book
You can't
Evidence
Citations (101)
the big dream of moving out — Moving out seems like such a no brainer, especially when you're already an adult and financially independent. But for me, it always seemed unachievable. For the longest time I was so deep in it, I gas…
This is a support sub. Be kind to each other. — Almost everyone who comes here is here because they are going through a very painful and difficult time. We're not all at our best. If you go into someone's topic, remember that they came here askin…
Donald Trump & the LOB — JM sub, It has been talked about Trump and the LOB a few times on this sub, and I wanted to remind you about how Donald Trump has used, and still uses the LOB in his favor. Recently, I've seen an in…
Question for the template flippers out there - where’s the real money? — Genuinely curious - for all the devs who “custom build” sites that are clearly just recycled templates from ThemeForest or whatever the latest place is nowadays. Where’s the *actual* money coming fro…
Freelancers – the only person that can evaluate your pricing is the buyer (not Reddit) — *(TL;DR at bottom)* Questions like this pop up on this subreddit every few weeks: > How much should I charge for a basic website? Or: > Is $500 for a single-page Figma design a good price? ...and…
Founders, Seriously, Please Don't Quit your Day Job (I will not promote) — I say this as a lifelong Founder who spends all his time trying to make other people lifelong Founders - **"Please don't quit day job" ... at least not yet.** Seriously, hold on to that steady incom…
Common sense from an actual founder [fully boostrap 10M$ company] about startup studios' playbooks [i will not promote] — I don't post on reddit but I've recently seen an increased influx of post or people talking about X or Y playbook about how you should startup. i will not promote Let me get this straight, I won't cr…
Is it good to ghost people? — Hey everyone, I've been looking for client work as a freelance graphic designer and a few times now a potential client shows interest and sounds like a strong lead They ask for my portfolio I send i…
Small business idea for neighborhood store — Hi everyone, I'm based in europe, greece and I’m looking for feedback on starting a small, neighborhood-oriented business that I can run mostly on my own. Here’s what I have: A 110 sq.m. ground-flo…
I have become obsessed with finding someone. — After my breakup in winter of last year, I went through a long period of mourning and not knowing what to do or how to move forward. Now, over the past 2-3 months, I have become obsessed with finding …
I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …
Any support groups out there for preoccupation with dating? — I think the obsessive thoughts and rumination around dating (status, ongoing situations) is a common thing in anxious attachment so seeking support here. Has anyone found any support groups or what l…
Physical Reaction — I will try to keep the backstory short. I had not known anxious attachment was a thing or that one of my coworkers had become one of only a couple people I really felt a deep connection to, until a f…
Half Day Meditation Workshop For Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful Preoccupied: Focusing on the sense of "unpredictable threat" or "uncaused anxiety', this Sunday 7th of December 2025, Donation based. — Half day meditation workshop on healing "anxiety without cause". It's this Sunday December 7th 2025. Donation based. If you can't make a donation due to finances then you can apply for a scholarship…
For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…
I’m 20 and my mom still asks for my phone and laptop every night or there's consequences — I'm 20 (F) and turning 21 in a few months. My mom recently started asking me to surrender my laptop and phone again. "Again" because she did this to me as well when I was 13-18 years old. Before, she…
I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…
Shame has dictated my entire life for 41 years — And I didn't know it until now. It was the silent background noise, the "I'm not good enough," "Don't do that or you'll fail!" "Look how stupid you are, you can't do anything right," "Don't notice m…
Covert narcissists are drawn to people with a strong instinct to help and care. — I grew up early. Owning Responsibilities that weren't mine. I learned that love was earned through being useful, stable, and selfless. I became the person people brought their chaos to. The one who a…
read this if you are confused — Yes I have shifted, here is the mindset that brought me to this point. If this does not resonate with you move on. For those who follow the Law of Assumption, non duality etc I intend this will make …
You've Tried Manifesting Them Back Multiple Times - Here's Why It's Not Working — **"I've manifested my SP back multiple times but it never works. Now it just feels draining."** **You're not failing at manifestation.** **You're failing at creating coherent field states.** And th…
Spiritual Awakening & Instant Manifestation (wtf???) — So as the title says, wtf? I've been using multiple different ways of manifesting, manifesting with feeling, robotic affirming, and I've realized one thing. Manifesting is an act of creation that …
