understood

ok, so it seems like she's not "understood" and therefore she doesn't feel "seen". which is important because it feels like major distance, where she wants to feel like you can read her mind. in other…

Detailed Car Crash Simulation as a Service - I will not promote — Hello everyone! I am a mechanical engineer specializing in simulation (with a PhD in biomechanics) and I'm currently working on software that simulates car accidents in detail, also taking biomechanic…

Please guide me in learning infrastructure automation — I currently manage a few servers running some ecommerce sites (WordPress) and some custom PHP based applications (Vanilla PHP, and Laravel) on DigitalOcean. My setup is pretty basic and consists of *…

I made $32 after 16 months of coding. Was it all a waste of time? — Over the last 16 months, I’ve done something that sounds cooler than it really is: I built a SaaS. In my free time, at night, on weekends, while everyone else was at the beach or watching Netflix, I …

I am solofounder and I love it — Sure, it can get a bit lonely sometimes. But there are a lot of upsides! * Fast execution * Total decision power * Absolute creative freedom * No back and forths on colors or small things * You can s…

After raising for 7 startups, my pitch decks have fallen into three categories (I will not promote) — Over the years, I've raised funding for 7 startups. I've also raised for startup funds and stare at a hundred pitch decks a month. Based on the patterns, I've realized my pitch decks have fallen into …

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

Depression and self harm needs to be discussed with professionals. — I cannot stress this enough. Please do not use suicide coded language or express intent or desire to self harm in this subreddit. These are issues that need to be addressed by trained professionals. M…

Can a FA-DA relationship work? — My partners have been dismissive avoidant or fearful avoidant, so I have always leaned anxious ig. In my last relationship, I felt secure at the start, it was nice, we set boundaries.. till it happene…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

Recovering DA trying to reconnect with FA wife — For context: * I (40M) am a DA, my wife (41F) an FA. We have three children. * Together for 17 years, married for 13 years, distant/no-touch for over 10 years but stable and no deep conflicts. * Cont…

What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…

For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…

Why do Avoidant’s still check your social media even when they go silent? — My Ex and I recent reconcile after a year and a half. We both were in other relationships and recently got out of them. We agreed to work on yourself and talk once a month until a later date. Long sto…

contemplating root of avoidance — I have been considering why some of my relationships work while others make me disconnect. I think the root is a desire to feel deeply understood and seen. I recently had a connection with someone I…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Are pre-birthday discards the norm? — I’m trying to understand this through attachment theory because I genuinely don’t know what just happened. We’re both women. I was 23 with a grad degree, she was 38 and just got her culinary degree w…

Feeling “off” after trust rupture — attachment system or intuition? — I have been dating my current partner for about a year now. Long post incoming. I’m posting because I’m noticing a significant avoidant shift in myself and I need perspective specifically on my own at…

Does anyone here consider cardio a form of meditation — When I start jogging or when I do cardio, it feels like meditation to me. My thoughts might start going rampant but then I have to focus on the present which is continuing to run while not getting tir…

Don’t Contact Your Ex. For Anything. Let Go Quietly. They Watch You for Access Without Intent. — We had a bad breakup. He was very cold and distant at the end, as always (we broke up several times). He made a joke about how I can be single and rushed me off our last phone conversation when I was …

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Am I meditating improperly? — So I've heard from Dr. K of HealthyGamerGG that when your attention wanders from your meditation and you bring it back, that's like doing a pushup for your mind/brain. But only very few times have I d…

If You Get to the Center Time Stops; Sun as the Center — During yesterday morning's tarot card reading, I received the message, "if you get to the center of the wheel, time stops." My interpretation was that getting to the center means *perceiving* time as …

Whenever I rehearse a conversation in my head (daily habit), I often use the phrase "Can I be honest?" and I want it to stop — I know that my brain rehearses this line because I want to be understood clearly, but if I used it in real life people will misread the intention as me being dishonest beforehand. Is there any advice…

Question for those that stayed after D-day — It's been almost 7 years since D-day for me. The question I have is for those that stayed. Did you fully recover? Are you the same person as you were before? For me I'm not 100% and I don't think I ev…

