relationship

Why are romantic relationships completely impossible — My(35F) whole life I have always wanted a boyfriend. Someone who actually likes me, sees past the trauma, takes me for who I am and doesn't punish me for being from a shit family. Someone to do thin…

Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…

Think of the comments as inverted Uber ratings. (click to find out what this means) — I last posted a variation of this a little over 5 years ago. We're a little overdue for a repost. --- You know how every Uber rating is right on the verge of 5 stars unless something's particularly …

Someone elaborate on this please — Hello I have been reading and watching lots of Neville videos and what I concluded is that circumstances come from our inner state and that they don't matter anyway because we can always adopt a new s…

A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. — Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse.  We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon.  W…

Post-quality time cool down? Is this a pattern for DAs? — My (FA) therapist and I (lol) may have noticed a pattern with my partner (DA); after an increased amount of quality time together (compared to our usual 1+ times per week), or increased amount of mess…

Handling another crush as a FA — Hello all, spring is here and so is a new crush. I really can't get used to how excited but anxious my butterflies and fantasies make me. Sometimes they make me so anxious to the point I get dysfuncti…

How to heal avoidant attachment? — Uhhhh hey gang. Formerly severe fearful avoidant here. The attachment quizzes put everyone somewhere on a quadrant, with the bottom being high avoidance and the right high anxiety. So I was farrrr in …

Before you make that post about some avoidant ex ask yourself…….. — What can I do to cultivate a better relationship with myself, so that I can feel like I deserve healthy and consistent love.

The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…

The song “I love you, I’m sorry” by Gracie Abrams makes me think of the POV of a DA — I'm DA, and I just listened to this song. It feels like a DA talking about how they sabotaged a good relationship, and they regret it. This line particularly hits: "I like to slam doors closed, trust…

Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…

Other attachment styles — I know the normal 4: Secure, Anxious/preoccupied fearful avoidant, dismissive avoidant, plus disorganized, which is just sort of an "all of the above" In doing parts work, I've been trying to figure…

Helping my partner — I (40f) looove my partner (36m). We've been together almost 9 months. When he isn't triggered, he presents as very secure. Loving, consistent, communicative, vulnerable, empathetic, self-reflective. …

Cannot stay attracted to dating app matches — I've never been in a relationship but I've been working on myself a lot and trying to put myself out there to find love. And I've just noticed a pattern of mine. But I just keep losing interest or ge…

Breaking Into UX and Early Career Questions — 05/04/25 — Please use this thread to ask questions about breaking into the field, choosing educational programs, changing career tracks, and other entry-level topics. If you are not currently working in UX, use…

Unsecured Capital Raise "i will not promote" — Hello, first-time poster looking for creative fundraising recommendations. I’m working to open a recreation + F&B "eatertainment" facility inside a large leased space. I anticipate traditional invest…

I have failed. More than once. (i will not promote) — Been 10 years since I started my professional journey. I have failed. More than once. I have also succeeded and still doubted myself through it. I have risked time, energy, money, relationships. S…

Why do people in LOA communities ALWAYS go to Reddit for their problems when JM advised against that? — Hello everyone. I've been into JM's (and NG's) teaching for quite some time. I enjoy it thoroughly and dipped my toes into the subreddits, so hence why I'm here instead of the NG subreddit since I wo…

What’s one cloud concept that took you way longer to understand than expected? — For me, it was IAM on AWS. At first, it seemed simple—just give users permissions, right? But once I got into roles, policies, trust relationships, and least privilege... it felt like falling down a r…

Are Powerful Social Commerce Solutions Actually Helping Small Businesses Or Just Making Big Platforms Richer? — We keep hearing about powerful social commerce solutions—tools that connect shopping directly to social platforms like Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook. Sounds exciting, right? But here's the real quest…

E-commerce Industry News Recap 🔥 Week of May 5th, 2025 — Hi r/ecommerce \- I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Every week for the past 3+ years I've posted a summary recap of the week's top stories…

This Week's Top E-commerce News Stories 💥 May 5th, 2025 — Hi r/Shopify - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter, which I've published weekly since 2021. I was invited by the Mods of this subreddit to s…

{Weekly Discussion} Google seems to be giving the thumbs up to Reddit's AI Scaled Machine Translations — Background - during an earnings call, Reddit said that google said thumbs up to the idea of publishing AI machine translated content - apparently something they've penalized others before. [Gagan Gho…

