good enough

That's heavy. I can relate. The narrative you’re telling yourself right now—that you are "unlovable and unfixable"—is a reaction to pain, not a reflection of reality. Here are a few perspectives to…

Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…

SEO vets - what actually works for ranking nowadays? — Hey, So I’ve been diving into SEO for a bit now — took a dozen free courses (Semrush, Hubspot), read some articles by people like Brian Dean, etc. Thought I was starting to get the hang of it. But a…

using AI for repurposing our pillar content generated 4 million impressions and hundreds of leads — I recently led a Reddit content repurposing campaign that got over **4 million impressions** and **hundreds of new user signups** for my client. Here's exactly how I did it. # Why Reddit, and why use…

Rejected in the final interview after a month long process — This is honestly just a rant post, because I feel completely deflated at this point. I’ve been actively looking for a job for over a year now, moved to Spain three months ago to start a new life, and…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…

Projecting insecurities — Hi everyone, I’ve just realised something that I’ve been doing which I think is both an outcome of my low self esteem and also a way for me to find excuses to end relationships when otherwise I have n…

Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…

Is "good on paper" a thing for guys our age? — I can't help but feeling like I'm good on paper and that's why my boyfriend is with me. I'm conventionally attractive, I make really good money, I take care of myself (and him) and my things, I'm kin…

I (28F) cut off my in-laws after how they treated me before and during my wedding, but I get anxious when my husband (27M) still talks to them. How do I move on? — TL;DR: My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law insulted me, fat-shamed and color-shamed me before our wedding and caused major drama during the wedding itself. Now they act sweet in front of my husband. I…

Shame has dictated my entire life for 41 years — And I didn't know it until now. It was the silent background noise, the "I'm not good enough," "Don't do that or you'll fail!" "Look how stupid you are, you can't do anything right," "Don't notice m…

Letting go of LUST — Dear fellow meditators, I have now been meditating for several months and have had tremendous success in letting go of a lot of insecurities I had.. This has helped in improving my social skills and …

Job hunt anxiety — I have had a very, very challenging job hunt over the last year. I have developed some pretty intense anxiety as a result. These are the things helping me to get through it. I'm wondering what has wor…

Imposter syndrome? — I went to the therapist last Tuesday, and I have another session tomorrow. When I went, she asked me to tell her about myself and my family from ages 0 to 5 up until I turned 24. When I first started …

My mom called my son’s birthday party “f***ing embarrassing” because she cares more about what people think than celebrating him — **UPDATE:** Thank you to everyone who commented and shared advice. A lot of people suggested going no contact with my mom to protect myself and my son. I understand why people said that, but I want …

The habit of hiding things…. — I really thought I was past this of hiding situations and trying to deal with them on my own. It may not seem like a big deal, but this habit has gotten me into awful situations before, sometimes even…

Is my relationship doomed? I love him, but I’m so alone. — Hey everyone, I’m Lucy (F, late 20s) and I’ve been with my husband, Rick (M, late 20s) for about 8 years, married for 2. I know he cares about me and our family, and I see that he loves us. But latel…

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

Can someone help me figure out what my purpose in life is? I had already post a natal chart but I guess it wasn’t good enough, here’s the recommended one

my boyfriend always talks about my body as if he’s settling for it :( (20M 20F) — We’ve been together for just under a year.. these are really his only flaws when it comes to our relationship. But when he talks about my body he always frames it like i’m just ‘good enough’. Ofc he …

You're stuck because... — Not my words: You're not stuck because they're the one for you and you just can't get over them You're stuck because you're thinking that it's them And you're not realizing the narrative that you…

Love after Love — I've been separated for seven months, after 23 years of marriage, a marriage where I slowly changed myself into the person I thought she wanted me to be. I wore a mask every day, suppressing my true s…

A complicated (online) friendship [vent?] — Hey everyone; I don't know if this fits here or relates too much to codependency, but I can try posting it and see what people's thoughts are. People usually talk about proper IRL relationships so per…

My (37F) partner (43M) is obsessed with having something in his ass during sex and its ruining it for me. — My partner and I have been together for almost 5 years and at the start the sex was amazing! Over the first year he would drop subtle hints about getting off on anal play (on himself) but it wasn't a …

Help me please — Created this account just to talk about this I don’t know if it would reach a lot of people but I don’t feel like it’s appropriate to post on main I feel so empty right after I just felt alive I don’…

I did it again. — I reached out and destroyed any dignity I had left, they were nice enough not to laugh at me to my face atleast. I’m a failure as a partner, friend and I’m not even good enough to be a useful tool.

