being honest

How do you deal with being the only one who was hurt and knows the truth ? How do you deal with the flock of flying monkeys ? — I'd like to share a story. Unfortunately, I'm still dealing with the narcissistic person and the flying monkeys. I feel like I'm trapped in a spider web and that the pain is going to stick with me for…

I feel like no one talks about parental co-dependency… — My mother and I are thick as thieves and have been ever since I was born. I grew up in a household full of boys and men, my mother being the only consistent woman in my life. I had many ups and dow…

How do you stay present even when you are feeling the pressure to run? — My bf and I are long distance and he's very very very loving and sweet. The best bf I could have ever asked for. He understands and accepts my feelings even when I'm feeling avoidant, but right now I'…

Does anyone else feel like they're "performing" being okay in therapy instead of actually being honest? — I've been seeing my therapist for about 8 months now and I genuinely like her, she's warm and seems to actually care. But I keep noticing that when I'm in session I tend to present everything in a way…

The "Manosphere" — Last night my wife and I watched the new Netflix documentary on the Manosphere. It was entertaining and informative, but also quite sad. My first reaction, honestly, was that with the exception of th…

Husband suddenly wants to end our marriage and says it’s because of sex. We have a toddler. I also discovered he’s been dishonest about where he’s been. Looking for perspective. — I’m 39F and my husband (34M) and I have been married a little over 3 years. We have a toddler (2). Recently, completely out of nowhere, he told me he thinks we’re “not compatible” and started talking…

Feeling completely lost about my career, what does my chart actually suggest I’d be good at? — I’m feeling completely lost about my career and I don’t know what to do next.. Money is important to me (although a career in itself not so much being honest, I would actually love to be a stay at hom…

Idk how to process this plz help — I’ve gone literally my whole life without having any family members pass away and all of a sudden in the last 4 months, half my family has either passed away or is on the verge of passing. My grandpa …

Does the urge to break no contact ever actually go away? — I’m about 4 months into no contact and I’m struggling more than I expected. I keep thinking I’d be “over it” by now, or at least in a place where the urge to reach out wouldn’t feel this strong. But …

My mom cheated. She refuses to understand why we are upset at her — # Trigger warning for suicidal content My mom cheated. Looking back, I’m not entirely sure I’m surprised that she did, but I was still so shocked when I got the news. For most of my adult life, my …

As an ardent follower of Astrology - I now find it very dehumanising. — People are people - they are actual people with families, friends and personalities they've developed over time. They have redeeming traits and they will have areas of improvement to work on. To box a…

I (f 22) tested positive for an std after years of being clean and consistent testing and my bf (m 24) of 2 years says it’s “impossible” it’s because of him despite not being tested for 5 years and now we’re not okay. — \*\*\*UPDATE\*\*\* After a long 3 days my results came back and they were all negative. I, of course, told my boyfriend and he was relived much like I was. He was supportive of me and he apologized …

Just trying to gain closure on my own... — This is something I wrote in my journal, trying to process emotions and gain closure. Lori, Since you would not give me the opportunity for closure, I'm going to do what I can to get it here. This…

My situationship doesn’t want a relationship but still has feelings for me?? — Please don’t call me delulu, because I’ve had my fair share of avoidant weirdos, but I don’t think he is one. Been talking to this guy since December. Things were great. The chemistry was there. The c…

When I Let the Devil Back In — I feel like I can't speak this to anyone in my life so I will try here. What people don’t understand is that this didn’t just happen in some clean, simple way where I got hurt and then walked away. I …

Me (F19) and my (ex?)boyfriend (M20) are on a break/broken up and I’m unsure how to regulate my emotions — We have been together for around a year. We have always been very intense, honest, and serious about eachother. We are also both very intertwined with each other’s families, and overall everybody on b…

Just need to get it out — i’ve never done this before so if this isn’t the purpose of this subject, I’m sorry. I am 20 years old and relatively speaking. I’d say I’m not in a bad position to be successful in both my personal l…

Repeatedly being told working on the relationship “isn’t worth it”; trying to understand the pattern — I’m trying to make sense of a pattern in my relationship. My husband frequently uses the phrase “the juice isn’t worth the squeeze” when I try to address issues or repair after conflict. A coupl…

Letter to Self before Meeting her — Figured it helped a few on other subs so I would add here. I've also been told to warn it may be a trigger to some. Hey dumbass, I don’t really know how to start this without it feeling unreal, beca…

Day 5 — Been 5 days now since we broke up. 5 days after 5 years, ironic isn’t it? Today was a good day tho, the best day I’ve had so far. Went to class this morning, then got back and actually ate some food b…

I [31M] am seeing a woman [28F] I really like, but we're moving to different countries soon and she's a virgin- how do I handle this responsibly? — We're both from an Asian country. I've been seeing this woman for about a month, and we're really into each other. There's a strong emotional and physical connection, and whenever we meet we're very a…

