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For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…

Do push/pull dynamics happen even when you’re not participating in them? — I (F, 32, originally AP, now definitely more secure) have just gone through a very confusing dating experience. 3 months ago I started seeing this man (34 met on Hinge). He started off very interested…

I DID IT! Put in my notice today, focusing on my agency full time. — I've been working 70+ hour weeks for the last 16 months, working a full-time job as VP of Marketing for a Fortune 500 company while also getting my side hustle marketing agency off the ground. My agen…

What are the signs to spot a DA or FA in early talking stage? — Hi, I am myself something of a FA leaning towards secure (I was anxious but became the secure one in my previous relationship with a DA after some years). My previous relationship was pretty bad beca…

Fear of abandonment after reassurance — Hi Reddit, I'm not sure how to exactly word this or articulate the feeling. I'm 27M who is best friends (and have feelings for) with another guy 24M. We have an incredibly intimate and close frien…

Think I found a secure woman, and almost immediately self-sabotaged. — In my social club, there’s a woman who had consistently shown signs that she was into me. I was direct and asked her out. She said she was interested but couldn’t date for a few months because her j…

Losing (F23, AA) my mind in my relationship with my (F22, DA) sister. — We’ve had some real struggles, and I’m at a loss for what to do. I feel generally pretty secure outside of this one relationship, but recently it’s been making my AA flair up in my romantic partnersh…

Feeling friendless — Hey guys, Sorry long vent, you can skip to the bottom if needed. Recently I have been doing great attachment-wise on the romantic relationships front. But for some reason I feel like I can’t mainta…

Trying to navigate a "casual" relationship — Hi everyone, I (30F, trans) have been talking to/seeing a woman (24F, cis) for about 5 months. The chemistry is legitimately the strongest I’ve ever experienced - emotional, intellectual, creative, s…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…

what do i do? my anxious attachment is getting REALLY bad. — i haven't been like this since i last had a really close online friendship w someone 2 years ago, but i recently started talking to a new friend online and we've known each other for only a few days. …

Thoughts on dating people who are legally married (but separated)? — I have a very close friend who has started dating a man who is still legally married. He's been separated from his wife for at least 6 months. But because I'm a total stalker, I looked him up in publi…

How do I know if I've emotionally checked out or just a protesting behaviour? — I am at a point where I feel withdrawn and not want to talk to a close friend, after repeatedly being let down. "Let down" is probably too harsh. The cultivating event was when I reached out seeking s…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

I recently found out my close friend slept with my girlfriend while we were together. I'm struggling with how to process it. — I’m a 22-year-old Japanese guy and I recently learned something that completely changed how I see a lot of people in my life. About a year and a half ago I was in a serious relationship. We lived tog…

AM silent treatment is HELL — For context- two days ago AM asked me (19F) and my sister (17F) why our cousin and our close friends are scared or intimidated by her. We started making fun of her for the things she used to do or say…

My mom called my son’s birthday party “f***ing embarrassing” because she cares more about what people think than celebrating him — **UPDATE:** Thank you to everyone who commented and shared advice. A lot of people suggested going no contact with my mom to protect myself and my son. I understand why people said that, but I want …

Why do I have such high standards for how friends maintain friendship with me? — I have really fufilling close friendships. I have a lot of people in my life who prob consider me a friend but for me a friend is a deep connection. So I have lots of pals / acquaintances but my “real…

Update to my previous post. Tis not a good one. — [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before\_i\_43m\_delete\_her\_44f\_number\_and\_move/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/comments/1q4sw3v/before_i_43m_delete_her_44f_n…

Cheated on after 10.5 years together, divorced at 11 years together. — Hi Everyone, This is half venting and half hoping for advice or people to listen. I'm at a low point right now so I thought reaching out to a community might be beneficial as opposed to holding it…

Focusing on a breath? — I'm a beginner in meditation. I'm not bothered by thoughts that pop into my head, and I can quickly notice them and return to "focusing on the breath." I'm just concerned that my focus on the breath i…

Am I just paranoid or is it evil eye? — Hi, I’m 27F. I graduated last year (2025), while most of my friends finished 3–5 years earlier. I had to work while studying, which delayed my graduation—not because I struggled academically. Right no…

Don’t you fear being too isolated? — I recently got rejected by a girl that I really liked. We started off as very good friends and unfortunately I caught feelings for her. So right now, I’m grieving the fact that I lost a really close f…

