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Citations (66)
Have you tried just finding what you want and telling him to pay up on 50% of it? I.e. book a trip to Hawaii and 50% of your budget and just ask him, to please go along with what you want? Als…
Stop wanting a relationship with neglectful parents. — All of us are so attuned to their emotions and how THEY feel. But I’m here to tell you that being low contact/no contact is okay. You aren’t withholding energy from them because you’re compassionless,…
The most important part of EVERYONE IS YOU PUSHED OUT (EIYPO) — I think that what I will say in the following lines has to be reminded as much as possible in the manifesting exes and partners communities. Manifesting a person is not only easy, it is effortle…
What’s the worst smear you’ve heard your nex shares with people? — I’m sure there’s worse and I imagine the audience and subject can change how each smear lands, but mine is about my time in the bedroom. My nex tells people that I secretly recorded and posted video…
Writing a book for male survivors of emotional manipulation and controlling abuse/coercive control. — Wasn’t intending to post anything yet as this is still very much in draft; but I said I would, so here it is. I am writing a book for male survivors of domestic and family violence; not physical abus…
The Void — When my Nex and I broke up after 8 years together, I remember looking at him—really looking—and seeing that there was nothing inside. He had the things he liked: Pokémon, cheesesteaks, anime, the conv…
Advice please — My childhood was a typical broken home. Once my parents divorced my father decided he was prioritizing his own happiness over his children. He out right told me when I was 16 that I was too much to ha…
My mom is withholding my legal documents — Hey guys. Holy fucking hell a lot of shit has been going on and I need to vent, cry, support. I’m 26 F, I’m an RBT and work with Autistic kids. I’m also in a masters program. I finally moved out of my…
I made it to 1 Year No Contact — I've recently passed 1 yr no contact. I'm very proud of myself. When I'd initially broken up with my ex, I tried the "let's just be friends" thing, but then two days later he immediately tried to get…
Best type of therapy for CPTSD from age 2-41 while still in a severely abusive relationship? — I posted this in r/therapy but not sure if anyone will have an answer so posting here in case anyone here has experience with this. I have just recently become aware that my marriage of 17 years was…
How do you deal with the virtue signaling? — I wrote this in another narc sub the other day but I’ll try here as well: My cluster B ex (his SD-3 score is 3.9 machiavellinism, 3.8 narcissism, 3.2 psychopathy if that helps) has a habit of using h…
How do I (M21) win back the love/trust in my (F21) gfs heart after everything I did in our 5 year relationship? — For the first two years everything was perfect we went to the same high school and middle school and knew each other for most of our lives. Because of this things went well and it was honestly some of…
My mom treats my life like her "story" while withholding any actual love in private. — I’m 17 (M) and I’m counting down the days until I turn 18 in November so I can go No Contact. I’ve realized my mother doesn’t see me as a person, but as a minion or a puppet. When we are around other …
OLD question. Is it safe to assume woman who don’t have if they have children on there hinge profile definitely have children? — What could be the reason for withholding that information? It just seems unproductive to seeking a monogamous long term relationship.
Tax Tip (U.S.) — There needs to be a divorce 101 guide. A tip for those in the U.S....you will likely owe the IRS for the tax year you divorce unless you change your withholding to single very early in the year or pl…
If U Experienced Abuse as a Pre-Verbal child, IS IT Harder to Identify the ways you Struggle, in a Compassionate self responsive way.....if you Don't also consider include Neglects impact + how TRAUMATIZING that would have been for a Pre-verbal Child? — # [](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/?f=flair_name%3A%22Trigger%20Warning%3A%20Neglect%22) Someone asked me once " *but why would you feel ashamed for having Trauma symptoms, and suffering from that…
No, I do set boundaries. I’m a very loving person and enjoy supporting people and don’t see it as transactional. My boundaries *are* that if I’ve extensively emotionally supported someone I expect, at…
From what you wrote, you're normally pretty good at advocating for yourself. So, are you "testing" him by withholding that self-advocacy? If normally you tell him what you need, this is what he expec…
Society is miserable for lots of people and while on the whole women have it worse then men, withholding empathy in the name of feminism isn't gonna dismantle any systems of oppression, it's only goin…
I think you’re carrying a lot of pressure that doesn’t actually belong to you. What you’re describing isn’t a man who’s withholding love, he’s a man who has a very different relationship with the word…
Did you come here for actual advice or to defend yourself because people think your voting record is reflective of your values? That's the crux of it: political leanings signal what you're willing to …
Ugh, girl - he’s stringing you along. I’m sorry. This one is gonna hurt, but you’ll get through it. He’s not stupid, he knows that you love him. he knows that he’s withholding the level of intimacy yo…
I've been practicing Radical Honesty (the branded modality you can learn from books & workshops) for a couple years now and it's been the #1 thing that's helped me. It's not "brutal honesty" or whatev…
I don't think it's about honesty alone, it's also about intent and impact. When you choose to either withhold or share information, *why* are you doing that? Are you withholding because you're afraid …
To be clear, I'm not suggesting withholding this information, but if they don't approach this with delicacy or nuance, they're going to ruin any chances they have before they even begin.
My husband (STBX narc) insisted on kissing me all the time, even though he knew I’m not super into kissing. I don’t think not wanting to kiss is a narc trait. I think withholding things you want, and …
Mine does this. The withholding is a key straight of his.
