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Sorry I wasn't trying to make you feel bad about your English, just acknowledging it so you knew I wasn't trying to be rude. All of the models you would use to "talk to" like this are still LLMs whe…
How Can I Manifest Someone I Don’t Even Know? — Hey everyone, I need some advice. I recently saw a really handsome guy at my university fest, but he was an outsider. We didn’t talk, didn’t exchange contacts, and I have no idea where he came from o…
Thoughts on asdf — I ran into this tool a few years back and didn't give it much thought (I ended using pyenv at that time) But now I am juggling a few projects that require different versions for different things. En…
Freelancers – the only person that can evaluate your pricing is the buyer (not Reddit) — *(TL;DR at bottom)* Questions like this pop up on this subreddit every few weeks: > How much should I charge for a basic website? Or: > Is $500 for a single-page Figma design a good price? ...and…
10 startup lessons I’d tattoo on every founder’s arm (in comic sans) - i will not promote — 10 startup lessons I’d tattoo on every founder’s arm (in comic sans) 1. no one cares about your idea. not even your mom. show traction. 1. 2. build fast. talk to users faster. and by “talk,” I mean…
Interview for associate devops role, not sure how it went, need opinions — I had a technical discussion with with a smaller company(around 100-200 employees) and they are filling out a new devops team. I have 7 YOE at large tech companies as a software engineer, but my dutie…
Marketing for startups (I will not promote) — (I will not promote) Proven strategies to take a startup from zero to scale ($10M+ ARR). As a 3X startup CMO, I have experienced tremendous success and a ton of failure. I have been involved in th…
After the first deployment of your products, how do you get feedback? — I launched my products and so far I've had around 100 orders, from those 100 order 4 have left a review. Apart from the fact that the reviews are shown in the website, I would like to hear feedback fr…
Overlooked levers in the returns process — Been thinking about how to address refund requests—not returns logistics Everyone I talk to says to optimize logistics, improve product descriptions, promote exchanges, etc…I’m curious: Anyone make …
Got hacked and now stuck in the verification process — So long story I got hacked due to a data breach. Which resulted in my sites password being taken down and about $6000 in fraudulent charges were purchased. I successfully refunded and cancelled those …
New Entrepreneur Groups? — Hello! Are there any communities that new entrepreneurs can join, chat, and get advice from other entrepreneurs? Maybe a Discord server or something? If there isn’t one, we should start it! I’m a sol…
Talk to my CIO or nah? — Context: I’m a junior devops engineer who reports to the Director of my team directly. Director’s boss is the CIO who joined 4 months ago. I want to reach out to the CIO to hear his insights on career…
No one should suffer because we have trauma. — I see a lot of people accept harmful behavior, because their partner has past trauma, but in my opinion, that is wrong. I know I can come off as harsh sometimes, but we have to have honest conversatio…
Does anyone else go through phrases where they feel cynical about people easily? — I kinda feel like I’m in one of those now. I'm a DA. It usually happens if I feel like I’m trying to make plans with people, but they’re not responding or declining. Usually I’m okay with it, but when…
Anxious attachment spiraling? — Hi everyone :) (26F and 25M) I’m in a healthy relationship, we have our disagreements but overall we work things out. We’ve been together for about a year and 3 months. Lately, I’m feeling overwhel…
Depression and self harm needs to be discussed with professionals. — I cannot stress this enough. Please do not use suicide coded language or express intent or desire to self harm in this subreddit. These are issues that need to be addressed by trained professionals. M…
A message to earnestly curious skeptics and non-experiencers: How to engage experiencers within this community and learn about the topic. — We are seeing an increase of activity from people outside of experiencer circles in threads as time has moved on and more and more people are starting to understand there really is a "there there" and…
I have become obsessed with finding someone. — After my breakup in winter of last year, I went through a long period of mourning and not knowing what to do or how to move forward. Now, over the past 2-3 months, I have become obsessed with finding …
I had a breakthrough tonight! — Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another anxiously attached person. It didn't w…
What would one call this attachment style? — I feel as tho I'm a pretty particular mix, cause I'm not exactly healthy, but the other labels don't exactly resonate either. I suppose it roots from two main things. One, I was bullied and ostracized…
Will my ex FA ever stop resenting me? — I was with my ex (FA) for 2 years, amazing connection and relationship. She broke up after a rough period (lots of changes + frequent arguments, not too intense) saying she was overwhelmed. Later she …
I think I'm in the process of healing, but it hurts so much. Feeling very forgotten and abandoned tonight — I truly recognize and see how much I've grown and how far I've come. I have so much self awareness, gotten good at soothing myself, talking to myself, even managing anxiety attacks. It's not always pe…
Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…
How do you tell whether you need to push through the avoidance or if you just don’t like them as a partner — I feel silly asking this but I’m in my first serious long term relationship and I’m struggling so hard. I get very paranoid that it’s not meant to be because I feel so insanely avoidant. Like what if …
How am I supposed to deal with the "ick" without leading a person on? — I don't get emotionally attached easily, so the early stage of dating is often a long game for me where the other person is trying their best to win me over, and I'm trying to be a good sport and go t…
Asking for input from those who are avoidant — (Forgot to add user flair.) Last paragraph has the question. But for context, I have someone in my life who has acknowledged they are avoidant. When I started looking into attachment styles I found t…
Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…
I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …
Girlfriend told me she was going to kill herself on my birthday. My attachment was almost healed or so i thought - all of that is in shambles now. — There were a lot of other red flags I have previously chosen to ignore, but this is what made me wake up. I suppose after hiding from people and feelings for so long, I felt like if I just broke it of…
I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…
Are pre-birthday discards the norm? — I’m trying to understand this through attachment theory because I genuinely don’t know what just happened. We’re both women. I was 23 with a grad degree, she was 38 and just got her culinary degree w…
Getting over approach anxiety — A few days ago, I went to a local restaurant by myself to have supper. This cute woman with a pom pom on her toque was sitting in a booth across the way, with a couple guys that looked like they coul…
what do i do? my anxious attachment is getting REALLY bad. — i haven't been like this since i last had a really close online friendship w someone 2 years ago, but i recently started talking to a new friend online and we've known each other for only a few days. …
How do I know if I've emotionally checked out or just a protesting behaviour? — I am at a point where I feel withdrawn and not want to talk to a close friend, after repeatedly being let down. "Let down" is probably too harsh. The cultivating event was when I reached out seeking s…
my(F28) bf(M30) thinks themed bridal shower of my friend is stupid and my costume is stupid. — I (F28) am a teacher and my boyfriend(M30) works for a company. we have been together for 4 years and are highly compatible. He has always been reserved and quiet and introvert by nature. i'm more of …
Mom is being kicked out — Parentified eldest daughter here. haven’t spoken to my recovering alcoholic mother in years. Doing so always sends me into a spiral. She puts herself in awful, high-risk situations, never chooses her …
I (28F) cut off my in-laws after how they treated me before and during my wedding, but I get anxious when my husband (27M) still talks to them. How do I move on? — TL;DR: My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law insulted me, fat-shamed and color-shamed me before our wedding and caused major drama during the wedding itself. Now they act sweet in front of my husband. I…
My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …
does anyone feel a little pain when they see how other parents treat their kids? — i was with my mates at about 8 or 9pm catching up in a cafe. we’re all south asian in the uk (all our parents immigrated and we were born here) and they all go uni and i’m working a corporate job so w…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
“You must respect your mom, she’s your mom.” — How many times have I heard this lecture? People who have normal families have absolutely zero clue what they are talking about. When people see a situation or even read a situation they can’t tolera…
Why Being Ok With Not Having Your Desire Manifests It Faster — It’s a very contradictory thing in manifesting where you desire something, but you’re told to let it go and not care about whether or not you have it (because in 4D you already have it). But let’s fo…
54M – Going through a separation and just looking for people who understand — I’m a 54 year old guy currently going through a separation and I’m having a harder time with it than I expected. Some moments I feel okay, other moments it hits pretty hard. I’m not looking for anyth…
Broke up with DA after a year. — Met her a year ago, almost to the day. Things started well, relatively slowly which was nice for a change compared to other situations I have been in around that time. After two months, we became offi…
Did you constantly ask them what was wrong? — I feel like I was constantly asking them what was wrong. What did I do for you to not talk to me. Always answered with nothing. All of a sudden, they were past it and acting completely normal. I feel …
Six Months of Dating in Europe as an East Asian Guy — Honestly Better Than I Expected — Today marks my sixth month living in Europe. Looking back at the past half year and all the European girls I’ve interacted with, I thought it would be fun to do a little reflection—what I did well, wh…
Parents raised me financially. Growing up, Emotionally, they weren't there. And they act like they're so perfect. "You never want to talk to us." I fucking wonder why.