[question] What's the general opinion on best bookkeeping for ecommerce business these days? — This will be my second year in ecommerce -- we own a small ecommerce store in the CPG space. Sales have done much better than expected (We've allocated a lot of effort and resources building relations…

Looking for marketing strategy tips for our startup(I will not promote) — Hey all, My friends and I are currently building a startup. We’re in the preparation phase now and plan to go live in about 3 months. While we’re handling the operational and technical side, we’r…

Looking for marketing strategy tips for our startup — Hey all, My friends and I are currently building a startup. We’re in the preparation phase now and plan to go live in about 3 months. While we’re handling the operational and technical side, we’r…

Looking for marketing strategy tips for our startup — Hey all, My friends and I are currently building a startup. We’re in the preparation phase now and plan to go live in about 3 months. While we’re handling the operational and technical side, we’r…

The song Wicked Game by Chris Isaak sounds like an AP singing about falling in love with a DA — A few weeks back I wrote about "I love You, I'm sorry" by Gracie Abrams sounding like the pov of a DA. Well, I was listening to Wicked Game by Chris Isaak today and it occurred to me that the lyrics …

Do push/pull dynamics happen even when you’re not participating in them? — I (F, 32, originally AP, now definitely more secure) have just gone through a very confusing dating experience. 3 months ago I started seeing this man (34 met on Hinge). He started off very interested…

FA trying to be more secure, need some insigh on relationship to have "fresh eyes" on it and not just my insecure one — Hi, So, I'm FA and my partner is secure. We're living together and are together for 9month now, it's going good and we're doing our best in the healthiest way to navigate the complicated stuff (I hav…

Fellow DAs, do you sometimes experience people taking it personally when you need space to be by yourself? — I'm a DA as stated in the title. By "needing space" I'm not necessarily talking about romantic relationships only. I've had situations where I've been on holiday with people and when I wanted to just …

How do you actually feel safe believing and knowing when it comes to an SP manifestation? — Brief context: I've studied the law on and off for 6 years. Tried to manifest 2 old SP's with varying success, then eventually having them both try to contact me, but I realized that I was shooting so…

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

What are the signs to spot a DA or FA in early talking stage? — Hi, I am myself something of a FA leaning towards secure (I was anxious but became the secure one in my previous relationship with a DA after some years). My previous relationship was pretty bad beca…

How to fix my own FA attachment (ideally without therapy)? — I've been aware of my attachment style for a while now but only recently been annoyed with it enough to want to fix it. I've never been in a relationship because of it and done some admittedly very se…

Attachment Theory & Free Will? — Dear all, I'm very intrigued by the relationship between attachment theory (&, I supposed, any psychological theory) & free-will. They seem to me to slightly conflict. Certainly, it is a difficult p…

🛑STOP HIJACKING POSTS🛑 — 📣Saying it loudly for the people in the back. I know this post is going to have a “vibe” but being warm and fuzzy has never worked so I’m trying to be crystal clear and firm here: Recently there h…

It’s frustrating how often I run into women with Avoidant tendencies. — I’m at a point where I just end things early if I see too many Avoidant tendencies early, but it seems like women with Avoidant tendencies are drown to me more often than secure or anxious which I’d r…

How much space do DA avoidants need when deactivating? — I (M,21, Secure) and my *girlfriend* (F, 21, DA), been dating for 6 months (however both agreed to not proclaim it a relationship yet) and right about 6 month mark she began deactivating (sudde…

Feeling smothered by an AP friend… — This is part reflection/observation, and part question at the bottom. It’s interesting and a bit funny to me, I rarely feel avoidant in my attachments. The test I took for this sub, showed all secur…

In an avoidant-anxious friendship, how much space should I be giving before I reach out? — The last 2 posts on the sub are about friendship and that encouraged me to post here as well. This is my friend of 5 years. We’ve gone from talking almost everyday to me being given the silent treat…

Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them? — Hello all, I'm basically pretty severely A.P. , & so far I've been unable to get close to anyone (romantically) in my life without just exploding with terror that I'll be abandoned (or feeling a stro…

antidepressants and avoidant attachment — i (22f, FA) came off venlafaxine (SNRI) about two months ago after being on it for 5+ years for depression and anxiety. predictably a lot of stuff is coming up, OCD and BDD symptoms, anxiety is a bit …

I despise myself for having avoidant tendencies. — I'm dating someone right now, and things are actually going well. She moves a bit slower than I'm used to, but that's probably a good thing—my last relationship moved way too fast; we slept together …