Old therapist told me I was gay — Title kinda says it all. Shared w a therapist years ago some of my religious upbringing and how I came from a homophobic household. I mentioned how my marriage (w my wife) was, at times, challenging. …

i manifested moving after 5 years in an RV — so to give a little background, I moved into an RV with my dad in 2021 of January. We have lived in this RV ever since and there’s not much space and I’m somebody with a lot of energy that likes to da…

destined for loneliness? — Hello all! I (27, female) feel like I have no luck when it comes to relationships.. friendships I have a very limited amount of people in my circle, and I’ve wanted it that way - the last few years I’…

My (21F) girlfriend had a complete meltdown when I (23M) tried to use her phone — Last night my girlfriend of two years and I were just chilling after about 4 days of not seeing each other while I had a close friend visiting. Initially, I asked to use her iPad (which I bought for C…

Carl Jung wasn't a psychologist. He was a shaman. — Carl Jung quietly wrote one of the most profound esoteric texts of all time, at least in my own personal opinion. Seven Sermons to the Dead was written in 1916, privately shared between a handful of J…

Am I in a codependent relationship and if so how do I set boundaries/what should I do? — I’m looking for outside perspectives on a close friendship that’s started to affect me emotionally. Over the past year, I became very close with someone. This is the closest I’ve ever been to another…

change feels really scary — i’m a senior in highschool right now, and as cringey as it sounds, i feel so terrified right now because of how much everything is changing. none of my close friends are going to go to the same colleg…

I (27F) keep getting mocked about my lack of friends by my boyfriend (32M) — To provide context, my boyfriend (32M) has had the same friends since he was in diapers and I love that for him. I’ve had friends in phases as a result of my upbringing. For more information, I grew …

Which planet and/or aspect should I focus on and work with to remedy my inability to form lasting intimate relationships and friendships? — As you can see I have a T-square between Mars, Venus and Saturn and I have Pluto on the Ascendant opposite Chiron. I'm 56, not married, no kids, I only had one boyfriend in my early twenties for about…

I (38M) was just sent proof that my fiancé (35F) has a recently active hinge profile. — My fiancé has been acting really distant lately. I'm currently dealing with some health issues and she seems more focused on her work then helping me through my current health struggles. We have bee…

In love with my (26F) best friend (27M) and it’s killing me — Me and my best friend have only been besties for about 3-4 years, but we grew close extremely quickly. I initially didn’t find him attractive at all, and we were also not single at the time, but aft…

My friend/coworker (26F) didn’t invite me (26M) to her birthday party after I helped her get her job. How do I handle this? — My friend who is also my coworker (26F) is having a birthday party this weekend and I (26M) just realized I wasn’t invited. This is especially weird because I literally recommended her for her current…

Writing about my experience with Iboga medicine 🌱 — Earlier I made a post and someone commented that they didn't want to watch a video. Understood! Here is an account of what I saw during my time with ceremony number one with iboga. It was not what I i…

Is my Saturnian or Moon energy more powerful? — I know as a cancer rising my chart ruler is the moon but with all of my Aquarius stellium placements am I able to say I have Saturnian influence or how does this show up in contrast to each other? I k…

Growing apart from people — What should I do when I am growing away from people in my life? I am a 21 year old and I am in a sorority where I have my best friend ! Outside of that I have an amazing boyfriend and a couple of clos…

I (f 22) tested positive for an std after years of being clean and consistent testing and my bf (m 24) of 2 years says it’s “impossible” it’s because of him despite not being tested for 5 years and now we’re not okay. — \*\*\*UPDATE\*\*\* After a long 3 days my results came back and they were all negative. I, of course, told my boyfriend and he was relived much like I was. He was supportive of me and he apologized …

My (32M) wife’s (29F) jealousy is getting worse and is affecting my friendships and work. What should I do to help her get real help without losing myself? — My wife (29F) and I (32M) have been together almost 5 years and married for 1. I love her, I am committed to this marriage, and I do not want to leave. What I want is for her to get real help for this…

How do I deal with self-sabotage if my reasons for it are these — When I was younger, I was at the top of my batch, won about 98% of all the contests I joined in, and was considered conventionally attractive. But that “success” made my elementary years isolating. …

DEA not have a roll model growing up and it's made you the way you are? — \*\*\*Yes I know I put DEA not DAE but I cant change it\*\*\* I was very loved by my parents, but they weren't role models. I didn't have any siblings and wasn't close to extended family. I don't r…

3 months of no contact and I still can’t let go. What should I do? — I’m Mia (20 y.o) and I have clinical depression. My ex Daniel (19 y.o.) and has the same diagnosis. English is my second language, so sorry if something is hard to read, an also sorry for such a huge…

