alive

**PART 2 OF 2:** **My Acid Trip:** This is honestly a long backstory but I'll make it short as hell. Basically around 2018 I was in an *extremely* dark place, and very depressed for a very long…

To the former LOAPorn folks here — Hi everyone! It's been about 3 months since me and my SP have been NC. It's quite a long story to retell it there, but we two got really close, and we were very happy with each other. However, due to…

I made $32 after 16 months of coding. Was it all a waste of time? — Over the last 16 months, I’ve done something that sounds cooler than it really is: I built a SaaS. In my free time, at night, on weekends, while everyone else was at the beach or watching Netflix, I …

Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them? — Hello all, I'm basically pretty severely A.P. , & so far I've been unable to get close to anyone (romantically) in my life without just exploding with terror that I'll be abandoned (or feeling a stro…

Practicing acceptance while anxiously attached? — Hi all, I don't always see myself as AA, but in one specific friendship, I am definitely anxiously attached. I have felt the same way with former friends, so I definitely know the problem is my attach…

Today marks 6 months since we last saw and spoke to each other — As the person on the receiving end of testing behaviors, ghosting, and a discard, I would love to hear that my former flame is doing well or even an apology. We have known each other for almost…

Please help — Hey there! Found this community a few days ago and I seriously need advice on how to push thru the panic/ anxiety. I know I'm an avoidant. All my life I've never wanted people to see me. All my life…

23 and feel stuck with no direction — I’m 23 and feel really lost and stuck in life. I’m in a good relationship and I’m grateful for that, but mentally I’ve struggled since I was a kid. I had really bad anxiety starting around age 8–9 an…

“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.” - Alice Roosevelt Longworth — Written by Alice Roosevelt about her father, Teddy. I feel like this quote perfectly captures the dynamics of having an nParent. Whenever sympathy, positive attention or adoration is being doled out …

Will I ever not feel so lonely? (Seeking input from older folks on this platform) — I am nearly 47 years old and the emotional neglect I suffered as a kid and still suffer at the hands of my parents, still has such a profound impact on me. I know there are people of all ages in this …

You can reality shift just by washing your hands — Hey everyone, I’ve been obsessed with this idea lately and I can’t stop thinking about it: what if the simple act of washing your hands, when you actually slow down and get fully present with it, bec…

I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…

The phrase "you're so strong" is pissing me off. — ETA: TW tags and NSFW added. I apologise. Had a dysfunctional childhood, abusive stuff of all sorts, was struggling with major depression and being extremely suicidal in my teens, have been through a…

The day has come! — For more than 50 years, the Monroe Institute has been quietly pioneering a systematic way to explore human consciousness — beyond meditation, beyond belief, and beyond theory. I’m excited to share tha…

The Exhaustion of Being Someone — Most people think they are tired because life is hard. But there is another kind of exhaustion that sleep does not fix. It comes from maintaining a self. All day we manage an image: explaining ours…

Does anyone else just not tell their mother anything — I have too much trauma to write here but in short I stopped telling my mum anything from about the age of 16 (now 31) because I learnt the hard way that anytime I was brave enough to share my true tho…

Growing Up With a Perfectionist Parent Is Messing With My Sense of Self — Recently I’ve started noticing a pattern in the way my mom treats me and my siblings, and it’s been messing with my head a lot. I genuinely love my mom and I know she loves us deeply—she’s the kind of…

I am successfully shifted — Hi! My English is bad sorry I wanted to shift my reality where my sister is alive and healthy with me. I started to robotic affirmation 24/7 and subliminal, I have been locked in my room since 1…

Who else was taught to people-please or be a pushover? — I was taught by my parents from early childhood to make others happy, and I often found myself last on the priority list. Perhaps the overemphasis on reputation in many Asian cultures contributed to m…

The Analysis Trap is a Pitfall — One of the main purpose of Meditation is to cultivate awareness. A common thing you see among meditators and also in this subreddit, is that by intending to train meditation, one also ends up traini…

My (F28) partner (M28) gave me an ultimatum: him or my birds. Idk what to do — Hi everyone, I could really use some outside perspective. I (F28) have been in a relationship with my partner (M28) for about 3 years. I love him a lot and I genuinely imagined a future with him. We …

I wanted to be recognized as an artist — (Non native English speaker, sorry for mistakes) I had 1 dream. Im an artist, i do art. Ok, this is ego talking, but anyway, art is all I do Since i’m a Little girl. I’ve been told I was good at it, …

Shifting to a parallel reality fulfilled my needs more than my DR — This might sound controversial, but let me explain :P A little over 3 weeks ago, I shifted to a parallel reality. A reality where my grandma was still alive and the family didn’t seemed to had fallen…