> virtue consists in correcting these judgments rather than simply controlling the outward behavior. This is not correct. Virtue consists in having the disposition of your soul/mind (also understood …
There’s a saying, hurt people hurt people. To me this applies here. Many of our fellow humans are walking this earth unhealed and lacking in self awareness. This leads to a scarcity mindset in most ca…
Her having an affair is the only missing piece. Some of her behavior has been out of the ordinary, so it’s possible. OTOH, the withholding of affection and personal alienation fueled me to having on…
Exactly this. It’s the withholding. I love giving oral, so suddenly he didn’t like receiving it that much anymore. My love language is touching and PDA, suddenly he didn’t like touching so much. We ke…
That tracks. My mom hated us as infants (she bragged that she had all 4 of us “sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old” and never breastfed any of us). But her rage and abuse ramped up when I was …
He should be giving you positive reinforcement not withholding g his love til you're "perfect". Like if I wanted to stay healthy with a gf, I'd go on walks and I love dancing. I think its okay to be …
Telling someone they don't deserve love based on a number on a scale is ridiculous and very controlling. I guess your husband's vows meant nothing. I speak as a man married 35 years. Over the yea…
Honestly, go see a divorce attorney for a FREE consultation. Regarding a divorce, find out: * approx. how long it would take * approx. how much money it would cost * how custody/visitation is usually…
I too was codependent with my mother and my obsessing about my dad and some things i didn't like that he did was was brought me to 12 step program for codependency. I was babied by my mom. It took me …
Taking it slow with sex doesn't mean withholding all physical affection. And again, anyone who thinks sex is the only romantic form of physical affection is exactly who we are trying to weed out. It's…
Wow, okay. Does the counselor know the friend of your parents touched you inappropriately and got your boyfriend drunk to get to you? I would submit a police report. If your parents are withholding…
We did the other night. He sees us as romantic partners, but I get the sense there's way more holding him back. I also don't get the sense he's withholding anything, but that he might not even conscio…
In reading your post, if i may share some of my experience and you can see if it resonates. I too would get lost in my own thoughts about people, playing out movies if you will and stories about wha…
OP this will be hard to read but taking my experience into account as well as some buddies of mine, she's withholding a lot more information I guarantee it. She's using the one night stand excuse as a…
Financial abuse like restricting spending or withholding funds is, in fact, a form of domestic violence. Please contact a lawyer and protect yourself from his malicious spending.
You said you didn’t want to be “too honest.” There’s really no so such thing. That’s withholding. He deserves to know everything so he can make an informed choice.
What the hell, if my therapist was saying that to me id swap in a heartbeat. Its your duty as someone trying to better themselves to unload your baggage and be honest with yourself which you seem to b…
What the hell, if my therapist was saying that to me id swap in a heartbeat. Its your duty as someone trying to better themselves to unload your baggage and be honest with yourself which you seem to b…
It’s nice that you both talked it through. But I just want to give you a tip about relationships. A lot of people start using sex almost like a chess move in relationships, using it only when they …
Behavior is a language and she’s deliberately taking from your joint account without a discussion- knowing full well she can’t get a refund. This is mega concerning because she’s forcing you to comply…
I get where you're coming from. You wanting to keep the relationship going, however there are a few things that jumped out at me as red flags: if he said exes communicate to keep the door open and he …
Hello friend. I just wanted to send you a hug. You’re a kid and kids sometimes get in trouble for things like talking or forgetting their homework. It happens and it does not merit abusive behavior. I…
Its time to end it. You're 19, the relationship already has a higher chance of ending. She cant be sympathetic about your assault and made it about her. Youre also a liar (not necessarily withholding …
Jesus Christ.... I'm gonna be a bit blunt here and probabaly stir some trauma, but you need to hear it. Imagine for one second if you were to be raped again... Is this how she is going to react? Is…
How you really don’t know the person they are. I have never seen this side of my ex or their family. They’re vindictive, spreading misinformation, while intentionally withholding information. They’ve …
Yes. You’re also not allowed to be yourself but an ideal thing they can brag about. This is regulated by withholding/giving “love”.
Any advice can be misread. My point is NOT about withholding love as a tactic but the clarity that comes after a lopsided relationship ends. Sometimes you don't realize you were the only one working u…
I would ask your lawyer if going back to court to mandate pick up from school. She is trying to control you and it’s not working. Document her deliberate withholding of the children. Also make sure sh…
He’s going to dictate your labor plan according to the crazy conspiracy stuff going around online, and interfere if things don’t go the way he wants on the day. Women are reporting more and more extre…
_**Self respect, self love, sense of greatness and importance cannot be ignored. That is what BEING THE PRIZE is. You multiply your value by withholding your power within and not spend it making/worsh…
>Regarding favoritism if we have our own kid, it will definitely exist That is gross, unacceptable, and really shows the true character of your parents. Please be extremely upfront to your gf about t…
She wants to know if her daughter will be treated the same as any future children she has with OP. OP knows they won't be and that his family would show clear favoritism to only biologically related c…
Listen carefully my friend. When I read your post my chest tightened with anxiety, because it sounded so familiar. My STBX did the same thing. Defensive and withholding information. Then, just enough …
I think in order to recover from this you would need to let him be the focus as he heals from the betrayal, be compassionate, apologise over and over again, tell him the full truth if that’s what he n…
Oh girl just no!! I just got out of a relationship with a 50 something who makes damn good money but he is a chronic gambler, car is about to die and owes money to the IRS. He claims it's our jobs (c…
This is me and I worry so much because of past withholding partners. But they were dealing with self-esteem issues, stereotypical gender roles mythology, and had little sense of identity outside of wo…
Idk why you have down votes. I agree that OP should separate. My first instinct is the gf is being manipulative, withholding affection because she wants her way. I could be wrong because there is tw…
Don’t “humour” him; if you don’t want to do it, clearly say no. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, _that’s_ the issue. This all smacks of controlling behaviour, including him withholding sex now …
Do you have big boobs? If not, you don't really have the right to say certain shirts or camis aren't uncomfortable. I have camis where if I move the wrong way or if I sleep in them, I wake up with my …