incompatible

In my experience and from what I've observed, compatibility charts can offer some insights but they're definitely not the whole picture. I've seen "incompatible" signs have amazing relationships and "…

What did you notice changed when you began leaning secure? — I'm pretty happy with my progress. I notice I have a much lower tolerance for unaware dysregulation (no matter what kind it is whether it's someone push-pulling or an anxious type dumping on me). I d…

Did I make my Avoidance worse by pushing through it? — Hi all, I’ve been aware I have issues with commitment/avoidance my entire conscious life, but despite it I’ve always wanted to find love I didn’t meet my first boyfriend until I was 22, and it was l…

Is casual sex compatible with secure attachment? — I feel like I have a solid grasp of attachment theory after reading a fair amount of the literature over the years, but there’s a philosophical question I can’t quite resolve. Can someone who is secu…

Women keep telling me I need to date younger and now my daughter has too. — I (39m) look young for my age and have been dating for the last 4 years. I have mostly dated women in their 30s and about half of them have told me to date someone younger after things didn’t work bet…

Talking on the apps, nothing bad happens but you're no longer interested. What do you do? — Let's say you're chatting, and something they say indicates that they aren't what youre looking for. Let's say it's a minor issue, like music tastes or not reading... something that's not worth blocki…

33f. Divorcing, plenty of love, no infidelity, almost 20 years, just incompatible. — I’m heartbroken. Husband and I have been together for the best part of 20 years. Met when we were teens. Truly love one another, deeply. We’ve had a pretty dead bedroom for most of our time together. …

Husband suddenly wants to end our marriage and says it’s because of sex. We have a toddler. I also discovered he’s been dishonest about where he’s been. Looking for perspective. — I’m 39F and my husband (34M) and I have been married a little over 3 years. We have a toddler (2). Recently, completely out of nowhere, he told me he thinks we’re “not compatible” and started talking…

It unfolds so naturally — I have spent a lot of time treating the Law like a science experiment rather than a mathematical equation. I thought “if I do x, then maybe y will happen” When in reality it’s more like “X + Y = Z”…

My husband led me to believe he almost never drinks alcohol. 2 years into our marriage I find out it's a lie. — My husband (32m) and I (30f) have been married for 2 years. During our courtship and dating I stated many boundaries around values - one being that I was at the time 5 years sober - and I didn't want …

My girlfriend (24F) and I (26M) just mutually broke up after an on/off cycle. Did we make the right call or did I handle this badly? — My girlfriend (24F) and I (26M) just mutually broke up after an on/off cycle. Did we make the right call or did I handle this badly? This is very fresh. We just ended things and I need honest outside…

How do you honor your pain, recognize the source and want to turn away from it? — I'm anxious attached and am very much the type of person who chases after my source of pain to be my source of comfort. I've been through so much pain from a break up, and have been NC with this per…

I need help with a sensitive conversation of the NSFW variety (late 20F) (mid 30M) — I (late 20F) need some advice on how to have a sensitive conversation with a man (mid 30M) that I've been seeing consistently for about 2 months. It's about sex, and I know that this is a "just talk t…

Did I push reconciliation with my ex too quickly? (26M, 26F) — Hi all! Firstly, I want to thank you for all the comfort and support you give to everyone on this sub; it does not go unnoticed! I'm a 26M who ended things with his 27F partner of a year and a half i…

(21f) No sex with boyfriend (25m) of 6 months — I’ve been dating a guy for six months. We’ve had our ups and downs but he listens to me and always fixes problems when I bring them up and we don’t argue. I’m his first serious relationship and he’s …

Boyfriend(m38) doesn’t want to split bills equally with me (f30), should i compromise or call it quits? — I (f30) make $31/hr and my boyfriend (38m) makes $45/hr. He wants to pay $600 a month and no utilities. He currently pays $800 to rent a room and he’s telling me he can’t afford $800. my rent is $2k. …

The pain of anticipating a divorce — How do you deal with the pain of knowing divorce is the only outcome of this marriage? Me and my husband have been married for 8 months. It was semi-arranged, but we both met and hung out multiple ti…

Am I overreacting or was this just a mismatch in communication and expectations? — I (21F) was talking to a guy (22M) for a few weeks and I’m trying to figure out if I handled things wrong or if we were just incompatible. In the beginning, things were good. He was consistent at fir…

Everything crashed down after 3 months and I am so unwell I didn't get home for Easter — I have been crying for two days, I have the anxiety, the pit at the stomach, the existential dread, everything I didn't experience before. Every time I tried to take the bus home for Easter I had an a…

When should I recontact my ex? — Im trying to decide on the best time to recontact my ex. She broke up with me after being dry for a couple of days saying that she thought that we were incompatible in the way we talk when we were aro…

