fantasies

The best way I've seen this difference described is that one brings you out of reality while the other brings you into that reality. I used to imagine a lot as a kid, and there was a difference betwee…

Handling another crush as a FA — Hello all, spring is here and so is a new crush. I really can't get used to how excited but anxious my butterflies and fantasies make me. Sometimes they make me so anxious to the point I get dysfuncti…

What are some healthy ways of self-soothing in place of limerence? — Hi fellow anxious attachments girlies (and guys!! and everyone)…I’m someone who has used fantasy about a person to escape a lot in the past. I’m better about it now, but sometimes the tendency still c…

i feel safe with being almost loved | disorganized attachment style anthem | i want love but i'm scared | (cathartic release) — Lyrics: Love, for me, is just a hallway, Soft light, shadows drifting slow. I see a silhouette approaching Then I turn before my heart can get too close. Sometimes I feel a brush of something ten…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Recovery. I don’t care to be in a relationship.. did he break me or is this healthy? — 1 year and 2 months! Getting better (and who ever said this is a quick recovery is wrong this takes a lot of time, dedication, work and lots of waves of emotions.) Things are mentally getting better …

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

How to unlearn? — Hello all, I have been practicing meditation and breathing exercises regularly for the past nine months and it has been having immense effects on my life.. I coupled this with yoga, shadow work and s…

How can I build a personal life that doesn’t depend on other people? — Hi Reddit!! I really need an outside perspective on my situation, because I feel like I’m completely lost in where I’m going and what I actually want from my life… Maybe people who have learned to man…

Hot take on Daniel Love — (quoting will NOT be accurate, only rough from my memory). I am not structuring this as a super hateful post, not SUPER hateful, and I wouldnt try to say hateful, so bare with me here. I dont like Da…

Meditation hasn’t worked for me — I’ve tried meditation for years. I used to do simple breath work, I tried frequencies binaural beats etc, and for a while I did transcendental meditation. None of them helped me. So recently just a f…

Fantasies about being rescued? — Did anyone else used to fantasize about being rescued or saved from traumatic situations? Like, I know now adaptive daydreaming is a thing and it's a thing I've also experienced, but did anyone ever f…

What is your definition of lucid dreaming and what is your experience? — Before I jump into my question, I should give the context that I've been a lucid dreamer my whole life. I actually never knew that this was a skill that people could train themselves to do. I also did…

I (30F) found out my husband’s (32M) fantasy through a couples app and now I feel weird — My husband got us to try one of those couples apps. It’s mostly intimacy cards/prompts for date night, but apparently it also sends you daily questions too. One of his daily questions was what fantas…

Emotional incest: What are your symptoms as an adult — Hey guys, I can’t let this topic go because I can’t find a real answer anywhere, but I know 100% that I was a victim of emotional incest by my BPD mother. I’m wondering if it’s possible to develop t…

I wish I hadn’t looked on his phone — I 30F have been with my 31M husband for 14 years, married 8yrs and have children. I want to preface I never go through his phone, or his socials/texts until today. My phone had died and because he was…

Everyone wants to “be Chinese,” but nobody wants to be Chinese. Up on a pedestal or down on its knees, it’s all orientalist fantasies

Shifting - is it a transition into REAL parallel realities or is it something from the realm of lucid dreams, tulpa creation, and hyper-realistic fantasies? — I am an absolute beginner in this topic. Literally. I only learned about the concept of 'shifting' and what it means today. And I have the biggest dream - to learn to move between worlds of the infini…

My Experience as a Beginner — I was introduced to meditation as a teen, when I went through a productivity phase. Just starting university, was going through some stuff, and I wanted to find a "better" version of myself, whatever …

If we all got sent back to our "native" countries, how would you feel? — Asian American here. I often have these thoughts, or in my case "fantasies" of my family returning back to their native lands. I was born and raised in the US but my life has been a perpetual identity…

Seeking advice about my wife's actions — Seeking advice I’m posting here because I need honest input from people who understand limerence/crush dynamics, especially if you’ve experienced it while in a committed relationship or from the part…

Day 100 mini rant — Its day 100 since the breakup and the start of no contact, and honestly? Ive been well. I read and listened to a lot of tips to help the breakup process, been focusing on myself, practically diving de…

28F and 28M sex drive incompatibility, feeling stuck? — This may be rambling and I’m sorry for that. Also sorry for formatting, I’m on my phone. I 28F and my boyfriend 28M, have been stuck in a rut. A month ago I told him that we are incompatible with …

