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Yikes I definitely understand. Also pretty similar to me. Mine wouldn't really 'blow up' but would just let it leak out as resentment during a fight. When I tried to ask him to lean in and share the t…
My arguments against manifestation — 1. **Maladaptive daydreaming proves that manifestation isn't real**; Manifestation doctrine teaches that what you focus on expands and manifests in your physical reality. Do not split hairs and try to…
Any experience running and managing many locations on POS? Switching from Square and I’ve got questions — Shopify POS as a refreshing breath of fresh air over Square on many points. However, they seem to fall short on some really obvious things. That make me think maybe I’m the crazy one and just don’…
Why do Avoidant’s still check your social media even when they go silent? — My Ex and I recent reconcile after a year and a half. We both were in other relationships and recently got out of them. We agreed to work on yourself and talk once a month until a later date. Long sto…
Are pre-birthday discards the norm? — I’m trying to understand this through attachment theory because I genuinely don’t know what just happened. We’re both women. I was 23 with a grad degree, she was 38 and just got her culinary degree w…
If Reality Is Manifested, What Role Does Astrology Actually Play? — I’ve been thinking about the relationship between astrology and manifestation, and I’m curious how people in this community see it. Astrology suggests that certain events, phases, or tendencies in ou…
I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…
Cheated on after 10.5 years together, divorced at 11 years together. — Hi Everyone, This is half venting and half hoping for advice or people to listen. I'm at a low point right now so I thought reaching out to a community might be beneficial as opposed to holding it…
18 months after my husband’s affair and the “ick” just hit. Has anyone ever gotten attraction back after this? — About 18 months ago I discovered my husband had been having an 3 year long emotional affair with a coworker that he admits he was actively pursuing. We decided to try to reconcile. To his credit, he …
I wish I left after the first affair — I feel so stupid for trying to reconcile after I caught the first affair. I was too much of a coward. I was too afraid to be alone. I was still in love. The hurt, the pain, the betrayal, everything wa…
Feels like love is dead — After my husband's first time cheating, I was devastated, desperate to reconcile, not wanting to lose our love and marriage. I thought we were working things out, but then found out he cheated again w…
Text that Blew Apart My Entire Life — Note: This is a repost of a post I made a couple of days ago. I deleted it because it was made from my 10 year old account and I needed to make a throwaway account to work on my issues in case my STBX…
She admits the lies and secrecy, but still denies anything physical — I’m posting because I feel like I’m losing my grip on what is real, and I need perspective from people who understand trickle truth, repeated minimizing, and what it feels like when someone admits jus…
I caught my dad cheating, told my mom, and now feel resentment and guilt for their divorce. — My \[F25\] parents have been married for 30 years. My father has engaged in physical infidelity multiple times throughout their marriage and has engaged in several sexting relationships. My parents br…
Divorced WS is doing a lot better after 5 years of no contact after divorce for cheating — An ex cheating partner is thriving after the divorce. He confessed out of the blue and he took accountability for all the bad choices that he has done. Before the divorce he confessed to my parents an…
What makes someone decide a relationship can’t be repaired? — I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships and breakups, especially when they end poor communication or unhealthy patterns (not involving cheating or abuse). For people who are the ones to end a re…
My full story 2 weeks since DDay 4 days NC — (Cheater fiancée 26f) (me 26m) (AP 46m) So it all started about 4 to 6 months ago I noticed that her drinking had become a concern she was showing up drunk after work very frequently and it was both…
Division in the astral community. — Hello Community I have spoken to a several astral traveller's within this community, and every astral traveller I mentioned, such like Gene Hart, Darius J Wright, Robert Monroe, William Bulhman, Rob…
Regretted messaging her tonight, learn from me — Title says it all, I messaged my ex tonight. It’s not like we were in no contact but we were for a month after the break up, it’s only been a week since then and she’s reached out a few times and so h…
WHY IS THIS ALWAYS HAPPENING — 7 months ago, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. The breakup was very calm, and I chased her a bit at first, but then I went straight into no contact when she disrespected me that she wanted to just be frien…
My partner is financially stretched, how do I handle this? — I (40F) have been dating my partner (43M) for about a year. He’s a great person and everything else in the relationship is pretty good, but I’m really struggling with one issue: finances. I’m in a st…
my heart is so broken — there’s something wrong with me its been eight months but it still hurts so much sometimes. how he can choose to not talk to me everyday. it hurts me so much to not know him and miss him, how i am not…
It’s finally over — I’m sitting at a closed bar at 10am with a beer in my hand both celebrating and grieving at the same time. I (26m) spent two years with a woman (24f) I thought was the love of my life. Everything abo…
