break up

I totally agree that there is a general trend to project personal issues and give drastic advice, especially since... well, it's not your life. I particularly notice it when it comes to fear of a par…

Think of the comments as inverted Uber ratings. (click to find out what this means) — I last posted a variation of this a little over 5 years ago. We're a little overdue for a repost. --- You know how every Uber rating is right on the verge of 5 stars unless something's particularly …

Do push/pull dynamics happen even when you’re not participating in them? — I (F, 32, originally AP, now definitely more secure) have just gone through a very confusing dating experience. 3 months ago I started seeing this man (34 met on Hinge). He started off very interested…

A little positive reflection for anyone feeling they’re in the trenches right now. — I only learnt what attachment theory was during a breakup with my most recent ex 2 years ago. When he dumped me seemingly out of the blue because ‘I deserved better’, ‘he needed to be alone.’ Etc etc …

A little look into how fearful avoidants operate (aka, how one of my relationships ended - twice - because I was unaware of my patterns) — When I was 21 and *severely* fearful avoidant I dated a secure guy who was wonderful in every way, but obviously not for me. I did everything stereotypical of a fearful avoidant attachment does in a…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…

I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

What would one call this attachment style? — I feel as tho I'm a pretty particular mix, cause I'm not exactly healthy, but the other labels don't exactly resonate either. I suppose it roots from two main things. One, I was bullied and ostracized…

How do you stop feeling of needing to be perfect? — I have no problem getting dates, but things always seem to end after 1-3 months. Sometimes, it was my decision to break up or it was theirs but I didn't disagree. But I've had guys dump me when I thou…

Finding proof that you were right to be anxious — I'm sure others can relate to this, but whenever I start dating someone, I look for signs that they don't actually like me. Things like "he took hours to text back" or "he was a little quieter than us…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

Both best friends got engaged — I (27F) have never been in a relationship and struggle to form emotional attachments at all. I've gone on dates and forced myself to keep seeing a guy because he's perfectly nice and there's nothing w…

Did I make my Avoidance worse by pushing through it? — Hi all, I’ve been aware I have issues with commitment/avoidance my entire conscious life, but despite it I’ve always wanted to find love I didn’t meet my first boyfriend until I was 22, and it was l…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

Projecting insecurities — Hi everyone, I’ve just realised something that I’ve been doing which I think is both an outcome of my low self esteem and also a way for me to find excuses to end relationships when otherwise I have n…

My Experience Being an Avoidant Woman — I 27(f) am a lesbian who has a fearful avoidant attachment style. I have almost no control over my attraction; I can be really into/attracted to and excited about someone but then something happens/th…

Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…

Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…

Girlfriend told me she was going to kill herself on my birthday. My attachment was almost healed or so i thought - all of that is in shambles now. — There were a lot of other red flags I have previously chosen to ignore, but this is what made me wake up. I suppose after hiding from people and feelings for so long, I felt like if I just broke it of…

My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …

I(F28) have to have a tough conversation with my bf(M30), but I’m scared. — We’ve been together 8 years this July. Not married. It’s been a point of contention. We’ve been in a pretty rough spot since last year, and honestly, it’s only gotten worse this year. I’ve realized o…

If You Get to the Center Time Stops; Sun as the Center — During yesterday morning's tarot card reading, I received the message, "if you get to the center of the wheel, time stops." My interpretation was that getting to the center means *perceiving* time as …

Codependency and an ex that keeps coming back — Hey guys! So, I've run out of ideas on this. I got together with a single mum in summer 2024 and we parted ways around last October. Since then, we agreed to stay friends but she wouldn't even give m…

Am I crazy? I feel like a stalker. — I (26F) don’t understand how my ex (31M) switched on me overnight, and I’m struggling to cope. We dated for almost a year. At first, he was obsessed with me. He talked constantly about our future mar…

The dumper never regrets it — Just to vent. From my previous relationship that lasted six years my ex discarded me like trash. He felt so much relieve when he left and we have been in no contact since the break up. Never once …

Break up + no contact update (post 4 months) — I thought I’d give an update into my healing progress since my breakup, in hopes to shed a little light on the small positives that can come from heartbreak. For context, my ex and I broke up in Octob…