28F and 28M sex drive incompatibility, feeling stuck? — This may be rambling and I’m sorry for that. Also sorry for formatting, I’m on my phone. I 28F and my boyfriend 28M, have been stuck in a rut. A month ago I told him that we are incompatible with …

(35m) Less Sex while Dating Gay man (29m), am I being abusive? — i’m open to non-monogamy, but more like a “primary + side” dynamic, and i explained that to someone i’m dating very early on. as we kept seeing each other, he started using the l word, but at the same…

My (24M) girlfriend (24F) and I struggle with intimacy issues — TLDR: Long-term high school couple nearing engagement, but they’ve never had sex. She avoids it due to birth control concerns, and broader physical intimacy is minimal. He feels his needs aren’t being…

People Pleasers!!! — People who are in long term relationships, where one partner is secure or anxious and other is people pleaser/avoidant. The people pleaser would later on in the relationship start being unhappy with s…

Sent this to her. Will start no contact. — I’m not gonna end up like my mom who gave up everything for someone who doesn’t truly love her. I’ve lived under my single-mother long enough to know that when she loves, she gives it her all. She s…

How do I stop replaying things people said to me? — My ex broke up with me after an argument where they broke my boundaries, having weird behavior around a friend group and telling them personal things about me and private stuff without my permission. …

35m finding decreased sex with 29m — impasse, not discussing — i’m open to non-monogamy, but more like a “primary + side” dynamic, and i explained that to someone i’m dating very early on. he asked me out. as we kept seeing each other, he started using the love w…

did i make the right choice? — i broke up with my boyfriend of 5, almost 6 months a few days ago. it was genuinely one of the most difficult things i’ve had to do, because i didn’t have a concrete reason or and nothing necessarily …

clashing zodiac signs with boyfriend — hey all! this is probably a really stupid question cus I feel like I already know the answer, but I feel like there's no harm in getting some reassurance. me and my boyfriend have been together for …

Blindsided by a breakup after 9 years. Struggling to cope — This is going to be a rambling mess I’m sorry. My (32f) partner of 9 years (34m) blindsided me with a breakup in January. I don’t know what stage I’m in of grief. I have spent the last four days cryin…

19M 19F no physical intimacy yet. Not sure how to bring it up? — (Minneapolis) 19M here. I’ve been seeing my girlfriend 19F for almost 3 months now, and I’m feeling a bit conflicted. On one hand, I genuinely adore her. We have great chemistry, we talk all the ti…

is there a way that i (29f) could have trained myself to react differently under stress in life situations to not stress him (29m) out? — Day 4 of break up and it hurts so bad. he says we are incompatible because we argue about the small stuff all the time. but it wasn't my intention to argue with him at all. i want to change myself for…

Is there a way that i (29f) could have trained myself to react differently under stress in life situations to not stress him (29m) out? — It's me again... pls help me out of this nightmare... Day 4 of break up and it hurts so bad. he says we are incompatible because we argue about the small stuff all the time. but it wasn't my intention…

I (20F) am mentally checked out of my relationship with my boyfriend (20M) and I’m not sure what to do. — Me (20F) and my boyfriend “David” (20M) have been together for almost a year now. When we met I had thought he was everything I wanted. I was used to very toxic relationships, and with him everything …

How should I (22M) bring up my porn problem to my (21F) girlfriend? Should I at all? — Just a bit of backstory, I already had a problem with porn coming into this relationship. Not necessarily an addiction or a problem so bad that it actually took away from my life, but more so that it …

how to navigate relationship with (possibly) alexithymic boyfriend — hello, i’ve never done this before but my relationship has been in the trenches as of late so i’m seeking perspectives from those who personally experience alexithymia or their partners. my boyfriend…

Pls some piece of advice would be helpful. 4 months now, thought I was better, but I'm not... — Hi, everyone! Sorry for the long post. I’m not used to posting on Reddit, and I’d really just like to talk to someone about this. It feels like my friends are sick of hearing me go on and on about it.…

Considering leaving my long term partner due to mismatched libido. Am i crazy for throwing away a 20+ year relationship over this? — Context: My partner \[34F\] and I \[35M\] have been together for over 15 years, we met in highschool and have been through the ups and downs of life together. A couple of years ago i left my sedentary…

Partner changed after developing chronic pain and left me. Should I fight for our relationship or let him go? — Hi everyone, I need advice. I haven’t been coping well with a recent breakup. I (24F) met this guy (24M) four months ago and we had an intense connection right away. It felt like fate and like I had …

Feeling Conflicted, Need Advice — I broke up with my bf of 4 years. To keep it short while still giving context, we had been having a mismatch in sex drives and physical touch. This wasn't an issue in the first 2 years, but then he st…