Does anyone else feel like they cannot truly love? All I know is limerence and anything beyond that is excruciating — I'm constantly stuck in cycles of limerence, I feel almost nothing for anyone UNLESS I am limerent for them. I am still present in relationships and friendships but it's purely out of obligation, I'm …

Learning to take space, self regulate and set boundaries as an AP earning secure — I have always leaned AP but working on security and now in a relationship with an FA leaning heavily avoidant I've realised a big goal for me is learning to self regulate and set better boundaries. Fo…

If I could just stop deactivating!! (FA) — Follow up from some of my previous posts. I’m deactivating again. I think? Or maybe lost feelings for my partner and I’m just lying to myself and not wanting to let go. The thought of that makes me cr…

My DA bf broke up with me Saturday morning. — We’ve been together three years, living together for two. He (38m) wouldn’t ever give me (43f) emotional depth or physical connection. (I had to *ask* for hugs. Anything more was off the table.) Pri…

A little positive reflection for anyone feeling they’re in the trenches right now. — I only learnt what attachment theory was during a breakup with my most recent ex 2 years ago. When he dumped me seemingly out of the blue because ‘I deserved better’, ‘he needed to be alone.’ Etc etc …

Workbook help — Hi all! Does any one have any good book/workbook recs for someone with an anxious attachment style in friendships, but a very avoidant one with romantic relationships? Specifically trying to work on …

There aren't many but as far as I can tell there are a couple which could qualify. 1. Escapism. Just like anything fun, let alone of the "reality substitute" type, there is the potential to use it e…

This was so helpful to me. I’d be interested to learn more about the potential effects of a parent who was always physically present, but whose emotional availability varied to extremes for the first …

I was neglected from birth till, well, now, and have CPTSD for 28479227392 reasons related to my parents and to other experiences. I don't think focusing on blame is useful. I can't blame my one paren…

Hey there’s a Z code in the DSM 5 for emotional neglect, I’m sure. I haven’t looked but there’s a lot of different Z codes to help identify life circumstances, to give a bigger picture to the F code d…

everything about this. i went NC, moved on from my ex, and entered a happier relationship. and yet he’s still stalking my socials and on in my DMs trying to win me back. you broke up with me dude, t…

Yeah, this is not true and not really good advice. In fact, it’s mental bullshit that feeds the ego of a person. People are bitter and want their ex to feel bad and regretful because it makes them fee…

How do you go about NC when you share a 6 yr old child together and it’s a 50/50 arrangement? Every time I message her regarding our son, a flood of emotions come in from memories of our 8 year relati…

Fuck her, she can't even take care of her cats as deaths are an occurrence at her place. I should have followed the red flags like she never even once cared about my fears and I BELIEVED LIKE hello sh…

this is where i wanna be. i’m still mourning the loss of my relationship, it’s been 1 month </3

Best advice EVER. Thank you, yes, we are all flawed ...in relationships, esp Break ups, the parties both act like victims...sheesh, none of us are perfect.

I love my ex but we were so toxic together and our breakup did wonders in showing me how horrible our relationship was and just how much work I have to do on myself. My hope is maybe… in the future we…

Let the silence eat those parts of you that made you stay there. Be angry, be ashamed, and grieve. Question all those nasty feelings and learn what they try to tell you. They usually are out to have t…

It’s difficult when there is something you share with the person though, like children. You’re involved to some capacity and you can see how they are doing in all aspects of life - relationships, fina…

Another update: My ex did want me back, but I rejected it since I know she doesn't want to work yet on her issues, which meant that we're only going to go back to the same situation as we were before.…

I wasn’t even in a gf/bf relationship but we were really good friends. I made a move when I was feeling myself (wasn’t bad) and then that changed things. Ever since, communication hasn’t been the same…

I would agree as well. But sometimes they try to keep you as a backup option by being hot and cold. They are playing with you, while they may not even realize it, but you are getting false hope. Espec…

Omg yay, how long did it take? Who reached out to who? If they reached out what did you do and say? Did you become friends again and work at a relationship or were u straight forward?

It’s hard moving on when you’re still so in love w/ them. I can’t get him out of my head. Idk how to move on and thinking about it hurts more bc I never wanted it to end to begin with. I lost my soul …

Yes!!!! You said it! I agree. I believe that too much Disney and dumb Hollywood films has gotten people thinking that relationships work after they have been broken… answer is no. Also people who play…

Because thats not how relationships work. You can’t solely be thinking of whats best for you. If I date someone yet kept myself before them all the time, that relationship would probably not last very…

Look up Vicent Bos on YouTube, great insight of the dumper and dumpee. YouTube is a gold mine to get better insight about break ups, toxic relationships, the psychology of it, why you attack toxic ppl…

It worked out. I reached out when I felt ready to but not because I wanted him back but because I finally realized my wrongs and wanted to own up to them. He isn’t perfect but I felt better equipped f…

It hurts, but is pretty common. Exes often have backup or have set up their next relationship quick. They don't want to be alone either!