Gateway tapes and life changes — I began the tapes around the end of December last year. I’ve spent a lot of time on each tape, sitting with them for a while so I can absorb as much as I can from each one. I’ve been alternating betwe…

Update: How can I(20F) tell my boyfriend (20M) about my sexual preferences when he has already expressed disgust over it? — Alright, so even though no one asked for it I’m back with an update. First of all, thank you to everyone that commented, I swear on everything that I read each and every single comment. Thank you for…

No contact year 6 update: — Hello everyone! I’ve made some update posts in the past and figured I would make one for year 6 as that anniversary is coming up soon, and with context it will make sense why I still specifically reme…

Block them. That's all I have to say. — So, in July last year I went through this HORRIBLE heartbreak. And when I say it was a really awful breakup, trust me, it was. Almost four years of a strong relationship ended in a 5-minute call. My e…

My (18F) girlfriend told me she is taking 5 days to think over if we should break up. What should I (19M) do? — TL;DR my girlfriend has reached a breaking point and told me she’ll consider being together but as of now we aren’t. Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 2 years and met our senior year…

Differentiating deactivation vs genuine incompatibility — I (30F) have been dating my current partner (28M) for nine months. We spent a lot of the relationship long distance (everything except the first month) and my partner is now moving to the state I live…

How do you guys give yourselves comfort you used to get from someone that is no longer there? — While this is coming from a position of a break up from me, this is also something I want to learn when it comes to other things. Right now, my nervous system is screaming for comfort by going back to…

I (21F) Am losing feelings for my (22M) boyfriend. Any advice? — Throwaway account. I (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for a little over two years. It's been good for the most part, and i can tell you that my boyfriend is one of the best people i kno…

how long has it been since your break up, and do you plan to date again/have you been dating? — i’m just curious! it’s been 3 months for me, but i saw him 2 months ago where things ended really really badly, which have left me not interested in dating for the first time in my life lol.

17 months post being discarded by my husband for the other woman. — On 03/20/2026, I will be 17 months out from the night that my husband left me forever and went to his affair partner of a few weeks. I was shattered. On the verge of losing my excellent job because …

UPDATE: My (32f) fiancé (28m) repeatedly does not clean the house — Hello lovely reddit. First relevant links. My first post I deleted (so you can peruse the comments if you are interested): [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18yjl0g/my\_32f\_fianc%C3%…

I (28F) care deeply about my fiancé (28M) but feel like the romantic connection has faded after years of imbalance. How do you know when it’s truly over? — From a burner account. I’m looking for some perspective because I feel like I’m at the end of a long internal process and I don’t know if I’m being unfair or if this is just the reality of where my re…

Jesus loves a homewrecker... — That's the message I want to send to the steroid infused POS that helped break my marriage. He's such a sleazy scumbag and a Jesus freak. Like how delusional do you have to be to be a supposedly very …

Advice on how to deal with parent giving ultimatum over my relationship — I'm a 28 year old gay Asian male currently living in an East Asian country for my job, away from my home country and my parents. All my life, I had a great and loving relationship with my parents. I w…

I (26F) told my boyfriend (26M) I sometimes miss the freedom of being single and he broke up with me on my birthday — I (26F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for about 2.5 years. A couple nights ago we were lying down together and having a really open conversation about different things going on in our lives. The …

When it’s finally over with a narc or NPD person — I said this in a comment to someone else’s post but I feel like I should post it here, just in case it helps someone. There’s no way of truly knowing whether or not a person with narcissistic traits…

Got back with my ex: DON’T DO IT — So, as the title goes, I got back with my ex for a one-week long situationship. We were together for six years, then she decided to break up with me a month ago. She went on to live her “single-colle…

You can manifest anything, literally — What do you think? Ive never seen so many limited people as much as ive seen them here - on reddit. It's so ridiculous how some of you GENUINELY believe that manifestation is just HOUSE, SP, APPEARAN…

I’m jealous of you — Jealous of the people whose ex’s are also in mutual pain after the break up. Jealous of the people whose ex’s are clearly affected. Jealous of the people whose ex’s even give breadcrumbs. Jealous of t…

