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Citations (100)
Yes I know this feeling. A big thing that helped for me was to actually notice when I'm picking my partner apart in my head or feeling some ick. I have to objectively observe those feelings and ask if…
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
how to deal with an avoidant's freeze response in hard times? — my partner is FA, I've known him for a long time. He has made a lot of effort and has changed for the better. He's the more secure one between the two of us honestly, and he's pretty good at fighting …
Did I make my Avoidance worse by pushing through it? — Hi all, I’ve been aware I have issues with commitment/avoidance my entire conscious life, but despite it I’ve always wanted to find love I didn’t meet my first boyfriend until I was 22, and it was l…
Projecting insecurities — Hi everyone, I’ve just realised something that I’ve been doing which I think is both an outcome of my low self esteem and also a way for me to find excuses to end relationships when otherwise I have n…
Mom self harms in front of us since I was 8 yrs old. I haven’t been able to stop doing the same. — My mom would start beating herself whenever something tragic happened to her (failing an exam, fight w father etc.) or even because of me sometimes, she’d tell us (when my siblings and I were still ki…
Update to my previous post. Tis not a good one. — [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before\_i\_43m\_delete\_her\_44f\_number\_and\_move/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before_i_43m_delete_her_44f_n…
My mom who disowned my for being gay is ready to forgive me, oh and for me to financially support her and my dad after he retires of course. — I don’t speak to any of my family anymore because they disowned me for being gay after i was outed. It hurt at the time but honestly the more time i spent away from them the more i realized how awful …
My mother sent my childhood abuser to my home, after I have been successful at making sure he never knows where I live. — Conversation is below. I have been very careful making sure my brother never knows where I live, as he beat me as a child so much police intervened and I was such a mess I was mandated to go to thera…
My cheater soon the be ex husband got cheated on. — Wanted to post this so you could have a laugh today. 😂 My soon to be ex husband got cheated on by the trash affair partner he had during his deployment. She too was cheating on her husband when cheat…
My relationships are non-existant. — https://preview.redd.it/1m9ezb8bhdqg1.png?width=700&format=png&auto=webp&s=67a418a649166d2b1ae43a089dade037a5f7ac12 Hello. I'm a middle-aged woman. Ever since I was a child, I've been told I was too…
the narcissist catchphrase bingo list — edit 1: jesus christ my initial 32 I wrote already look like they arent a lot lmao (the comments in total added 45 UNIQUE PHRASES HOLY JESUS) , okay heres the updated list (most of the updates will be…
Are we giving up on relationships too easily nowadays? — A friend send me this message this morning and now I am curious to hear from you. "Life has evolved in a way that it's easier to run away and start over than to fight for something that's already bui…
Thinking about my ex constantly — ​ I haven't stopped thinking about my ex since we've broken up. I've been with my ex from the end of February to half of August last year. Since then, she's been on my mind almost non-stop. I …
Initiatory Numinous Experience — I have been putting writing about this off for 11 years now. It was October of 2015; a lot of energetics were going on in and around me all at once. I don't know how to structure this entry/experience…
Sibling abuse is not the same as sibling rivalry. — My older sister was extremely abusive to me growing up. It was like she didn’t see me as a person, just a punching bag to take out her feelings on or an obstacle preventing her from being the most imp…
My really weird experience shifting? — My experience attempting to shift? I won't lie. I wasn't expecting to mini-shift anytime soon but I did. And it really was something else. Along with ah...side effects? I think. I'm not sure. I us…
Where do I start? — I don’t know what to do anymore. I post detailed texts on subreddits based on what im going through, but no one really seems to answer or understand how I feel. I feel like I’m completely alone. All t…
I was the cause of my break up — I(22m) caused my break up through my childish self centered behavior. It happened 3 days ago, I had just gotten home from a recruiter and she(22F) just wanted to sit down and talk about things that ne…
Success Story: "I make $55/hr" 2 week streak F20 — To preface, I've had the knack for manifesting money here and there for around 5 years now, and I'm still in the process of fully realising my power and being in total control (ie having it come more …
Why am I always attracted to unavailable, detached, older men? — The men I liked are always self absorbed, detached, unavailable, and emotionally stunted. I noticed a pattern that I tend to like older men, sometimes significantly older than me (20 years age gap is …
Being an avoidant is hard to fix — My mother was a meth addict who used prostitution on and off for years and is still an alcoholic to this day. my father bailed before I was born. I watched my mother have hundreds of sexual relation…
trying to figure life out , pretty much confused — F17. Lately, I’ve run away from home for a few days , came back covered in bruises due to violent sex that didn't stop for two days , which led to several arguments with my family—especially with my d…
I finally told my mom the truth in front of everyone and now she’s acting like i ruined her life — so this happened last weekend at my cousin’s birthday, whole family packed into this tiny apartment, kids running around, people pretending to enjoy dry cake my mom was in one of her moods, you know t…