One thing i have seen, but not learned fully yet. Is that relationships are extremely dynamic. A woman who hates you to death, who literally wants you see you dead. Or a woman who completely disrespec…

no, you are missing the HUGE part of what I said "and not do any of those things enough to want to get back together". It is almost UNIVERSAL unless you did truly heinous shit like rape / abuse, etc. …

Same. I hung in there , at first thinking no matter what she does. Im more wise , I see her flaws, i will help her change. Me the man she “use” to say i was. She=“never give up on me”. Me-“never”. 4 w…

Anyone still posting on here? I drove my ex away with my insecure attachment style, looking back he kept putting in little effort and I felt as though I was trying very hard to change. I’m sure he wa…

Easier said than done. I have no motivation to do anything. She was a big motivation for me in life. I’m going on 13 days NC now, and I have a very very strong urge to reach out. She reached out 3 tim…

Relationships are 'us', not 'me'. Relationships which have 'me' first, don't last. Why do we get into relationships? Probably because we 'love' each other? And wouldn't like them to see them happy wit…

Mentally checked out of this “relationship” after he came back crying to me about how we should do therapy and “realized” he is also in the wrong

Thank you I am sorry for you as well. It makes you feel as though our whole relationship was a lie and he was just playing pretend to look good for his family.

I understand. Just a week before my wife left me she said “I’m so glad we are such a strong couple that if we needed counseling we would go to couples therapy” however what she really meant was “ plea…

Wow I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s nuts how common our stories are. I always felt like I was being dragged around by Eric and he could never just tell me “it’ll never work out” Just brea…

So my long story short.. yes I reached out after almost a year and not with any love or dating intentions. We started to reconnect and things started to happen for us again. We’ve been back to togethe…

No Contact does not mean literally no communication. How unmannered and uncivil it would sound if a person asked you "How are you ?" as you were exiting your office, one evening after work. You should…

So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…

It's so easy to resent and want to blame your parents, but don't you think the way you where raised where how your grandparents raised them? Finding compassion, and understanding that your parents did…

None of it *should* stop you from moving forward and healing, but for some people it still nevertheless does. I'm sorry, I know you said this more than half a year ago but I'm going through my situati…

I realized after I read my initial response how much I repeated myself. Sigh, this shit is hard. Brain not firing on all pistons. The reason I asked for compassion is because he is acting like it’s a …

Late reply, but FYI for anyone reading this from here on...every two hours will change your rising sign and rotate your whole chart another 30 degrees. So while all the planets will still show up in t…

Hello, I'm Kale, and Im 34. I was just married 3 months ago after being in a loving 8+ year relationship with the kindest person I've ever met. Three days ago she told me she had developed a relation…

"I was accepting her for her more and more every day. She was doing the opposite" This! And not just this, really liked your whole post. Where are you now? Did you leave that relationship behind …

What if you’re the one that messed up? Bad… we have a son together… its been a year and the guilt is eating me alive. I still live her too… i really want to talk to her and apologize. I understand tha…

I think its more about your relationship to it, like personally and privately. Before you bring your caregiver into the conversation. If you hurt your child by ignoring their feelings when they were c…

Ive had female friends who can dettach and drop a guy as easy as theyre changing clothes and would always tell me to be like them so I dont get hurt, but the thing is I would rather be hurt than hurt …

The average woman has a significantly easier time finding new relationships than the average man. It's not nice to admit it, but it's the clear and obvious explanation of why men who do the dumping of…

I'd just tag on that posters pay attention to all advice posted, regardless of the upvotes/downvotes. The hivemind here can be brutal. This is PARTICULARLY problematic when advice gets legal advice …

This is a neat way to look at it! And yeah, for cases that are more nuanced, when I give advice on here, I make it a point to try and see what might be going on from the other side, then suggest cours…

I totally agree that there is a general trend to project personal issues and give drastic advice, especially since... well, it's not your life. I particularly notice it when it comes to fear of a par…

Really solid points and then there's space for legitimate concern regarding abusive relationships. Basically, the “Power & Control Wheel”, like instances of sexual harassment/ assault, emotional abuse…