fears

For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…

E-commerce Industry News Recap 🔥 Week of May 5th, 2025 — Hi r/ecommerce \- I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Every week for the past 3+ years I've posted a summary recap of the week's top stories…

This Week's Top E-commerce News Stories 💥 May 5th, 2025 — Hi r/Shopify - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter, which I've published weekly since 2021. I was invited by the Mods of this subreddit to s…

Learning to take space, self regulate and set boundaries as an AP earning secure — I have always leaned AP but working on security and now in a relationship with an FA leaning heavily avoidant I've realised a big goal for me is learning to self regulate and set better boundaries. Fo…

If I could just stop deactivating!! (FA) — Follow up from some of my previous posts. I’m deactivating again. I think? Or maybe lost feelings for my partner and I’m just lying to myself and not wanting to let go. The thought of that makes me cr…

Can a FA-DA relationship work? — My partners have been dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, so I have always leaned anxious ig. In my last relationship, I felt secure at the start, it was nice, we set boundaries.. till it happene…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Least talked about method from POSM (question) — In the section where Murphy talks about techniques, one is the "argumentative technique". "In brief, the argumentative method employed according to Quimby consists of spiritual reasoning where you …

Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…

I’m genuinely confused by the adverse effects since starting to do the programming — Yeah yeah, I’m one of those. I have been on a SP mission for almost three months now. We started in a semi okay place, even though it’s a long distance thing and I’m programming for us to be in a rela…

The pain of being unmet... — I'm never sure whether to consider myself anxiously attached, or mostly secure, because I generally do fine if I feel really loved in my relationship. But where I fall apart easily is when I don't. I …

"Love bombing" and anxious attachment — At tonight's Anxious Attachment Healing Group meeting, we read the following reading: **1. “Love bombing” and anxious attachment**  “Love bombing” is a pattern of excessive, intense affection and at…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Unexpected emotional shift after Adventure - Five Messages. Has anyone experienced something similar? — Hi everyone, I wanted to share something that happened recently and see if anyone here has had a similar experience. For some context, I recently went through the end of a **10 year relationship**. …

Obsessing Over There Being a Draft — I have not been able to quell my fears of a draft happening for the past few days. I’ve had this fear before but felt comforted by the fact that boots-on-ground is becoming increasingly obsolete and t…

Why Manifesting From Desire Creates Anxiety — I had a realization while trying to manifest a new job. I noticed that every time I get a notification or an email, I feel a wave of anxiety. Which is strange, because I’ve already done the “work.” I…

"What does it mean to heal?" channeled message from my guides — I thought to share with you all this excerpt from a channeled conversation between myself and my guides. I love this text a lot and return to it often. Perhaps those of you on a healing journey and t…

Do romantic relationships ever work with enmeshed parenting? — When my ex and I broke up I told him that his mom was going to make his marriage miserable. She disapproved of/disrespected me and we could see it wasn't going to work out. I don't hate him, but I'm o…

Anunnaki Contact — At about 5am this morning, I woke up and stayed up, realizing and releasing deep seated fears from past lives recently stirred up. Lying there, I fell into a deep state of meditation. I found myself i…

It Was Always About You — I thought I would share an experience I had a while ago that really changed my understanding of Neville’s teachings and manifestation in general. **How it started** In 2022 I was very into occultism…

my "method" to manifest everything — I got into manifestation back in 2025. I studied a lot of techniques, rules, and read so many books about the law of attraction and all that stuff. And honestly? I heard millions of rules about manife…

Finally Got a Lucid Dream... So I Tested your Queries in it — Hey guys, this is gonna be a bit of a long one lol. \[CONTEXT\] For a while, I've been trying to lucid dream, but was too lazy to consistently do training, write in journals, or set multiple alarms …

Something from The Four Agreements finally clicked for me today — I was reading the second agreement from The Four Agreements this morning, “don’t take anything personally” and something landed in a way it never has before. I realized how many stories I tell myself…

How to get over the fear of fully astral projecting — Just less than five minutes ago, I was trying to take a nap and felt myself drifting into sleep. Just as I was about to fall asleep, I realized the state I was in and my brain became fully conscious w…

Hard times. — Hello team Stoic, hope you guys are having a nice, peaceful day! Currently, I am, after a bit more than half year, on one more crossroad of my life. Last year I went through getting fired, moving c…

