angry

But back to the brain. Its interpretations. From the moment you're born, it starts to interpret. Like Thich Nhat Hanh says, the moment you're born, you're ejected from the baby palace, where it's w…

The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…

Fellow DAs, do you sometimes experience people taking it personally when you need space to be by yourself? — I'm a DA as stated in the title. By "needing space" I'm not necessarily talking about romantic relationships only. I've had situations where I've been on holiday with people and when I wanted to just …

A little positive reflection for anyone feeling they’re in the trenches right now. — I only learnt what attachment theory was during a breakup with my most recent ex 2 years ago. When he dumped me seemingly out of the blue because ‘I deserved better’, ‘he needed to be alone.’ Etc etc …

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

How to soothe myself when they say they aren't upset. — I am very fortunate to have consistent, attentive, loving people in my adulthood. I haven't conquered my unhealthy habits that come from my attachment system, however. My husband is wonderful. He st…

how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? — my partner is FA, I've known him for a long time. He has made a lot of effort and has changed for the better. He's the more secure one between the two of us honestly, and he's pretty good at fighting …

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

How do i stop the cycle of freaking out when im away from my partner? — When me and my partner dont see eachother for a long time, i just shut down. Everyday were apart the urge to pick apart every message is so strong and eventually when its too much, i just break down. …

Looking for DA perspectives — I'm with my DA partner for 4 years. Two weeks ago we had a conflict. Since then, communication has slowly faded. He told me he wanted to give us “another chance” and that he was open to talking, but…

How do you tell whether you need to push through the avoidance or if you just don’t like them as a partner — I feel silly asking this but I’m in my first serious long term relationship and I’m struggling so hard. I get very paranoid that it’s not meant to be because I feel so insanely avoidant. Like what if …

Today marks 6 months since we last saw and spoke to each other — As the person on the receiving end of testing behaviors, ghosting, and a discard, I would love to hear that my former flame is doing well or even an apology. We have known each other for almost…

What to do when i am triggered around my partner? — When i get triggered i usually have a routine of pausing, taking deep breaths, positive affirmations, then switching my attention to something else. However when i am around my partner and i become …

How do you respond to people who are very quick to think that you’re angry at them? — I’m a DA and I’ve been in friendships and romantic relationships with people like this, where if I’m delayed in replying (due to being at work or similar), they’re quick to think that I hate them or t…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Girlfriend told me she was going to kill herself on my birthday. My attachment was almost healed or so i thought - all of that is in shambles now. — There were a lot of other red flags I have previously chosen to ignore, but this is what made me wake up. I suppose after hiding from people and feelings for so long, I felt like if I just broke it of…

Feeling alone because my partner lives in his own Fantasy World — Recently I discovered I am a Codependent. I've been with my boyfriend for about six years, and he has this habit of always engaging and interacting by talking a lot about marvel or superpower fantas…

College was supposed to be my escape plan — I'm so angry that I'm literally shaking while typing this. My dream all four years of high school was to get good grades and standardized test scores and participate in extracurriculars to get into a …

“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.” - Alice Roosevelt Longworth — Written by Alice Roosevelt about her father, Teddy. I feel like this quote perfectly captures the dynamics of having an nParent. Whenever sympathy, positive attention or adoration is being doled out …

My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …

A lot more people are hurt/traumatized than evil — A lot more people are traumatized/ in pain than are evil. And I won’t say that evil people simply don’t exist, they do, but there’s fewer truly evil people than there are hurt/traumatized people who d…

A friend fell for me, even though he knew I'm happily married. After trying to distance himself for a while, he's now back but acting hostile towards me. I don't know what I've done to deserve his anger, nor how to fix the situation. Any thoughts or advices? — Me (31F) and my husband (32M) have a friend group we often hang out with. We used to be pretty close with this one friend there (30M), who would hang out with us often even outside the group. He came …

True kindness is displayed under circumstances where being unkind would have been justified. — I am currently reading Marcus Aurilleus' *Meditations* as my first Stoic book. > When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: The people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, …

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

My (28f) boyfriend (37m) drinks to excess nearly every weekend, am I selfish for wanting it to stop? — Throwaway account. Please tell me if I am crazy for feeling this way. My boyfriend (37m) and I (28f) have what I consider to be a generally good relationship. We’ve had some issues in the past that we…