Questions on Seneca's Letters — Hey everyone, I am working my way through Seneca's letters to Lucilius. The translation I have is by Margaret Graver and A. A. Long. I am a bit confused by what Seneca's views on feeling emotions ar…

My mom called my son’s birthday party “f***ing embarrassing” because she cares more about what people think than celebrating him — **UPDATE:** Thank you to everyone who commented and shared advice. A lot of people suggested going no contact with my mom to protect myself and my son. I understand why people said that, but I want …

"What does it mean to heal?" channeled message from my guides — I thought to share with you all this excerpt from a channeled conversation between myself and my guides. I love this text a lot and return to it often. Perhaps those of you on a healing journey and t…

Why do most victims survive the harm, while perpetrators can’t cope with a slither of accountability? — Victims live with the pain. The fear. The long-term fallout. Not being believed. No justice, or having to fight for it. Being made the aggressor through DARVO. The loss of safety. The way it rewires y…

First Acid Trip (2 tabs) — This happened like a month ago and sorry if it comes off corny: At first, I was just lying in my bed, nervous. My roommate wasn’t back yet, and the walls slowly started to breathe and layer with col…

i wanna throw up — omg I never understood why people would say they can’t stand imagining their ex being with someone else, but rn, if I picture him with someone else I literally wanna throw up, I can’t bare it.

When I finally understood the law — I started praticing the law last year, maybe 6 months ago, but I was really struggling, because I was using to cure a health issue and the 3d would always overpower me. I kept repeating sentences of…

how do you live with the harm you've caused in the past? — Four months ago, I broke up with my ex. We were going through a rough patch but from their perspective, it was nothing we hadn't gone through before. I completely blindsided and discarded them (a term…

UPDATE: My (32f) fiancé (28m) repeatedly does not clean the house — Hello lovely reddit. First relevant links. My first post I deleted (so you can peruse the comments if you are interested): [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18yjl0g/my\_32f\_fianc%C3%…

Six months after the worst breakup of my life, I finally understand why I couldn't heal for the first three. — I'm writing this because I wish someone had said it to me when I was in month one. For the first three months I did everything people tell you to do. I went to the gym. I saw friends. I kept busy. I …

I wanted to be recognized as an artist — (Non native English speaker, sorry for mistakes) I had 1 dream. Im an artist, i do art. Ok, this is ego talking, but anyway, art is all I do Since i’m a Little girl. I’ve been told I was good at it, …

The only thing you'll ever need to manifest ANYTHING. — *And it's so clearly is the internalisation of the idea — "being good with it and without it".* *I'd Like to quote Nero Knowledge here who perfectly describes what manifestation truly is, "Manifestat…

My Personal Key For Shifting (Repost because my pther account got deleted somehow 😢) — Lets start with i accidently shifted in early 2000s, before I even knew what I was, or understood what it was, I just passed it off as a very realistic dream. And just to put it out there, i am very s…

(trip report) Telepathic communication through high doses of psilocybin — Dose: 8g (Myself), 5g (Brayden, first time), others 3–4g Setting: Friend’s house, nearby park, neighborhood walk Time: 3:00 PM – 9:00 PM Participants: 5 friends So a couple years ago me and my …

Some men have questionable hygiene and it has made dating even more challenging than it already is. — Dating is already challenging enough. I (43F) am completely exhausted from conversations about hygiene before a date - because I don’t want something like hygiene to prevent us from getting to know o…

I understood Neville much better after started reading about transurfing. — I am more of a reasoning person and therefore neville's amazing techniques left me full of doubts because I don't know WHY they work. Reading about Transurfing actually had me see Neville from another…

The manifestation routine that unexpectedly changed my life — Over the past year I’ve been diving deeper into manifestation and I’m curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. Recently I read Reality Transurfing, watched Sam Ovens’ Mindset course,…

My (19F) Boyfriend (18M) Called Me His Managers Name During Sex — UPDATE: wow I really did not expect this post the get the traction it did. thank you guys so much for the kindness you have shown and a lot of you guys gave some really good advice. the first thing I'…

Something from The Four Agreements finally clicked for me today — I was reading the second agreement from The Four Agreements this morning, “don’t take anything personally” and something landed in a way it never has before. I realized how many stories I tell myself…