Just say this — Guys! Life is too short to argue with your limiting beliefs, doubt, fears and 3D's impulsive dance in front of your human eyes. So... Just say ***I AM ALREADY IN BARBADOS*** *and* ***enjoying my happ…

Health anxiety returned full force after purchasing a home — I’ve had a tough year to begin with after a family member passed away unexpectedly in front of me, but then I purchased my first home and thought it would be something to look forward to. Instead, I…

If your avoidant ex discarded you: go no contact immediately. — writing this as someone who only figured out I'm avoidant/what avoidance truly is post-breakup: the kindest thing you can do for yourself as the ex of an avoidant is respect yourself enough to have t…

Yellow fever is a result of purity culture — Men with yellow fever tend to be far rightists who praise Asian people for being racist, ethnonationalist and "clean" of "degeneracy" and "inferior races" and therefore view Asian women as "clean" of …

Your energy conversion box — Just curious what your energy conversion box looks like! How big is it? What’s it made out of? What do you imagine when you’re putting your fears in it? Mine is actually teeny tiny, and I see myself…

Creaking and Cracking — # Do you get unusual noises in your vicinity during experiences? **Such as: Creaking, cracking, popping, thudding, snapping, etc.** **These noises occur in synchronistic-timing** with my thoughts an…

I typically never have nighmares, while I have terryfying emotional states and flashback during waking states. — Not really a question, but I recently realized that for all the life I live with crippling fears, anxiety, and depression, my sleep is kinda nice. The worst dreams I get are boring ones, like I am dre…

Revision can alter physical incidents — It hasn't been long since I truly started grasping how magical revision is, and I just remembered an incident that happened a few months back last year that actually made the concept of revision sink …

A complicated (online) friendship [vent?] — Hey everyone; I don't know if this fits here or relates too much to codependency, but I can try posting it and see what people's thoughts are. People usually talk about proper IRL relationships so per…

I wanted to discuss letters 3 to 5 of Moral Letters. — I just finished letters 3 to 5 of Letters From a Stoic by Seneca.  I wanted to summarise what I got from them, and talk with y'all about the parts I didn’t fully understand. If I misrepresented or mis…

How do you approach talking about sex in a new relationship? — I (23F) have recently started dating someone (25M) for around two months now, and we recently had a conversation explicitly about us being exclusive. Our sexual chemistry is definitely there, but we h…

Help! Feeling dread and doomed after sessions. — I’ve been using gateway tapes for over 5 years, not every day but I will say over 70 sessions or so. Over 2 years ago, I started to have OBE and I fought them (because I was worried about astral proje…

The most serious use of lucid dreaming that nobody talks about: training to die — Most people start practicing lucid dreaming to fly, explore, have experiences physics won't allow. I did too. But I've come to think that's the most superficial application of the practice, and ther…

Saw them together — D-day was Feb 7th. He’s shown no remorse, in fact according to him it’s actually all my fault our marriage is over, so I’ve moved our divorce along quickly. We should be divorced next week. I’m tryin…

Should I (29F) stop waiting and move on from my boyfriend (30M) of 5 years? — I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend (30M) for almost 6 years now and I think I have been very patient with him. I know not everyone likes this concept but a year and a half ago I told my boyfriend t…

What ACTUALLY helps heal a dysregulated/anxious nervous system? — I had an epiphany yesterday. My entire life I've been searching for the cause of my anxiety. Am I anxious about tomorrow coming? Was it something someone said? Is it an unfinished task? All my life I'…

Stoic reflection. Happiness isn't about getting what you want, but wanting what you have. — I’ve been reflecting lately on how much of our suffering comes from chasing external validation, the dream of being loved, admired, or deemed normal by society. We often treat happiness like a trophy …

Our couples therapist said something jaw-dropping last session--is this a red flag? — Context: my spouse and I started couples therapy about 10-12 weeks ago. We were in crisis and on the brink of divorce. Things have been getting a lot better, and we have both been trying hard. But w…

April 2026 Astrology: Key Dates, Weekly Forecast and Mundane Astrology World Events — April is one of the most active months we’ve seen. Not one planet is in retrograde. Aries fire and cardinal energy sets the stage for initiation, assertion and spontaneous energy. There is a bit of na…

Synchronicity and the Beginning or Continuity of Experience? — To begin, I have had quite a long winded set of experiences, that have seemed to have calmed down a bit over the last few weeks. They went on for several months beginning 3 months and 3 days before my…

a 2.5 gram mushroom trip — I’m writing this a few weeks after this trip. This was my third time tripping on shrooms, and I had just bought 5 grams of magic mushrooms that I was told were pretty strong, so I chose to only eat ha…