It doesn’t matter WHAT you do, it matters WHO does it — Lately I’ve been thinking about how working on yourself is actually really important when it comes to manifestation (and no, don’t immediately assume it’s something hard). The phrase “it doesn’t mat…

I think I’m a female narcissist and it’s ruining my relationship — I’m a 29 year old female and I think I’m a covert narcissist. It’s ruining my relationship with my partner, a 28 year old male. I constantly feel overly sensitive to criticism, have the “victim mental…

Things ive said in my 7 year marriage — I can’t wait for our long lives together, any life as long as it’s with you. We’ll go anywhere you feel fulfilled—let’s go! Do the things that will make sure your life is lived regret free. You’r…

16 years together feels destroyed... — 7 months ago I (M, 35) found out my partner (F, 35) of 16 years was messaging another man she had met intermittently at her work in a professional capacity (she no longer worked there when I had disco…

Our couples therapist said something jaw-dropping last session--is this a red flag? — Context: my spouse and I started couples therapy about 10-12 weeks ago. We were in crisis and on the brink of divorce. Things have been getting a lot better, and we have both been trying hard. But w…

The friend zone after sex; how many actually do it? — Relatively quick question just to gauge other experiences. My most recent relationship was short, intensely sexual, and apparently one-sided in romantic attachment as she broke things off after 2 mont…

37/m. 3 months ago, I committed an act of domestic violence on my ex partner and I am trying to make sure the version of me that did that stays in the past. — In December I physically attacked my now ex gf of 4 years. It is the single worst thing I have ever done in my life, to the person I loved more than I have ever loved anyone before. I moved out immedi…

Writing a book for male survivors of emotional manipulation and controlling abuse/coercive control. — Wasn’t intending to post anything yet as this is still very much in draft; but I said I would, so here it is. I am writing a book for male survivors of domestic and family violence; not physical abus…

Struggling with self worth nearly a year later even though I was the one that left? — It's been almost a year since I left and I still struggle with feeling like I wasn't good enough for him. And I don't get it because throughout our relationship, I left him multiple times and got hoov…

I think I need to leave my marriage — I’ve been going back and forth on whether to post this, but I need to get it out somewhere. I think my marriage is over. There wasn’t one major event that caused it. No cheating. No physical abuse. …

Just chatting — I believe some breakups are blessing in disguise So I was the dumper. Bought a promise ring, loved everything to be honest but once she told me I wasn’t good enough, she liked our relationship cause …

I'm already behind in life at 18 — I wasn't sure which flair to use, because I think I need advice on a lot of things. I also want to preface by saying I do not blame any of this on my parents, schools, mental health, etc, and this was…

I called my ex — So, I accidentally drank Saturday night on an empty stomach. I left the bar before they closed but I knew I wasn’t feeling good enough to drive so I sat in my car. I don’t remember exactly why I did i…

Anyone else taught that if you don’t get it right away, you’ll never learn it? — Was anyone else’s narcissistic parent really bad at teaching things? And on top of that, did they lose their temper immediately if you didn’t get it 100% right the first time? My narcissistic parent …

I'm finally starting to realize that I'm worth it — My wife and I have been together 16 years. Married for what would have been 14 years in a few weeks. Last week I finally worked up the courage to tell her I wanted a divorce. I knew it would hurt but …

Anyone else here develop a brutal inner critic because of trauma? — Not sure if this is just a me thing or if other people with CPTSD deal with this too my brain can be exhausting sometimes like after a normal conversation i'll get home and suddenly my brain starts re…

I've learned that my sister isn't a safe person to talk to about how our dad treated me growing up, and it's really upsetting. — I don't know if this is the right place for this, but here goes. Warning: I do talk about homophobia from a parent. I was talking to my sister today about how our parents treated us. She brought up …

Help figure out who I am outside academia — I’ve always been alright at school, and a year younger than all my peers, so I’ve felt I’ve had to compensate for it. So I’ve thrown myself into advanced classes and many clubs. I always thought that …

Anyone else had a relatively "successful" sibling growing up? — And by "successful", I don't necessarily mean something really big to the point that they made a career out of that, but just enough that there was always something going on in that sibling's life. Wh…

An open letter to my wife — I want her to know this but I know it wouldn't be healthy so I'm writing it here because if 1 person sees it then maybe I will feel seen. To my 'wife', When we met we were smitten with each other. …