I just need people to read this and show support — I felt chronically lonely since I was younger. I had the belief that i am unlovable, I was never anyone’s favorite person or close friend. I learned to shrink myself and hold everything inside me. I h…

Does anyone think that their parents view your primary purpose as to be successful so they could brag about you? — While unpacking my past trauma and events, I remember that one of my close friends from high school texted me on Messenger many years ago (when I used to use it often) that my parents essentially had …

Close friendship ending because I ( F26) became their (M 27) emotional punching bag — I (F26) have known my friend (M 27) since high school years. We’ve been like family to each other. There’s this saying - “ Familiarity breeds contempt”. I have wanted to avoid that in my relationship…

manifestation + past changing — Hi to all of you!! It’s my first ever time writing something on Reddit. Well, I have actually been reading many stories to find courage, but I am new to being the one with the story hahah. Okay, so I …

I ended things and everything is worse now — I (22F) have never had a serious long term relationship. I’m not attracted to most men in general so dating is already a struggle. Met the nicest guy ever (26M) at the club. We hit it off and started …

The relationship never learn how to end — I’m a 27M and she is my childhood best friend 25F We’ve been close friends our whole lives, even though we lived in different places and had never met in person. We never really thought about meeting,…

sharing recent experience and soliciting feedback from the experienced people here... I live in Phoenix, AZ but have close friends in Richmond, VA. On this particular journey, I had a vivid experien…

Sorry for what you’re going through, but I’ll be brutally honest. As a bad boy, I believe he bullshitted you to get what he wanted, then disappeared. After physical interactions, people tend to either…

Every two weeks for nine months sounds more like a red flag to me. You need to protect yourself from these fallouts and give him a lot of space without asking questions or prodding. My partner is th…

Taking a few hours to reply is ok. Taking a few days is questionable. Taking a few weeks is unacceptable if it repeats. If my close friend does it, I wil call him. But it’s not something I will sweep …

I had gotten divorced a year prior to meeting him and that was what really triggered my wanting to change. My ex husband and I are still close friends but I really messed it up by being avoidant. We a…

Sadly, it doesn't always work like this!!! I experienced exactly this with my first DA ex. Learnt about attachment theory. Realized he was a DA. And thought just as you have written: ok, so I'll try t…

This is your second tell that she is not secure and swing avoidant. Secured people have self-regulation techniques, are attuned to their bodies, and have habits for off-time to be with people or to c…

You assume wrong, I’m a woman and friend is. It’s a platonic relationship. Close friendships also involve attachment, it’s not strictly a romantic thing. I’m not unattached from my friend, I just am …

> But she’s a grown adult. It was way too controlling for you to try to tell her that she wasn’t allowed to come into work because she’s sick. It’s fine to offer it as an option, but to “call her out”…

Could very well be. I had another friend who I think was FA and I was close to for many years but part of me knew I had to walk on eggshells to a degree because she would suddenly end close friendship…

I actually feel that I'm only slightly anxious leaning and relatively secure but I got triggered more when he was avoidant and I think a secure person would have a very hard time staying secure. I thi…

I'm AP, there is something which helps me detaching (it might be unhealthy though) I basically try to think how wrong other person did to me. Objectively speaking, your friend is at fault here. Confl…

Omgg I realise I sounded so blunt someone started talking to me, Add I think it’s good to have close friends that can call you out if you’re spiralling I didn’t mean in this instance but also I saw a…

Hi elizabeth, I'll dm you, still testing it out with folks, close friends, it does seem to work well though.

I had this two years ago with someone who I’d lived with for 6 years after we moved out. It was so paintful and uncomfortable. There’s one main thing I would recommend… Letting time pass and filling …

I'm anxiously attached to a friend of mine who broke up with her longtime partner 4 months ago. I made the mistake of telling her 2 months ago that I have feelings for her. I'm not sure now if I reall…

I’ve started to accept I just need to meet people where they are. Some people aren’t the planners in life. They’re used to the people figuring things out for them and coast by. It doesn’t mean they do…

Hi everyone, I’m 24F from Czechia and my boyfriend is 29M from Spain. I have an anxious attachment style and I’m aware of it. I’ve been working on it and I’ve improved significantly, but I know there’…

What I've done after being discarded by an avoidant was literally change up my requirements for the sort of man I'm looking for. My ex had a brilliant mind, but also deep insecurities, anxiety, childh…

I am a 65 year old professional man, happily married to another man 25 years. Recently I started reaching out to make more straight "bro" friends because I really don't like the gay scene, (gay men ta…