He broke up because of my anxious attachment, how can I Deal with This? — Hey. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 2 months ago. I am 26 years old and it was my first relationship. It only lasted for 3-4 months sadly, we knew each other for 6 months in total. We started textin…

any advice would be appreciated. Anxiety. — Over the course of my life, I have always been a very anxious person, but when I got with my partner, I feel like I clung too hard and we are entering a new chapter in our lives where space is somethi…

Cbt is humillating — I am leaving my current therapist. Cbters can't treat us. They have zero survival insticts. Treats my gut feelings as exaggeration or irrational fears. I told him I can detect if a man is a rapist and…

Letting go of someone early due to practical reasons, but it hurts. — TL;DR - Decided to end things due to practical reasons, but it doesn't feel okay. Around three months ago, I (28/m) met this woman (43/f) at a local pub. During this time, I was spending my days in …

Fuck her, she can't even take care of her cats as deaths are an occurrence at her place. I should have followed the red flags like she never even once cared about my fears and I BELIEVED LIKE hello sh…

Don’t be scared or put too much pressure on yourself . It’s a beautiful experience and a great way to face those fears you are concerned about. Don’t meet your demons with violence , you will find tha…

What does that look like??? Find a new hobby. Anything. Try learning to knit. Learn to build robots. Take a class in 17th century blacksmithing. Join a woodworkers guild. Join an improve troupe. Volu…

Wonderful information in the introduction. I would love to get some personal insight from people who are familiar with Astal Projection. I'll keep it as short as possible. I have recently discovered t…

From my experience the way he described it was the confusing part, especially considering the dozen translations there are of this book. Personally I think that a few things he is not right about w…

I'm FA and I identify with this. I value my alone time, and generally speaking, consider myself an introvert. A recharge period is definitely necessary, not just after a social interaction but at the …

Same here. I did tell him about my anxious thoughts and fears, and it does get better, you feel relief. Now, if he responds negatively, well, he is not the person for you. Simple as that really.

Therapist will navigate with you your core wounds which will help you to identify your fears and patterns, learn healthy boundaries, learn about attachment in deeper and learn more about yourself, wor…

This is not a competition who is far less irritating or who is more evil than the other. Its about both parties should be taking accountability. I am more than agree with you that AP’s biggest challen…

Thanks for your opinion on my 10% figure. Besides that, I did not say partners should be at my convenience. I said other aspects of life can throw a relationship’s typical patterns out of balance. Ha…

Fluctuations, yes. You're talking about the fluctuation toward 80% being the anomaly, and that the normal amount of time would be far less. And, no, there are plenty of secure people who enjoy greate…

How you know is being able to sit with your feelings and feel them. Figuring this out in your thoughts won’t work. You have to take time to sit with yourself and ask yourself how you are feeling about…

Love the question!! You don’t need a relationship to grow, that’s the beauty of it (you can but it will be slower, depending on what kind of partner you end up with) You could try to explore being mo…

thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. in my experiences i was chased and pursued. i think of my past romantic relationships as miscommunications based on skewed beliefs and perceptions …

To me, you sound self-aware enough to understand that your fears override your emotions. What an amazing position to be in. Does it make it easier? Probably not. But self awareness and accountability…

Yes, you think it's BS because it validates your fears. And just because something is 'imprecise' doesn't mean it's not useful, or effective. Otherwise we wouldn't have hundreds of studies on variou…

Some avoidants present as secure initially until they're deeper in and then the intimacy fears kick in and then the avoidance really shows up

Really the only way through this is to go into therapy to look into why you are having these thoughts and fears.

Yes my own experiences, but also if you read comments/posts not just from Reddit, you will find very common themes across the board with relationships with avoidants, the truth is it’s very difficult …

The depth of their reflections if you ask them about previous relationships, how they healed, what they want from a partner, relationship with parents… etc How they feel around children: if they’re …

Except they're not being logical and the leaving often occurs due to deep-seated fears. They're basically lying to themselves.