Why me ? — Here is my story: I did everything I was supposed to do as a child. I was obedient. I worked in my father’s business from grade 9. I saved every penny I could, never really having the freedom to be …

Name a quirk, trait, or something else about you that you believe was caused by trauma from your family — Mine was magical thinking. If I am being honest I still catch myself doing it and then I stop myself. But I remember as a child telling myself a classmate would suddenly want to date me if I could pla…

My life is falling apart, what do I do? — Hey everyone, I'm a student in college who just turned 18 2 months ago. This year everything in my life has just felt much more unstable than it was before. My grades are horrible, the worst I've had …

You have the answers — ​ Hello folks, hope your day is going well! Below i'll post the final chapter to a short work I put together. while out of context it does provide some useful tips on how to be. A dedicated …

Anyone else feel like they’re “holding it together” but barely? — I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… You can look completely fine on the outside — doing your job, showing up, handling things — but underneath you’re just… exhausted. Not just tired, but d…

The version of me she knew deserved to lose her. — Today is her birthday. It’s bringing up all kinds of feelings. I honestly feel sick today. I feel like I have only recently been able to truly reflect on things, and I’m finally facing who I was and w…

my (21f) boyfriend (22m) doesn’t want to sleep with me. can the relationship still work? — hi guys, i’m writing this for a bit of outside perspective as i’m unsure what to do. for context, my boyfriend and i have been seeing eachother for around 10 months (7 of which we were on and off fwb…

My third AP happened this morning. — This is a wild one. I'm going to make it short as possible: I was not able to sleep well at all, my girlfriend tossed about and therefore I toss about. I got into the In-between state easily (body as…

Husband 40M is overweight and it’s affecting our sex life 39f — I know this sounds bad. But my husband has been overweight and on a weight loss journey for 16 years, ever since I’ve know him basically. He looses a few pounds but returns to his original weight or m…

I responded to an ex of mines no contact breach, with a link to Good Luck Babe — So i 18(M) had a 2 year long weird homoerotic friendship with a guy (20M) who had a boyfriend (22M) (i know stupid ofc) but in my defense, he pretty much introduced himself to me as "tortured guy stuc…

Shared my pain with my nmom — I posted recently about when to go no contact. I really appreciate everyone's responses, support, and understanding 🫂 Yesterday I had a family meeting phone call for my sibling and I to reiterate t…

The Way Time Moves After You — It’s been one month now, and I still can’t exactly tell you how I got here. If you asked me to trace it back, each week, each day, each hour… each minute, I wouldn’t be able to. It all feels like it’s…

I just ended my relationship and I feel hopeless — FYI, today marked 1 year of dating. It was kind of mutual, but if I’m being honest, it was more on his side. I think I just accepted what he had already decided deep down. We talked today and he tol…

I "19M" rejected a girl "20F" after she said she loved me. — I "19M" recently met a girl "20F" at a festival. I saw her at the crowd and thought she was really pretty, so I thought I should go approach and talk to her, mind you it was my first time ever doing t…

Breakup due to circumstances, not feelings… why does this hurt so much more? — This breakup doesn’t feel like any other one I’ve been through, and I think it’s because it wasn’t caused by either of us doing something wrong. It was external life, timing, pressure, things outside…

I (26f) have been suffering through withdrawal since break up with 34m — It felt serious (met friends, future talk, families knew about each other), but there were repeated trust issues because I kept finding him active on dating apps, and I had posted on here before (whic…

What the hell do I do? UPDATE — An update to my previous post, since it seemed like someone was interested and because I still need support. We talked about it. He saw no wrongdoing in what he did, and said his intention was never…

Realizing you can't remember anything? — If you ever asked me\[M21\] to recount details of my childhood or even things is recent memory like last year, I'd be hard be hard pressed to give much of an answer aside from maybe a few memorable mo…

23M in love with 21F but feel like I can’t give her what she wants and it’s eating at me — I (23M) have been with my girlfriend (21F) for almost 3 years now (our anniversary is in June). I love her so much and genuinely care about her. She’s been there for me since I didn’t really have much…

Going through Truma therapy as a college student. Any advice for summer coming up — I am somewhat young college age. College is coming to a end for the seamster I am behind on credits and I can’t go home for the summer it is such a toxic environment for me and my grandma can get em…

Leaving a Messy ‘Situationship’ — I (25m) dont think I have the emotional maturity to end a nearly 2-year situationship with a girl (25F) with whom a future with seems uncertain I met this girl when we both started grad school, and w…

My therapist decided to end working with me after coaxing me to talk about my sexual relationship with my wife in more detail. — I started attending therapy because I was struggling with being a 'Girl Dad' after having a history of treating girls poorly and also because my wife acts more like a dependent then a partner. I fl…