My ex-wife tried to kill me a few years ago. She just moved in three houses down from me. — I’m struggling with how to even process this. A few years back, things with my ex-wife reached a breaking point. She was struggling with substance abuse, alcohol and pills, and I had discovered she’d …

Endogenous DMT activation in sleep? Spontaneous breakthrough-like state with fractals, death sensation, head pops, high-pitched noise — [](/r/DMT/?f=flair_name%3A%22Experience%22)So this is going to sound stupidly insane but… I need to put it somewhere for someone who might understand. Background: had a 6g mushroom trip a while back.…

People underestimate the power of connections that were formed during childhoood — And I dont mean positive connections only. Negative connections also seem to stick around till we die. And since our parents chose to form negative bonds with us, unfortunely that is what lasts up…

I spent years trying to fix my life with discipline. Therapy showed me why that didn’t work — **My Journey** I can’t remember not being depressed. I have some memories of the time before, but they are pictures, frames of a child enjoying life. But I’ve struggled with depression almost my enti…

This is harder than it should be. 🥸 — I was so incredibly excited when I first started dating after divorce 4 years ago. I was finally looking forward to meeting a like minded man and falling in love with a healthy partner. I was 44 and f…

First Regulate Your Nervous System — Recently I watched a YouTube video by a guy named Reeves Tsang called how to reset your nervous system (and how to finally override your reality) This is one of the first manifestation videos I've se…

The Moment I Realized Astral Projection Was More Real Than I Ever Imagined — Last night, I had an astral projection experience that completely blew my mind. At first, I was skeptical, thinking it would just be another lucid dream. But as soon as I felt my consciousness lift fr…

Decided to stop blaming things on my breakup, the world, and my mental health — Ever since my break up last year i’ve turned to alcohol, gambling, lots of random hookups with girls i would never make my wife. I’ve come to realize that she was one of the most important lessons in …

My best friend (F35) with BPD has dropped off the radar and I (F30) don’t know if inviting her to my wedding will be too much pressure or not involving her will hurt more. What should I do? — My best friend and I met 8 years ago at work. Our friendship was very full on as we worked together and lived in the same city but even when we both left the city we met in, we stayed in close touch. …

Mom! There's a Flying Car Outside the Window + And Other DR Memories — https://preview.redd.it/qg8vkwaixvpg1.png?width=1024&format=png&auto=webp&s=ddddae1cd2fa8a918133c6c3655c21cd7e63afd6 https://preview.redd.it/am1xwmqjxvpg1.png?width=680&format=png&auto=webp&s=2814916…

How do I (M22) explain to my girlfriend (F20) that I have a substantial amount of money? — This is my first proper relationship and we have been together for around 4 months. I stay at her mom’s house with her most days of the week now and they both work full time and think I work from home…

The moment you stop paying attention… they stop existing. — I’m going to say something that might trigger you a little… The moment you stop paying attention… they stop existing. And no, I don’t mean they disappear physically from the world. I’m talking about…

Did your parents expect you to be grateful for keeping you alive and maybe doing just above the bare minimum? — Sometimes I just stop and think about how a person can bring life into the world when no one asked them to, have that life be literally dependent on them, and then use that power to guilt them by call…

dreams about a specific person that end up occurring in real life? — Has anyone experienced something like this? This has been happening to me with a man I’ve been seeing on and off for a few years. We’ll go weeks or even months without speaking, but I’ll have really …

The Astral Plane: its Nature, Structure, and the Unseen’s Map found in world religions — *Disclaimer: The views expressed here are my personal opinions, except where excerpts are quoted.* # Nature of the Astral Plane The Astral Plane is the wider dream world. It’s a constant place that …

My mom cheated. She refuses to understand why we are upset at her — # Trigger warning for suicidal content My mom cheated. Looking back, I’m not entirely sure I’m surprised that she did, but I was still so shocked when I got the news. For most of my adult life, my …

Help me please — Created this account just to talk about this I don’t know if it would reach a lot of people but I don’t feel like it’s appropriate to post on main I feel so empty right after I just felt alive I don’…

I flew across the country alone at 19, and they followed me. — Hi everyone. I'm unsure of who will remember of my two or so posts detailing my potential escape and plans to have an emergency move from Alabama to California, but I did it! This was my first time f…

My Orb experience as a kid and what it did to me — Hello everyone, ive been lurking here for a while and i thought id finally share my first and only ever orb experience. i remember this day very vividly and i have pretty much 0 recollection of any m…

Wanted to end myself a year ago but now love life to my fullest — About a year ago in my senior year of high school I was very close to suiciding. I was giving myself very high expectations and was on a domino effect of doing nothing everyday and regretting everythi…

