secure

For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…

Happy New Year and Bye-bye 2024: 6th Kill - $20,000 from Futures Trading — # 6th Kill: $20,000 Money Mission **Mission**: To make $20,000 from futures trading **What I achieved:** I made $20,000 from futures trading **How long did it take:** 5 and a half months **Backgro…

How to heal avoidant attachment? — Uhhhh hey gang. Formerly severe fearful avoidant here. The attachment quizzes put everyone somewhere on a quadrant, with the bottom being high avoidance and the right high anxiety. So I was farrrr in …

Donation-Based: Visualization Meditation Workshop on Repairing Insecure Attachment: Sunday 13th of April — The course will cover basic Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF)/attachment repair. This course is good for people who want to learn about IPF/Attachment Repair. 9am to 1pm this Sunday 13th April on…

I got ghosted and I feel blindsided — I (26F) met a guy (26M) 3 months ago who was in every sense of the word my dream guy. We spent 1 week together before he left back to his country. Ever since we have Facetimed every single day, and we…

Other attachment styles — I know the normal 4: Secure, Anxious/preoccupied fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant, plus disorganized, which is just sort of an "all of the above" In doing parts work, I've been trying to figure…

Helping my partner — I (40f) looove my partner (36m). We've been together almost 9 months. When he isn't triggered, he presents as very secure. Loving, consistent, communicative, vulnerable, empathetic, self-reflective. …

Thoughts on an image sharing tool with link permissions? (i will not promote) — **Looking for feedback: Tool for sharing images securely with permissioned domains (like DocSend, but mainly for images)** Hey r/startups, I’m working on validating an idea and would love your thoug…

Unsecured Capital Raise "i will not promote" — Hello, first-time poster looking for creative fundraising recommendations. I’m working to open a recreation + F&B "eatertainment" facility inside a large leased space. I anticipate traditional invest…

I have software business with a few customers. How should I scale? (I will not promote.) — Hi everyone, I currently have a SaaS business that provides software to local Credit Unions with the goal to enhance the member experience by building credit, offering tools to renters, and compete w…

I need you advise am i a UX Jnr Midwieght or more? — **Hi everyone, I need some advice.** I’m currently a Junior UX Designer (30years old) in the UK at one of the top for new broadcasting companies such a Sky BBC ITV etc. **A bit about my background:*…

E-commerce Industry News Recap 🔥 Week of May 5th, 2025 — Hi r/ecommerce \- I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Every week for the past 3+ years I've posted a summary recap of the week's top stories…

This Week's Top E-commerce News Stories 💥 May 5th, 2025 — Hi r/Shopify - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter, which I've published weekly since 2021. I was invited by the Mods of this subreddit to s…

Seeking a low-maintenance frontend/CMS stack for modernizing 10+ year old sites — Hi all, I’m looking for advice on a conservative, low-maintenance frontend and CMS stack for modernizing a couple of old but still functional client sites. **Background:** I’ve got two long-lived s…

Funding Questions (I will not promote) — I started a chatting site in January. And I’m at the stage now where I think I’m ready for funding. I have created a decent pitch deck, one pager, new sign up website, LLC, trademark pending, and th…

Junior sysadmin looking for project ideas to modernize a simple infra — Junior sysadmin looking for project ideas to modernize a simple on-prem infra Hey everyone, I’m a junior sysadmin working with a fairly basic on-prem infrastructure with about 45 users, and I’m look…

Error: Chrome persistently redirecting to HTTPS for HTTP site, code 400, message Bad request version. Need proper solution please. — **code 400, message Bad request version ('...') You're accessing the development server over HTTPS, but it only supports HTTP.** student project with django backend, running on local development. …

Its time to Grow India — I'm building a focused community dedicated to one purpose: building startups. In this group, we’ll exclusively discuss how to launch and grow startups, explore market trends, understand how to secure …

Wordpress custom REST API — I have a WordPress-based learning portal with various user roles including Administrator, Tutor Instructor, HR Manager, Accounting Manager, and Academy Instructor. Students are able to log in and view…

Hello, added some plugin that should've make my site https secured and for some reason it now looks like this even after deleting the plugin. What is going on?