Break up 2 days before my girlfriend’s graduation, or wait a week? (32m & 25f) — I (32M) just got back from a vacation in Greece with my girlfriend (25F). I’ve had doubts for a while about whether I want to stay in this relationship, but during the trip I realized that I don’t see…

Decided to stop blaming things on my breakup, the world, and my mental health — Ever since my break up last year i’ve turned to alcohol, gambling, lots of random hookups with girls i would never make my wife. I’ve come to realize that she was one of the most important lessons in …

IF YOU ARE 30+ USING NC — If you’re 30+ using the “no contact” method as a means to “Get your ex back”, DON’T. This is long. I just met up with my ex for the first time in 3 months. I was nervous, worried & genuinely conce…

Is it true when a woman ‘mentally checks out’ before they break up, they never come back? — I have been watching a range of YouTube videos, and a there seems to be some agreement amongst some of the videos that once a woman checks out she never comes back. Is this dramatising or is there t…

"Your silence will eat them up." I hope that's true. I know her crazy family talked her into leaving. She came over, we went to dinner, said she wanted to break up. Go to my place and hook up twice …

Best advice EVER. Thank you, yes, we are all flawed ...in relationships, esp Break ups, the parties both act like victims...sheesh, none of us are perfect.

Yes!!!! You said it! I agree. I believe that too much Disney and dumb Hollywood films has gotten people thinking that relationships work after they have been broken… answer is no. Also people who play…

Because thats not how relationships work. You can’t solely be thinking of whats best for you. If I date someone yet kept myself before them all the time, that relationship would probably not last very…

Look up Vicent Bos on YouTube, great insight of the dumper and dumpee. YouTube is a gold mine to get better insight about break ups, toxic relationships, the psychology of it, why you attack toxic ppl…

This is so hard to do for me. It’s only been a week or so now but I would end my life if not for my 3 little kids. I can’t believe the woman I’m still in love with thinks so poorly of me she wanted to…

Yeah, most people break up not having tried couples therapy, or truly starting to fix finances, or many other things. They just get fed up from repressing resentment that could've been mediated by a p…

This is silly. If someone is unhappy they’re morally allowed to break up with another person, no matter what.

Ive had female friends who can dettach and drop a guy as easy as theyre changing clothes and would always tell me to be like them so I dont get hurt, but the thing is I would rather be hurt than hurt …

Also there seems to be an overreliance on arbitrary "rules" like "age gap bad" (obviously some age gaps really are bad but five years in your 20s shouldn't be such a big deal IMO) or "high school swee…

I've seen the opposite. I've seen people encourage illegal acts. It was a recent post about a PS5. The girlfriend bought their boyfriend a PS5 for his birthday and like a week later he said he wants …

The longer I hang out here, the more astounded I am how easy it is for people to throw around 'break up/divorce/dump him/her'. Almost as if they found some wicked satisfaction in pushing real people i…

Ykw this makes alot of sense. I'm ngl i do say break up especially with cheaters but most times i try to give another option. It might be a terrible idea to break up and there goes a relationship that…

Ok I’ll explain. She’s claiming that people who vents about avodant discord is really just coping with the break up in a maladaptive way. When in reality avodants self sabotage good relationships. I …

Thanks for posting this. It's been 6 months post break up and I have been having random peroids of ruminating on the good times even though I know they treated me badly for a couple of months leading…

Incredible work! It's a complete game changer and very, very simple CBT exercise! It obviously doesn't just have to be for break ups, but for everything! All our emotions are valid and all our emoti…

I agree! But in the depths of a break up when thoughts can be all consuming and you can't see the end of the road, understanding you can hold 2 opposing views and give yourself the grace around that, …

You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …

Women FA's are an anomaly to male FA's likely because women are envisioned in our society to be naturally nurturing, talkative, emotional, and forthcoming about feelings. This isn't the natural course…

I've been in this exact situation when I was an FA in a LDR with another FA in another country. And our f2f time was very little like yours but we spoke daily, intensely and talked and had plans. I kn…

I just finished reading “Attached”, and it gave me such a better understanding of attachment styles and myself. One of the ways my anxious attachment style has been manifesting post-break up with an a…

every DA i dated asked me "is there someone else" when I initiated the break up.