Are people really incompatible or just not willing to change? — Me and my ex boyfriend broke up because he realized we were incompatible. He said he had been limiting himself for my confort and wasn't comfortable doing it anymore. We had discussions about certain …

I (28F)chose someone (28M) I knew was unstable and now I don’t know if love is enough. — I feel like this is one of those situations where I already know what people are going to say but I’m going to share it anyway.  My boyfriend and I have been together off and on for 10 years, since w…

Trust your gut, even when your mind is unsure — Not exactly infidelity, but the same effect, I think. This is a bit long, apologies up front. I and my gf (both well past our 30s) started dating three years ago. We both had been married previousl…

Did I make the right choice ending things with my situationship? — I'm writing this post an ultimatum to myself that I won't think about this anymore. I (24 M) found myself falling in love with a (23F) and ended up having a situationship with her which I ended recent…

BF (M30) snores. I (F30) refuse to sleep in a bed with him. How can I solve this without ruining the relationship? — The title is pretty much it. My bf (M30) and I (F30) have been together for about one year. It’s my first relationship. I am a very light sleeper, he snores, moderately loudly, every night. I literal…

2 years in and I still don’t feel secure are we incompatible? — I ‘24F’ have been in a relationship with my boyfriend ‘25M’ for almost 2 years in and I still don’t feel secure—are we incompatible? two years, and I’m honestly at a point where I don’t know if this …

After about a month of breakup, anyone goes through the phase where you actually realize how incompatible you two were and you'd probably resented him/her if ended up staying together? — I think I started resenting my partner well before the breakup happened due to his extreme frugality, even though I wanted to fix it while in it. Every fight he made me feel so shitty about myself ju…

My Past(ish) Situationship Has A Stranglehold On Me And I'm Desperate To Remove Myself From Its Grasp — Jesus, here I am again writing about him. I'll just get to the point and just say that the grip that this toxic situationship I got myself into last year has been killing me and has caused me to compl…

Also, not to be cheesy but working on self love and self confidence. Like, real confidence from doing shadow work and also awesome shit that you’re actually proud of (both take time but so worth it). …

I think what others are saying unless someone says I hate you, then it's based on your feelings. Feelings are 100% valid but not facts. I'm anxiously attached and felt many people have disliked me ov…

Some of these comments are saying silly (and heteronormative) things like "weird around children" or "checks out other women when they think you're not looking". Obvious reminder that being uncomforta…

I say this with kindness because reading through your posts, you remind me of me from 5-6 years ago. I think your feeling of shame is clouding your judgement a bit here. It sounds like you were just i…

I feel very seen as an AP. It’s hard, when you meet someone great, but fundamentally incompatible. Keep investing in yourself. Your answer will come.

The avoidant(not sure which type of avoidant) I was dating of 3 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago through text. We had our flaws of course and there were times where she felt unwanted or unseen (I ta…

No. No. No. It's not about you being "worthy enough." It's about people's preferences, their own emotional issues that makes them choose someone, and a host of other reasons. I learned through my Avoi…

Yes absolutely . but not every avoidant is self-aware so they wouldn’t be able to communicate effectively.and one of them hardest thing I struggle with as fearful avoidant is to figure out the differe…

Boundaries are about how you will act…not what they do or don’t do. So your boundary around opposite sex friends, would be that your values don’t align then you don’t date them. You are allowed to hav…

I know the feeling and you can heal it. In my opinion, texting or the lack of it can be so triggering for anxious attachment because you can’t check their reactions, moods, or faces when they are not…

It’s kind of normal to go through this with a lot of mental health treatments. People finally understand themselves and others better, there’s new skills to implement, but the outcomes initially swin…

Thanks so much, I definitely pride myself on being self-aware. I was self-aware through the whole toxic "relationship" but just wanted to convince myself it could work because I had a really good time…

Him being online doesn't mean anything. You're different as you are/were in a relationship. It's much more emotionally loaded. It's very possible he doesn't have the capacity for that even if he has o…

That’s why I hate when people say “oh xyz is the *bare minimum*” as though there’s some universal standard of how everyone needs to act in relationships. Obviously, some things are non-negotiable for …

>Sending daily goodnight texts, providing on-demand reassurance, and keeping someone updated about my every move is not the “bare minimum” to me, and if someone needs that level of availability, we’re…

Statistically people with secure attachment are probably less likely to have regular casual sex but there is nothing incompatible with having casual sex as someone with secure attachment.