Alternate for 'Please share bank details' to transfer money — Hey folks, I’m working on a simple tool aimed at helping small service businesses — like tradies, pet groomers, caterers, mobile cleaners, etc. — get paid faster. Instead of sending invoices or shari…

Anyone know of an alternate for 'please share your bank details' (I will not promote) — Hey folks, I’m working on a simple tool aimed at helping small service businesses — like tradies, pet groomers, caterers, mobile cleaners, etc. — get paid faster. Instead of sending invoices or shari…

Way to protect a page, give access only to certain users with passwordless login — Hello, I am looking for a way to add a page to my WP site, accessible only to certain people. Ideally they would have access without a password: enter their email, and if this email is part of an au…

Getting SaaS app rolling — Hey guys, So after about 1 yrs and a 1/2 I am finished building my first SaaS and a high level MVP done. Also my first round funding is secured. Now to be clear, I have done marketing, gathering pro…

Do push/pull dynamics happen even when you’re not participating in them? — I (F, 32, originally AP, now definitely more secure) have just gone through a very confusing dating experience. 3 months ago I started seeing this man (34 met on Hinge). He started off very interested…

Need to add tamper-proof links to my page — Hi there. I need to make a website with secure links to institutions. These institutions are targets for scammers who will want to redirect users to their fake log-in pages to steal credentials from p…

Yesterday I launched a landing page and I got 3 presales in 24h. (I will not promote) — I'm building a minimalist, AI based bookkeeping app. Went live with a simple landing page yesterday and shared it in a few relevant places. I was prepared for a long period of drought and self-doubt,…

FA trying to be more secure, need some insigh on relationship to have "fresh eyes" on it and not just my insecure one — Hi, So, I'm FA and my partner is secure. We're living together and are together for 9month now, it's going good and we're doing our best in the healthiest way to navigate the complicated stuff (I hav…

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

What are the signs to spot a DA or FA in early talking stage? — Hi, I am myself something of a FA leaning towards secure (I was anxious but became the secure one in my previous relationship with a DA after some years). My previous relationship was pretty bad beca…

No one should suffer because we have trauma. — I see a lot of people accept harmful behavior, because their partner has past trauma, but in my opinion, that is wrong. I know I can come off as harsh sometimes, but we have to have honest conversatio…

It’s frustrating how often I run into women with Avoidant tendencies. — I’m at a point where I just end things early if I see too many Avoidant tendencies early, but it seems like women with Avoidant tendencies are drown to me more often than secure or anxious which I’d r…

Think I found a secure woman, and almost immediately self-sabotaged. — In my social club, there’s a woman who had consistently shown signs that she was into me. I was direct and asked her out. She said she was interested but couldn’t date for a few months because her j…

You know what sucks about being in the process of healing your attachment type? Dating someone who has no idea they have an insecure attachment and you're just wasting all that hard-earned security on someone who doesn't care — I've been fearful avoidant most of my life, and it's helped me in abandoning very healthy partners because I was too blind of my issues. For 2 years now I've been working on myself and seeing huge s…

How much space do DA avoidants need when deactivating? — I (M,21, Secure) and my *girlfriend* (F, 21, DA), been dating for 6 months (however both agreed to not proclaim it a relationship yet) and right about 6 month mark she began deactivating (sudde…

Feeling smothered by an AP friend… — This is part reflection/observation, and part question at the bottom. It’s interesting and a bit funny to me, I rarely feel avoidant in my attachments. The test I took for this sub, showed all secur…

I’m FA, he’s DA — I can’t believe this is where we are, but we’ve been together for 5+ years. You’d think we would have gotten to the secure part by now, for 75% of the time, we are. But when we activate each other, it…

antidepressants and avoidant attachment — i (22f, FA) came off venlafaxine (SNRI) about two months ago after being on it for 5+ years for depression and anxiety. predictably a lot of stuff is coming up, OCD and BDD symptoms, anxiety is a bit …

Learning to take space, self regulate and set boundaries as an AP earning secure — I have always leaned AP but working on security and now in a relationship with an FA leaning heavily avoidant I've realised a big goal for me is learning to self regulate and set better boundaries. Fo…

If I could just stop deactivating!! (FA) — Follow up from some of my previous posts. I’m deactivating again. I think? Or maybe lost feelings for my partner and I’m just lying to myself and not wanting to let go. The thought of that makes me cr…

A little positive reflection for anyone feeling they’re in the trenches right now. — I only learnt what attachment theory was during a breakup with my most recent ex 2 years ago. When he dumped me seemingly out of the blue because ‘I deserved better’, ‘he needed to be alone.’ Etc etc …

Starting over — Heya, I don’t want this to be a negative thread— looking for some positivity and hope maybe? I (34F) am recently out of a one year relationship. It was my first secure relationship in my entire adult…

Mass produced emotional security/intelligence? — Do you think it can be done? With AI in a HIPAA compliant model? Done ubiquitously across the planet with people being able to access support in real time to put and keep them on the road of secure fe…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