I need people to let me know if I should seek professional help — Hi, for my own privacy let me tell you that I am not an adult but I am not a child either. I have a small fear that I might have a psychotic disorder or I might do something bad later in life. In shor…

Wife cheated after 7 years of long distance and 3 years of marriage — Met my now wife 10 years ago online. I live in Europe and she is from the US. We talk for a year and things start to get romantic. I visit her for the summer and we decide to start dating and go long …

Stop trying to get them back — The long paragraphs, gifts, and romantic gestures are only pushing them away. A good rule of thumb is: if it seems like it would happen in a romance movie, don't do or say it. Those are fiction for a …

You can't find what kind of chocolate you are, before finding your milk. — You'll find your chocolate eventually, but first you need to find your milk. Willy Wonka taught me something that I'll never forget. (The original movie, not the one with the lanky victorian guy) …

She turned sunlight into homework. I left her house years ago. My mind still hasn't. — The sun came out today. And the first thing I felt wasn't warmth. It was guilt. A full-body, immediate, almost chemical reaction: *you should be outside. You should be using this. You're wasting it.*…

Help me understand something...I am literally a victim of multiple gropings, physical abuse, a knife assault, rape and other crimes. How can I be "playing a victim role" if I am constantly placed in one? — What is up with people dehumanizing victims of trauma on social media and in real fucking life? For my very first relationship I was in a DV relationship and was beat for 3 years. I got groped as a …

Frank Kepple Archives - Astral Projection Truth — Many here have probably heard about Frank Kepple who was previously active on the AstralPulse forums. But if you haven't, it's worth taking a look. I have read many books and resources about astral pr…

I ran into someone who wronged me and almost lost my cool. How to handle this? — I am going to try to keep this brief. I had a hard time making friends as an adult. My best friend passed away in high school, and I know I romanticize a lot (as you will learn) but I swear I have ne…

Your experience sounds like a classic etheric projection if you had walked outside of your etheric house you would have been on the astral plane. The body you described sounds like the etheric bodi it…

I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…

What if you’re the one that messed up? Bad… we have a son together… its been a year and the guilt is eating me alive. I still live her too… i really want to talk to her and apologize. I understand tha…

I have experienced death before in dreams, many times, and in many different ways: drowning in icy cold mud, suffocating on rust, being electrocuted, having G-forces rip the vitals from my body, being…

Ykw this makes alot of sense. I'm ngl i do say break up especially with cheaters but most times i try to give another option. It might be a terrible idea to break up and there goes a relationship that…

Not saying you’re entirely wrong but that wasn’t the point of the ladder experiment. The point of the ladder experiment was to teach about awareness. The last thing you think about after you conscious…

Haha...the only link I have sent him recently, for real, is a link to my Amazon wish list to get my apology gift. I've talked to him before about it and he's not willing to do the work or go to therap…

It somehow makes me feel alive though?

I am FA and my avoidance comes alive if someone wants too much closeness, control, if he wants too much. Sometimes taking a time apart helps. Also giving it real time to feel attached. Also telling yo…

Sounds like classic deactivation. I legit said the words "feel like a fraud" to my partner during my recent, massive deactivation which may have actually destroyed the relationship. If it's salvageab…

Same. It consumes me and is eating me alive from the inside. I can't take it anymore. I feel like my only option is to end things with my BF. It's not fair to either of us. 

Text of original post by u/Fine_Pineapple_9150: Hi all, I don't always see myself as AA, but in one specific friendship, I am definitely anxiously attached. I have felt the same way with former friend…

The spark comment is what makes us spiral and over analyze. Think of the worst-case scenario. We tend to internalize, and it drives us crazy. Without knowing the situation and I can only use my own …

Follow up question to your reply. If the answer to everything is go back to not bring any of their boss I’ll take that. It may be hard for many people to imagine giving up 40% of your pay but try hav…

About a year ago, we got new seasonal hires at my job. One of them ended up being this woman. I usually chitchat with new hires if they have questions regarding the job and that’s about it. I would ch…

I think it is deeply ingrained in much of my personality and behaviors. relearning a wider range of flexible attachment behaviors in adulthood doesn’t automatically replace the instinct to use those d…

I’m 22 this month and had to breakup with the only person I’ve been in love with back in September. I originally ended the relationship due to too much toxicity and fighting, the usual bs At first I …

I 19M have an anxious attachment that most likely arise from previous long distance relationships, my partner 18F has an avoidant attachment and we just started our relationship. I’m just wondering i…

Thanks a lot for the response. It's so interesting to see the other side of things. A lot of what you've said to me and others rings very true. My question doesn't come from a break up per se. I've …

chat gpt is not a person, its a bunch of code programmed to analyze what youre saying and keep a conversation going. sometimes it spits out pure nonsense just to answer your question. it literally jus…

