equal

Are all signs considered "equal" in terms of good and bad traits. Or are there any signs that tend to be more successful/powerful/accomplished or others that tend to be meek/lazy/etc? — \*\*EDIT, since I think my question is unclear\*\* I think maybe my question is not being understood. Astrology does predict some character traits, right? Confident, creative, assertive, people plea…

I got ghosted and I feel blindsided — I (26F) met a guy (26M) 3 months ago who was in every sense of the word my dream guy. We spent 1 week together before he left back to his country. Ever since we have Facetimed every single day, and we…

Equity with new cofounder and fundraising. I will not promote — I'm starting a tech startup company. Currently outsourcing the tech team to build the app - every tech person I met wanted to be paid cash and wanted to take up to a year to get the platform up and ru…

Am I overreacting? — My husband and I own a small business that is doing pretty well. It is very 50/50 and we are equally as important in this business. He constantly refers to things as “my employees “ or “my drivers,” o…

ELI5: What is TDD and BDD? Also, TDD vs BDD? — I wrote this short article about TDD vs BDD because I couldn't find a concise one. It contains code examples in every common dev language. Maybe it helps one of you :-) Here is the repo: https://githu…

🛑STOP HIJACKING POSTS🛑 — 📣Saying it loudly for the people in the back. I know this post is going to have a “vibe” but being warm and fuzzy has never worked so I’m trying to be crystal clear and firm here: Recently there h…

Why hold out hope for other people to meet my needs when it feels more productive and ultimately better to want nothing from other people? — I try my best to be the most attentive friend I can be no matter my internal state. I don't mind doing this for the people I value, and it makes me feel better to be helpful to other people, although …

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…

I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …

I earned secure attachment in 4 months... — I can't believe I'm writing this. I did this without dating a secure person and without spending money on courses/apps. I promise I'm not selling anything. Big disclaimers: * I am only mostly secure…

Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

Rushing to know if I’m long term compatible with someone — The past two years I’ve done a lot of internal work on myself regarding my attachment and codependency issues. I feel that I lean more secure than ever. I recently started seeing someone, I’ve known t…

Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

When did you finally realise, your life would never be ‘normal’? — I am 47M I grew up in an EXTREMELY dysfunctional household, with every type of abuse you can imagine, and death of a parent at 12. I’ve had to fend for myself since that age, whilst being used and a…

Does anyone else feel like this fixation on "trauma dumping" stinks of toxic positivity? — It literally feels like the onus is on people with really challenging life experiences, to hold that all inside and only talk about good things, for fear of burdening people who have objectively bette…

Does anyone else find that exposure therapy and putting yourself in social situations literally fries your brain instead of making you stronger? — People often say things like "just work for a month and it'll get easier," "don't give in to your avoidance," "go where it scares you." I really tried to follow this advice, and it didn't get easier.…

How to permanently stop feeling romantic love for anyone? — wasn’t sure I needed a TL;DR here, but I’ll put it anyway: how do I turn off my ability to feel love for anyone, ever? hi all, I (M,33) have not had a whole lot of luck with dating. I try to stay s…

Knowing the exact time when waking up - psychic or circadian? — Recently again I keep waking up at VERY different times every single day (anywhere from the range of 7am to 11am - UPDATE: actually 3-11am as covered later in the post) and as I'm laying there in tha…

Sober dating question: does anyone else feel weird making a move if the other person has been drinking? — Sigh…When you’re completely sober and the other person has had two or three drinks, it creates a strange dynamic that’s hard to explain. Even if she clearly likes me, sometimes I feel uncomfortable m…

How do I control my anger and my lack of patience in my relationship? — I’ve been with my husband going on a year and a half. He’s a wonderful man and our relationship is overall healthy. But I fear I am becoming emotionally abusive towards him. I’ve been in bad relations…

Manifested a $32K scholarship with accidental SATS!!! — Hi all :) I have a pretty amazing success story that I’d love to share, and I hope it may motivate some of you in your manifestation journeys 😊 Basically, I accidentally manifested a $32,000 scholar…

I realized today that no contact is the first time my ex and I have put in equal effort in our relationship. — 0% on both ends. Ha

Farewell — In the last two years, I have posted to this group a few times. Last year, I posted ([“Here’s the thing: you’re dying, too.”](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/1ifz1cr/heres_the_thing_youre_…

Energy Exchange: How We Give, Take, and Protect Our Vital Force — Energy exchange is, essentially, communication. The energy a person generates is given outward. But, in accordance with the laws of conservation of energy, a person must receive energy from outside. …