Thought i was getting better, i thought wrong — It's been three months since she (35f /40m) walked out after seven years together, married four. one night she told me she's been unhappy for years, couldn't take it anymore. within three days she was…

I want to start trusting my thoughts more — I have been noticing that I really crave this feeling of wanting to be guided, I find my self looking up all sorts of questions online throughout the day as they pop up in my head. Lately iv been goin…

my (30F) partner (29M) broke up with me because he’s in bad state — pretty much the title. my partner of 4 years broke up with me because he’s not in a good state in life right now (hates his job, financially not ready, etc.). it looked like he decided that this was…

I (25M) broke my girlfriend’s (26F) trust in multiple ways is leaving more responsible than staying? — I’m a 25M and my girlfriend is 26F. We’ve been together for about 7 months, and I’ve basically destroyed the trust in our relationship. A couple of nights ago, we were together and she went through m…

I (25M) broke my girlfriend’s (26F) trust in multiple ways is leaving more responsible than staying? — I’m a 25M and my girlfriend is 26F. We’ve been together for about 7 months, and I’ve basically destroyed the trust in our relationship. A couple of nights ago, we were together and she went through m…

Hi to all M45 F49 — Where to start with this one ‘M/45’ & ‘F/49’we’ve been together for 3 years There’s a rumour going round that my gf got fingered by one of her daughters ex bf on a night out, we were going through …

Me 34M not sure I can trust my wife 34F again after secrecy and emotional affair — I’m 34, my wife is 34. We’ve been together 11 years, married for 8, and we have two kids, 5 and 2. About 7 months ago I found out that my wife had been emotionally involved with a man she introduced …

Tbh you’re allowed to have your viewpoints but this is attention seeking behavior judging by your posts meant to get a reaction out of the people here. Also, why go on a Murphy sub for this? You alrea…

Sounds pretty avoidant. That sucks - I’m sorry. Does she actually understand how important this is to you? If so, I might try having the conversation one more time, being clear that it’s a dealbreaker…

This is largely because people would rather avoid the discomfort of being honest about how someone's behavior impacts them, and let somebody else continue to struggle forever, than let themselves be u…

Sorry for what you’re going through, but I’ll be brutally honest. As a bad boy, I believe he bullshitted you to get what he wanted, then disappeared. After physical interactions, people tend to either…

I totally felt the same, like he loved me but had contempt anytime I had a need or comment that somehow threatened him. Like “yeah, so” turns completely cold::: and just sooo many easy ways out, shots…

As someone from the other side, It is definitely the worst feeling to go through this with a FA. I feel like ever since being with my ex-husband and going through it, I constantly still find myself lo…

Thank for the advice I'll keep it in mind. I feel like being honest about what you want keeps you from getting into a situations-ships tho.

No I don’t and while I think you have some fair and good points, for some reason you’re very emotionally attached and aggravated by this.This is just a personal rant on some perceived grievance you ha…

I dont believe anyone is drawn to avoidants. The data is skewed due to people not being honest but Avoidance is probably the majority attachment within the U.S now.

Of wanting to be in a relationship, if he was ready for fully committing, and he was EXTRA scared of hurting me. He knew he liked me but being in a relationship felt stressful. And I was able to stay …

Honesty online - while asking for advice in itself isn’t a problem - but when used to avoid being honest to the person you should be (her) is still avoiding proper communication. If you’re already dou…

I am FA and my avoidance comes alive if someone wants too much closeness, control, if he wants too much. Sometimes taking a time apart helps. Also giving it real time to feel attached. Also telling yo…

That makes sense! Honestly the more I read you reply and thought about some of my past experience I actually take back some of what I said, cause I definitely wasn’t always as clear at the beginning a…

Thanks for that insight! >he would ask me “how are you doing?” In the morning. I didn’t know why at the time, but that question used to really annoy me. I can resonate with this. While usually I app…

Yeah I agree with you on that That’s not what you said though, and what I was specifically responding to with that comment. You said “it’s not really fair to bring someone innocent into the mess with…

I would dump you if i saw this I found out this was about me. You have issues, probably stemming from childhood, not your fault. But also she deserves someone who is into her physically and as a perso…

Though as I can guess from any other attachment style (or even mental health issue/relational pattern in general) every person is different, I imagine clarity and communication are key here. I would o…

From an outside perspective he sounds like he's being honest. You would like to be considered and have consistency ( very normal healthy things) and he can't or doesn't want to meet your needs. The w…

I try to remind myself ”this guy isn’t my mum and isn’t going to react like mum does”. It’s easier for me to express myself more and being honest/vulnerable with someone.