I want to kill myself — Okay just to explain I (19M) have Audhd and my autistic side make my emotions stronger I get actively suicidal whenever conflict arises with my parents, I remember the anxiety I felt just seeing my da…
My Marc mother hates and wants me dead — I’m 16 now with a better education but I’m still living with her she still calls me an ugly pathetic loser and still yells and hits me at the smallest of things but I think I’ve gotten quite numb of i…
My ex broke up with me over text 4 months ago [VENT] — hello, so idk who to tell this too, so im just gonna say it on here. My ex (16M) broke up with me (16F) around 4 months ago via text. This relationship almost lasted 2 years, and it was both our firs…
How to not hurt someone u love (21M) (22F) — **Hi gng, i have been repeatedly hurting the girl i love so much i don't really know my actions causes that much damage to her i have been repeating it several times unknowingly she forgives me but i …
Help — I’m 32. I lived in an abusive family until I was 25, when I got married and moved out of my parents’ house. Both of my parents physically abused me since I was about 4 years old. They sent me to a pr…
How do I survive this? — Hello everyone, this is my first Post Here so I hope I follow the Rules. I'm currently battling with 2 Things at once. My girlfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago because of the second reason:…
Quarter life crisis? — Genuinely I wish I was joking but has anyone experienced this? I’m female early 30’s and I’m just spiralling about current and future. It’s giving me such anxiety and honestly making me depressed and …
(27M) I need help understanding and helping avoidant (24F), is she trying to reconnect? — I had a wonderful relationship with a girl with whom from the very moment we first met in person, we vibed hard, everything went amazing for 6 months, but then, we had our first like, actual discussio…
How to deal with guilt of leaving your parent? — Anyone ever get this sense of melancholy whenever you acknowledge that your parents, or in my case, father was sort of 'nicer' in parenting you than your grandparents but he still ruined you growing u…
I'm scared I'll deactivate again — Hi everyone, [I recently made a post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/attachment_theory/comments/1sd1s9a/am_i_deactivating/) asking if I was deactivating because there was something going on with me tha…
My ex broke up with me over text 4 months ago [VENT] — ​ hello, so idk who to tell this too, so im just gonna say it on here. My ex (16M) broke up with me (16F) around 4 months ago via text. This relationship almost lasted 2 years, and it was bot…
How do i(30M) deal with my partner(29F) running away when we argue? — I want to make this short and sweet but there’s some background. We’ve known each other for over a decade and have been sort of off and on mostly flirting and all that though nothing physical ever hap…
How do you regulate when you feel impending doom or have horrible ideation? — I’m a college student and I’m not sure if it’s just because the semester is stressful or my current life circumstances but I keep having repeated memories and flashbacks reminding me of when people sa…
Is it possible to have CPTSD from studying? — Asking because I'm in my 20s and still can't finish even the first semester in the uni I'm studying in. Got sent twice. Both times ended with me getting into a mental hospital. It's my third time tryi…
Dad threatened me with a gun weeks ago, i can't stop getting flashbacks — I (15F) was sitting in a desert area in my neighbourhood. I was listening to music and writing in my journal. I was staking this place out as somewhere to run away to if things ever got too bad at hom…
I’ve 23F been with my bf 25M for 10yrs and idk how to leave — Me 23F and my bf 25M have been together off and on for 10years (together the past 5 years straight) and I don’t know what to do anymore. We have been through everything together but I feel like we’ve …
Mushrooms turned my chronic pain into literal orgasms — I (f) have painful bladder disorder or IC. It makes me feel like I have a UTI all the time, with urethra burning, urgency, excessive restroom breaks, and lower abdominal pressure and bruising, aching …
my parents hate me for having sex — I want to preface this by saying two things. 1. I’ve never posted on Reddit before, so sorry if I use it wrong or get confused with the layout or replying. 2. This is just one story about my parents.…
M 38, f 35, fears of cheating and complicated sex — Tl;dr: I have severe OCD and can detach from sex easily. Sometimes all that helps is thinking about someone else and it’s eating me alive as I love my partner. Hi all. I’m sorry if this is too graphi…
Will I run away from home? — I've been really fed up of my life, especially my father who has made it a living hell. Already I have so many problems, and he just keeps adding to it. All he knows is to scold and reprimand me, an…
The universe literally pays me to stop my self-denial of psychology as coping mechanism — My nMom used to brag that I earned an MA psychology with her because she finished the nine-month conversion programme while pregnant with me. She was rejected for clinical psychologist licensure progr…
Why i feel like this.. — I am a 29-year-old guy, and I don’t have any biological sisters.But in 2012, I met one of my cousin(Riya) for the first time from my father’s side relatives , because there had been a conflict between…
pain — people are EVIL!!! romance is EVIL!!!! all the beautiful people here, you deserve so much more, you are so capable, so full of love, so tender. my heart is breaking for everyone here. you deserve bett…