Hi there, I was recently thinking about a friend who I had a large falling out with 10 years ago. She and I both have very strong anxious attachment styles but we had a really close friendship. We had…

I got married to a man whom I had met online and we had only met each other about 2 times in person before marriage due to it being a very long distance relationship ( between two countries ) I only …

Thank you for responding to me. Making this post was incredibly embarrassing for me because this entire situation feels absurd and the fact that it’s making me spiral so much has been really confusing…

I hope you had a wonderful new year and that we can turn a fresh page for this year! I mean, we met online and I assumed it would be platonic, but sometimes he says things that feel so close. I gues…

How do I feel content with my life without needing someone to surround my life with? Earlier this year I realized something about my self that I genuinely don't feel happy unless if I surrounded my …

As a DA, I'm super avoidant towards friends. I always started avoiding friends who came too close, effectively discarding them. The feeling of obligation that comes from close friendships is suffocati…

What you should keep in mind about all attachment styles is that, those are the basis for those individuals to form any kind of attachment relationship. So no, behaviors are not limited to romantic re…

hi everyone, sorry for the long post - myself (26F) and my partner (26M) of 6 years have broken up less than a week ago and i've never such acute visceral pain. i'm riddled with the worst physical anx…

\- You can absolutely fully break down in front of someone. Yes, people are fully breaking down in front of the people close to them - just not, like, all the time. Most people cry a little bit regula…

Thank you for such a detailed answer! I have a follow up question. You said "My close friends are the ones I can rely on, in good times and bad." How do you know you can rely on them? Or are your clos…

I haven't had many close friends or a best friend at all when I was younger and I was always used to it, eventually I made a super close online friend but I've had extreme emotional dependence and anx…

FA here — I feel like with friends I always give a heads up if the friend is close. Like hey, I’ve got a lot going on at work this week. Or hey, I can’t be texting all day while at work. All my close …

I think it would probably be overkill to mention it right away, especially in a friendship or coworker relationship. If you've been really close friends with someone for a long time, like at least 6-1…

Hello all! I was hoping to gain some insight from the group and see if anyone else has experience with this? **Has anyone been able to rekindle a friendship/relationship with someone who is avoident i…

I used to only feel intensity and the push/pull of chaos as chemistry. Like Spiritual Twist said, I had to heal my own wounds and nervous system to be attracted to peace. If you haven't read it, I HI…

Text of original post by u/EveyandSylus: Hey guys, Sorry long vent, you can skip to the bottom if needed. Recently I have been doing great attachment-wise on the romantic relationships front. But f…

Finding best friends really is all about timing. All you can do is try to be as friendly, open, and warm then through some miracle you might find your best friend. I had a best friend of one yea…

the way i found my irl friend group was through shared interests. i found a knitting group on meetup.com and started attending weekly, and over the last few years i have become close friends with them…

What you're describing is very common when emotions have been avoided for a long time. That tight, painful feeling in your chest is often your nervous system surfacing unmet needs like connection, exp…

yeah i have kind of been down that train of thought. someone said something on this subreddit which really explained my feelings:  "I do recognize some dismissive behaviours in friendships, but I alw…

I’ve stayed friends with an ex before, but we were close friends first and there wasn’t a power imbalance. In this situation I agree it’s not a good idea, trauma bond + hierarchy just bleeds into the…

I think this is something to ask a therapist and/or close friends who know your dating history well. I'm not sure our advice would be good.

Lack of close friends, family, and not much attention from the opposite sex.

I mean what is the fear that is at the root of this belief. Is there a reason why you haven’t developed close friends? What is holding you back? You can’t control other people but you can control you…

I’ve been dating my sweetie since October, and we’ve been exclusive since November. Despite a few challenges (he’s a divorced dad and I’m childless currently), our relationship has grown so beautifull…

We went on two double-dates this weekend so she could meet some of my close friends. She did so great, got rave reviews, told me how fun they are and how much she enjoyed meeting them, she even said i…

No advice except you’re not doing anything wrong. Relationships take effort and mutual trust but there is also an element of timing/luck to them. I’m also among the few single people in my cohort and …

I’m aro/ace + dismissive avoidant 🙃 I’ve never had a romantic relationship and I’m 19. Even friendships feel like they’re too much sometimes. I’ve pulled away and made my fair share of enemies- of …

I hope so! Thing is I never really prioritized dating much to begin with in the last few years. I moved states during the pandemic and when the world opened up again, I threw myself into meeting new p…

# 7 months in, is it okay to want excitement about the future? After 7 months in a wonderful relationship, I (30F) am excited about a future with my girlfriend (35F), hoping she’ll be the love of my …