Update to my previous post. Tis not a good one. — [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before\_i\_43m\_delete\_her\_44f\_number\_and\_move/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before_i_43m_delete_her_44f_n…
You will be rewarded openly! I promise! — How to manifest your desire? Well, We all know the "How"(Techniques to get into the state) but We don't know "How" (bridge of incident) whole thing will arranged itself to produce the result of the i…
The secret is to take the meaning of your manifestation, and apply it to yourself. — Manifestation isn't a game of frequencies to me, it's a game of meaning. As we know: the wishfullfilled is not needing the manifestation anymore. Neville says you can't need wht you have. Let's say…
Finally Got a Lucid Dream... So I Tested your Queries in it — Hey guys, this is gonna be a bit of a long one lol. \[CONTEXT\] For a while, I've been trying to lucid dream, but was too lazy to consistently do training, write in journals, or set multiple alarms …
My mother sent my childhood abuser to my home, after I have been successful at making sure he never knows where I live. — Conversation is below. I have been very careful making sure my brother never knows where I live, as he beat me as a child so much police intervened and I was such a mess I was mandated to go to thera…
You can manifest anything, literally — What do you think? Ive never seen so many limited people as much as ive seen them here - on reddit. It's so ridiculous how some of you GENUINELY believe that manifestation is just HOUSE, SP, APPEARAN…
I've noticed everyone wants someone with CPTSD to stand up for themselves until they actually do it. — I've been a very passive and pacifistic person for years, because I came from an abusive home. I never, ever wanted to inflict pain upon anyone because of the amount of pain I've experienced myself gr…
Anyone Ever Just Start Hitting Them Back? — Very politically incorrect of me I guess 🙄 but I hate how all of the advice given out to victims never suggests hitting them back. It's like it's almost a taboo to suggest that you do anything but co…
First Regulate Your Nervous System — Recently I watched a YouTube video by a guy named Reeves Tsang called how to reset your nervous system (and how to finally override your reality) This is one of the first manifestation videos I've se…
My (29M) prenup with my fiance (28W) pays her for having children. My parents (65M, 62W) are telling me to call off the wedding — **EDIT 2: It's occurred to me that I don't know how to close a post. Really I just wanted to hear what other married/engaged folks were doing. Thanks the advice for those who gave it.** **EDIT: Real…
what is therapy actually supposed to do? — Ive has people tell me that I should go to therapy. Countless times. Random people I vent to, ex-friends, psychiatrists. I went to therapy and it did nothing. We just talked about stuff. Not really he…
Self improvement ideas that aren't wake up at 5am and take cold showers — If you need someone to tell you to drink water and journal at this point you haven't been on the internet. Here's stuff I never see in those threads that actually moved the needle. Tell someone speci…
Setting boundaries in Stoicism. — Let's say that you have a working colleague who is your superior and she makes a lot of remarks about your work, working qualities, ethics etc., most of which are not true and you know it. Not be inf…
My mother won't stop grabbing my crotch — Not sure exactly how to flair this. Marked it NSFW just in case. Sorry if that's not right. I'm a 22y/o living between my divorced parents (don't have the means to get out on my own right now). Thing…
When in doubt, return to I AM — When we have doubts or moments of fear about the "What if" or "How would', we must return back to I AM. I AM is not a word or affirmation. I AM is a present tense feeling of being. The awareness that …
My N mom started therapy and her first update made me sick — **TL;DR:** My covert N mom started therapy after I confronted her about her abuse. I told her to go work through it with a therapist before coming back to me. She found a junior therapist. After her s…
the narcissist catchphrase bingo list — edit 1: jesus christ my initial 32 I wrote already look like they arent a lot lmao (the comments in total added 45 UNIQUE PHRASES HOLY JESUS) , okay heres the updated list (most of the updates will be…
I told you so... — Didn't I tell you when we were still together? When our love was fresh and burning? If we break up, I wouldn't be the cause or the one to initiate it. I knew right from the start that I will always ch…
I’m 31, but I just realized I’ve been emotionally 4 years old my entire life. — Hey everyone, I’m having a massive breakthrough and I need to put this into words. I finally understand why my life has felt like a performance for 30 years, and why I’m suddenly "falling apart" now …
Something I wished I had heard about sooner when I struggled leaving my now nex that would've made me leave a lot earlier. — Why we stay is because of trauma bond and hope even though they play on that and say to you "if I am abusive why don't you leave", unhealed empaths stay because we delude themselves on what they could…
