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I agree with this so much. The idea that everyone has some single, primary "wound" seems like the worse kind of pop psychology and every description I've read about Chiron in house or sign is very gen…
The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…
Has anyone else gone from being dismissive avoidant to anxious preoccupied towards their therapist? — As I'm sitting here on a Friday night, missing my therapist despite literally meeting with her today, I'm reflecting on how 5 years ago, and really for the first 2/3 years of therapy I was a closed bo…
Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…
A Metaphorical Description of An Avoidant Reaching Out — In the quiet dusk of a long, isolated winter, an avoidantly attached soul finds the courage to break free from its self-made fortress. For years, it has wandered amid barren landscapes of guarded emo…
Excessive Rumination — Dear all, I've recently found myself reminiscing on a brief encounter I had with someone two years ago, in which we both massively triggered one another's attachment wounds (me being anxious, & her …
Does anyone else go through phrases where they feel cynical about people easily? — I kinda feel like I’m in one of those now. I'm a DA. It usually happens if I feel like I’m trying to make plans with people, but they’re not responding or declining. Usually I’m okay with it, but when…
You know what sucks about being in the process of healing your attachment type? Dating someone who has no idea they have an insecure attachment and you're just wasting all that hard-earned security on someone who doesn't care — I've been fearful avoidant most of my life, and it's helped me in abandoning very healthy partners because I was too blind of my issues. For 2 years now I've been working on myself and seeing huge s…
This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…
I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …
Help me understand-anxious now ex bf + part avoidant ex gf — My anxious ex and I met in ‘22. Online I was a full dismissive avoidant I began to work on myself in October’23. Since October ‘23,I have been a dismissive avoidant in recovery Recently,I have …
Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…
I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …
Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…
Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…
Do fearful avoidants "split" or "idealise" and then "devalue" when triggered? Or is it more likely to be a sign of something else? (Eg BPD/NPD?) — I am curious about whether "splitting" is something that is an FA behaviour or if it's a separate issue associated with other mental health disorders. As an FA, do you feel yourself "idealising" or p…
What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…
For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…
learning to trust with new potential partners — What do you think are some healthy ways to slowly trust someone again in a romantic context so if things go wrong it doesn't feel like moving on is like an impossible task emotionally? I don’t mean t…
Inner Child healing exercises? — Do you have recommendations for good exercises for healing the wounded inner child that might drive one's anxious attachment? - Good: Names of books, podcasts, etc. - Better: specific pages, chapte…
What qualities to look for in a therapist — Previously, I had been working with a somatic therapist for 6 years (on trauma healing, not specifically attachment related) and a few months ago they closed their practice for personal reasons on *ve…
What is my core wound when I don't worry what others think about me, I'm not afraid of being alone, but still no boundaries with closest people — I want to heal my wounds and spot and correct the false truths that I have about myself and others, but I'm finding it quite difficult. It is because it seems to me that I lack some essential traits o…
Please help me understand this feeling — So..I need some help with this. Everynow and then i get this feeling where my heart emotionally hearts. Physically there is nothing wrong with me, but my heart, it's like it's racing like to the poin…
Feeling friendless — Hey guys, Sorry long vent, you can skip to the bottom if needed. Recently I have been doing great attachment-wise on the romantic relationships front. But for some reason I feel like I can’t mainta…
A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…
a song about longing for something that never was - disorganized attachment style edition (cathartic release) — Lyrics: I’m standing at a wishing well, One coin trembling in my hand, A promise pressed against my palm, A truth I barely understand. They told me I was unworthy, Long before I learned my name,…
A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…