“You must respect your mom, she’s your mom.” — How many times have I heard this lecture? People who have normal families have absolutely zero clue what they are talking about. When people see a situation or even read a situation they can’t tolera…

Married 5 months after 10 years together (M32 / F29) — she started talking to another guy right after the wedding. We’re now on a 30-day separation and I don’t know what to do. — I’m looking for honest advice from people who have either been through something like this or have perspective I might not be seeing right now. My wife (F29) and I (M32) have been together for about …

I Genially Think My (35F) Husband (36M) is a Psychopath — Hi everyone, please I need help. I’m 35F and my husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys (7 and 5). I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. About three months ago my hus…

AM silent treatment is HELL — For context- two days ago AM asked me (19F) and my sister (17F) why our cousin and our close friends are scared or intimidated by her. We started making fun of her for the things she used to do or say…

Letting go of LUST — Dear fellow meditators, I have now been meditating for several months and have had tremendous success in letting go of a lot of insecurities I had.. This has helped in improving my social skills and …

did i mess up by telling my therapist i feel like i'll end up killing myself in the end? — i had been going to this therapist for like year and a half. at one vulnerable moment i told her i feel like i'll just end up killing myself in the end. (i maybe didnt word it correctly, i just didnt …

My AM is a stupid fucking snitch — Any time I tell my AM anything that I want her to keep between us, she’s always snitched to my AD. But whenever she wants me to keep a secret from my AD, I am somehow expected to follow that same secr…

I just need to rant, Y'all. I'm so angry!!!! — My 83YO Ndad is selling the farm/family business Emom left my brother (48) and me (52) in an irrevocable trust. Dad is tickled pink with himself for installing legal loopholes to fuck us over. His IQ …

Rant about Asian American access to education in NYC — This is specifically about NYC schooling so YMMV and may not be applicable anywhere. But for context, NYC has these "elite" specialized high schools were Asian Americans disproportionately make up the…

No contact year 6 update: — Hello everyone! I’ve made some update posts in the past and figured I would make one for year 6 as that anniversary is coming up soon, and with context it will make sense why I still specifically reme…

I’ve been with a narc for 5 years and I don’t recognize myself anymore. How do I get "me" back? — I’m writing this because I feel completely lost. I’ve been with a narcissistic partner for 5 years, and looking in the mirror is scary because I don’t know the person looking back. I used to be jovia…

Gray rocking for over a year has made me see how really crazy he is — I still have to stay in touch with my ex covert narcissist because we have a child together. On my end I keep things extremely civil, I only talk to him about things that I have to talk to him about r…

Does anyone else just not tell their mother anything — I have too much trauma to write here but in short I stopped telling my mum anything from about the age of 16 (now 31) because I learnt the hard way that anytime I was brave enough to share my true tho…

My desire for relationships disappeared after a narcissistic ex. Has anyone else experienced this? — I was in a relationship with a narcissist for about a year. After it ended, I spent about two years working through it with a therapist, and I’ve continued doing a lot of personal work since then. I r…

Has anybody found awareness to be functionally unhelpful? — As I spend more time actively aware of the present I've become quite successful at recognizing, acknowledging, and not judging my emotions as they arise in me. I don't find that this helps them pass h…

Cheated on after 10.5 years together, divorced at 11 years together. — Hi Everyone, This is half venting and half hoping for advice or people to listen. I'm at a low point right now so I thought reaching out to a community might be beneficial as opposed to holding it…

I hate everything — I got threatened with marriage because I seemed like I gained weight through video call. And because I had the audacity to wake up late. And my brother is a piece of shit that sees nothing wrong ever …

Can a house drain your energy? — Hello! I’m not sure if I’m posting in the right subreddit but: We moved into our house about 3 years ago with the help of my MIL. Though we so gladly appreciate her help, we unfortunately didn’t get…

Heart Chakra opened, and I feel very very calm — Last night I laid down to meditate. After a while, my thoughts began to drift away again. They felt strangely random almost like they didn’t belong to me. I saw a woman and her child. She looked noth…

"Never Go to Bed Angry" is bad bias advice — Last night I got into a slightly heated debate with a friend of mine who said "my partner and I can never go to bed angry, it doesn't help anyone". I immediately pushed back because this imo will sile…

