identify life circumstances, to give a bigger picture to the F code d…

I had a really concerning dream just now and fear of my boyfriend didn't wake me up something bad was going to happen to me.. It started off in a house I've never seen before the kitchen was upstairs…

TIL both my parents harmed me, and they were divorced and separated. They both blame the other or me. Lovely. They’re dead to me, lost causes.

So... basically, I parented my parents... I knew this. Doesn't make it hurt any less.

This was a helpful read, especially the confronting bit. I'm worried I'm told I need to confront my parents but I don't want to.

You don't *have* to confront your parents. Some people find it therapeutic to write a letter to whomever, express all the hurt and anger you feel, say whatever you want to say, using profanities, etc…

I think a better phrasing would be assigning responsibility, not blame. Our parents neglected their responsibilities to us when they neglected us. It's less about pointing a finger at a person and mor…

Hi. My mother and father to a lesser degree were emotionally neglectful. It is a miracle that I’m still here and have been able to do all that I’ve done. But I’ve done a lot of work and healing and I’…

So I want to post in this sub as an adult child of divorce, but I know some of my takes will probably come across as personal to the parents here going through divorce and so I don’t know how to post …

So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…

I have a feeling that many parents who emotoinally neglect were neglected themselves. How can you learn to connect with your child if that was never modeled to you? So many children were and still ar…

Thank you for sharing this 🙏 I have a follow up question if anyone could help answer. I've been trying to heal from this, and I want to be able to share my journey with friends and extended support n…

It's so easy to resent and want to blame your parents, but don't you think the way you where raised where how your grandparents raised them? Finding compassion, and understanding that your parents did…

Hello, I'm Kale, and Im 34. I was just married 3 months ago after being in a loving 8+ year relationship with the kindest person I've ever met. Three days ago she told me she had developed a relation…

PLEASE READ IF YOUR LOOKING INTO ASTRAL PROJECTING. About 2 months ago I was looking extremely deep into astral projecting, once I seen what it was I was instantly drawn to it and thought it was inter…

Reading this now and all I can say is same, and you’re not alone. All I’ve ever wanted is for my parents to show some level of engagement and curiosity in my life. How am I doing? What interests me ri…

I think its more about your relationship to it, like personally and privately. Before you bring your caregiver into the conversation. If you hurt your child by ignoring their feelings when they were c…

Definitely true. My parents in law have been together for 40 years, married for 32. They started dating when she was 16 and he was 24! Something that's literally illegal in most places now and situati…

Just found this sub and consider it a safe place. My mother is a narcisist and my father is just there. I suffer from complex-ptsd from emotional neglect, and verbal,emotional abuse. I just recently…

They can be self critical, but that's actually the opposite of being accountable and aware because typically it's just another way to ruminate. I also think that tendency in general is what drives the…

One way to avoid over reliance on a therapist is to internalize a new set of secure parents that fulfill your needs and re-wire your internal map. The protocol, if you want to learn more about it, is …

I think it’s because for most fearful avoidance were not actually in the connection state when we like someone we’re in fighter flight and that’s what feels like love to us because we are used to our …

because of our parents :'D

He’s going to leave you. I’m sorry. I can guarantee this. He’s extremely immature, and you are trying to be his mother and his therapist. It will backfire on you spectacularly. He needs professional h…

I agree with you that not everyone on dating apps is garbage. My current date and I are both single parents. One of the funniest things among our first dates was that we had stories and pictures from …

This isnt wrong. Think about the way we used to punish people in our societies of the past - we would exile them. Being socially ostracized used to mean certain death for us. Somewhere in our genes we…

Honestly, senior services are going to be drastically needed soon. I'm in the US, so I don't know if it's the same in Canada, but here as the Baby Boomer generation ages, we have so many people who ar…

Sorry to hear you’re struggling. You must be experiencing challenging circumstances. I’ve said this over and over again. Our parents can’t teach us these skills if they haven’t learned them themselv…

The depth of their reflections if you ask them about previous relationships, how they healed, what they want from a partner, relationship with parents… etc How they feel around children: if they’re …

It can be the goal. But you don't wake up one day able to have secure attachment. Literally no one does. We all have to learn it. Lots of people are lucky enough to have had parents that taught them t…

Childhood trauma doesn't always look like yelling or hitting; people mistake this a lot. You can have a lovely attentive parent who still didn't teach you emotional regulation, sent you in time out in…

This attachment style develops from trauma. Your posts shows that you are unaware of the trauma you experienced. Therapy would be a great place for you to build some insight. Many people are unawa…

Its really heartbreaking when you view it this way, but suddenly all the puzzle pieces fall into place. Theres even scientific studies that back this up. When parents don't touch their kids enough a…

Yeah and there is nothing wrong with just establishing your long term goals. I don’t blame you on that. You want kids, some like my gf and I both are determined to never have any more kids, even thoug…

😂😂 I didn’t say that. This is why I’m saying you don’t have a point you’re just arguing with yourself. I didn’t say the most toxic thing APs do is having “too much empathy”. I’ve never mentioned AP…

Sadly, it doesn't always work like this!!! I experienced exactly this with my first DA ex. Learnt about attachment theory. Realized he was a DA. And thought just as you have written: ok, so I'll try t…

Seems like a person who got spooked and having escaped unscathed has calmed down, reflected, and realized that perhaps their anxiety was irrational. And that is a good indicator that when times get to…

Like the things i was worried about my parents, my spouse, my children - they don't really bother me anymore. I am not worried that i will be abandoned, i know i am loved. I know i don't need to shut …

I'm like you. I think for APs a few embarrassing collisions and losses are necessary to wake up to the fact that life can't be lived this way. My parents are both extremely anxious people and my mothe…