You're forcing a relationship with someone that is incompatible. It's frustrating, I know, but you're trying to heal with someone that can't provide that because of their own fears and avoidant res…

hi everyone, sorry for the long post - myself (26F) and my partner (26M) of 6 years have broken up less than a week ago and i've never such acute visceral pain. i'm riddled with the worst physical anx…

I carry so much shame because of my avoidant attachment. I recognize how it interferes with emotionally connecting with my partner. In 2025, I was dealing with my dad's death, unemployment, and changi…

**My (28F) girlfriend (25F) and I have been dating for 6 months. I have an anxious attachment style, and she has an avoidant one.** I knew from the beginning that she was avoidant, but only about 2 m…

I don't understand your thought process. Lets say you turn out to be incompatible, why does it matter that you've given reassurance in the past? Reassurance is not supposed to be a solemn vow that you…

- for obsessive thinking to stop asap, you have to make sure there are as few memory triggers as possible. Also, you have to consciously stop yourself when you feel ready. Find distractions, hang out …

there is nothing inherently nefarious about remaining friends with an ex, but it’s also okay for that to make someone incompatible with you after what you’ve been through

Good sex doesn't mean a good relationship. Have had amazing sex with very incompatible men. The fact that he escalated into wanting to end things with you because you brought up things moving a bit t…

This makes you two incompatible, unfortunately. That is a pretty big one.

Third date today. We went for brunch at a popular cafe, with good food but short 1hr bookings. It was nice to catch up after two months, due to holidays and him rescheduling, and conversation was ligh…

Nerves. I can't remember the last time i've rejected someone I dated, so I'm having a hard time deciphering how i'm feeling. I had a great first date with a girl last weekend and since then we've conn…

32nb Update! I am so relieved; the conversation I needed to have w 39m went so well!! He also shared something he’d been anxious about compatibility-wise, and we both talked about where we are and go…

You’re just incompatible with them. Often we are attracted to people with opposite attachment needs to us because we become that way (either finding love too much or too little) because of how our par…

Yeah I appreciate that reminder. It's less that I think my interaction with the apps is unhealthy (I'm pretty intentional with when/how I use them) and more that when I do use it recently, almost ever…

But you must have looked at somewhere that people with anxious attachment go to vent, so that's not really fair either. I think what you have to remember is that people on that side of the spectrum …

My bf and I are both close to 40. We met last year, and we're both in it for the long haul :) Before him, I had a long string of short-term relationships and my last long term relationship was 10 or m…

He's telling you how he is. He made no mention of changing and you can't expect him to change either. You're not happy with his communication and how he connects with you. You're incompatible and it'…

Sounds like anxiety for you. You might have incompatible text habits also. 

Very similar to you, I went on maybe 6 first dates last summer, one guy I was really excited about but after one date he told me he had health issues and was taking a break (not heard from him since) …

If you won't get attached easily and want to keep it strictly sex, then sure why not, go for it. If you're wanting a LTR and hoping something will magically come from this interaction, then let him go…

You need to revisit the conversation because she EXPLICITLY asked you if you're ok with once a week and you're not. Figure out during that conversation if you guys can make things work to see each oth…

In my limited anecdotal experience: yes. I've dated a few guys our age who have admitted that they weren't smitten or infatuated or really feeling chemistry. But I seemed like a good financial/logisti…

Being too tired to want to hang out is a bit of a red flag for me. I get it that sometimes you can really be too tired. It happens. But more often than not I find it is a pattern of behaviour that is …

I would be fundamentally incompatible with someone who was still seeing other people and needed a discussion about it after 2 months if I was doing what I would call “dating” and not a clear hook up/f…

Incompatible life/career choices.

Setting up time and place and ended up have to confirm time and place is a sign of an incompatible communication for me

"Babysitting", "doesn't want to have their own life", "has so little going on" You could just say incompatible preferences of intimacy and leave it at that, I have no idea why you feel the need to rep…

Hinge algorithm is so weird. It makes my feed look like I have a fetish. "Oh, you liked one bald guy? Here's 15 more! Oh that guy is East Asian?? Here's 20 more! You accidentally liked a smoker? The n…

Thats so true. Sometimes you assume that the other person also felt 0 spark in the first date and figure that they realize it as well and you both never text each other again. I wouldn't categorize th…

I wasn’t feeling dating last year and made what I wanted to be a friend through a sport hobby, but he was interested in dating. Despite my hesitation, proceeded because he was pulling away from the fr…

Ah, yeah. Sometimes the sweetest people cause us the most harm just by being slightly incompatible. 

Struggling hard with breakup plans. I feel like this is not going anywhere, approaching 2 year mark and I'm not as committed as id like, there are a lot of incompatible problems being swept under the …

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My daughter did say this. Is she in therapy? No. She has access to it if there is a need but when therapists, the school, extended family, myself, and most importantly herself all say it isn’t necessa…