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My attempt at lucid dreaming — I've never really lucid dreamed in my entire life, yesterday i tried to for the first time. I saw a post here about what to do to trigger it, here's my experience: As I read i needed to put an alarm …
How to heal avoidant attachment? — Uhhhh hey gang. Formerly severe fearful avoidant here. The attachment quizzes put everyone somewhere on a quadrant, with the bottom being high avoidance and the right high anxiety. So I was farrrr in …
Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…
The algorithm doesn’t hate you — Started working with a TikTok shop client who thought they were ***shadowbanned*** and we reversed that in 60 days. Views were at less than 200 per video. Sales? Even worse. It dropped from 30k to be…
how 10 quality backlinks pushed my dr +5 — pardon my english i’m french but my advice: focus on relevance over quantity. ask for niche-specific authority links, and request indexed pages only. check each link in ahrefs or console to confirm it…
Interview for associate devops role, not sure how it went, need opinions — I had a technical discussion with with a smaller company(around 100-200 employees) and they are filling out a new devops team. I have 7 YOE at large tech companies as a software engineer, but my dutie…
MacOs HomeBrew and Open Source tooling — Hey guys! Quick question for ya, I've been at a job for awhile now but we just got transitioned over to macOS. We were on windows machines before. Software was always distributed through self service…
Was pushed into a Devops role. Never got the chance to learn properly — I was pushed into a devops role. And since then there was always a deadline on head and was never able to learn things properly. I am still good at my job and can do what is required but somewhere fee…
Head of Digital - Feeling burnt out. — Hey everyone, I’m in a “Head of Digital” role at a mid-sized company — but in practice, I’m the only technical person in a team full of editors and project managers from a traditional print publishin…
microservices ci/cd and git branching — We are working on a microservice application and we are supposed to have 3 environments development, staging and production.. As a devsecops intern engineer, I'm thinking that the devs should work o…
"I quit my engineering job due to anxiety and built a small business—how do I scale from here?" — Hi everyone, I wanted to share my journey and ask for advice from those who’ve scaled small businesses. I studied chemical engineering and got placed in a great company right after graduating from S…
Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…
Starting over — Heya, I don’t want this to be a negative thread— looking for some positivity and hope maybe? I (34F) am recently out of a one year relationship. It was my first secure relationship in my entire adult…
Struggling with losing my best friend/coworker, anxious attachment + limerence making it unbearable — Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for this long post. I’ll just post the TL;DR at the start. TL;DR: Lost my best friend/coworker of 7 years after a conflict. He’s now cold/avoiding me but friendl…
Seeking self-closure — To give a brief overview. Had a multi year situationship with someone I had fallen for, a fearful avoidant. Much pulling and pushing until it ended by her pushing everything away. A year later she st…
Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…
For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…
We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…
Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…
For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…
For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…
Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…
Should I meet up with my ex? — Back in November 2024, I went on a couple of dates with a guy from my friend group, “Frank” (41M now). Looking back, it’s obvious to me that he was a rebound, but I genuinely didn’t realize it at the …
I (28F) cut off my in-laws after how they treated me before and during my wedding, but I get anxious when my husband (27M) still talks to them. How do I move on? — TL;DR: My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law insulted me, fat-shamed and color-shamed me before our wedding and caused major drama during the wedding itself. Now they act sweet in front of my husband. I…
Any clue what could have happened? — I took a heroic dose of dmt last year. I had every intention to communicate with whatever I may have seen during the experience. I hit my rig until I couldn't anymore, I had been sitting on my brother…
DDay - 2/19/2026 - Online Emotional Affair Led to Full Blown Infidelity — I found out my wife was going on “solo” concert trips, but was also using them as a way to vacation with a guy she had been talking to online for years. Seventeen years together and seven years marri…
DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…
I Genially Think My (35F) Husband (36M) is a Psychopath — Hi everyone, please I need help. I’m 35F and my husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys (7 and 5). I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. About three months ago my hus…
