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Yeah I guess that's an interesting perspective, thank you. I guess I can see how fear of rejection would show up. I do think part of him feels that the right person would just know and things would ju…
Start Here: Essential Resources & FAQs — The idea for this post came up in [this thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wordpress/comments/1cpme25/mods_can_this_subreddit_implement_a_minimum_karma/) by wiz to avoid the number of similar questions …
The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…
Do you feel bad working for gambling industries? — I’ve been working in the tech side of the gambling industry for a couple of years now—think online sports betting, virtual casinos, that kind of thing. The pay is good and the company treats employees…
Feedback on Branching Strategy for IAC Repository — Hello, One of the challenges I’ve faced when researching branching strategies is that most resources are focused on software deployment workflows, often emphasizing versioning and tagging. These stra…
I am solofounder and I love it — Sure, it can get a bit lonely sometimes. But there are a lot of upsides! * Fast execution * Total decision power * Absolute creative freedom * No back and forths on colors or small things * You can s…
how do you manage cache browser control- after version update? — here's the problem- obviously we don't want to screw up our clients when they are working, so a new version should be in a manner that won't cause conflicts in the previous version, which has loaded …
How do you actually feel safe believing and knowing when it comes to an SP manifestation? — Brief context: I've studied the law on and off for 6 years. Tried to manifest 2 old SP's with varying success, then eventually having them both try to contact me, but I realized that I was shooting so…
Attachment Theory & Free Will? — Dear all, I'm very intrigued by the relationship between attachment theory (&, I supposed, any psychological theory) & free-will. They seem to me to slightly conflict. Certainly, it is a difficult p…
New Rule. No grifting — To protect the community from scammers and grifters we have modified rule 1. To the “coaches”: 1. No posting from new accounts (little/no history or accounts created recently). 2. No talking about…
In an avoidant-anxious friendship, how much space should I be giving before I reach out? — The last 2 posts on the sub are about friendship and that encouraged me to post here as well. This is my friend of 5 years. We’ve gone from talking almost everyday to me being given the silent treat…
Afraid of the "how" — Hi to all. I have been studying the law and this sub since many years, then left, then (1-2 months ago) came back. I had my fair share of watching coaches, reading the content proposed here (and more)…
Struggling with losing my best friend/coworker, anxious attachment + limerence making it unbearable — Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for this long post. I’ll just post the TL;DR at the start. TL;DR: Lost my best friend/coworker of 7 years after a conflict. He’s now cold/avoiding me but friendl…
Self-soothe tips during ruptures? — I am the anxious partner, and my husband is the avoidant partner. He is also an addict, which has been traumatic in our relationship and in my trust in him. He is currently sober and working recovery.…
The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…
I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…
We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…
I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …
Can a FA-DA relationship work? — My partners have been dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, so I have always leaned anxious ig. In my last relationship, I felt secure at the start, it was nice, we set boundaries.. till it happene…
Life is too short to live in fear — Life is too short to live in fear. The fear of saying the wrong things and earning their scorn. The fear of ~~asking for~~ loving too much and being branded 'suffocating' again. The fear of a co…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? — my partner is FA, I've known him for a long time. He has made a lot of effort and has changed for the better. He's the more secure one between the two of us honestly, and he's pretty good at fighting …
The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…
Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…
Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…
For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…
DAs, do you find that you avoid things in wider aspects of life, not just relationships? — I’ve noticed that I sometimes avoid things that stress me out. For example, I avoid looking at my bank account and I just don’t look at it unless I absolutely have to, because it makes me stressed. I …
Looking for DA perspectives — I'm with my DA partner for 4 years. Two weeks ago we had a conflict. Since then, communication has slowly faded. He told me he wanted to give us “another chance” and that he was open to talking, but…
Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…
Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…
I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …
Specific Person (SP) Manifestation: No Magic, No Supernatural Forces. Just Proven Science — Hi everyone, It’s been a long time since I last posted, and honestly it was overdue. I keep seeing the same recycled LOA bullshit everywhere. Endless manifestation porn, more unqualified people calli…
I'm deactivated right now and not sure it's worth trying to save my marriage — I'm DA (40M), my wife FA (41F), 3 children. Together 17 years, married 13 years, very distant 11 years (due to my earlier long-term deactivation) with no affection or intimacy at all, working on recon…
March 2026 Astrology: Transits, Key Dates, and More — **Last month’s write-up, I ended with this,** *“Let’s just say we end the month in a chaotic state of energy. Nothing seems real while at the same time, there is a sense of urgency that something need…
Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…
Is this all basically the US’s Pluto return? — I.e. current politics (conflict) and potential “downfall” of the US Edit: a lot of people are commenting on the use of the term “downfall”. It’s in quotes for a reason. I agree that with Pluto an end…