My mom told me to be gone- i want to run away tonight — I feel so fucking drained, i want to sleep and never wake up again. I hate everything that is fucking happening in my life right now, i just want to die. I simply took a nap because its been a really …
Changing perceptions without avoiding it. — Hi, ive been kind of stuck with a dilemma. Some of of the feelings and thoughts i have feel like a burden to me and ive been experimenting for a while with both trying to "detach" from them and also …
Why do I always think about someone I've never meet or know who he is ? — Since I was young, maybe around 5 years old, I’ve always imagine about a man who is obsessed and loves me.AlMOST EVERYDAY IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.But I’m not thinking about a specific person. I don’t real…
Been in a rut for the last 1.5 years — So I’m 23 years old and i have been in a rut for the last 1.5 years. I quit my high paying career ( because it was messing up with my mental health) to build my business but nothing seems to be going …
Thanks! Crazy how we are conditioned to think this anxiety and nervousness as genuine attraction and love. I've calmed down since then and getting to know this person with clear mind. Yes, the wrong…
I would say run away, but you said you want the job. In that case I would tell you to prepare like other people did, but also remember, this is your chance to be interviewing them too. Make sure you a…
Hey thanks for posting this. I started my entrepreneurship journey around an year back and the struggle to focus and manage distractions is so real. I have not been diagnosed officially but have read …
I am going to respectfully run away from this relationship! Hugs back ❤️
Secure here. I still do learn and learn to accept that a lot of people cant express themself and selfreflect. Long distance friend of mine and, probably DA, got into arguments with me via whatsapp. …
Yeah, for about five minutes. They beat in harmony with you until you actually believe & care, then they run away again and pretend that all this wandering in the winter is necessary and important.
Me ex said he was “anxious attachment”, he proceeded to panic and freak out after he got me pregnant and dump and abandon me. Any time I talked about moving the relationship to the next level, or plan…
I had to scroll down way to far for this.. Once i reached out to someone, who was triggering me (i started to fall for them) when i had very bad life events too, and i havent written better stuff, ye…
Like the things i was worried about my parents, my spouse, my children - they don't really bother me anymore. I am not worried that i will be abandoned, i know i am loved. I know i don't need to shut …
Only in my experiences; but when someone who is dismissive or that side of theirs is activated they do not act as before and meet up with the same frequency, and talk as before and only drop the roman…
I think it's the control. Limiting their freedom of movement is a big thing for me. Literally can't run away from me loving them. I also really like to take my time with this. Easily an hour+, and reg…
Oh, we're talking about the sex part now? I thought we were talking just about leading the relationship in general 😁 In sex though, I don't think im motivated exactly by bounding them so they can't r…
FA's can really lean into DA and bail when true intimacy is on the table. Committing to a relationship can really freak them out. ***To an outside observer***, FAs look like they can discard just as e…
Yes absolutely . but not every avoidant is self-aware so they wouldn’t be able to communicate effectively.and one of them hardest thing I struggle with as fearful avoidant is to figure out the differe…
I think I'm dealing with the redirected anger atm. Recently reconnected with someone that asked to be left alone, took three months because there was no set time and I'm autistic so anything that wa…
Hi everyone! I 28F am anxious attacher, my boyfriend is 31F the most avoidant person I know. So we know each other for half a year now and made it official 3 months ago. The thing is that he is really…
Exactly this. You need to be emotionally mature to have kids. My DA ex always had a future dream of “when I have kids”, but it seemed more like an item or an achievement for him to obtain, than a drea…
My brain always knows its not helpful, but my feelings or nerves need time to catchup. The healing takes time. Its important to feel, not suppress or run away, let it happen. It's like venom coursi…
Like I suffocate, can't breathe, am being smothered, need to run away soemwhere safe to gasp for air
I think there’s a spectrum to fear starting with a general sense of unease/anxiety and progressing all the way to full-blown paralyzing/mind-numbing terror. For me personally the avoidance tends to m…
I guess I don’t believe everyone who interacts with an avoidant is anxious and I guess that is my key confusion around this. While I guess I can imagine a person being annoying and constantly asking i…
Flight/fright. Adrenaline. Feeling like I’m completely on edge. Can’t relax, nervous system is in overdrive. Like everything is just “wrong”. Angry. Angry because that’s the only emotion that can come…
Hi everyone. I’m posting here because I genuinely want outside perspective and grounded advice, not validation. Background I (male, 22) have known my partner (female, 19) for about 3.5 years. We are…
I dated a guy who didn’t consider himself conventionally attractive, he wasn’t banging hot yet but he was okay. I wasn’t bothered by his looks. I was bothered by his lack of confidence though. He con…
I think they think it’s possible because that is their insecurity driving them. They are looking to be “chosen”, and they think that if they can put on the right mask and do/say/be the right things …
But don’t run away with her, internationally!