My (26/M) Girlfriend (26/F) Of 6.5 Years Emotionally Cheated and I Don’t Know What To Do — My (26/M) girlfriend (26/F) and I met our first year of college and started dating shortly after. We went through Covid together, graduated together, and started living together about 2 years ago. We…
"What does it mean to heal?" channeled message from my guides — I thought to share with you all this excerpt from a channeled conversation between myself and my guides. I love this text a lot and return to it often. Perhaps those of you on a healing journey and t…
Why do most victims survive the harm, while perpetrators can’t cope with a slither of accountability? — Victims live with the pain. The fear. The long-term fallout. Not being believed. No justice, or having to fight for it. Being made the aggressor through DARVO. The loss of safety. The way it rewires y…
I’ve been with a narc for 5 years and I don’t recognize myself anymore. How do I get "me" back? — I’m writing this because I feel completely lost. I’ve been with a narcissistic partner for 5 years, and looking in the mirror is scary because I don’t know the person looking back. I used to be jovia…
Supporting an artist — Hello everyone, I appreciate in advance anyone who takes the time to read and respond. I think in general it will be good for me to get this all out there. My (31m) husband (32m) and I have been mar…
how do you live with the harm you've caused in the past? — Four months ago, I broke up with my ex. We were going through a rough patch but from their perspective, it was nothing we hadn't gone through before. I completely blindsided and discarded them (a term…
Therapist told me I was a narcissist during a session, completely shutdown. — Hi everyone. I have been actively looking for a psychiatrist or therapist to take me seriously when trying to pick through cPTSD, and autistic shutdown. The services in my province (Canadian) only of…
The way as a slave — “The unrestricted person, who has in hand what they will in all events, is free. But anyone who can be restricted, coerced, or pushed into something against what they will is a slave.” —EPICTETUS, DIS…
"Never Go to Bed Angry" is bad bias advice — Last night I got into a slightly heated debate with a friend of mine who said "my partner and I can never go to bed angry, it doesn't help anyone". I immediately pushed back because this imo will sile…
Should I help repay my sister’s debt to protect my parents? — I’m 31F. My sister is 29F and lives in Canada. We come from a lower middle-class Indian family that has mostly lived paycheck to paycheck. My sister always dreamed of studying abroad. She completed …
EMDR therapy fail — Today I was so excited to start EMDR. Before booking treatment, I told the therapist that I need help with sexual dysfunction resulting from child abuse and multiple SA’s as a young adult. She said 95…
It Was Always About You — I thought I would share an experience I had a while ago that really changed my understanding of Neville’s teachings and manifestation in general. **How it started** In 2022 I was very into occultism…
My peeling vision and what really happened. — For months i felt stuck in life and sat in meditation asking my guides to reveal what is expected of me in this life. All I got every time was a vision of a fruit peeling, losing its skin. What i gath…
Sunken Cost Fallacy — Married for almost 27 years. Got married at the ripe age of 19. Funny thing, I thought it was a mistake on my wedding night when he got out of bed to jack off because I was so exhausted from the long …
YOU KNOW.. — YOU KNOW you are god. YOU KNOW you are consciousness. YOU KNOW you are the observer. YOU KNOW it’s all an illusion. YOU KNOW time doesn’t exist. YOU KNOW there is no past or future. YOU KNOW the…
How to begin the “healing” — STBXW (33) and I (M33) had been having issues in our marriage since December. She eventually opened up and said she feels she doesn’t love me anymore. That broke me, but it felt like something we coul…
Anyone Ever Just Start Hitting Them Back? — Very politically incorrect of me I guess 🙄 but I hate how all of the advice given out to victims never suggests hitting them back. It's like it's almost a taboo to suggest that you do anything but co…
I'm a rotten abuser and I can't forgive myself for it and I don't feel that I should. — I 30F am an abuser who has ruined my husband just because I can't accept being loved. yesterday I told him that I hope one day he gets the self esteem to leave me, and he responded that he hopes one d…
Girlfriend(26F) of 3 months slapped me(32M) in the balls for a third time — I (32M) previously explained to my girlfriend (26F) the immense pain that being slapped in the testes caused a man. We've been dating for about 3 months. The first time she said it was an accident a…
Visited a dive bar in an abandoned and flooded city 03/18/2026 — 03/18/2026 Several projections during the same morning, most of them mundane and not worth recording, but the total must have been 10 in a row. As soon as the astral body would forcefully return, I i…
aftermath? — Hey all! I have been struggling with anxiety, agoraphobia, panic attacks and depression the last year. I've been homebound for months. Ofc i did went to the store, but never really alone. Have been do…