A letter to my fearful avoidant ex — 31st December 2025 So here we are. Another night, another thought. It’s been nearly 25 days since Eddie left me. Recently, so many emotions have been running through my mind. I never thought I would…
I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …
March 2026 Astrology: Transits, Key Dates, and More — **Last month’s write-up, I ended with this,** *“Let’s just say we end the month in a chaotic state of energy. Nothing seems real while at the same time, there is a sense of urgency that something need…
Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…
Unexpected emotional shift after Adventure - Five Messages. Has anyone experienced something similar? — Hi everyone, I wanted to share something that happened recently and see if anyone here has had a similar experience. For some context, I recently went through the end of a **10 year relationship**. …
Break up + no contact update (post 4 months) — I thought I’d give an update into my healing progress since my breakup, in hopes to shed a little light on the small positives that can come from heartbreak. For context, my ex and I broke up in Octob…
Why do most victims survive the harm, while perpetrators can’t cope with a slither of accountability? — Victims live with the pain. The fear. The long-term fallout. Not being believed. No justice, or having to fight for it. Being made the aggressor through DARVO. The loss of safety. The way it rewires y…
You've Tried Manifesting Them Back Multiple Times - Here's Why It's Not Working — **"I've manifested my SP back multiple times but it never works. Now it just feels draining."** **You're not failing at manifestation.** **You're failing at creating coherent field states.** And th…
I texted her. Here's what I said. I hope this was honest and vulnerable enough. — OK so, this will be a long one. I fucked up. I have some many things to tell you, so many regrets with a heavy heart. I'll start with I miss you. I've been missing you for a long time now. I haven't t…
32 years of marriage, but I'm still unsettled by an affair from 2006. Is it too late to ask for the truth? — I’ve been married for 32 years now, but there is a something from 2006 that I’ve never been able to move past. Back then, my daughters were 11 and 10. We were leaving my parents' house after a weekend…
Does anyone have any insight into my difficult relationship with my mom? — I'd be curious for insight as to why my dad was the way he was, too, but mostly my mom. (Since my dad wasn't really there to hurt me, he hurt me in a different way than she has.) I won't trauma dump t…
The "Manosphere" — Last night my wife and I watched the new Netflix documentary on the Manosphere. It was entertaining and informative, but also quite sad. My first reaction, honestly, was that with the exception of th…
What does Chiron in Taurus transiting the 6th house present as? — I don't fully understand how Chiron shows up. The 6th house is all about routine, habits, work, etc., and Chiron is all about wounds. However, I've read that Chiron in Taurus is largely correlated to …
When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person — I said this in a comment to someone else’s post but I feel like I should post it here, just in case it helps someone. There’s no way of truly knowing whether or not a person with narcissistic traits…
First “bad” trip taught me a lot - sharing my experience to help others — I’m 28m, good job, good relationships, physically fit, happy overall. Experienced tripper with several high-dose mushroom trips under my belt. Always had positive experiences. Took 4g mushrooms today…
She Sent Me An Article... — I need to start laughing about this stuff because otherwise I'm going to totally lose it. I woke up to a text (muted and buried so I had to hunt for it) from my mom. I've been LC (very brief, no infor…
self concept work is no joke — For years I have been manifesting things like money, good career, etc via scripting, visualization and other methods with ease. But I noticed that every time I acquired those things there was still …
BF stayed in contact with an old hookup. Should I be worried? — Dating a wonderful man for almost two years. We both are divorced and were cheated on. So we’ve both come into this acknowledging that trust is hard for us but we’ve consistently communicated well. I …
Stop being a fixer, and get the relationship you truly want! — The biggest lesson I've learned in love is that it's ok to be selfish. People come on this subreddit because they want to learn how to walk perfectly on eggshells so their sisuationship won't end. I'm…
How to stop being a caretaker in a relationship — I didn't realise how much I was being a caretaker in a relationship and how it impacted my mental health. I feel really bad because I love and care about this person. He's grown up in a very abusive a…
Were you basically surviving your entire childhood? — I’m an adult now but holy shit… thinking back to my childhood… I made myself seem incredibly small so I didn’t piss off my dad. By the time I hit my teenage years, I had no self esteem, no confidence,…