She snuck out with a "friend" while we were at a party — Hello everyone, this is all still very new since I just founf out about everything 3 days ago. I (24M) am in deep intense pain in knowing that my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me at least 4 times …

It took me till 31, but I’m so glad I’m finally awake. — Two weeks into being 31, I was s\*\*\*\*dal again, which has come around every once in a while since I was 19. This time though, something in me FINALLY snapped, and I realised that I was shrinking in…

I guess a lot of people are still in the angry stage, here. Well I guess if your ex was a POS I can understand, but we can't control people leaving. People have the right to make decisions they believ…

Let the silence eat those parts of you that made you stay there. Be angry, be ashamed, and grieve. Question all those nasty feelings and learn what they try to tell you. They usually are out to have t…

One thing i have seen, but not learned fully yet. Is that relationships are extremely dynamic. A woman who hates you to death, who literally wants you see you dead. Or a woman who completely disrespec…

>minimizing how much anger I feel over the betrayal Perhaps this minimization is a form of self defence. I also feel the same way. We are still living together and I don't want that to be stressful. …

I learnt never to trust a person with 100%. I always have rules for people and myself that I date. 1. Rule if you or I cheat then leave 2. If you are angry don't shout but talk it out. 3. Always be …

I never said they tried, but who wants to find out that someone else emotional regulation depends on your constant presence. Again I’m talking about anxious attachment because secure people are secu…

They are where you "draw the line". They are things that are unacceptable to you. For example, a boundary of mine is that I will not tolerate anyone yelling at me - I don't care how angry or frustrat…

Thanks for posting this. It's been 6 months post break up and I have been having random peroids of ruminating on the good times even though I know they treated me badly for a couple of months leading…

This is where "and" is super effective. You can feel both opposing emotions! "I miss the person I fell in love with ANDi know that person no longer exists!" I miss the things we used to do AND I kn…

I am unsure why. It's quite a common topic in psychology. And yeah, even better that you're doing it during a difficult period, as well as observing yourself doing it. A breakup is still a loss, an…

I question myself, for sure, which only leads me to ignore the initial red flags (love bombing, rushing to intimacy and commitment, neediness, etc.) I tell myself that I am being paranoid, that I am…

He’s going to leave you. I’m sorry. I can guarantee this. He’s extremely immature, and you are trying to be his mother and his therapist. It will backfire on you spectacularly. He needs professional h…

I've been reading people's experiences with partners who have borderline personality disorder, and I keep wondering... Is it possible for someone to not have a meltdown for a whole year before it happ…

I think silence can be closure, painful yes, but he's saying ' I don't want to communicate any further' perhaps he thinks it's the kindest thing to do especially if he's very angry. It's incredibly t…

Thank you so much for your answer! So, so much good advice. ''it's really strange, but I can actually feel when I flip from anxious to avoidant.''-- I just wanted to share with you: I too can tell …

I'm more FA but have definitely been in this situation when going on holidays. In my case I mainly needed space due to chronic illness, so I usually try my best to explain it to people politely - but …

It feels like a child is clinging to me and then getting angry with me if I try to have a life or any interests outside of them. It starts with needling comments from them, passive aggression, accusat…

My last relationship was the same, great sex and really into me to start with, which lasted roughly 3 months and then the blowing hot and cold (and for me, the utter confusion) started. That was the…

“I suppose it would be beneficial for me to reassure them and say "I'm not angry at you, I just like to be alone sometimes" but it seems a little exhausting” It’s exhausting to say 11 words???!!

Doesn't always apply ofc, but sometimes not being sure someone likes us is actually not being sure you like them, for example because you have resentment that is hard to accept. In your case, having f…

I couldn't agree with you more. Also sorry that you had to explain that to people via DMs. I know it's something you kinda get used to as a more self-aware avoidant on reddit but that doesn't ma…

>Better yet, many are up front and say they don’t want anything serious/don’t want a relationship. I lost count of how many times others will be like, “Avoidants use that as an excuse to hurt you late…

I'm not suggesting that sub is 100% bad (nothing is all bad or all good). But it's absolutely an echo-chamber that frequently becomes toxic and dehumanizing, conflates every negative behavioral trait …

Look I’m not go back in forth with you after this, I mostly answered because for someone who said some good points you got quickly derailed and started projecting your own trauma. It wasn’t a gotcha. …