I finally went to therapy and I'm angry at myself for waiting so long because of stupid stigma — For five years I told myself I didn't need therapy. I told myself I could handle everything on my own. I told myself that going to therapy meant I was weak or broken or dramatic. Meanwhile I was bare…
An update : Projected twice since meeting my wife’s deceased great/great great grandmas and it was not a good time — Hello my fellow travelers. Since my first post I’ve projected two times and both of them were not the best time to be honest. To pick up where I left off here is a link to my first experience [The G…
It happened to me last night! It felt like I got pushed to another dimension, I didn't get scared, I woke up because I think I wasn't expecting it and thought something was wrong. My question is... Di…
Really solid points and then there's space for legitimate concern regarding abusive relationships. Basically, the “Power & Control Wheel”, like instances of sexual harassment/ assault, emotional abuse…
I’ll take a crack at it Point 1: The answer is sm vs cm thought. Daydreaming is not focused with intent, the mind often wonders and you still feel it’s not true in the end or with emotions that are …
'Anxious attachment people can and often do cross boundaries to soothe their anxiety, disregarding their partners very real very understandable need for personal space (regardless of if they are avoid…
I feel like if it’s only been a week and you haven’t gotten physical and you’re not feeling it, it’s best to just leave. Running from a strong connection is different from running from someone you don…
I've been experiencing something similar, broke up in December. In my mind, it's almost as if the person I knew and loved severed (like from the show Severance) themselves and returned from a trip as …
I almost commented on this earlier in the week because I was dating someone who made me feel the same way but I’ve since ended things and I’m pretty sure what you’re feeling is a sign of incompatibili…
I'm pretty sure my ex bf was FA. He claimed he was anxious but the trauma he experienced and his behaviors leading up to our breakup kind of point to FA. He broke up with me for just shutting down. Li…
*”It shifts your worldview to think that some people can love and care about you, but still feel nothing about hurting you. It’s a type of coldness that feels evil and makes it hard to navigate the w…
The other setup I've seen used is a two layer system, the first layer is something like the LGTM stack, and from there certain key metrics or aggregates are pushed to something like NewRelic or DataDo…
Man, this post hits SO hard. Running a business is absolutely brutal, and I think we need more honesty about the real toll it takes on founders. I've gone through some of these exact same experiences…
This is so true and I never viewed it that way! My ex showed contempt during moments when I pushed for inter-dependence, such as holding him accountable or asking for transparency. He later said to me…
I had gotten divorced a year prior to meeting him and that was what really triggered my wanting to change. My ex husband and I are still close friends but I really messed it up by being avoidant. We a…
Same situation bro , it … my mental health up after 2 yrs she pushed me away and within 2 weeks she was in this honeymoon phase with someone else lmao
My last astral projection experience well it's pretty intense. I was going super sonic speed up into outer space beyond the cosmos and all of a sudden I heard a pop and my eye was opened and I was in …
I actually agree with a lot of this. I used to be a completely unaware avoidant. Shut down, withdrew, pushed away people who loved me and then blamed them for needing too much. And for a long time, I…
Mostly secure but with some DA tendencies. Ugh yes this is SO relatable. I remember an ex of mine saying how cynical I was, and it was depressing that I always felt like people were going to disappoin…
Wow you have completely summarised my own experience perfectly. This was my last serious relationship to the letter! Thank you so much. I've been spinning mentally for a couple of years now not knowin…
You assume wrong, I’m a woman and friend is. It’s a platonic relationship. Close friendships also involve attachment, it’s not strictly a romantic thing. I’m not unattached from my friend, I just am …
Almost, it was being in a talking stage with an old friend I’d guess is FA to my being a DA. He talked about wanting to date and we kept triggering each other without being able to get it off the grou…
What I would say is that you should decide if you can deal with this long term. In my case, this is the second time we've had an explosive fight like this, where he goes into a full on defensive spi…
Oh I'm sorry. Sounds like our situation is similar. I know that my ex is definitely FA leaning dismissive for sure. I think if he had leaned AP I probably could have dealt with it better, honestly. I …
"The last FA I dated shit tested me early on, dumping some not so flattering info about herself just to see how I would react." • Mine has done it throughout all 4 years! I faltered a few times, yes…