I think I need to leave my marriage — I’ve been going back and forth on whether to post this, but I need to get it out somewhere. I think my marriage is over. There wasn’t one major event that caused it. No cheating. No physical abuse. …
How to process this weird break of no contact? — ​ My ex avoidantly discarded with seemingly minimal thought, which absolutely destroyed me. She then anxiously broke no contact after 2 hours in an anxious spiral thinking I mightn't have gott…
Having a really hard go of seeing her in person for any length of time — Hello again I had to leave our shared apartment about 2 weeks ago due to the fact that I was constantly feeling sad and jealous while living in such close proximity to my stbx of 16 years. (We were t…
How do you reconcile the bad/good parts of your parents? — Hi everyone. I (24f) moved out of state two months ago. I've wanted this my whole life being the youngest and caretaker of the family. Before I left, my dad said some pretty nasty, guilttripping thin…
Feeling conflicted after he confessed — My boyfriend and I were together for a little less than a year and a half. I thought we had a really healthy relationship. I never felt jealous or insecure and genuinely trusted him completely. I love…
He said he doesn’t have to pay for his past sins. — We have had a disrespectful marriage given we both cheated on each other but always tried to reconcile. Most recently my husband was lying and cheating with prostitutes and chatting with women on What…
I'm thinking of contacting her — my dear brothers and sisters I'm thinking of contacting her. Yes, I know she left me, but lately there's been a time when we've really missed each other, and I do miss her. I've blocked her on WhatsA…
I'm crushed. And I still love her. — No one saw it coming, least of all me. I can't believe it. We had a strong and communicative and supportive relationship. People in our lives told us that we were the 'model couple'. And then she chea…
Not everyone is able to leave a wayward — Just want to shout out to those who’ve been betrayed and can’t leave. I see so many judgmental comments where people share stories and are trying to reconcile because for one reason or another, they…
I miss my kids. — I left to break the cycle. My grandpa treated my mom horribly. My dad was an abusive alcoholic. My husband is an abusive alcoholic. Once my 13yo daughter told me she thought he treated me like shit, I…
Is an Online Postnup Valid? — I am going to proceed with a separation from my wife thanks to all the advice and support I've found in this community. She tried to cheat with an ex, doubled down on the lies, and then tried to reach…
The version of me she knew deserved to lose her. — Today is her birthday. It’s bringing up all kinds of feelings. I honestly feel sick today. I feel like I have only recently been able to truly reflect on things, and I’m finally facing who I was and w…
I don‘t think I can take it anymore — Long story Short (or maybe not short at all): my husband (m/44) and I (w/30) am married for almost 2 years, together since 2019. About 3 months ago, I found out he cheated in massage parlours 4 times …
Should I try and reconcile or is the writing on the wall? — 35 M, married 12 years, 4 kids. We’ve had a lot of circumstantial challenges but I really believed our love and connection was solid. Last year an old flame reconnected with her, they met up (withou…
Please give me a piece of advice — they’re making me think I’m crazy — Hi everyone, I’m (29M) reaching out because I feel completely stuck in a pretty toxic family situation and could really use some perspective. I grew up in a very traditional household where "respect …
dad said the worst thing ever to me. — *“I did choose to have a child, but not you in particular. You're just the sperm that won the race. However, I did choose mother in particular, and I will defend her against anyone, my family, strange…
Wife asked for divorce in January, three months trying to reconcile then received a text yesterday morning. — Twelve years married, two toddlers, wife wanted out in Jan and I've spent the best part of three months trying to reconcile with her. Things had started to improve, but then yesterday I got an annon …
Triggered & Unexpected - HBD Hubby — It’s been a rough go of it. Yesterday I (HLF 39) realized I was trying but my heart wasn’t in it. Not in general, just In the moment I wished we weren’t together. He (LLM39) has his ups & downs but he…
I’m emotional… — Hey! So I’m currently going through a break up. I want him back. I know deep in my gut that we are meant for each other. I knew when I first saw him and dint even know his name yet that he was going t…
Husband (28M) wants to cut off lifelong friend (28m) after he made AI porn of me (28F) How do we move forward? — My husband has been best friends with this guy since childhood, they grew up down the street from each other. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, and I’ve known this friend the entire time. A few …
He said I deserve better? — I (31f) have been with a guy (43m) for about 8 months now. Since we started dating (July 2025), we have had so many issues. I have a stable job and am currently getting my PHD. He has no ambition at a…
I [27F] let my past ruin my relationship of 4 years with my boyfriend [34M] — I \[27F\] just got dumped by boyfriend \[34M\] lets call him Harold. he blocked me on everything after about 6 moths officially being in a committed relationship but we were in a situationship for abo…