Growing my inner child feels like murdering my soul — So now my relationships,my desires in life,wants ,needs basically evolve around the little guy in me.And if I were to give up on them and tell him that its not a dream or a game anymore,we are adult n…
It does get better (dumped by an avoidant) (personal advice that helped me) — Too anyone who deems themselves as a hopeless romantic, anxiously attached, etc, this may relate to you. After three months of what I thought was the worst time of my life, it truly gets better. T…
Shattered Tourmaline — For anyone who feels guided to offer advice: I bought a tourmaline necklace to protect me. It broke two days ago. The chain it was attached to just undid itself, and the piece shattered. Would you s…
F**CKKKKKKKKK — I don’t really have anywhere to say this, so I’m just putting it here. I was with someone for a long time who I truly believed was my person. From the beginning, there was just something about her th…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
Why did it take me so long to realize the neglect? — I was always a fairly gifted child and after puberty I started to question everything in the world, society, meaning, etc. I was aware that I was depressed at the time and having clear symptoms of lo…
What’s the healthy way for us (46F, 46M) to resolve conflicts that my boyfriend has? — Tl;dr: what’s the healthy way for us to resolve conflicts? \*\*Background:\*\* I (46F) have been dating my boyfriend (46M) for about 6 months. Neither of us has been married or has kids, and neither …
I’m very good at staying composed. I’m less good at noticing what that composure costs me. — I’ve realized something recently. I’m very good at staying composed in certain conversations. I stay steady. I smooth things over. I choose my words carefully. I keep things readable. From the outsid…
My Fiancé kicked me out with only a few hours notice — This is the situation I am in. About a week ago my fiancé (25 M) brought up how he has some problems with me (25 F). We have been together for almost three years. He said he cant bring up sensitive to…
Second Guessing My Feelings — Hi, I am starting to heal my DA attachment style but today, a minor thing has me second guessing.... my AP girlfriend normally leaves the house at 7am and I'll sleep till 8.30am. This morning, she wok…
The day has come! — For more than 50 years, the Monroe Institute has been quietly pioneering a systematic way to explore human consciousness — beyond meditation, beyond belief, and beyond theory. I’m excited to share tha…
You've Tried Manifesting Them Back Multiple Times - Here's Why It's Not Working — **"I've manifested my SP back multiple times but it never works. Now it just feels draining."** **You're not failing at manifestation.** **You're failing at creating coherent field states.** And th…
6 month mark, can't progress further right now, but pausing feels shitty too. Leave? — In September, I cautiously decided to start seeing the father of my daughter's best friend. It's been really great, and has helped me work through a lot of emotional stuff including heavy grief. Aft…
My (F28) partner (M28) gave me an ultimatum: him or my birds. Idk what to do — Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective. I (F28) have been in a relationship with my partner (M28) for about 3 years. I love him a lot and I genuinely imagined a future with him. We …
"Never Go to Bed Angry" is bad bias advice — Last night I got into a slightly heated debate with a friend of mine who said "my partner and I can never go to bed angry, it doesn't help anyone". I immediately pushed back because this imo will sile…
It seems to me that there is a conflict between followers of Joseph Murphy and Neville Goddard and what they each represent, LOB and LOA, respectively. Now I am not familiar with either of these MEN, …
Ok- I dunno how to approach this. My parents did *not* talk about feelings. Still don't-- small town German-Irish silence. I never once witnessed conflict resolution-- just behind the back bottling an…
How to stop mental conflict when mind says that I don't have money and deliberately you are saying I am wealthy
I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…
This is a neat way to look at it! And yeah, for cases that are more nuanced, when I give advice on here, I make it a point to try and see what might be going on from the other side, then suggest cours…
I’ll take a crack at it Point 1: The answer is sm vs cm thought. Daydreaming is not focused with intent, the mind often wonders and you still feel it’s not true in the end or with emotions that are …
I am in a similar position to you OP. I've been seeing my fiancée for over 2 years. We live separately due to circumstances at her end, and we see each other roughly once a week, usually at weekends…
I get where you are coming from. I feel like though, at least for me, it can be a false sense of security trying to overanalyze things. It is masking the fear of being rejected if I ask a partner some…
I found security in friendships first as well- I was severely DA to start. Friendships are more malleable in expectations, less conditional, and you can experience emotional intimacy, practice healthy…
I'm also a recovering FA and I recently realized a few REALLY important things that are actually really simple. Figure out your boundaries and enforce them from a calm place. Our anxiety builds in our…
I would suggest you reread my comment again. I said I didn’t want romantic relationships to take up 80% of my life, which is a major and unsustainable deviation from the normal relationship pattern of…
Thanks for your opinion on my 10% figure. Besides that, I did not say partners should be at my convenience. I said other aspects of life can throw a relationship’s typical patterns out of balance. Ha…
I think typically the people we get along best with, will feel boring. Conflict is where excitement stems from. When things are easy and flow naturally, there is no conflict, and thus no excitement. Y…
People who are unavailable are exciting because of the inherent conflict involved. Find healthier sources of conflict.
THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Nuanced, critical, free thinking. Microlabelling and micromanaging to me are always signs of absence of precisely this skill. They are tools of oppression of inner conflict, wh…
Sure! Some happen in conversation Let's take the example of a simple question to which you can answer with a yes or a no Example 1: Question : - " Do you want to go to the movies tonight? " ( You…
To me, that just sounds like emotional maturity, though it's hardy a new concept. However, being able to hold two opposing or conflicting emotions or ideas is indeed growth, and if you're making progr…
You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …
To answer: They will escalate negative behavior towards you if you’re not respecting their distance or wishes for disengagement. I once told an ex, “If you keep staying with me I will treat you worse …
But that’s the thing - I (thought) I could spot an avoidant person and he truly never showed any signs of that. He was so communicative and able to handle conflict, he said he wanted a relationship, t…
3 months really isn't long enough to be able to tell that sort of thing with everyone. Of course, some issues can be seen that early, but in my experience it can take 9-24 months to get a more full vi…
I’m FA and my current relationship has me feeling like I’m losing my mind half the time. I’m really into him, but when conflict hits, I shut down, even though he actually tries to talk things through.…
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to [psychotherapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each pers…
Sorry can you elaborate. So as an FA, the only people you can love are people who don’t engage in any conflict with you ?
ok so i typed up a hypothetical example haha let's say i have a coworker/acquaintance who seems like they'd have a lot in common with me, but we don't know each other well. i want to become closer to…
I don’t know about anyone else but when I’m deregulated I don’t know how to talk—full on freeze mode. Especially with conflict. I honestly need space to collect my thoughts. Communicating this is biz…
I just finished reading “Attached”, and it gave me such a better understanding of attachment styles and myself. One of the ways my anxious attachment style has been manifesting post-break up with an a…
I've been reading people's experiences with partners who have borderline personality disorder, and I keep wondering... Is it possible for someone to not have a meltdown for a whole year before it happ…
No, my statement has nothing to do with validation. I find when someone says 'that's invalidating', they haven't sat down and thought about what they're saying. And why would I need to constantly vali…
I think it comes down to when those comments are brought up. If someone is assessing you this way without a conflict thats really cruel. I feel on reddit it appears only in connection with a breakup …
According to the science, DAs are triggered/hurt by criticism, conflict and closeness. My DA ex also expressed feelings of guilt when he would hurt me. He would actually say “I’m sorry you feel hurt b…
If he can’t even return a simple “hi”, there are other psychological issues going on there. That’s not all DA. I wish people would stop attributing extremely odd behaviors to DA 🫠 we are functional i…
I'll leave this here: [Indian management style](https://www.worldbusinessculture.com/country-profiles/india/business-management-style/) and [The conflict between foreign and Indian management styles](…
I've been in these scenarios a good few times in a good few ways. And I have some hostile opinions on it as well as some good ones. So scenarios. Indian CTO or VP is hired, and almost immediately, …
One of FAs biggest trigger (esp avoidant leaning) is conflict. I’m an FA and one ticket to messing things up with me is by having conflict with me - which can actually sometimes feel like intimacy fo…
But it’s impossible to love someone and never have conflict with them! No conflict means no care. Do FAs logically know this but have trouble engaging in healthy conflict ? Because people will never f…
Yeah, we know that. I mean, it’s kind of what defines us as an INSECURE attachment style, right? most FAs did not experience healthy conflict growing up, so now any form of conflict feels like abando…
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to [psychotherapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each pers…
Sorry to hear you’re struggling. You must be experiencing challenging circumstances. I’ve said this over and over again. Our parents can’t teach us these skills if they haven’t learned them themselv…
*" I am VERY familiar with the law and with NG's teachings, so no need to reiterate basics and quotes please - I'm asking about your real experiences. What made you actually believe and know? "* Repe…
I'm a neuroscientist and I know a conditioned puppy when I see one. I will continue to meet what I sense being 110% wrapped up in classical conditioning and subjective emotions with 110% mental clar…
I like this idea. It seems to help both the anxious leaning and the avoidant just check in for the day rather than the avoidant expecting to have to check in continuously, or the anxious person waitin…
The demonization of avoidant people really annoys me. I'm fearful avoidant so I see all perspectives in this and yeah avoidance is hurtful, neglect is painful, creating space through fights is toxic a…
I agree with this, but also want to point out some DAs don’t actually communicate a boundary. I had two ex’s who were DA and I can lean anxious. Both were very inconsistent in communicating “I need sp…
Well, if you're into them, that's the first sign. It'll be tricky to differentiate between DA and secure for you because they'll both feel like they're moving at a reasonable pace at first, but a DA i…
It’s a cottage industry of dating coaches that all suggest you do no contact to get an avoidant ex back. I hardly see information about anxious attachment and how to heal those wounds. I’m in therap…
We desperately want reassurance in relationships because ultimately there is no real reassurance that can be given. People break up after 1,5 30 years! What our partner wants now in a relationship mig…
I say this with kindness because reading through your posts, you remind me of me from 5-6 years ago. I think your feeling of shame is clouding your judgement a bit here. It sounds like you were just i…
Also you lie to them and expect them to except it.when I notice some one is just saying something that isn’t real ,it bothers me. Often my wife needs space,so she stacks her calendar with appointments…
Honestly, I think the only way to know for sure is their conflict-style and how they act when “activated” - I can seem secure until I’m triggered and then I’m the most avoidant you’ll ever meet. I’m a…