By not chasing and instead matching their pace. Absolutely reply when they text you, and match the energy if you can. Ideally you’d want to be perceived as safe, so when they text you should be detach…

Attachment issues only appear because of a relational issue at some point in life. It's not innate, you're not born with it (even if people can have certain tendencies) and it only exists in the act o…

As others have mentioned this is called, "Hoovering". In attachment theory, particularly with someone who is dismissive avoidant, they may feel threatened by too much intimacy and push you away (brea…

The thing is the more I have aged and worked on myself getting higher self esteem and confidence, the more I have self reflected and become more aware of myself, the more I have slowly recognised the …

Avoidant attachers don’t just decide when they want to be avoidant and when they don’t. It’s built into their subconscious. So it’s not just about them choosing someone—they have no problem choosing s…

My point is that it’s entirely dependent on the avoidant to be willing to do the work. If they’re not ready, it doesn’t matter how “safe” the other person is. The most secure, safe person will trigger…

Yes, that makes sense. It seems like much of what an avoidant avoids is that feeling of caring too much, because it feels like a threat (which is partly why many believe that an avoidant does often pu…

You know you’re limerent and probably codependant. You should probably take advantage of this space between you two to CENTRE yourself! Everything you’ve posted about here is a desperate attempt to …

Focus on what you **feel** instead of what you **should do or not do**. You may be fawning in these moments because you **feel** in danger, even though there is no rational danger in front of you. Ten…

I just am not going to hear how awful DA and FA are at this point. I’m a DA I don’t ignore the expressed needs from my partners but I also don’t allow (AA attachment people specifically) full range to…

I'll look into this, some of what you said rang very true, I also have a lot of fears when things are too good, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop so I'm always on edge, things can't be good …

I'm like you. I think for APs a few embarrassing collisions and losses are necessary to wake up to the fact that life can't be lived this way. My parents are both extremely anxious people and my mothe…

From my perspectives, doing the internal work is about being happy and comfortable with what you have and who you are. Happiness is no longer outsourced. Learn to value peace more than companionship. …

Not being into someone =/= avoidance. I'm avoidant, and I'm very aware of when I like someone despite there being attachment fears that come up around intimacy. The avoidance shows up with the attachm…

I'm curious what those complicated feelings are with having to earn someone's trust. Sounds healthy, though! I think sometimes we have "scapegoat thoughts" (like about someone's nose) that distract us…

Making a longer comment to OP in your reply because I want to dive deeper into this: >Not being into someone =/= avoidance. Youre correct in this, however avoidance does make it harder to judge if y…

I disagree with this. If OP is on the path towards healing, being in a relationship can be what they need to work through the specific fears. I was fearful avoidant, and I was in CBT for ROCD while s…

If you had truly followed this sub,studied and read the index, you would have learned to use the search bar to find previous posts concerning a similar topic as well as an assortment of advice on how …

Yes, I edited, and yes, my comment contains some judgement (besides mostly description and perception, ie. judgement-free language). Non-violent, 100% judgemental-free Rosenberg communication, to me…

I think it depends on what you want. If your boyfriend is FA and he doesn't know how to regulate his feelings then the exact thing that he would do is breakup/ghost you when he started to become emot…

I think if you find yourself needing to break up to get him to fight for you then it's a clear sign of an anxious spiral. In my earlier years I used to use unconsciously manipulative protests to feel …

thank you so much for sharing your story ❤️ im glad to hear you are learning to regulate yourself. This is a long journey, but it’s worth it. I have been working on my AP attachment style, my goal is …

Sounds very fearful avoidant. I’m an FA, and I now understand that the fear of getting too close to someone emotionally (being vulnerable) and the inability to take accountability is actually a fear o…

I know this sounds lame, but you don’t really navigate it. You just do your best to be your awesome self and see where the cards land. Of course you can be empathetic and kind around people and their …

Give her frequent reassurance that you are enjoying getting to know her and like what you see so far. Be vulnerable with her about your own fears too. Explain that her fears are normal when beginning …

In my possession, I have a lot of antique guns passed down from family members. Like the Derringer my great grandmother carried as a traveling nurse in the early 1900's. And the 38 special her daughte…

This is true. I got rocked by a recent breakup with an avoidant i can't tell if he was dismissive or fearful. He told me all the time how much he loved me, lots of physical touch, told me how lucky he…

Yes, similar happened to me. I was dating my coworker though. You absolutely have to stop checking his Instagram. Delete it, and realize it is only contributing to your anxiety. You are grabbing for c…

I am having so much trouble with the rage I feel post-breakup. I worked so, so hard to keep my FA responses in check for this relationship and it just wasn’t enough. He gave up super suddenly and it f…