Ex wife (36f) never read the divorce paperwork - Not even once. — Long story short, former step-son (15m) broke into my (42m) house in CT that I'm selling and caused some serious damage. I still talk to my stepson because I'm really the only stable adult in his li…
Why it works. — The reason why letting go makes it manifest faster is because you no longer hold it. I was manifesting my sp and I was so desperate and needy and of course I was not able to manifest him. But when I …
We are just 3d Printers — I get it now Our subconscious or minds or whatever it is that we are, are in the 4d. Potentially higher but let's just say the 4d. Time is not a constraint there, you can have many things in an insta…
07/2013 — I may have finally found a place to talk about my experience, but if this doesn't belong here, I'm sorry and please point me in the right direction to another thread. First, thank you to anyone who …
Talking to a friend while they’re lucid dreaming? — I had the strangest experience of my life. My friend called me, and we had what seemed like a normal conversation until we realized something was off. I don't know exactly what it was. We got so freak…
You can't find what kind of chocolate you are, before finding your milk. — You'll find your chocolate eventually, but first you need to find your milk. Willy Wonka taught me something that I'll never forget. (The original movie, not the one with the lanky victorian guy) …
I'm exhausted of doing everything myself — This is more of a vent but I do actually have a question, so stay with me. I thought I'd have someone by now. I wasn't raised great at all (post for another time/sub) so I know that figured into my …
Help me understand something...I am literally a victim of multiple gropings, physical abuse, a knife assault, rape and other crimes. How can I be "playing a victim role" if I am constantly placed in one? — What is up with people dehumanizing victims of trauma on social media and in real fucking life? For my very first relationship I was in a DV relationship and was beat for 3 years. I got groped as a …
MILD UPDATE: Struggling right now with feelings — Hey everyone. Don't have much of an update right now. I haven't forgotten about the comments or updating everyone as I can. I am personally going through a rough patch about our marriage. We really…
Is it a lucid dream if you are aware you're dreaming but you can't control it?
No, it is not. People talk a lot of nonsense. The only demons people get possessed by are by their own egotistical psychology or some other fantasy 👍 I'll also paste an answer I gave to someone a whi…
Time moves normally and you can't know how much time will be left.
You can't really be sure though. You're just guessing. You can never really know what's in another person's mind. Nor can you promise that someone is thinking about someone else. They MIGHT miss you. …
If you can't count on someone, then a secure person accepts it and moves on. If you're both at fault and want to reconcile, you reach out and have a talk and see if you're both willing to work on thin…
Loved to read this. However, a riddle; how is your silence going to work if they block you on everything. So you can't reach them even if you wanted to.
This is the way. My ex broke up with me last week on the phone before my dentist appointment. I had to cut the call short because I needed to make my appointment. I lied about watching a sad show on m…
There is no hard yes and hard no. You can't trust strangers on the internet for good advice or conversely to be wrong. If you're reading comments or posts and wondering if a person is also here and wr…
Yeah. Like I wrote in another comment here - NOONE OR NOTHING will give you proof enough, YOU have to try it yourself. And not the clowny way the people in that sub is whining about or Oprah Winfreys …
Sounds more like a premonition. Because you can't actively manifest from dreams unless you are lucid dreaming. And even in that case lucid dreaming isn't seen as a manifestation tool according to this…
>If it comes to new age stuff like LOA/LOB/Law of assumption I actually agree with you to a certain degree but not entirely. So let me explain where I disagree. Most people who follow Joseph Murphy, L…
I'm FA and I identify with this. I value my alone time, and generally speaking, consider myself an introvert. A recharge period is definitely necessary, not just after a social interaction but at the …
Please look into the health issues that come along with being dismissive or fearful avoidant. You can't just shut off your emotions and experience no repercussions. That's not how our biology works, …
I agree! But in the depths of a break up when thoughts can be all consuming and you can't see the end of the road, understanding you can hold 2 opposing views and give yourself the grace around that, …
In a way, you can't spot them right away obviously, but once Ur dating or in a relationship with them oh boy, U definitely can. Even caring about their health like some avoidants feel some shame if Ur…
Everything. They are some of the most sensitive people on the planet. I heard a psychologist say that when you feel numb it's not actually a lack of feeling, it's too many feelings at once that you ca…
You can't automatically stop feeling though, but they sure do try.