About no contact. — I just wanted to say that, yes, you should go no contact if you got dumped, only way that someone will realize what they lost is by not having access to it anymore, could take days, weeks and months f…
I Changed Myself and Got it All — Hello, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a very long time. Grab a snack and come along for the ride! **The Beginning: April - October 2022** I discovered Neville 4 years ago; after a year of …
Chiron as an aspect, and as a Jungian archetype. — I’ve been really interested in trying to understand Chiron’s full role in a tropical chart, as the ‘wounded healer’ and subsequent traits. I’m also interested in correlating that to Jung’s theory’s o…
EMDR was life-changing for my attachment wounds. Check out the EMDR International Association website to find a therapist: emdria.org
I think a better phrasing would be assigning responsibility, not blame. Our parents neglected their responsibilities to us when they neglected us. It's less about pointing a finger at a person and mor…
So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…
I don’t understand your take on this. No contact has time and time again been proven to be the best thing you can do for mutual healing if the breakup was bad or not mutual. Giving eachother time an…
to answer your second question, I like to do a body scan and feel where I feel the emotion. I don’t see them as bad things rather as guidance from my body speaking to me. I say “these are emotions fro…
Therapist will navigate with you your core wounds which will help you to identify your fears and patterns, learn healthy boundaries, learn about attachment in deeper and learn more about yourself, wor…
The problem with DA people in the end of a relationship is that they cause the other persons wounds to be activated. The feelings of not good enough kick in and people are desperate to find a reason t…
Of course it does but all insecure attachments are maladaptive and damaging. Trashing on anyone for their attachment wounds is not helpful
Irritating the ones you love, polysecure (because it deals with a lot of attachment education), women who love too much, polyvagal theory and exercises, legit anything to do with different therapies— …
You don't go up to a mountain and meditate to heal your attachment wounds, then come down and jump into a healthy relationship. That isn't how the human nervous system works. Healing happens in relat…
Hey, really appreciate you sharing all this. That FA-FA dynamic can be such a rollercoaster—sounds like you’ve been through a lot and done some serious inner work already. Respect. Since you’re looki…
Speaking as an Attachment focused Therapist, attachment wounds has to be healed through therapy. 1. Relational wounds require relational repair. 2. Insecure attachments lack ability to self-regulate,…
Here's what I found helpful to figure out my own feelings. I look at three angles: 1. If they suddenly told you they were done and didn't tell you why, would it hurt you? If it wouldn't hurt at all, …
I've been experiencing something similar, broke up in December. In my mind, it's almost as if the person I knew and loved severed (like from the show Severance) themselves and returned from a trip as …
You are welcome, you do sound healthy. I cover mostly attachment wounds / relational trauma in my IG series if you want to read more about that. I think an attachment therapist might help if you ar…
I think your therapy must be working? Does your missing her feel destructive since you’re anxious? To me it sounds like you’re really working through your childhood wounds. I’m DA to everyone. I was …
I totally relate to the awful feelings of seeing an avoidant ex move on super quickly while you are still reeling from the triggering and retraumatization of that relationship. Going through it right …
I’d recommend looking into psychodynamic approaches to therapy that is centered around the therapeutic relationship and the feelings that come up in the process. Feeling like my therapist is my whol…
It's very, very painful. I'm so sorry. I went through something similar 2 yrs ago. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, felt incredible low self-esteem and rejected. I never pegged him to ghost me, and we ha…
Totally agree with this. Perhaps the mechanism behind "BeeDee" is actually fear. We humans are complex but probably not to the level of this dissection. Some type of wounding creates maladaptive stra…
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to [psychotherapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each pers…
Are you asking to empathize with or seeking revenge 😏 As a recovering DA: betrayal of any form. Mind you betrayal can only be felt for the few that walls were let down for. This takes awhile…for me …
Feeling like they disappointed someone. It taps straight into their core wound of ‘I’m not good enough'.