What makes an anxious attached person feel loved? — I’m a dismissive avoidant in recovery. That means I have been working on myself. I would consider myself slightly secure but not secure enough to call myself secure Anyway, my boyfriend is anxious…

Struggling after “healing” is challenged — I’m a late 20s AA, I have put a ton of work into myself over the years to become secure (as secure as I can be at least). Recently I was seeing a guy, likely DA, who needed some space and we agreed …

A little look into how fearful avoidants operate (aka, how one of my relationships ended - twice - because I was unaware of my patterns) — When I was 21 and *severely* fearful avoidant I dated a secure guy who was wonderful in every way, but obviously not for me. I did everything stereotypical of a fearful avoidant attachment does in a…

Question to anxious/avoidant couples — I’m a dismissive avoidant in recovery I’ve been working on myself since October’23 I read a lot of self help books, went to therapy, watched youtube videos on attachment, listened to On Attachment,…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…

Anxiety only triggered in romantic relationship, how to manage it? — Hi everyone, I’m a 26M and fairly new to relationships. I’ve noticed my anxious attachment only really shows up in my romantic relationship, not with friends, family, or colleagues. With them I feel …

Feeling bad after dates? — I asked my friends for some advice regarding how to attempt to move my attachment style in a more secure direction, and one of them said that for them, going out on dates really helped them, especiall…

a) law of assumption, not law of belief. And where did you get the other descriptions from? I've been on Neville sub for a while, literally noone describes the law in those words or speak in a spiritu…

Anyone still posting on here? I drove my ex away with my insecure attachment style, looking back he kept putting in little effort and I felt as though I was trying very hard to change. I’m sure he wa…

I think that's the goal though. A secure attachment style that can handle that scenario.

If you can't count on someone, then a secure person accepts it and moves on. If you're both at fault and want to reconcile, you reach out and have a talk and see if you're both willing to work on thin…

“If it’s isolating me, that would be my own doing” lol. You are brainwashed and in a cult. You sound exactly like the people in Jonestown did before they drank the kool aid. Cults have nothing to do w…

Uh oh…better get to affirming and visualizing before your man runs away! Imagine not being able to enjoy your time with your partner because you always need to check your thoughts and assumptions? Wha…

I am in a similar position to you OP. I've been seeing my fiancée for over 2 years. We live separately due to circumstances at her end, and we see each other roughly once a week, usually at weekends…

I am securely attached, and I usually don't communicate a lot after i have met up with someone. This "withdrawal" has nothing to do with my dating partner. I myself enjoy a lot of alone time, so usual…

Hey there! It’s great that you’re so self aware. I would say (since you asked for advice!) is that you could work on your anxious type behaviours, otherwise they tend to just push us avoidants away ev…

>I have had conversations with my partner over time about attachment styles, and they eventually determined that the descriptions of Avoidant Attachment sounds awfully familiar to them. They have star…

Yes that's typical avoidant behaviour, it may also be linked to introversion. My ex FA girlfriend would retreat systematically after we had a great time. They get a bit overwhelmed and scared when th…

This explains how I let things get so out of control with avoidant types as I’m an introvert and quite secure independent and confident but after a year I started feeling like the relationship wasn’t …

I totally relate to this, I’m secure with my friendships and FA in romantic relationships, and this is me in friendships 100%. I’m a terrible texter and mostly only text to make plans with friends, bu…

If he makes you this dysfunctional, I would not pursue this at all. High chance he is emitting energy that feeds a - unconscious - known and chaotic dynamic/pattern to you. Expectations of this sort c…

Agreed. The best and healthiest relationships to pursue as someone recovering from a disorganized attachment style is a slow burn. Recognizing everything you have in yourself is a tremendous accompl…

I disagree with comments saying it’s a “vulnerability hangover” bc that implies they shared too much too soon in a way that crosses their own boundaries. This just sounds like recharging their social …

I think taking personal time can come from different motivations. Securely attached people love their own time too, especially if they’re more introverted and have hobbies that require undivided atten…

Omg twins. Hi! Yeah I hadn’t been in a romantic relationship at all for six years before I finally tried with this FA guy. In my last real relationship I was targeted by a psychopath and it fucked me …

I feel you. I’ll give you my experience as a FA then suggestions. - I also transitioned from anxious to avoidant our the years. I was never full on AA but more anxious leaning FA as a child. Now I l…

Any insecure attachment can be healed by learned self regulation/self soothing.