[29F] My boyfriend [29M] expects me to move across the world for him, but treats our relationship like a "performance review" and says telling my parents about us is a burden. — I \[29F\] have been with my boyfriend \[29M\] for a little over a year in total, but our history is a bit complicated. We met in September 2024, but broke up in April 2025 because he felt "uncertain" …
Is healing even possible? At my wits end. — So just some background. My healing journey started off really good. I grew up with alcoholic parents, was bullied a bit in school. When my Dad got in recovery he recommended al-anon to us kids fo…
All abuse is physical. — Many of us struggle to reconcile the fact that emotional neglect is abuse. Maybe you grew up in a nice neighborhood with a roof over your head, decent clothes, and food on the table. You weren't hit o…
I (22F) broke up with my ex (23M) after he cheated and said he was never “excited” about me… but I still believe he loved me and that’s what’s messing me up — I (22F) broke up with my ex (23M) two months ago, and I feel like I’m stuck between two completely different truths that I can’t reconcile. For context, we’re both medical students and were flatmates…
Want to reconcile after a year, girl dumpers (or dumpers in general) - any ideas? — 24M 20F She was my first ever girlfriend, and I was her first boyfriend. We were together for about 8-9 months, I think the best in love I've ever felt. Like, I could drive back home from her and…
my gf (24F) wants me (25M) to go into our first home purchase but won't define her financial contribution, wants shared ownership and is thinking about breaking up with me because I don't have a "provider" mentality — So we went to see a 4 bedroom house a couple days ago. Looked like a great first buy option, her mom would help us qualify and we'd pay it off. Mostly me. We were so excited about going into the hom…
Yes, the "okay we are divorcing" phase is so much better. When I thought we might reconcile (only I wanted to, he "wasn't sure"....) I was in SO much pain and panic and stress every moment. It was awf…
I agree. And a perspective from someone who’s sort of finally on the other side of heartbreak recently - it might not. I have no evidence that my ex even misses me. We just don’t talk anymore. Hones…
If you can't count on someone, then a secure person accepts it and moves on. If you're both at fault and want to reconcile, you reach out and have a talk and see if you're both willing to work on thin…
This is so hard to do for me. It’s only been a week or so now but I would end my life if not for my 3 little kids. I can’t believe the woman I’m still in love with thinks so poorly of me she wanted to…
OP, I'm a much more casual member of this sub but wanted to say it's good you posted this here, even if you catch flak for it. Ultimately, the necessity to rebut your arguments will either require t…
The advice to not discuss negative aspects of your personal relationships with others is good advice. It is also good advice to not jump on the bandwagon against someone else's SO because when they re…
I just broke up with an FA 3 weeks ago. After 4 years of a hard pattern playing on repeat. The only difference is improvements were being made but mostly because I was working really hard to heal my o…
Oh that sounds just like my situation! He didn't analyse himself as much as I had for myself, but I think that's because he leans quite dismissive. He definitely didn't recognise when he was deactivat…
Thank you for sharing. It sounds like you might be describing the 'Drama Magnet + The Citadel' trauma attachment patterns, which often come from emotional neglect childhood experience for you, and con…
Also, I’m not working on myself SOLELY for her, I just recognize the mistakes I’ve made and would like to reconcile. My progress and growth have been for myself though.
Me (24F) and my boyfriend (24M) have been together for over five years, these last two long distance. We see each other once a month and I asked early on if we could text each other everyday - nothing…
Was she avoidant? I dated this girl for almost a year. At first, I didn’t think she was avoidant. She was good at communicating her boundaries, was consistent with everything, and made me feel secur…
As someone who fell for an avoidant female friend, I have to tell you this as harsh as possible. Distance yourself and whatever you do do not explain yourself. Just quiet distance. Its the only way. I…
They do come back from this but it's so so so hard 💔 I went through an avoidant discard. There was no writing on the wall, 2 very happy years. He used to say he sees us being together forever becau…
I initiated a breakup almost two months ago, and now my attachment system is in full panic mode. We’re still in light contact and see each other about once a week, and I really want to reconcile but e…
I (38M) divorced a few years ago. Married for 10 years, had three kids, and it was toxic. I feel I kicked out my coverage and married an 8 or 9 while I’m a 5 or 6. Part of the toxicity was constantly …
Hi All! I need some advice. My post has not gained any traction anywhere else. I am here to understand what is happening because I feel clouded a little bit in my relationship. We are opposite attachm…
Pre-celebration is one of the two danger zones already mentioned in the comments, and that exists because birthdays and holidays are inherently emotionally intimate times. Emotionally intimate times r…
>Is this a result of chronically online and/or porn culture? Yes it is, most of them will not even have the gall to ask you that in real life or face to face, the internet emboldens people and gives …
Unless you have a lobotomy, there’s no closure with infidelity. What’s worse is you asked her about everything prematurely. The biggest mistake in these situations, and it’s made over and over again…