Back to square one in an obsessive loop — Currently on day 11 of a 3 year breakup I am deciding to use this account as tracking, as venting, and maybe a place to seek advice from the few kind people that reply. I want to be completely ho…

M 38, f 35, fears of cheating and complicated sex — Tl;dr: I have severe OCD and can detach from sex easily. Sometimes all that helps is thinking about someone else and it’s eating me alive as I love my partner. Hi all. I’m sorry if this is too graphi…

Had a terrible breakup. Suffering mentally. Need advice. — I (28M) was in a relationship for 5 years with this girl (28F). We were doing long distance and planning to get married soon. Last year she met a very powerful politician via a mutual. (38M) Has a wif…

I have applied for a job without my mom knowing — I am 31 years old. This is the next step toward breaking free from my mother’s life long infantilization of me. I’ve been told by her for years that I don’t have the ability to do any kind of job I ex…

On and off for 2+ years, I want this to be the end — \*needing advice & encouragement We had an awfully traumatic relationship - trauma bond, mental health issues (I have complex PTSD from him, and an array of other MH issues like bipolar, and social …

Fantasy Attachments and Dissociative Fantasies May Be Ruining My Life: Anyone Relate? — I've been deep diving into attachment lately, partly a fixation, partly to try and understand myself better. Last night I was watching a Youtube video on grieving attachments and she mentioned that w…

Minor cptsd? — I’m confused, I have a lot of the symptoms of cptsd but what I think is my trauma doesn’t feel traumatic enough to have caused ptsd. I know that’s what everyone says but seriously. What I think was t…

How to get over ur ex no bs 💯 — Heres how i got over my ex who had me trapped in a trauma bond. I feel nothing, no lingering feelings make it hurt anger nostalgia Its just.. nothing like today i opened his profile as usual i wann…

Struggling to understand how my separated wife moved on so fast — Hi, My wife (31F) and I (34M) were together for 7 years. It was a loving but very intense relationship, and for most of that time we were basically inseparable. We separated in December 2025. After …

Daydreams/Fantasies??? — I daydream and fantasize every single day of my life. When I do this, I always visualize specific situations I really want to be in real life and sometimes I find myself saying things that I say in my…

did i block memories of csa or not as a 7 years old? — hi,so before i start,i'm a 17 years old girl,and i'm going to discuss topics that include sexual behaviors at childhood that were harmful i think,and other things. so when i was 4,i remember waking …

21F dating 25M unsure what to do — I've come to Reddit for genuine healthy advice as I can't in rea life. For context, I 21F have been going out with my partner 25M for the past 2 1/2 years. Before I start, to clarify, he has ADHD and …

Why does grooming excite me? — I rarely make reddit posts and i’m not too great with punctuation on grammar so please bare with me . if you have any questions i will try to clarify. since i was kid I’ve had extremely taboo and dist…

My boyfriend (25M) just told me (24F) that he has sexual fantasies for his old crush — I (24F) have been dating my current boyfriend (25M) for 8-9 months now. He told me had a big crush on a uni friend before me, even while dating his ex. He says they’re “not close,” but he brings her u…

I have extreme fantasies, please help me — I (15F) have weird fantasies, I will start off by telling you abit of my Childhood, my dad was a HORRIBLE GUY , hes the cause of this, I forgot he was even there while I was a baby, and when I was 5 t…

I dissociated after talking to my therapist about my sexual feelings towards him — I (26yo girl) I'm experiencing erotic transference towards my 40yo male therapist (lacanian psychoanalysis oriented) everything started when I noticed he is very aware of not looking at me when I ta…

How do I know if I was a victim — My Earliest memories consist of me having really really graphic sexual fantasies like being tied up , kidnapped and taken advantage of. Like id see normal stories abt love and stuff (animated ones on …

What happened between me and my therapist? (Erotic transference/countertransference) — I am a 26yo girl, and I am seeing a new therapist after a long psychoanalysis when I was younger. this new therapist (lacanian approach) is a 40 year old male, I respect him very much and I started fe…

I'm at a crossroad — I am in a relationship with someone who clearly has strong narcissistic and even sociopathic traits. I wouldn't say he is a full narcissist, because he does have remorse and when something bothers me…

Still thinking about him constantly 2 years post breakup — I (20M) still almost constantly think about my ex (22M). We met when I was 17 and he was 19 and dated for 1.5year, with an official relationship of just over a year. We broke up because he didn’t put …