Either go to therapy or settle down with a securely attached partner. That's what the studies show. You really should go to therapy.

I think it really depends on the partner and how willing they are to communicate. In my last relationship I was avoidant leaning secure and my partner was preoccupied. There were certain things I thou…

Therapist will navigate with you your core wounds which will help you to identify your fears and patterns, learn healthy boundaries, learn about attachment in deeper and learn more about yourself, wor…

It is extremely difficult to *start* the healing process while in a relationship as you would be required to balance other factors (is the other party willing to work too? What is their level of healt…

Yes and secures often pick other secures. Severe avoidants often pick other severe avoidants. No, OP, there is no way around therapy.

Sometimes avoidants are with secures. It's not a hard and fast rule that secures only are interested in secures. There are varying degrees of all these attachment styles

At this point in your journey, I believe, you need two ingredients: grieving and not avoiding your emotions (somatic work, journaling, revisiting painful memories, allowing yourself to cry, etc) and s…

I think building discernement and self-trust will reduce the risk of "inevitably being discarded". Meaning, at some point in your healing journey, you'll learn to identify people who are good relation…

If you want to talk, I invite DMs but I'm only here sporadically. I'm a healed avoidant. I say that, but it's not black and white. I measure now for mostly secure. I still experience the initial resp…

Or before going on a rant about an "avoidant discard" consider maybe someone just broke up with you because it wasn't working for them. People aren't obligated to stick around forever trying to for…

Now THIS is the kind of conversation we need to be having. As a fearful avoidant who leans both anxious and dismissive avoidant I have to say I love this sub but I’m getting tired of the victimhood co…

I think that problem equally applies to everyone with an insecure attachment style. Avoidant people don’t become less avoidant by naming their behavior either. A lot of people are able to identify th…

That depends on where you’re reading. I see plenty of attacks on AP. It’s not a contest. You’re reading here, and like you said, folks most likely to want to post about issues are AP. Head over to the…

Yes I agree it’s an important topic. My issue with how you’re addressing it is that you’re creating some sort of behavior hierarchy that simply doesn’t exist. I’m not AP, for the record. I am in the…

Of course it does but all insecure attachments are maladaptive and damaging. Trashing on anyone for their attachment wounds is not helpful 

If you have ever had to watch a secure friend get destroyed by someone with Anxious attachment it is awful. Sometimes healthy people get tired of being smothered and decide to end a relationship. An…

This is not a competition who is far less irritating or who is more evil than the other. Its about both parties should be taking accountability. I am more than agree with you that AP’s biggest challen…

You think you don't owe your partner, someone who's entered into a loving partnership with you, anything? That you can just walk away from that righteously, whenever? Sounds like a paltry, wispy comm…

Irritating the ones you love, polysecure (because it deals with a lot of attachment education), women who love too much, polyvagal theory and exercises, legit anything to do with different therapies— …

i’m coming around to the idea AA’s really shouldn’t be with avoidants. i’m mostly secure and being with my FA gf took some skill to navigate and alot of reading and reflecting because it was all new…

I didn’t like the book attached bc he basically denigrates avoidants & says the only way forward is to be jn relationships w secure people- which js statistically not possible & ignores the vast treas…

To me, the book doesn’t so much denigrate avoidants as it highlight their challenges in relationships, to help anxious types recognize patterns and seek stability—often with secure partners as an idea…

Please look into the health issues that come along with being dismissive or fearful avoidant. You can't just shut off your emotions and experience no repercussions. That's not how our biology works, …

That's not how relationships work: they don't come in waves or at your convenience, for a short time. And, no, relationships are not 10% of most secure people's lives. It's more like 50-50, otherwise…

Fluctuations, yes. You're talking about the fluctuation toward 80% being the anomaly, and that the normal amount of time would be far less. And, no, there are plenty of secure people who enjoy greate…

I tried to add more but reddit won't let me edit. I will say there are secure, independent people who want their alone time too. I am just not sure it would be on the lower end for relationship parti…

I do understand and I can agree it’s not a behavior that can cultivate a long standing relationship with someone who is secure or anxious. But the same can be said about other attachments aswell (no…

Hey I understand what you are saying. I’m with you. It’s a battle of who is more damaged. I look at it this way. No matter what the DA or AA has done, both attachment styles are insecure. Digging to f…

'Anxious attachment people can and often do cross boundaries to soothe their anxiety, disregarding their partners very real very understandable need for personal space (regardless of if they are avoid…

I never said they tried, but who wants to find out that someone else emotional regulation depends on your constant presence. Again I’m talking about anxious attachment because secure people are secu…