Am I (26f) throwing away my relationship with my (30m) boyfriend? — ​ I 26/F have been with my BF 30/M for almost 4 years (june). I have been unhappy for at least 2 of these years. we have talked it out multiple times, he usually cries and becomes very upset w…

Unable to understand what people mean when they say “libra moons are scared of being alone”. — Hey y’all! I‘m a bit confused about what people mean when they say that Libra moons have a “fear of being alone”. As a Libra moon I don’t relate to that sentiment at all, and I really love my solitude…

Out of curiosity, do your parents even fit the "demanding in-law" stereotype?" — This is a reason often levied against AM for not wanting to date them, but the Asian generation I know who are 1.5 generation onwards are honestly very chill and easy going. And this is doubly true fo…

Leaving my relationship for the right reason — Me (m30) and my partner (f39) have been together for 8 years. We have two kids below 4. She has been diagnosed with different mental health issues. She has also had two very rough childbirths. During …

It takes two to tango lie can be gaslighting — we can stop equalizing blame just because it’s easier for the audience, If one partner is home building a life and the other is out destroying it, that is not two. It took one person to be a partner a…

I (21M) have survived two decades of severe physical, emotional, and financial abuse from my Indian parents. I'm finally exhausted and need to tell my story. I am not free yet. — # TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old only child in India who has endured severe physical, verbal, emotional, and financial abuse from my parents since toddlerhood. They have beaten me, medically neglected me, …

I wanted to discuss letters 3 to 5 of Moral Letters. — I just finished letters 3 to 5 of Letters From a Stoic by Seneca.  I wanted to summarise what I got from them, and talk with y'all about the parts I didn’t fully understand. If I misrepresented or mis…

Schools Hire Asian Teachers at Half the Rate of Other Groups, Re.search Finds — Asian teaching candidates are more likely to boast an advanced degree, but less likely to get a job offer, according to a s.tudy of hiring data. School hiring processes play a crucial role in determi…

The chains your parents put on you (that you don't even remember) — My English is not native, sorry if I write a bit imperfect. I want to share something from a recent session that might help someone who feels stuck in their love life. Tina came to me feeling stuck. …

I'm so painfully bad at everything (26M) — I'm painfully bad at everything. But to a point where I can't even relate to the people complaining about being "bad at everything" because I my experiences with being bad at everything are so much wo…

I don’t know how to identify my boundaries — I don’t really know if this is the right place for this, as I’m kind of just lost and distraught at the moment. My brother and I have been self described as codependent for years. It used to be more…

The western treatment of Korea's feminism in hindsight. — A Korean feminist's post that I encountered on twitter made a good analogy. If a group labels itself a disability rights or working class organization, it doesn't tell you about their full political l…

Plain "lost feelings" or might she be an avoidant?! — We were together eight weeks. No conflicts, no issues. She was fully invested, she initiated equally (or even more), said "I love you" first after one month, made future plans for the summer and easte…

Is darkness rising? Or have a fallen into a trap or something? — I understand that the future is uncertain and can change and is probably being manipulated as well, but I am having trouble seeing light. I see darkness on the rise everywhere now. Have I lost it . …

I met my new neighbors today. — I say this with joy, because the house they are occupying was, up until two months ago, an absolutely wretched Air Bnb. My neighborhood is very family oriented and the house, directly next door, is ju…

3 months of no contact and I still can’t let go. What should I do? — I’m Mia (20 y.o) and I have clinical depression. My ex Daniel (19 y.o.) and has the same diagnosis. English is my second language, so sorry if something is hard to read, an also sorry for such a huge…

Feel terrible for initiating NC — On an alt account for this. I was broken up with about a month and a half ago or so. 3 years together and it was a relatively amicable breakup, I wont go into details because the entire situation was …

My horrible mushroom trip by Jimmy Burnt — It all started during an environmental school excusion/protest. I had packed my lunch that day, drank my water, dressed well and expected nothing to happen. To preface I live in Sydney and lived aro…

Bias between Son and daughter by mother — In some families, parents insist they treat all children equally and that discrimination isn’t allowed—but in subtle ways, sons are prioritized, decisions are made around them, and daughters’ needs ar…

Stop trying to one up physical abuse victims — You're not being radical or breaking the mold the way you think you are. Wider, non-trauma informed society already enforces every invalidation tactic you use on us and our abuser numbed us to it firs…