You're not broken ❤️ your old protector is just not needed anymore. The wounds which seek to keep you safe worked for you when you were younger, they helped you stay alive in a world where caregivers …

Happy New Year! 🎊🎉 I will stand by my truth even if it damage the link. I will say "no, I don't like that", "yes, this bothers me", and "no, I don't know if it's gonna work between us" without expla…

Tired of being the project manager of "us": I’m going through something painful and clarifying in my relationship, and I’m sharing in case it helps anyone else feel less alone. I’m anxiously attache…

Question: are you both avoidant? Just asking because for a lot of people a connection like this is ultimately a waste of time and energy. Though, sometimes anxious would do that sort of thing too just…

I'm confused, I'm distraught, I am lost. I've spent 10 months loving him, and learning him, and adjusting, and ignoring my needs for his needs, and the day I felt that something was wrong, I in fact w…

This is possibly an unpopular opinion, but what's been helping me a lot is an exposure therapy approach -- doing my best to embrace the discomfort of the situation (in this case, I'm assuming it would…

Mine is triggered in phases. Overall avoidance is just deactivation. It feels like a complete disinterest, boredom, I am greatly distracted by other things. Avoidance with my SO will feel like guilt…

*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev/home)* sip chubby shy beneficial instinctive dinosaurs melodic snow thumb alive

Thank you. I’m very sorry you went through that twice. My ex was also an avoidant... The “no contact after the first discard” point hits hard. I can see how reopening contact keeps the addiction ali…

Thank you. That idea about being misrepresented is exactly it, it makes me want to “correct” things, which just keeps the trauma bond alive. It's devastating to also not be able to make up for gen…

Just venting a bit right now. Been talking with a woman I met at a book club and slowly becoming friends over the past few months. I'm autistic so I'm very bad at reading social signals and have to mo…

Something similar happened to me. My advice is don’t rush into something to fulfill his dream. Ultimately he wants you to be happy whether he’s alive or not.

My friend’s brother had a stroke at 37. A once vibrant man can’t walk or talk anymore, and was in a coma for 17 days over the holidays. He can’t work and may never be the same. Just in case anyone n…

Because they're probably in the talking stage with multiple people, and they likely found someone who they think they have a better connection with or are more attracted to. Or they were already on th…

I’ll also add the bit about people pleasing is a learning strategy, me included as a woman, if I don’t initiate and keep connection alive with girls there will be no friendship, I have a couple of fri…

I feel the same way a lot. I'm 35. At this stage, I feel like I'm just trying to stay alive long enough to collect my pension, retire... and then die in my sleep a few decades after that. Probably alo…

I matched with this girl I went to high school with, she’s been a lot more proactive about trying to get to know me and chat throughout the day. Being an avoidant ofc I HATE just texting throughout th…

Oh, I'd definitely confirm the death and if they were still alive *and* hadn't spoken to me in weeks/months, then I'd save my sanity by switching to single. ETA: I really missed the opportunity to sa…

A series of events: Met a man on Hinge. Went on a bunch of dates. Did lots of fun stuff. Defined the relationship (my first ever relationship). Went on a bunch more dates, and generally spent …

Having been a Hesitator for the first 36 years of my life, I decided to get off my arse in 2026 and put some genuine effort into finding someone. I asked friends and family if they knew any single lad…

My therapist recently told me to reframe my anxiety as butterflies regarding a new challenge I am excited to overcome or growth my soul is anticipating. The fear that my body feels is actually simply …

Keep hope alive! I checked out your history, you have accomplished a lot. P.s. my little guy is half Indian…he’s gorgeous! It was a huge “scandal” for my family but now they are all obsessed with him…

This is so weird to me! Do people really just keep all of their thoughts to themselves and not send them to their best friends and/or boyfriends? 🤔 See how I couldn’t even keep this question unasked?…

He might be (and I think he is) the sweetest man alive but I will never not feel guilty for this 😭

The problem is that they are both in my cohort, so if they are dating then it is going to be awkward, if they broke up, then it's going to be awkward. I definitely don't feel comfortable saying I'm ne…

They all are alive and doing well. Friends with most.

Yeah, we weren't actually friends - but at least for the night(s) we spend together, I would like to be "friends." I've had guys over who I didn't enjoy as people. Did they make me orgasm? Yes. But I …

Remind yourself daily that in \~60-100 years, there probably won't be anyone alive who ever saw or heard about these kinds of blunders you might have made. In just \~5-30 years, anyone who does see o…

Yes, crushes are what keeps me alive. Haven't had one in a while though

As someone who has completely given up on the apps, I’m really happy that you were able to find someone out of it. I’m starting to lose hope in general when it comes to the romantic sector but hearing…