I fantasize about being choked to death by som1 — as the title says, I keep having these fantasies about getting choked (not necessarily in a sxual way) by sm1 till i pass out/ dying. I've started to have these fantasies after my attempt by choking m…

How childhood trauma and bullying turned into a specific paraphilia (Enuresis/Denim). Looking for perspective. — Hi everyone. I’m a 22yo male (Engineering student) and I’m finally trying to face a complex situation involving childhood trauma, neurodivergence, and a very specific paraphilia. I’m looking for suppo…

Astral Projection: Quick Start Guide — This post contains guides, FAQs and the fundamentals that are suitable for both beginners and experienced members. Explore the links, videos, Astral Projection stories from experienced community membe…

No, you didn't get lucky. I know it feels like a win, but look at how much thought and work you have put in to make a relationship barely functional. You say you don't want to fix her, but you do ever…

Some thoughts - this is rushed, so not nicely written: \- Anxious-preoccupied: preoccupied with attachment figures and attachment relationships, anxious about possible unavailability of attachment fi…

These are the kinds of things you think with fearful avoidant attachment, and when you get to the point where you want to try and start dating again after working through a considerable amount. I’m da…

OP your self-insight is great and this on/off again pattern (while unique to each individual relationship in its own way) is reassuring to read because of just how many similarities we all share. Th…

Text of original post by u/BoysenberryAwkward76: Hi fellow anxious attachments girlies (and guys!! and everyone)…I’m someone who has used fantasy about a person to escape a lot in the past. I’m better…

Oh hello! A post that I have an answer to! I know this might sound a little bonkers, but I used my limerance to become a writer! Instead of using my imagination to fantasize about real people and …

I think from chatting to avoidant or secure people replace Limerance with daydreaming about themselves, their own career or hobby goals, in the time we spend daydreaming about another person. So you c…

Yes! I realized that I was coping via romantic fantasies all the time, or fantasies of impressing others. Now I'm falling into the trap of imagining learning a language (or some other skill) ... and i…

https://youtu.be/9l5ALCPEBkc?si=i3VKUlg3rHPJem1n She’s got tons of fantastic talks on everything around this topic. Also: knowing you can give it to yourself. For some reason, realizing that I was t…

1) I am working on finding things I love to do for me that take a little brain work. I've been dieting and I am a big gym person now. The dieting takes planning and food prep and I try to share my new…

This is pure bullshit to the tenth power and weak minds will eat this up and wonder why their life is fucked lmao. Thoughts don’t magically bend reality but your beliefs, focus and mindset shape how y…

For me, awareness came first, repair later. I actually know the exact dates. I'm not sure what the exact trigger was though. Our situation has been stabilizing, as the youngest has gotten settled into…

I think my ex did this to me. They idolized me, made me center of their world and pulled back when they realised that they are losing themselves in this (they are fearful avoidant) had fantasies of r…

Hi, just wanted to say you're not alone in this. I'm aroace (my attachment style comes to play in platonic relationships) but for the longest time in my life I denied being aromantic because I wanted…

I think you may be trying to control things that are many times uncontrollable. New relationship energy (NRE) is a thing. It’s normal to be excited by a new person. And inherently fantasizing is not a…

you make a good point for sure, i think my worry is that i am ABSOLUTELY guilty of fantasizing about someone too much and its just about finding that line. i think even if some degree of fantasizing i…

Hi, avoidant aplspec aroace (the quadruple a!) here :) It's important to differentiate a trauma response with sexuality but it can be tricky. I think first things first, you should acknowledge whic…

Aww. I'm sorry. It definitely makes things more difficult to get over if you are going to be forced to see him while at work. But it's not your fault that he is seeking a different emotional experienc…

I got a LOT from Pia Mellody’s book “Facing Love Addiction” that helped me find where to reset myself when it comes to approval-seeking behaviour. Until we deal a bit with the fear of interaction we…

I still think about the woman who ended things after two weeks of talking and one date a year and a half ago. I also still think about the woman who told me she wasn’t looking for a relationship after…

Yep, I just lay in bed and read fiction. I was sad, but I looked after myself, and that's the best I could do. (Although there were several fantasies of my crush messaging me he has feelings for me)

You don’t really know this person (because you can’t know someone after only two dates), so it’s not him you’re struggling to move on from. This is probably some form of r/limerence and you have proj…

*SNUFF FILMS?!* what the fuck, they don't need shrooms, they need a fucking lockdown facility to prevent them from acting out their fantasies, holy shit. 