Psychiatrist said "We all have some form of trauma" and she also said "blah blah" when I was sharing my trauma — Before anyone jumps in to say "try a different psychiatrist or therapist" you just need to find someone the "one". Well this is my 4th and I have concluded they all suck equally! Each new one was wors…

the veil dropped — So, I am in a new layer of integrating my dimi break through (3 months ago), and the experiences and lessons (hell) I had are revealing themselves to me in new ways, expansive ways, however there is e…

How important is it to take actions? — If I wanna manifest a certain amount of money each month. How much percentage of manifestation is also about action? For example- I need to post each day on socials for me to grow. Is it possible to…

Got what I wanted !! Again !! — Hi everyone, **Context** So I made a post called “7 Seeds - 1 Harvest” and mentioned there would be upcoming posts since writing about each desire that came true would’ve made the post way too long.…

I am becoming resentful towards my husband for letting his brother live with us — TL;DR: My husband and I have been married for 4 years and have one young child. I am 28 and he is 32. My husband let his brother who was 18 at the time move in with us as he was trying to get a job a…

I’ve read few posts that are as “loser”-ish as this one. I’ve yet to study either in depth, but for anyone to not only BELIEVE that they are better than a very large group of people (all of whom are v…

None of it *should* stop you from moving forward and healing, but for some people it still nevertheless does. I'm sorry, I know you said this more than half a year ago but I'm going through my situati…

I discovered that both statements work equally, it probably depends on how accustomed we are to the statement I think. Specifically how well we experience the meaning of the words we use. If we can us…

1. That doesnt disprove anything. It just means it may be more difficult. That's like saying mindfulness doesn't work because some people have ADHD.  2. Decent point but keep in mind some scientist …

Yup. We manifest everything, in which case all is equal and unless he can control himself — which is highly debatable, he’ll lose it all over again. So yeah, is he just hyping a winning streak? I…

Do you feel like its much harder to start healing while in a relationship as opposed to being out of it? Diving into a serious relationship very fast, I realized I have a lot of issues with avoidance…

I think that problem equally applies to everyone with an insecure attachment style. Avoidant people don’t become less avoidant by naming their behavior either. A lot of people are able to identify th…

I do understand and I can agree it’s not a behavior that can cultivate a long standing relationship with someone who is secure or anxious. But the same can be said about other attachments aswell (no…

You might want to look into relationship attachment styles, love bombing, and whether you're mistaking the slow burn as boring because it's stable and consistent. The excitement ppl often feel is actu…

I am avoidant and I don't hate my exes - I just don't want to be smothered or expected to constantly reassure people. Just because I have to get away doesn't equal hate. That is a strong interpretatio…

Rejection is the absolute worst. I also have rsd as well because of my ADHD and any lack of interest from my partner just sends me into deep panic. I've worked fairly hard myself in regulating these …

I disagree because I think long distance can work. I've seen it work. But I agree that the time lines are different. I'm seeing a guy long distance. We aren't dating, we aren't exclusive, but I hope…

It’s a team sport for sure. But you’re right, it doesn’t mean everybody has to be a part owner to equal degrees. But I think a lot of “solo” founders use it as an excuse not to learn to work with ot…

I'm an FA that leans anxious, and this never bothers me unless I'm in romantic relationships. Platonic relationships with friends that disappear never hits the same for me. Quite honestly, and as som…

So instead of replying individually and repeating myself, I'm just going to make a comment addressing it all. Firstly, it was interesting to read all these perspectives. I see where some of its comin…

First, I think this is the wrong question to be asking. You can’t completely know someone’s attachment style until they attach to you. I think a better question would be “how can I identify relationsh…

It isn’t. Avoidance, more so than AA, is deeply unconscious. Consciously, we want to show up for our partners and to be vulnerable, which makes it difficult to recognize the fact that we are distancin…

>Low effort comments like, “You sound just like my ex” are equally unhelpful and selfish. Why would anyone care about your ex who we don’t know?! ... >Look up what a rant and vent is. By definition i…

I'm not suggesting that sub is 100% bad (nothing is all bad or all good). But it's absolutely an echo-chamber that frequently becomes toxic and dehumanizing, conflates every negative behavioral trait …

She's not that secure, you're telling yourself a story to fit a narrative. Secured is not only emotional attunement (although some in the therapy heavily emphasis that) it is also the ability to buil…

Seems like a person who got spooked and having escaped unscathed has calmed down, reflected, and realized that perhaps their anxiety was irrational. And that is a good indicator that when times get to…