After 30 years of being a people pleasing, peace-keeping, manipulative, caretaking, dysregulated, codependency "addict," I've finally reached a point where I have enough control to simply STOP. In a very short amount of time, my whole entire life has changed. It's nearly impossible to describe. — The first part of this post is just context, and you can skip it all by scrolling down to **The Proof** I'm not going to go into much detail, but just for context: I experienced some pretty major chi…

Oh God. Way to generalize people. This blanket statement and judgemental attitude shows that you have not even understood the principal basics of neither Nevilles nor Joseph's teachings. Really weird…

> Oh God. Way to generalize people. This blanket statement and judgemental attitude shows that you have not even understood the principal basics of neither Nevilles nor Joseph's teachings. Oh ? And w…

>If we believe with perfect faith that our desire is already ours in the subconscious mind, why would the subconscious mind not just assume the act has already been finished in the past rather than wo…

This is a great read, thank you for the effort put into it. As someone who sort of knew they were emotionally neglected but never really understood it was a real thing before I discovered this sub, t…

Just found this sub, I know I'm a little late commenting. One thing that I think can be added in relation to how emotional neglect can cause PTSD: People think of PTSD as something that is a threat …

More pseudoscience from you (the first being that gravity is attractive- gravity is a warp in the space time continuum as it responds to mass, and only appears to be attractive to the uneducated). No…

I don't understand something, if that is a real thing and you are actually doing it, what prevents multiple people from meeting each other in "planes". Else it might just be the Brain telling itself a…

Maybe I misunderstood what you were asking. A 10 minute dream feels like a 10 minute dream. The rest of your sleep you will skip and won’t remember, as usual

So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…

Hi Ralumarian35 On Moonbeam's instructions, the mod team has decided to ban you for 4 months. From your post history, it is clear that you've read, thought about and understood the posts in the index…

Okay logic and science- so your RAS reticular activating system is basically the minds way of filtering and processing the insurmountable data that it takes in from the environment 24/7 as well as pro…

If it comes to new age stuff like LOA/LOB/Law of assumption I actually agree with you to a certain degree but not entirely. So let me explain where I disagree. Most people who follow Joseph Murphy, LO…

Thanks for your opinion on my 10% figure. Besides that, I did not say partners should be at my convenience. I said other aspects of life can throw a relationship’s typical patterns out of balance. Ha…

My best friend used to say he "couldn't imagine" not texting someone back quickly. Then, *in his own words,* he ""got a life"" and understood that, **yes,** people really can and do get that busy and …

My mistake. I must have misunderstood that. I’m sorry. I still stand by my comment- you can’t always spot an avoidant. The walls they build to ice us out are not “up” until something triggers them. M…

Pretty sure I was an FA (schizophrenic dad, sadistic mom who wanted to abort me—I took care of the family’s emotional needs, disregarded my own). I was still confused/hurting 2+ years post no contact…

Oh believe me, I spend a lot of time talking to them. They only answer rarely. My latest thing is to take each part and work to understand wehre it's coming from, what it's movtivations are, how it …

My lil cousin(20F) was having relationship issues- she is an avoidant and he is an anxious. I pointed this pattern out and she said, "My therapist said the same, does having this attachment mean I'll …

I just finished reading “Attached”, and it gave me such a better understanding of attachment styles and myself. One of the ways my anxious attachment style has been manifesting post-break up with an a…

A good starting point in understand pricing 'science' is Willingness to Pay or WTP analyses. This concept and its parameters (intrinsic v. extrinsic) will give you a framework that you can apply towar…

So glad you posted this. I used to work in the trucking/transportation & logistics industry and can confirm it is absolute madness. Would never consider going back, much less being an owner of any kin…

I’m not a DA but I do need space. Fortunately, my friends have always understood that, and I haven’t had to communicate it. I feel like they are kind of the same and everything just feels super natura…

Humm, this is very interesting and I can see myself in that fear But I did something weird, I wanted to feel close and vulnerable but did not know how and still feel sometimes so afraid of intimacy th…