I thought I finally found someone. — Hi! This morning I got a text from a guy that I’m seeing that he doesn’t want a romantic relationship. He said with anyone but that I was perfect, kind, sweet and I’d make the perfect gf/wife. I fell …

27 M my first gf left me for another man. — I don’t have my first relationship until I was 24. I met her (let’s call her Ashley) while working fast food after I stopped going to college due to Covid & tuition. She was a typical alternative type…

After struggling with soda intake for years it’s finally become a treat not an obligation. — Hello all, first time I’m posting here but I decided this was good enough to share. I’m 22 yrs old and within the last 3 months I have finally been able to make a good change in my diet. For reference…

How do you stop overthinking and just start, when perfection is holding you back? — I feel stuck in a loop and I don’t know how to break out of it. I really want to learn things properly and become technically strong—like actually build skills, understand them deeply, and be able to…

Before you ban me, please understand that I’m not trying to argue with you, I was just pointing out that claiming people can’t think critically is not a wise move because it can easily be said of you…

>Before you ban me, please understand that I’m not trying to argue with you, I was just pointing out that claiming people can’t think critically is not a wise move because it can easily be said of yo…

Why on earth would you want to get your ex back. Your ex CHOSE not to be with you. That's the person you want back? They chose to be with someone else. Or to try and find someone else because in thei…

I realized recently I have no internal source of validation, but have always needed validation from some external source. I suppose my marriage gave me that, in a way, and it was clearly not healthy/s…

Oh I see bro. It's nice to hear you're over her, you're a good person for not feeling any animosity towards her when she's done you like that. I cannot imagine myself feeling that way, I wouldn't want…

The problem with DA people in the end of a relationship is that they cause the other persons wounds to be activated. The feelings of not good enough kick in and people are desperate to find a reason t…

It is a valid question. They are core beliefs(about selfs,others and life) and other beliefs rooted in the core beliefs. Core beliefs are about enoughness, worthiness and deserving, love, security, c…

Feeling like they disappointed someone. It taps straight into their core wound of ‘I’m not good enough'.

That take hits harder than most AI doom threads. >“In most non-tech organizations, internal dev and sysadmin is like janitorial services…” And that’s exactly why LLMs don’t have to be perfect, they …

>selling and marketing is the hard part, not building I’d distill it down to this. If you have an existing network or know soneone who does and you do they are great at sales you’re gold. The produ…

Hey thanks for posting this. I started my entrepreneurship journey around an year back and the struggle to focus and manage distractions is so real. I have not been diagnosed officially but have read …

FA here. While not full-blown DA, I can share some insight since I have avoidant traits. Not feeling good enough, like my efforts aren’t enough. That my authentic self will be shunned if I express it…

What else would you suggest based on the knowledge you have gathered? Self-love and self compassion, being able to organize all the feelings alone, have a mindset that you are good enough, but also ha…

I'm secure. I can't relate to those feelings in general but everyone hates a fake person! Not everyone is fake though. Not getting a response can make me feel anxious, let down, or rejected -- not g…

I understand the thought patterns here, and I definitely see how expectations are triggering for avoidant types. But I've also found many of them project what they assume my expectations are onto me? …

I am feeling lonely. Like I am not a priority to my partner. Yet? Or any more? Who knows? I know this is mostly her communication style over text/online. But in the beginning, we would call every da…

Hey, sounds frustrating, but also reads like a rigid checklist that needs to stay constant, like an impossible task because we're human, so we're flawed, ever-changing and emotional creatures. Don't k…

Hi! I haven't gone specifically through it but I know the feeling. Have you mentioned that you want to feel heard rather than him giving you solutions? If you are in a healthy relationship he should a…

Something to note about avoidants, I think, is that a lot of the times we *do* come off as secure in the beginning. A couple early warning signs I've found that are common are going to be near-consta…

I don’t know you or your whole story or your life. But it kinda sounds to me like your 2 year old is just going through a totally normal adjustment period for being 2 and now having a baby brother. Sh…

I think Fearful Avoidant - I know someone has a great counter argument in the above comments - but it’s a complete myth that fearful avoidants don’t crave intimacy The crucial part of fearful avoida…

I know it’s hard and it feels unfair. You are going to have to do the greatest mental magic trick of your life and learn to ignore/hide your feelings. I know the feeling of not being good enough i…