Hi everyone, I’m 25M (Middle Eastern, living in Turkey), in pilot training and under a lot of pressure to stay focused. Earlier this year I met a 30F Russian woman (“Y”) in a very unconventional way …

I really hope I can find some answers here about why I’m unable to let go of and forget one person. The breakup was unbearably painful, drawn-out, and emotionally exhausting. I spent years chasing an…

It feels pathetic to be searching for a boyfriend because it feels desperate. If I’m being honest, I do judge the type of girl who makes it her mission to find a man or a husband. I guess I feel like …

I can relate to a lot of this! For context, I come from a background where controlled emotions and behaviour is very normal and almost rewarded, so for me, that's always been my comfort zone. Additio…

Late to the convo here but this is a very grounding post to read. I believe I’m securely attached with anxious tendencies and found myself exploring a connection recently with someone who based on the…

>I’ll admit, I’m not some manifestation master as I still consider myself a beginner. That manifestation is really the only significant one I achieved. I basically only have that one under my belt. …

i was just like you (and honestly still am sometimes) and i got diagnosed with ROCD. after starting medication, doing a lot of targeted therapy, & being honest and open with my partner about everythin…

Turning 36 (female) in about three weeks and I’m about to try something I’ve never done before. I’ve always let men make the first move, but honestly I think that’s made me miss out on some potentiall…

Yeah, I definitely think nonpolitical or apolitical reads poorly. Best case scenario, if they're being honest, that means someone is uninformed and disengaged from current events. That's a turn off fo…

Ngl I admire her transparency. “You’re a bit further back in line so she’ll lyk” Her friend is actively dating, and she’s being honest by telling you. I don’t see anything wrong with this If anythin…

With a high libido and wanting only a FWB you shouldn’t have trouble meeting another guy. Many guys have asked for exclusive FWB situation, but I’ve always found it oxymoronic. In my opinion, exclusiv…

yeah so i ended up cutting things off with the person in the above situation. i got to the point where i told them how i was feeling (that the situation was starting to resemble the toxic history we h…

Irl I am repulsed by people who are obsessed with me because it's like cool cool so you don't actually see me at all you're just projecting whatever you want to see onto me and I'll be discarded and d…

It seems like I'll be ghosted by someone who I thought was a decent person to at least be honest about his intentions. Why can't people just be clear? It's not about owning anything to anyone, just ab…

See, I had the conversations too, but after that last two-month stint, you're right, I reallyyyy started going in on them early. My boyfriend on our first date last year said, "Hey, I want to be trans…

Hi All! I need some advice. My post has not gained any traction anywhere else. I am here to understand what is happening because I feel clouded a little bit in my relationship. We are opposite attachm…

I’m trying to not get too excited but I met someone from the apps I was the most excited to meet and he was even cuter in person. And smart too. And seems to have a solid social circle and career. We …

Ok, spanish man here, 39, never married. So take what I feel as a grain of salt: I think he is enjoying his time with you, and wants you close (for selfish reasons? maybe, maybe not) I'm worried tha…

You are not the first person to mess up a good thing and you will not be the last. You are being honest - that’s indicative of a character change. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and be bette…

I don’t want to be judgemental or anything, I’m FA so I understand some of what you’re talking about here. But I really hope you’re going to therapy and that you’ve apologised to your wife for the yea…

"I wish you told me sooner?" You guys met on a dating app though! It's not like you were pining after a coworker.  I'm sorry you went through this. This one is grinding my gears on your behalf. Pers…

I relate heavily, i cant imagine how much harder it must be to control your mind while living with your partner. I find that it is extreamly difficult to remove myself from them especially while anxie…

I’m glad to hear that you like the version of yourself when you’re with him! That conversation you described seems incomplete and waiting to be picked up again. I think the topic is too tricky to be c…

This happened to me recently. Went 10 or 12 days between seeing the guy I had been dating for about 6 weeks. During that time I didn’t miss him at all. It was kind of distressing to me because I don’t…

It can definitely be tricky, as you could imagine. I understand why some people are skeptical of the “unsure” answer, especially in your 30s. From the outside it can look like someone avoiding a real …

This feels really toxic to me, from all parties. OP, a few things you said raised red flags, namely your criticism of their saying "I love you" 2 months in, which is not that uncommon if two people a…

She has already come back once and this is kinda what I got for letting her back, I thought she was being honest with me about understanding that I said if she returned it couldn’t be “just friends.” …

I think just being honest with yourself about how you feel with your partner is really important, at least speaking from my experience. We dated for 5 months and I just broke it off after a month of r…

hmm i would take a long hard think about if it is worth making the living situation workable. and then, if you are willing to make it workable, is he? if so, go and make it work! if it is workab…

My ex messaged of 4 monthbs messaged me last night asking how I knew someone. I played dumb and asked why, and said she was in a club of mine. She asked if we were dating, so I came out and said yes w…

Are people not being honest about their intentions normal, you mean? It’s not normal, but it does happen, yes. That’s what the first few dates are about. Trying to decipher what they want. There’s onl…