You claimed that the most toxic things APs do is “have too much empathy,” which amusingly points to one of the primary hurdles APs have to overcome in order to heal.  I claim that the most toxic shit …

I had a DA friend who never called first and i asked him to do it from time to time. When we talked (me initiating) he was always nice, helpful and responsive but without me calling first he was only …

I get it. My last partner was the one I made so much progress with, and he ended up being extremely avoidant and discarded me out of the bluea year in. It was very painful. But honestly the amount of …

Don't pay attention to downvotes, you're absolutely right. It's just a hard pill to swallow. Some people will read this and get angry or frustrated because it's an unpleasant truth, but it still needs…

Yes, I edited, and yes, my comment contains some judgement (besides mostly description and perception, ie. judgement-free language). Non-violent, 100% judgemental-free Rosenberg communication, to me…

As soon as I accepted that some people just aren’t that attracted to or interested in me, but are willing to date me for the convenience of easy/on demand sex or attention, it got a lot easier to let …

People are everything. They're fickle, they're stupid, they're disagreeable, they shove you away at times, they're not solid...but they're also beautiful, and dependeable, and deep like the sea, and e…

Oof, yeah same here. I definitely felt like he set me up to fail in a lot of the same ways and he just couldn't see the impact. Yeah, when he'd apologise for something he'd also still justify or blame…

I actually feel that I'm only slightly anxious leaning and relatively secure but I got triggered more when he was avoidant and I think a secure person would have a very hard time staying secure. I thi…

This subreddit exists to talk about attachment theory. It's a theory that was developed to try and understand our attachments in *relationships*, which develop from infancy. It's not synonymous with e…

Oh girl I have this same problem too. New to communicating so I just try to be clear and straight forward and honest, it always comes back to bite me because it comes out as hurtful. And then I fail…

My experience, to a T - and all symptoms apply. Currently furious, raging, disoriented. My parents are 85 years old, and it's so weird to feel so upset and angry at two people in the last years of the…

I like @mrpibbons comment about writing everything out and NOT sharing it with her. If you share it with her there is a high chance you won’t get the response you want (you’ll feel like crap), she’ll …

If she is aware of this it’s troubling she isn’t trying to work on it her self. Im still learning about all of this but live it so if this was my situation, it was because something is happening tha…

He might be regretting it? [Disclaimer: I’m not at all an expert this is all just my opinion and experience as a former anxious] In my experience, avoidants work in the formula of “feelings minus fe…

I know it can be expensive but you mentioned in your original post you have a good career. You also, in your own words, are desperate to date someone. Are you really not able to come up with ~$100 dol…

I (anxious attachment) was dating a guy who's disorganized attachment for 3 months. About 3 months into dating I asked how he was feeling. Before then he was pretty consistent with me, meeting up once…

I can relate to you, I think people don't talk often enough about how dark and suffering it feels to be at the other end of the spectrum. People tend to only discuss the aftermath of how you should pi…

I think I'm dealing with the redirected anger atm. Recently reconnected with someone that asked to be left alone, took three months because there was no set time and I'm autistic so anything that wa…

I found an engagement ring in his office and fucked everything up. I've been with my boyfriend for 2ish years now, he's definitely avoidant but secure leaning. Since the beginning, we have had the sa…

Thank you so much for this🩷 ill attempt to feel things around me when the thoughts flare up next time! Ive already tried to shift my inner thoughts to more healthy ones. Instead of "he doesnt want to…

Text of original post by u/DrawStringBag: I am very fortunate to have consistent, attentive, loving people in my adulthood. I haven't conquered my unhealthy habits that come from my attachment system,…

In other words you are putting others above yourself. You don’t listen to the inner voice that tries to protect you. You put yourself down. Think others are better than you. This is all self abandonme…

A big one for me is self advocacy. I usually tend to blame myself for any negative situation, but I learned that I can call out when my needs aren't being met, when my feelings have been overlooked. I…

I was hoping he would, but I know I need to be able to manage myself right now as I might just get angry at him this time if he acts helpless around me like last night. I don't want to get mad at him …

> It could've been suggesting taking me to the hospital or just encouraging me to go at all, reassuring me that whatever cost will ultimately be worth it in the long run, or expressing any concern out…