It’s possible that this is a compatibility problem. But you are also personalizing his extroversion as if it has something to do with you. Like you are not good enough and that is why he gives other p…

Hey! First time asking question but long term sufferer or anxious attachment! How do yous cope and self soothe and calm? I can never handle my emotions til after the fact. I’ve had issues with anxiet…

I'm glad you recognized the bias for yourself. It's so noticeable as an avoidant, as I carry many scars from APs (not demonizing all of them, just obviously insecure attachment is a two sided coin.) S…

I can relate to you, I think people don't talk often enough about how dark and suffering it feels to be at the other end of the spectrum. People tend to only discuss the aftermath of how you should pi…

I’m also an FA, and I’ve been in therapy a while. I’m not an expert, just been trying to improve little by little and your post really resonated with me. I also feel like it’s hard to determine what i…

When I find myself caught in an anxious spiral, these are the things I've found that help me most: 1) Get moving - I pop in my earbuds, turn on a true crime podcast to engage my brain, put the leash …

I'm (23f) currently a few days post broke up and naturally it has been devastating. I broke up with my boyfriend (23m) because after 7 months ultimately because he didn't love me. He said he was …

It’s the real her (confused, emotional, unstable) but the real you is shattering the fantasy version of you (not your fault). Her fantasy of how your relationship was going to go just got “real” now s…

It sounds like it might be good to figure out what the root of that wound is. If you are not feeling good enough, where does that stem from? What limited beliefs are running amok? What coping mechanis…

Well the anxiety is not about him. Not truly. What is really being triggered? Issues with self worth? Where does that stem from? Likely childhood? It does sound like you are projecting your feelings o…

So wait.....you talk to him daily on the phone and text...and you are still feeling disconnected? Are you saying that his only way to connect with you right now while he has his kids is not good enoug…

I dated a ln avoidant who wanted nothing more than to have children. It became an excellent reason to discard people. No one was ever good enough to be the mother of his future children. He’s now 46 a…

I've gone a long time without real intimacy, and it's something I desperately want. I struggle to feel 'good enough' or 'deserving' of intimacy, and obsessively seek out validation from others, which …

In anxious attachment (well any insecure attachment styles) we have limiting beliefs about ourselves and relationships that may float beneath the surface and they cause us to gravitate toward situatio…

I read an article from a DA that they’d start early dates with lines like ‘this is just casual, when this ends, we are just friends’ even though they really liked the person but could be all in with t…

I am also anxious. I told my partner to leave in June, which was extremely traumatic but I'm sorry, I won't cohabit with anyone who is an apologist for the worst excuse for a human being on the face o…

You need to prioritize the relationship with your self. Find more things to fill your life. It could be things like hobbies and other friendships. Centering your life around other people will create c…

This is often true of avoidants. But they actually can’t force themselves, and they certainly can’t force themselves *for you*. They have to want to be open, be able to communicate in advance that it …

That sounds promising. The tv analogy is interesting! How long would you say is a good enough amount of time to know if you trust someone enough to see them in person?

I think it makes anyone anxious especially when avoidants disappears for weeks to months without any proper notice and reassurance. A quick “Hey, i am busy with xxx and i still love you so dont worry …

okay so I actually think I lean more towards anxious preoccupied attachment now… not that ChatGPT is always right but I used it not too long ago when I questioned my attachment style tbh and it made s…

It is unfortunate that as we get older we do tend to grow apart from old friends. It is a normal part of life. It still sucks, but it helps to keep the perspective that all people (even secure ones) g…

Yeah, my older brother was autistic with many extra issues and was incredibly aggressive towards me. I was a smaller girl and could not defend myself but nobody cared. He was the center of the world, …

Not sure if this is helpful for you or not, but it helps me to talk about the new person with people who love you. It’s heart warming when they start acting protective and discerning about whether thi…

One hour is good enough for something you don't see going further. I think we owe people some grace and we can have a decent friendly conversation even if nothing is going to come out of it. After tha…

Have you gone to therapy about this? Sometimes we lock ourselves up and can't see the forest for the trees. In addition, I also highly recommend Lori Gottleib's Marry Him: Settling for Mr.Good Enough…

8th date with A last night - he cooked me dinner and gave me leftovers to take to lunch with me today. He put a lot of effort into the meal, and having someone cook for you is lush! He wants me t…

Hello, the questions I have are mainly about me and not really about the relationship itself. Any advice would be appreciated as I'm struggling a lot with this. The Situation/How I feel: The relati…