For me as an avoidant, I can start off attracted to someone but then they do something/something happens (and it can be something super minor) and I get the "ick." I have absolutely no control over it…
Avoidance is your current attachment system. Meaning, the bad news is your avoidance will be inevitably triggered. The good news is... who am I lying, its not really good news lol. BUT the magic lays …
> Coffee dates do not have a romantic vibe. I prefer a happy hour - drinks and maybe an appetizer. Could you explain the difference between the two? Because for me they look exactly the same - you go…
Whenever I get emotionally intimate with someone, I feel uncomfortable even though I want to spend time with them and don't want to stop seeing them. I feel cornered rather easily, also in situations …
I think it depends on you and who you’re with. I act totally different with my now husband than I ever have with any other person I’ve dated. I quite literally want to be glued to my husbands side …
That stood out to me too. Most relationships have some element of difficulty at some point, I'm sure, but if literally *every* relationship you've ever been in is not just hard sometimes but "pretty h…
No, avoidants aren't sticking around "because you're getting something out of it" 😭 I think you're confused about what attachment theory is about. Anyone can be manipulative and noncommital, which …
I'm pretty tired of my avoidant tendencies these days. I'm very mindful of not making it other people's problem, and I communicate directly and honestly. I don't engage in relations I'm not prepared t…
My therapist recently told me to reframe my anxiety as butterflies regarding a new challenge I am excited to overcome or growth my soul is anticipating. The fear that my body feels is actually simply …
Is anyone else incredibly insecure in relationships? I feel as though if my partner knew the real me, he would leave. He would see how incapable of giving and accepting of love I truly am and he would…
I've never been in this particular situation, but I often find myself having strong anxiety or panic attacks over essentially "nothing" and I try to remind myself that there is no danger, this is just…
Currently in a relationship (for a month and a half). We started in a strange way, kinda from friends to lovers, but I’ll spare a lot of details. She had broken up with her girlfriend around a month…
I had this situationship with this guy and he presented himself as this nice innocent kind nerd art guy who is not like other guys for almost a year we were Together and had conversations about stuff …
This literally just happened to me. The person I was talking with even set the pace - constant contact and trauma dumping, all the things. Then she freaked out because it was moving too fast and that …
Lots of venting (as I started writing this I just spiralled into journaling I guess) I am only venting as obviously I am doing things wrong. On Sunday, the guy I was / am seeing and I had a call for…
2 weeks post breakup from a 7 month relationship. It sucks. We weren’t compatible, but it was mostly due to her and her issues. She had some major trauma. Is extremely bitter and angry but refuses t…
i’m divorced out of a rushed marriage and saw people posting earlier to run away from divorced men because “she probably divorced him for a reason”, seeing the opposite opinion perks me up a bit
Has he had testing to determine which herpes he has? HSV-1 typically causes outbreaks on the mouth. HSV2 typically causes outbreaks on the genitals. Either one can appear in either location, or even m…
There is so much to your story and still so much unsaid. I feel her behaviour without more context is childish and immature. ‘I packed a bags and left the state. I was gone by the time she arrived b…
He didn't run away, he just had nothing to do there anymore. New state and they were there not because of him. Totally reasonable.
I honestly don't know man. I've gone up and through the rabbit hole. Ndes, uaps, dimensional space, quantum physics, my own mortality. I'm sure I'm crazy but who isn't? I saw a video on YouTube of a m…
They won't if they're avoidant. They'll just run away even if it kills them from inside.