Same. 1.5 years with a dismissive avoidant were the most painful period of my life other than my childhood. I’ve been married to a secure guy for the past 21 years and he’s great at communicating an…

Yes! I had exactly the same experience, along with the blowing hot and cold and not wanting to discuss any relationship issues. It was exhausting and ultimately sad because I had to end things wit…

Look up descriptions of secure behaviour and secure relationships. Do you have examples of secure dynamics in your life at all, even with friends or family? Use those instances as reference points for…

Yeah, I was going to mention this because I often see posts and comments online and on Reddit demonizing avoidents or diagnosing others of being avoident with limited information or perspective. While…

I feel this. as a female FA who leans anxious (specifically towards men) I can relate a lot because in my female friendships, a lot of the time you're expected to be an emotional rock all the time for…

Thanks for your kind & helpful comment(s). I wouldn't say she loved me and I don't think I ever claimed that. You are right that I need to get over this. I am trying. In my previous posts on this s…

Excellent reply! Everyone should read and understand what you have said, including your first line where you state, 'primary attachment style'. The other important aspect is the fact it can take m…

Everyone on these boards has healing to do, so that's not some "gotcha", my friend. >for some reason you’re very emotionally attached and aggravated by this.This is just a personal rant on some perce…

Attachment Theory can have you see things. Suddenly, every other song I heard was about anxiously attached meets avoidant. I cried to a song I used to think was cheesy, thinking I finally understood…

What ended up happening here? I’ve had similar things happen in the past. I’ve never understood people that ghost like this.

OP, Reddit and especially this sub is a great source to have your feelings validated and to fulfill your need to be seen, heard and understood. Its however not a replacement for therapy.

Of wanting to be in a relationship, if he was ready for fully committing, and he was EXTRA scared of hurting me. He knew he liked me but being in a relationship felt stressful. And I was able to stay …

Yeah i think her nervous system needs to calm down for now and reset. I think she will run faster too. If that gives you a peace of mind then do it, but definitely don’t do it if you just want to get …

Okay, this is long and it might sound harsh, but I relate to a lot of what you're going through and acted much in the same way as you did, and I've gone from anxiously attached within a friendship to …

I'm securely attached and I'm still dealing with the emotional turmoil from letting a FA in. It's one of the hardest things I have gone through in my life because the person actually understood many o…

Absolutely. When my avoidant stated his excuses for the fun being over, I wanted to cry and rage at the fakeness of his excuses, and unfairness, and how I didn't do shit wrong to him, etc etc. But I …

All that is fair ha. Thank you for answering! Sounds like we feel the same. I think I misunderstood a part of your statement earlier but it makes sense now.

I don’t see how having a type or standards makes me a Dbag. If I wanted advice from people who don’t understood how childhood trauma affects dating I would have posted this on R/relationships.

Female friends can be 100x more rewarding and affectionate, growth-minded than some man who sees you as inferior and not worth a hug Also I dated a man who cheated on me 100x. I had this fantastical…

Specifically when it comes to “I like/love this person and want them in my life.” When you have a powerful betrayal wound, your brain will throw up barriers and you wont “feel” any positive feelings t…

Understood, but my point is that a securely attached person would have taken those early signs as indicators of incompatibility as well as a lack of emotional safety and removed themselves from the si…

I am feeling lonely. Like I am not a priority to my partner. Yet? Or any more? Who knows? I know this is mostly her communication style over text/online. But in the beginning, we would call every da…

Oof, yeah same here. I definitely felt like he set me up to fail in a lot of the same ways and he just couldn't see the impact. Yeah, when he'd apologise for something he'd also still justify or blame…

"The last FA I dated shit tested me early on, dumping some not so flattering info about herself just to see how I would react." • Mine has done it throughout all 4 years! I faltered a few times, yes…

This is an interesting question, and if I understood you correctly you are asking if my subconcious belief/faith has risen? Well I have to preface this reply with one nuance. I discovered manifestin…

I struggled with this for years. First of all what I learned is that when I get anxious from not receiving texts, I remember that that is a response caused by seeing texting or the lack of it as a “t…

The replies that you've received in this thread is enough. The masters also made other conflicting remarks for various other reasons that are never stated but which can be understood after some think…