What makes an avoidant is not so much the way you do it, it's having the unhealed core wound, the fear of losing independence, what makes you avoidant
AT only shifts after healing the core wounds that caused it, cutting out toxic family members can help, but it's rarely the final solution
I think you answered your own questions. You crossed an unspoken boundary. Most likely something trust related? This is a deep core wound for DAs as trusting someone with emotional vulnerability isn’t…
Great observation. Ever since I've had a situationship with an avoidant, I came to notice this a lot in songs. I've heard them written seemingly from the perspective of each side... more commonly anx…
Welcome to /r/Entrepreneur and thank you for the post, /u/TheWoundedHealer321! Please make sure you read our [community rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/Entrepreneur/about/rules/) before participating …
Thanks for sharing your perspective :) no we didn’t really break up yet, I first accepted to still see him casually cause I do like him and thought that maybe it would work out fine being casual for a…
Hm. I'm not entirely following I think. It sounds broken up - but you did continue to see each other? And yea, understandably so. Back and forth is just irritating, even if it doesn't trigger any …
I understand the hurt part you mentioned. Try to reframe it. He is behaving from his place of wounding. He will continue to project his woundedness on other partners until he heals his FA tendencies. …
Yes, the impact is real and matters. A securely attached person can try and minimize the sting by providing self compassion. A FA or DA are going to operate from a place of woundedness and project tha…
Thank you for your supportive words :) I am definitely still an AP, but in comparison to some years ago I am able to identify my patterns and self regulate my emotions much more. This is the big diffe…
Internal Family Systems (IFS) is an approach to [psychotherapy](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/therapy) that identifies and addresses multiple sub-personalities or families within each pers…
It’s a band aid on a gunshot wound but It’s sure better than not having it
This. How I became insecure 🙃 Dating someone who pulled the eject lever two years into a serious relationship, out of *nowhere* then yoyoed me for several months before ghosting. It made me doubt my …
I love this. I’m autistic. I don’t have time to unpack how attachment styles play out for autistic folks but a nutshell version is - prettt much the same , just more extreme and indelible/harder to ch…
[We just had a discussion about this in the AvoidantAttachment subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvoidantAttachment/comments/1kp4duk/the_hottest_hot_take/) What you're describing is very indicativ…
All insecurely attached people tend to show up the same early on in relationships. They're usually all persistent at the start, which is a sign of someone that is insecure. Secure people don't priorit…
I don't agree with that no one should suffer. Suffering is, on some level inevitable. It's a signal to address an unmet need. While I agree that we should work on healing and healthy ways to connect w…
It’s a cottage industry of dating coaches that all suggest you do no contact to get an avoidant ex back. I hardly see information about anxious attachment and how to heal those wounds. I’m in therap…
I have just learned about attachment Theory and believe my partner is avoidant( not sure if da or fa as still a bit confusing to me) I felt like my avoidant partner was putting me through test. At the…
I figured anyone mentioning it would get downvoted, but I second the use of ChatGPT and other AI tools. I did a couple years of weekly therapy but it was getting too expensive. Now I use a combination…
1. Therapy is like training wheels. If you can’t even ‘shop’ for a therapist, meaning: seeing their profiles, interview them, try it out, switch, maybe come back, maybe move on means you don’t have a …
Some thoughts - this is rushed, so not nicely written: \- Anxious-preoccupied: preoccupied with attachment figures and attachment relationships, anxious about possible unavailability of attachment fi…
Orrrrrrrr.... In the early thaw of spring, when frost still clung stubbornly to the edges of the earth, the apology remained unsent. It lingered like a letter never mailed. Its seal unbroken, its tru…
It feels like love like that because it feels familiar to your nervous system, in some way like "home". But home is what gave you an insecure attachment style to begin with so it makes sense that the …
I definitely agree with this, however, as an AA it is useful to know about how FAs and DAs react and how to interact with them. This is for two reasons: first, no matter what I know in theory, as an A…
I understand why you'd ask. In my case, I wasn't abandoning my boundaries as much as strategically relaxing them for the purpose of understanding the situation and her. I recognized early on that her …
That last part is what happens with my partner. It hurts so much that she feels me trigger a core wound. She will retreat for a few days, usually 4 or 5 and then come back when she's regulated. She …