I Genially Think My (35F) Husband (36M) is a Psychopath — Hi everyone, please I need help. I’m 35F and my husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys (7 and 5). I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. About three months ago my hus…
Letting go of LUST — Dear fellow meditators, I have now been meditating for several months and have had tremendous success in letting go of a lot of insecurities I had.. This has helped in improving my social skills and …
My husband cheated and is now the meanest person I’ve ever met — I really just need to rant because I feel like I’m going to lose my mind. So my (30F) husband (38M) cheated on me 4 days after my 30th birthday. To go into more detail, he snuck out of our house while…
When did you finally realise, your life would never be ‘normal’? — I am 47M I grew up in an EXTREMELY dysfunctional household, with every type of abuse you can imagine, and death of a parent at 12. I’ve had to fend for myself since that age, whilst being used and a…
Ok- I dunno how to approach this. My parents did *not* talk about feelings. Still don't-- small town German-Irish silence. I never once witnessed conflict resolution-- just behind the back bottling an…
Haha what an honour to be compared to Uncle Iroh! 😆 yes I understand and I debated whether to put that in, however there are some people who get frustrated with their attempts and prayer can actually…
How often do you astral project? Also how do you get back to your body and wake yourself up? Also how much time passes while your projecting? Is it infinite like a dream. Can it feel like lots of time…
I’m new to this forum. I want to ask you guys something. I’m embarrassed plus I don’t know who else to ask. I started seeing a reiki therapist/psychic about 2 years ago. When I first met her I felt I …
How does silence really "eat them up" though? Whenever Ive left someone, I dont care if they don't talk to me again. What if they're not talking to you either because they don't care? I'm having such …
I'm really happy it lifted your spirit a bit. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here ! Have a BANGING DAY ! Smile. Breathe. Give yourself time to sob but in the same time, limit those tears. They…
You are farther along in your divorce process than I am! I’m still in the ‘I’ve been invited to stay in our house, but sleep in the other bedroom’ phase. I haven’t seen an attorney yet. Have you gotte…
I understand. Just a week before my wife left me she said “I’m so glad we are such a strong couple that if we needed counseling we would go to couples therapy” however what she really meant was “ plea…
There is victim blaming and then there's some attention whore showing up to make sure actual victims voices are never heard. You can easily tell the difference and most subs are filled with them pushi…
I realized after I read my initial response how much I repeated myself. Sigh, this shit is hard. Brain not firing on all pistons. The reason I asked for compassion is because he is acting like it’s a …
What does that look like??? Find a new hobby. Anything. Try learning to knit. Learn to build robots. Take a class in 17th century blacksmithing. Join a woodworkers guild. Join an improve troupe. Volu…
Hello, I'm Kale, and Im 34. I was just married 3 months ago after being in a loving 8+ year relationship with the kindest person I've ever met. Three days ago she told me she had developed a relation…
What if you’re the one that messed up? Bad… we have a son together… its been a year and the guilt is eating me alive. I still live her too… i really want to talk to her and apologize. I understand tha…
This is the way. My ex broke up with me last week on the phone before my dentist appointment. I had to cut the call short because I needed to make my appointment. I lied about watching a sad show on m…
Ya when she left I bagged her not to go her phone had shit the bed too but I had bought her a back up phone because she was a frequent breaker and losing phones so I had one for back up for her lol an…
Yes. I was with a dismissive avoidant and I divorced him, and then my older sister is a DA as well and I have been regaining my voice after I left my ex. So I have set very limited time to talk to my …
That happens when you feel really safe. Which is good but learn how to balance that. You can talk to your therapist about it, also use her as your inner voice - imagine what would she say about this…
This is not standard. Maybe the person has other stuff going on making them act hateful. Or that’s how they cope with their decision to leave. An avoidant deep in the trenches does not want to look li…
It’s unhealthy to project or “mind read”. I think there’s a bit of this going on in your post. It may feel (to you) they hate you, because rejection feels bad. It’s not a good feeling to an ego or o…
You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …
That was my experience we were in a similar friend group I kept respectful, and didn't talk to anyone about what happened while she turned people against me. She tried to apologize, but by that time i…
What you are describing is punishment. And while it’s understandable to a degree, it can also cross into territory that is incredibly toxic. For example, one situation that caused this “escalation” w…
Hate is a strong word But I found unhealed avoidants, prob DAs, tend to at least temporarily drop or block a person to self-regulate, could be for weeks or months. The longest was an ex that blocke…
I've been doing parts work for a couple of years. I'm wondering if it may be more beneficial for you to analyze them, and their potential attachment style, less and just try speaking to them and being…
It ended with “you can’t always read their mind”. Sounds like the original commenter is similar to me or has been through stuff. But if you happen to be disorganized and also have bdp (I don’t think…
No, my statement has nothing to do with validation. I find when someone says 'that's invalidating', they haven't sat down and thought about what they're saying. And why would I need to constantly vali…
Well, I could read several books on attachment theory and the words made sense but I couldn’t put it into practice. I was an Anxious Preoccupied and reading about how I had a fear of failure, rejectio…
Yep, it's probably not a good time...and I may have impulsively downloaded it out of loneliness. I have friends and a sister I can talk to, I have hobbies and a new career. I put a lot of energy into …
Go and talk to people in the space. Or prayer. I prefer the field of dreams strategy.