When you shame them for becoming distant, or misconstrue that distance as them hating you. Being too emotionally overbearing, *without explanation*. Being narcissistic or abusive, which is a given. Re…
" But I just keep losing interest or get unbearable anxiety around guys I meet on dating apps. As a man who has been on over twenty dates from dating apps I can say you are not the only one and you m…
>Note: It's at that point when most secure people will leave a relationship with an insecure attacher, when their reasonable requests start getting shot down. That's what I was going to say too. If y…
Your db isolation level is set for each session, it's not a global db setting (which is why you can't change it). You can change the code you use to initialize a db session to choose a different level…
Personally I would go down the route of malicious compliance. Move every ticket into blocked saying you can't install the required tools due to company policy. Make it a business problem. Security …
Simple SEO is beneficial for the site, and you can use ChatGPT to make sure to highlight keywords and phrase your page descriptions in a way that makes it stand out in the algorithm. Social media is…
Discussing LOB with normies is generally a kiss of death, from what I have experienced... we want to share this material, but we may be casting our pearls before swine, and a lot of the swine want to …
$300k, $600k, or 10m doesn't really matter. Each successful person finds some sort of opportunity and pursues it. Then they create a system that helps them pursue it because you can't do it by yours…
Just because you're not passionate about anything today doesn't mean you won't be forever. Give yourself time and explore. And don't just focus on the business world either. You can't just think "I mu…
Personally I've found that they are very timid to speak up alone. But as a group or led by a leader they can be loud and aggressive at getting things done and accomplished. So I've leaned hard on bui…
Always, always try to show business impact. Estimate it if you can't derive it precisely, but whenever you can craft something consistent and useful for showing the value of your work, you gain tremen…
I wouldn't waste time on building something that nobody wants. You would just be shooting yourself in the foot. I would track and analyze what is being shared and discussed about on social media about…
I am the same. You can just tell them that this is how you are and you need space. Some people will understand, others no. You can't change who you are just to please people....
It's just being nice man; If you want to make yourself sound assertive then be my guest. Are you suggesting that you can't apologize for whatever reason?
It's that you won't consider how it impacts them. It's not that you might need some space it's that you can't be available for their need for security.
*" I am VERY familiar with the law and with NG's teachings, so no need to reiterate basics and quotes please - I'm asking about your real experiences. What made you actually believe and know? "* Repe…
>There is nothing conventionally rational about the LOB. Yet it works. There's just too much evidence out there to deny it and you've had it happen in your life often enough. That's why even after 6 y…
The first two points are big red flags for me now too! The third isn't a big deal, because I like to take things slow, but I'm also not trying to get on the relationship escalator. 4 & 5 are not gre…
What you have said mirrors almost exactly what I felt and went through, including me explaining to her briefly at the end about attachement issues and asking if she wanted to know more, and whether sh…
Obvious signs would be pulling away when you make it real for them. When you ask them on dates, ask to be exclusive, ask how they feel about you. If they avoid answering, avoid committing - that's the…
Everyone always gets hurt... we are human beings. Expecting not to get hurt ever is not going to happen. You can't actually change your behaviour without engaging with other people, and you cannot con…
Thank you aa a formal c I a intern and psia intern thank esp law of attraction opportunity women and some form of finance within a few weeks will come your way surprisingly unless your third eye se…
Your replies are honestly just coming off a bit incel. You can't blame everything on avoidant and decide it's not you it's them. If you think everyone around you is an asshole I got news for you lol.
Dude you're in here acting entitled and demanding, thinking everyone is wrong but you, calling anyone who holds you accountable toxic, and for some reason you think women must all be avoidant? You'r…
OP, some helpful advice for once: start focusing on enjoying your life and loving yourself first and foremost. It's a sad reality but a reality nonetheless that most people in life -- in fact probably…
Realistically, 2 months isn't nearly enough time for someone to reflect AND implement what's needed to heal wounds, triggers or habits. So, likely... you'd be going back into the same situation. I hav…
Its one of those things you can't wrap your head around when you are still insecurely attached, but once you've healed, it makes a lot of sense.
Okay, this is long and it might sound harsh, but I relate to a lot of what you're going through and acted much in the same way as you did, and I've gone from anxiously attached within a friendship to …
I agree with opposite action but I also agree with your last paragraph :) I think the idea behind OA is to take baby steps, so that the discomfort is enough to gently push you out of your comfort zon…
Well first, I made a point to say words vs actions is nuanced but that this situation didn't seem like one where you needed to try to figure anything out because the words and actions matched, when yo…
OP you can also find the official DBT workbook online for free and go through it yourself. it's got 100s of pages of skills-based lessons and exercises. if you can't afford the therapy you can DIY the…
I mentioned before the breakup that I thought I was AP and that he was DA which he originally denied and said he was secure, then 6 weeks after he reached out regarding returning items. I knew it was …
You mentioned all of your other relationships were with avoidants and he is anxious attachment. Have you considered that being with someone anxious, who moves towards you when nervous, has encouraged …