In short, what he is doing will affect you exactly in the same way narcissistic abuse would do. Regardless if he's one or not, or if he's being conscious or not, the effects on your mental health will…

I would say becoming self-aware, reflecting about own unhealthy tendencies and applying secure behaviours definitely does something good however point of your comment is by my understanding that earne…

OP please read the above and take it to heart! (FA here, married to DA) Way too many people confuse attachment style with: A) personality B) their feelings for you. It's just attachment style,…

And my narrative is “all insecure styles have their issues and do not hyper focus on DAs when all insecures are not good partners” that’s the entire fucking point but y’all, YOU, wanna comment to me m…

I would dump you if i saw this I found out this was about me. You have issues, probably stemming from childhood, not your fault. But also she deserves someone who is into her physically and as a perso…

Don't pay attention to downvotes, you're absolutely right. It's just a hard pill to swallow. Some people will read this and get angry or frustrated because it's an unpleasant truth, but it still needs…

Well my post was more about my experience with learning to take space and regulate myself and focus on myself instead of my previous behaviour of being completely focused on him instead. Security is a…

I am an introvert, yes. My test results were FA/DA, pretty equal with one another, just concerning different attachments (platonic vs maternal for example). I don’t think I’m demisexual. I very much s…

OP your self-insight is great and this on/off again pattern (while unique to each individual relationship in its own way) is reassuring to read because of just how many similarities we all share. Th…

Yes, I replied to another comment above with links to articles and further discussion on this topic. You made a unique point that other commenters haven’t pointed out about the racial and gender base…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA…

that’s the thing: we’ve never had a fight. not even a single cross word between us. no breakups, no breaks, nothin. she’s just…I dunno. I am not good at navigating relationships anymore. It used to be…

A lot of what people are recommending here are excellent. I just want to contribute the gist of anxiety is if you feed it, it grows. So the more you give into your anxiety and let it dictate your ac…

Highly suggest this for meditation. This is the description of the video and audio file. https://youtu.be/r6a_EnUG180?si=-x7_b4mf2JSIjBG2 Taygeta, one of the seven sisters bright star visible to the …

I am, Im not sure on their end. There seems to be flickers of romance but its too soon to truly know. But this is perhaps the struggle, I dont know what to make of their actions. Sometimes they reply …

That’s the thing are we certain that he was like that before she got married? If he is saying people are a reflection of us, of what we believe, and what we feel inside and what we attract then wouldn…

Work on your shame wounds. Deep down, anxious attachers believe “if they saw the real me, the whole of me, they’d realize I’m broken/disgusting/stupid/too much etc. and therefore worthless and unlovab…

I feel I understand where you're coming from and wanting the other person to initiate isn't for validation but wanting it to be on equal grounds. I personally don't mind asking someone to hang out an…

All you can do now is reflect and learn from it. Explore to find out what your real need was. What were you trying to soothe with reaching out? What is still in need of soothing because it didn’t pl…

>my libido was high and I was always slept with him when we spent time together, sometimes multiple times. I guess it was how I felt most connected to him since the relationship never really progresse…

You might benefit from a combination of 1. reducing "enmeshment" by strengthening each person's individual interests, by say, taking separate evening classes at a community college and talking to ea…

Oh, thank you for such clear, coherent feedback. I might write "Stay in the present. Turn inwards to find that validation, comfort, reassurance, strength, and forgiveness within yourself." into my pho…

Having strong feelings isn't inherently bad. What's bad is if they are supported entirely by fantasy. Anxiously attached people tend to lean into the hyper-romantic early on, nothing wrong with that, …

Thank you for this. I agree, I need to grow trust in my own ability to ask questions when things come up. I have tended to assume that another person just needs to go through their own their internal,…

One thing that I'm learning now that I'm in a healthy relationship: quiet does not equal danger. In my last 2 relationships, I got used to the emotional roller coaster. We fight, we make makeup, rin…

"*Quiet does not equal danger.*" Oh gosh. Yes. I understand this. This is how my partner now reminds me to be assured of space, and with myself. What also helps is, both of our quirky nature and humo…

I know this is an old post, I was searching FA on this sub and yours really piqued my interest. I don’t think I was ever that much of a FA except for when I was a teenager, I had childhood trauma and …

Right, completely valid. It’s hard too when it’s reinforced because it’s real all around us and even statistics back it up. Like even if both partners believe men+women should be equals there’s still …

Text of original post by u/acidemise: The past two years I’ve done a lot of internal work on myself regarding my attachment and codependency issues. I feel that I lean more secure than ever. I recentl…