I don’t understand why it’s so difficult for people to stop these affairs before they escalate. If you feel a crush starting, you crush it. She didn’t value you as a partner. The conversations about …

If they shared sexual fantasies and had the opportunity to be alone it’s highly likely they engaged in some kind of sexual activity. Being willing to go so far as to engage in discussing sexual fantas…

I teach adults and teens to create a line of energy from the bottom of their first chakra to the chakras at the center of the planet. This is powerful and solves a lot of energy problems. Whatever s…

So she was raised better than to physically cheat but talking about her sexual fantasies and how things would be different if they were single were a okay. She obviously wasn’t raised better and if th…

I succeeded now basically retention, hard to believe, but like with everything it isn't cold turkey, goes over a decade upside and downs till you fully control it, one if you're busy like cresting som…

Im_talking is right. I used to think that I was supposed to “see” something during my meditation. Some grand manifestation of power or whatever BS I believed when I was younger and just starting out. …

Here's the main disconnect for most: Some get in their head with fantasies of romance, unconditional love, and unconditional attraction. Some get in their heads with fantasies of a nurturing love, mix…

A Billion Wicked Thoughts is a great book about all the different types of fantasies humans have, and why. It may be a helpful read to stop feeling ashamed.

I think it's normal to have all kinds of weird fantasies about abusers, including correcting them, placating them, or humiliating them, whatever. But it's a fantasy, just like a dream, it is a way our…

So there's a couple of things to consider. It's usually not just one energy that causes what you're experiencing. It's also usually not just one mechanism that causes what you're experiencing. Human…

If you're determined to get over her, the best way is to reduce exposure to her until your mind has no new experiences to latch onto and spin into obsessions. Barring that, the next best way is to tak…

This has always been the case, no? I don't know of any guy who could have gotten a woman being a dull slab of nothing in our 20s. We all have our projects/interests or get to indulge in our childhoo…

One of my favorite things about traveling is developing fierce and fleeting crushes on and life-spanning fantasies concerning strangers at the airport/on trains/etc Plane reading is [Love is an Algo…

The women in that photo generally don't strike me as "[beaconist](https://bpr.studentorg.berkeley.edu/2021/03/20/why-do-chinese-liberal-intellectuals-and-dissidents-support-trump/)" or "pick me" types…

I think this is where I’ve gone wrong before. I tried to just suppress my grief. Tried to move on and be happy/healthy but it was performative. I tried to tell myself he was a piece of shit and I was …

Based on Mars in your third house (sibling/peer relationships, primary schooling, communication), I wonder if there isn't something angry or confrontational in your communication style that you're not…

>Based on Mars in your third house (sibling/peer relationships, primary schooling, communication), I wonder if there isn't something angry or confrontational in your communication style that you're no…

I had almost-same experience too with this girl with obvious mental issues later. She kept saying her parents abused her but she chose to live with them and also even her therapist didn’t agree it was…

When I'm tripping I can often have what I think of as empathetic orgasms -- they're like a full-body, non-ejaculatory orgasm I can feel whenever my wife orgasms. It's mind-blowing, and it doesn't stop…

With a huge caveat that nobody needs to accept disloyalty. Fantasies are okay, but actually indulging physically in every fantasy *within* a committed relationship isn't something you can expect from …

My gf kink is also this. I blinfold her and use all sort of toys to amplify her fantasy. Even if it wasnt his sort of kink he couldve responded in a more interrested/supported way. I mean it depen…

Girl, ditch this loser behavior and join us over at r/ReverseHarem and r/RomanceBooks. Shaming you for exploring and indulging your fantasies in a safe way is not only ludicrous but also dangerous. Sa…

Lol I didn’t say that. She said orgies are a fantasy more than a kink, he doesn’t have to encourage her to physically go participate in an orgy to support her reading a spicy fantasy. Anyone who has r…

I’m gonna be real with you, as a dude, nothing you said is crazy or out of bounds! You’re allowed to have fantasies. Reading something doesn’t mean you’re trying to go do it in real life. Guys watc…

I agree, and that's specifically why I recommend reading Lindsay's book before diving directly into trauma books. There's no mystery here. She opens her book with a disclaimer that it's not a trauma b…

I'd suggest you go back and reread the last few chapters. The book doesn't explicitly advocate for no contact. Lindsay's perspective is that you can't expect an emotionally mature relationship with so…

Thank you 🩷 I’ve always felt like something was wrong with me. I was always picked on as a kid, even by my own family, for my physical appearance. As a girl, this was really hard. Somehow, in womanho…