Every time you tried to start a business? How many customers did you talk to?
Most business owners I talk to are just overwhelmed by the nonstop AI hype and have no clue where to even start or which tool isn’t vaporware. Some are nervous about privacy, others just too busy to m…
Hi maybe you should talk to him/her politely first. :)
My best recommendation is to first interrogate if Skip-level meetings are a thing in your org. If they are just do the meeting. If they aren't I would just do the meeting with the CIO and at the ear…
Thanks for sharing your perspective :) no we didn’t really break up yet, I first accepted to still see him casually cause I do like him and thought that maybe it would work out fine being casual for a…
Thank you for sharing your experience 💜 Although I am feeling frustrated and have some resentment towards this person and this probably comes across in my post, I also do have compassion for him. He…
I’m not a DA but I do need space. Fortunately, my friends have always understood that, and I haven’t had to communicate it. I feel like they are kind of the same and everything just feels super natura…
Secure here. I still do learn and learn to accept that a lot of people cant express themself and selfreflect. Long distance friend of mine and, probably DA, got into arguments with me via whatsapp. …
The first two points are big red flags for me now too! The third isn't a big deal, because I like to take things slow, but I'm also not trying to get on the relationship escalator. 4 & 5 are not gre…
Before I say anything else, I want to say that there's no excuse for abuse, including emotional abuse. Ever. I'm sorry to hear you've experienced that. I also don't think an anxious person should sac…
Just talk to it like it’s a friend About what’s happening and what your feeling
Childhood trauma doesn't always look like yelling or hitting; people mistake this a lot. You can have a lovely attentive parent who still didn't teach you emotional regulation, sent you in time out in…
This one is loaded, and I really feel it. As someone who's actively working through avoidant tendencies, I’ll say this: therapy *was* a must for me. I get the hesitation—there’s stigma, fear of being …
Same thing happened to me. To me, its a respect thing. I knew going into the relationship that she had a tendency to isolate. I was ok with with it because I myself do that on occasion (with family I …
I think it is ok if you never get over what happened. I do think sometimes it gets murky. We think it’s the person, when it’s really the situation. I’ve found myself in situations I thought I’d never …
FYI, I literally *just* said this in my post: >Of course it’s non-avoidants who haven’t read the rules or think they don’t apply to them. THIS applies to YOU. You’re not funny or cute. Read the rule…
Also you lie to them and expect them to except it.when I notice some one is just saying something that isn’t real ,it bothers me. Often my wife needs space,so she stacks her calendar with appointments…
Dude what? Do you have a therapist? They might be better to talk to.
I’m going tomorrow, seems like your picking thing I wrote ,and letting me know they are not the total truth! ?im no expert,I’d like to be able to vent and share. Thanks for your input. How you doing?i…
>Better yet, many are up front and say they don’t want anything serious/don’t want a relationship. I lost count of how many times others will be like, “Avoidants use that as an excuse to hurt you late…
if you have time to spare, talk to them and take your chances. if you dont have time for trial and errors, let them know and dont start talking again. i think people who say don't reply are wrong, no …