My nmom would give my siblings expensive presents based on their hobbies and interests for Christmas. I would get a new umbrella, cheap make up, and items from the dollar bin at the drug store. My sib…
OP, most times if it is "emotional" and they can find even a moment alone, there will be sex, they are adults. What I found in your post and comments here is rug sweeping overall. Yes, she did qui…
You could probably benefit from individual therapy. That will give you a chance to explore your feelings and voice your concerns. You can decide if you want to divorce or reconcile. And if you deci…
I believe your fear is driven by two things. First, she trickle truthed you already and held back the information about the photo exchanges. Did you get to see any of the messages because if not that …
Personally, I can believe that they may not have had sex. I wouldn't be super sure that they didn't, but I wouldn't rule out the possibility that they didn't. Between the lack of unexplained absences,…
My husband cheated on me about two years ago. It still feels like it was yesterday. It started as just talking to other women and then I found out through text messages that he was actually going out …
I am still holding out hope that I won't be dating anyone other than my wife again. We've been separated since Thanksgiving and she says it will likely be 2 years before we could reconcile. I'd rather…
Sorry that you are going through this, but your problem was that she had an emotional connection with this other guy. You would probably be better off never letting her back into your life if she want…
It feels like there's no winning here. I (37m) was just let go by the woman (33f) I was seeing. First date happened at the end of January then the second date two weeks later, and then for the next …
Yeah. She does not want him whatever he does, at least the way she wanted AP. The truth is that taking your cheater back is the ultimate emasculation, and is perceived as such by BPs. It is very hard …
We had a year apart after dday. We reconciled and have been back together 4 years. Im now leaving. Its never gone away for me. It got easier of course but im still triggered. His other issues are…
It was just an emotional affair. Having said that you should get tested for STD’s and tell her you fully expect her to to test and share her results with you. Her testing makes sure you stay health…
People hoping to reconcile don’t delete all their text messages. She deleted the text messages because she is lying to you about what they contained and/or she already physically cheated and doesn’t …
Sorry you are going through this. The first thing you need to know is that voluntary confessions are extremely rare. It is more likely something happened to force it. Either the friend told her to t…
It's been about 3 months, we were constantly in contact, but it was only because I pressured her, and each time she gave mixed positive and negative responses, but in the end she still indicated she d…
A follow-up to [yesterday's rant](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1rp2j9j/comment/o9i6pir/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) b…
You don’t have to sit in silence with your thoughts. When there is no one around, you have to reconcile your actions and address accountability. That is uncomfortable for most.
Coparent roomies that are free to date other people is an option. Not an ideal arrangement, but another option at least while the kids are young and you don’t want to split time. Can also just be a go…
For example my boundaries with my WP who i am ambivalent toward (2.5 months since dday): Need: Location tracking Phone access Breathalyze before and after taking kids out (separate issue 🙄) 1 c…
Hmm. Gay = ok to cheat ? Sorry but not buying it. Anyway, how you handled this is very common, but has the least chance to “save” a marriage. The veterans here ( most ) would attest that the 2 big…
Something I have learned is that whoever spends the most time with someone usually wins. Thats why it is usually best to have relationships that exist on the same schedule. It sounds like you two were…
I think you need to talk to her. Whether you ultimately reconcile or split up really depends on how much BOTH of you want this relationship. How remorseful she is and if she is willing to work to fix …
Not at all. I only learned about his impending death 3 days before it happened, and I felt nothing. I was given no other info other than he had "cancer" like I was expected to go running to him to rec…
Compassion is something you give yourself when the world is stacked against you. You can’t repair all relationships. All you can do is accept the consequences and be better in other relationships goi…
I think one of the hardest things to reconcile about dating is that you can mean a great deal to someone but that doesn't mean they can or will commit. It's not an either or.
Man you bring up a great point. No matter how mutual something feels, someone is always going to love more, push more, feel more, work more, and all of that. Not maliciously or anything but just due…
I feel this way all the time. I just moved out, and everything finally feels easier. But the lead-up to the move: looking at places, signing the lease, packing, hiring movers, etc. I constantly was in…
Thanks. To clarify, I was in no way criticizing the OP's choice to go NC. But it is the reality of her sister trying to navigate how to have a wedding in this dynamic. The OP seems to have acce…
Hey there, I’m so sorry to hear your story. It all feels very familiar to me. The script flip, the casual cruelty, the deception, the distance—it’s all so confusing and disorienting. Especially sinc…