>am I dealing with a DA/FA or this man is just making a fool out me? Por qué no los dos? He is textbook FA and he is absolutely bsing you. You are well off not participating in those hot and cold ga…

This guy is too unhealthy. Your energy and time are better served elsewhere. You deserve better. I'm glad to hear you decided on your own to break up with him. Hope you take good care of yourself.

Thanks for sharing your perspective :) no we didn’t really break up yet, I first accepted to still see him casually cause I do like him and thought that maybe it would work out fine being casual for a…

I think we cannot really move on faster but definitely will bring less baggage into a new relationship. I think it just makes us more likely to heal than to gain scars we have to live with. Their acti…

Very wise words. This really resonates with me and a previous friendship break up. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you for sharing your experience 💜 Although I am feeling frustrated and have some resentment towards this person and this probably comes across in my post, I also do have compassion for him. He…

The best insecure attachment-based advice I've ever read was: do the exact opposite of what your scared inner child is telling you. If you feel like AH I have to break up - don't. Thinking I can't…

Well said, good description. Well my ex fell in love with the first new housemate he had after me (lol). He said he’d never go on apps. But he’s good at seducing and controlling and getting what he wa…

Im not saying you should leave when things seem good. As an anxious attacher myself I see where youre coming from and I would never been able to do that asweel. I mean, why would you leave if you feel…

Please help, I am currently dating a DA, and I feel like he is pulling away. She does not express any interest in seeing me, despite us being in a long distance relationship and almost a month of not …

Alright unfortunately it’s impossible for me to determine whether she is actually losing interest or if she is having trouble regulating her own emotions, but what you need to do in both cases is let …

We desperately want reassurance in relationships because ultimately there is no real reassurance that can be given. People break up after 1,5 30 years! What our partner wants now in a relationship mig…

I did a course with PDS a few years ago to help get over a break up. It was something like overcoming grief. In the course she discusses something called the Golden Shadow, traits in another person th…

As others have mentioned this is called, "Hoovering". In attachment theory, particularly with someone who is dismissive avoidant, they may feel threatened by too much intimacy and push you away (brea…

Everything is too soon for you to try again. You should give yourself more time to heal because it’s a lot of emotions. Being an FA, my break up was really intense for me. I did not understand my emot…

This definitely feels familiar from times in my past as well. The problem is, when we are so inward looking, and introspective about things, while that carries some really strong benefits, it can also…

"The FA in me wanted to run wild and send a dramatic text, but I stopped myself. I reminded myself this was protest behavior." Wtf?! You had never even gone on a date with this woman but when she sho…

I'm sorry mate, but this is a break up. She says so plain as day when you ask about being faithful, and she says you're not in a relationship. The thing about recovering from this style of attachmen…

As someone who is a few days on the other side of the “I need space” deactivation, withdrawal whatever you want to call it. This will only end with an ugly break up (past week) I wish I had been stro…

Making a longer comment to OP in your reply because I want to dive deeper into this: >Not being into someone =/= avoidance. Youre correct in this, however avoidance does make it harder to judge if y…

then break up with the current girl and get with the french girl, you will learn lessons you need to learn whether it works out with the french girl or not lol

Yeah, thats understandable and I feel/felt the same. We were together previously and I broke up with him because he wasn't aware and he just cycled through anxious lashing out during arguments or de…

You mentioned all of your other relationships were with avoidants and he is anxious attachment. Have you considered that being with someone anxious, who moves towards you when nervous, has encouraged …

If someone felt this way about me I would break up immediately. It's unfair for her. She deserves someone who finds her gorgeous. Date your type then if that's so important to you. Don't waste people'…

Yes it is closure and don’t be his friend right now . Could he really be a great friend being DA at this time ? Friendship also requires a certain level of intimacy . ? I think your shell shocked from…

Well I agree dont date, cause the cycle repeats until you can clearly care when your needs are not bieng met, life is stressful and when yr needs are not bieng met u blame them. Its thier fault you ge…

Wow I have no idea where to begin with this you’re just wrong on so many points it’s daunting. First of all I’m not a man. Second, that’s not necessarily how avoidants work at all but honestly your wr…