Agree with most everyone else who has commented here. I don't know that the act of giving 3-4 weeks of space is either secure or AA. Instead, I'd look at the motivation behind it and what the space fe…
I also have intense rage. My avoidant left me in my darkest hour and relapsed and went on vacation with ALL of our extended friend group and excluded me and told them all to lie about going with him. …
Oh, sounds indeed very familiar! Maybe that's what happens when you are AA but also don't want to be infantilised? Like, we compensate our vulnerability by being the dominant/leading partner and spoil…
Hm, but I thought FA would distance when they feel too much of closeness? I don't remember ever being tired of it and even less so trying to leave someone because of it🤔 I only get deadly triggered w…
Well like I said before the only reason the closeness would make them push the other person away is not because of the closeness itself, but it's because they would start to feel that they have more t…
Same. I pushed away 2 crush then only realized that. There is no going back anymore. I take that as a lesson learned and move on. Using the pain to remember the mistake I made and continue the journey
If she is aware of this it’s troubling she isn’t trying to work on it her self. Im still learning about all of this but live it so if this was my situation, it was because something is happening tha…
Um...I guess with this friend, I pushed for us to talk more, and when she showed interest, I became ambivalent because what if we talked more and she realized I was boring or not cool to hang out with…
I had this two years ago with someone who I’d lived with for 6 years after we moved out. It was so paintful and uncomfortable. There’s one main thing I would recommend… Letting time pass and filling …
You might be putting this friend or even this “bond” on a pedestal. A truly strong bond will not break so easily. You may have ups and downs but it won’t break. If it does, it really wasn’t a strong b…
I have had to end friendships because the other person just pushed so often for more time together, more and longer calls. I simply can't do that. Being social takes all my energy and the only way to…
Do you have things you feel upset about that you don’t share? What helped me is realizing everyone else does too. You probably would feel uncomfortable to be pushed to share your every inner emotion…
It would been better if it just pushed them away(speaking up about yourself) but what really fucks u up when they call you “selfish” and it gets in your head and u can’t tell the difference between if…
Very astute observation with IFS: It happens infrequently, but it can actually encourage psychosis and dissociative conditions due to think of oneself as a multiple rather than integrated whole, so it…
Secure people will leave a relationship that doesn't feel right to them, they rarely overstay. But in my case I needed someone who wouldn't take to heart my silences, someone who was secure and confid…
If it's numbness/blunting, it follows you everywhere: * You can't enjoy your favorite hobbies anymore * You can't cry. My friend had to say something profoundly comforting in order for me to break li…
Text of original post by u/f1rstpancake: I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known abou…
I wouldn’t send it. If you’re anything like me it will send you into an anxious shame spiral of overthinking, fretting, and self-doubt. If you’re in the midst of a breakup with some other avoidant the…
Yes, i had started to do just that when she told me about her past with this guy. It sucked all the wind out of my sails for dancing with her at all; i needed time to process it before i could see it …
About a year ago, we got new seasonal hires at my job. One of them ended up being this woman. I usually chitchat with new hires if they have questions regarding the job and that’s about it. I would ch…
I’m sorry this is the case for you. I’ve been cheated on in most of my serious relationships. That is a reflection more on my ability to choose a trustworthy partner rather than attachment style. I ig…
What the other user guessed is also what I was thinking. You said she didn't explain and you're not sure she knows. Have you flat out asked her to explain? Not allowing a partner to get support like …
Hi everyone. I’m a woman in my mid-30s and recently I’ve been feeling completely overwhelmed and ashamed about how dating affects my mental health. I’ve had depressive episodes before, and it feels li…
Text of original post by u/BornEducation4428: I am quite curious to hear if there are those who are still in their own "wound care " (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of…
I really hope I can find some answers here about why I’m unable to let go of and forget one person. The breakup was unbearably painful, drawn-out, and emotionally exhausting. I spent years chasing an…
Yes, we definitely did have further discussion. Maybe our situation is unique, but he revealed that he had actually been feeling the same way, AKA a bit freaked out by our increasing emotional intimac…
Thank you for this. In the past year I (35) have come to understand myself as neurodivergent (almost definitely autistic, maybe ADHD as well) and am now struggling to heal from the end of what was a v…