healthy

I did indeed read the full post. She says "ultra-low bodyfat percentage" which is a relative term and something ive heard before in a relationship I was in when I was probably 12%+ bodyfat. Her idea o…

Victim Blaming will not be tolerated — Hey all, Codependency can lead to a ton of behaviors and relationship styles that are less than healthy, but as we all strive to better ourselves and shed these old habits that no longer serve us, it…

Official r/realityshifting Discord — ## Welcome to Shifting Help! ### The official r/realityshifting subreddit's server! I made this server a while ago to serve the purpose to give the right information to shifters across the world !…

Multiple dreams/goal at the time — Hi everyone, im new here. I work the book Psycho-cybernetics for almost 2 years and last week i bought POSM and i LOVE it, i almost finished it and will start re-reading it. My question is, since i h…

Type 1 Diabetes — Hi everyone, I have recently been diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and have had to start taking insulin injections. I don’t want to live like this forever though, completely dependent on something so m…

A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. — Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse.  We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon.  W…

Before you make that post about some avoidant ex ask yourself…….. — What can I do to cultivate a better relationship with myself, so that I can feel like I deserve healthy and consistent love.

The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…

Does attachment style start to shift after cutting out toxic family members? — Recently, I removed a toxic family member from my life after years of emotional turbulence and manipulation. This person liked to gaslight me, hold past mistakes over my head, and blame me for everyth…

Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…

my mind knows I’m trying to “trick” it — i was reading the power of your subconscious mind by dr. joseph murphy and found it super interesting. it talks a lot about how feeding certain thoughts to your subconscious can shape your reality, ki…

Business scaling up - what cloud provider should we use? — Our business is scaling rapidly — we’re currently handling millions of unique requests per week, and this number continues to grow. At the moment, we’re hosted on DigitalOcean, paying approximately €4…

From Rejection to Redemption: How I Broke Into DevOps — Guys, I'm here sitting on my back yard on a beautiful Saturday and I am about to sign an offer letter with a Fortune 500 company — with a 25% salary increase. But just a few months ago, I was getting…

Plan to build the healthiest farm-to-table meal delivery service. Seeking advice. I will not promote. — I WILL NOT PROMOTE. Plan on building what I believe can be the cleanest and most transparent farm-to-table meal delivery service brand, and I’d love feedback from anyone who’s worked in DTC, food or j…

Manager vs. IC when recruiting soon? — Hi all! I have the opportunity and flexibility at my job right now to move up into a managerial role, and I get a lot of freedom in deciding what it looks like. E.g. I could oversee and manage designe…

FA trying to be more secure, need some insigh on relationship to have "fresh eyes" on it and not just my insecure one — Hi, So, I'm FA and my partner is secure. We're living together and are together for 9month now, it's going good and we're doing our best in the healthiest way to navigate the complicated stuff (I hav…

How do you actually feel safe believing and knowing when it comes to an SP manifestation? — Brief context: I've studied the law on and off for 6 years. Tried to manifest 2 old SP's with varying success, then eventually having them both try to contact me, but I realized that I was shooting so…

It’s frustrating how often I run into women with Avoidant tendencies. — I’m at a point where I just end things early if I see too many Avoidant tendencies early, but it seems like women with Avoidant tendencies are drown to me more often than secure or anxious which I’d r…

Think I found a secure woman, and almost immediately self-sabotaged. — In my social club, there’s a woman who had consistently shown signs that she was into me. I was direct and asked her out. She said she was interested but couldn’t date for a few months because her j…

You know what sucks about being in the process of healing your attachment type? Dating someone who has no idea they have an insecure attachment and you're just wasting all that hard-earned security on someone who doesn't care — I've been fearful avoidant most of my life, and it's helped me in abandoning very healthy partners because I was too blind of my issues. For 2 years now I've been working on myself and seeing huge s…

Anyone Else Feel Relationships just Aren't for them? — Hello all, I'm basically pretty severely A.P. , & so far I've been unable to get close to anyone (romantically) in my life without just exploding with terror that I'll be abandoned (or feeling a stro…

Learning to take space, self regulate and set boundaries as an AP earning secure — I have always leaned AP but working on security and now in a relationship with an FA leaning heavily avoidant I've realised a big goal for me is learning to self regulate and set better boundaries. Fo…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

Anxious attachment spiraling? — Hi everyone :) (26F and 25M) I’m in a healthy relationship, we have our disagreements but overall we work things out. We’ve been together for about a year and 3 months. Lately, I’m feeling overwhel…

Struggling with losing my best friend/coworker, anxious attachment + limerence making it unbearable — Hi everyone, I apologize in advance for this long post. I’ll just post the TL;DR at the start. TL;DR: Lost my best friend/coworker of 7 years after a conflict. He’s now cold/avoiding me but friendl…

Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…

What would one call this attachment style? — I feel as tho I'm a pretty particular mix, cause I'm not exactly healthy, but the other labels don't exactly resonate either. I suppose it roots from two main things. One, I was bullied and ostracized…

Practicing acceptance while anxiously attached? — Hi all, I don't always see myself as AA, but in one specific friendship, I am definitely anxiously attached. I have felt the same way with former friends, so I definitely know the problem is my attach…

What are some healthy ways of self-soothing in place of limerence? — Hi fellow anxious attachments girlies (and guys!! and everyone)…I’m someone who has used fantasy about a person to escape a lot in the past. I’m better about it now, but sometimes the tendency still c…

I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …

How to soothe myself when they say they aren't upset. — I am very fortunate to have consistent, attentive, loving people in my adulthood. I haven't conquered my unhealthy habits that come from my attachment system, however. My husband is wonderful. He st…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Mostly healed, but I can’t stop walking on eggshells before I trust a new date (anxious-ambivalent) — Edit: I’m single but I’ve dated guys online. I’ve changed almost all of my symtoms from anxious-ambivalent to secure attachment. When I first start text someone romantically however, it’s all good un…

Does this have to do with my attachment style or is it normal? — I used to score as anxiously attached when I was in my last relationship. I feel like I still have some anxious tendencies in my relationship now but I also sometimes feel avoidant and for the most pa…

What I'm realizing: I relate closest to others with deep trauma and that is a troublesome recipe. — TW: addiction, suicide, physical and emotional abuse, CSA. I have CPTSD, routine struggles with depression and anxiety and the corresponding executive dysfunction. I grew up with an alcoholic parent…

Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…

For having struggled with an anxious attachment in an earlier relationship, how does it feel for you to become more secure in a much different or more compatible relationship you are in now? — I am quite curious to hear if there are others who are at a place in their life still in their own "wound care" (healing) of being outside of an anxiously attached situation or of a previous unhealthy…

How do anxious attachers know when they are truly ready to date again, rather than just trying to soothe anxiety or loneliness? — I was talking with a friend recently and we were comparing how hard it is to get an honest gauge on your own readiness to date again when you have anxious attachment tendencies. Everyone tells you to…

Self-help group for anxious attachment? — Hi folks, are there regular anxious attachment self-help group meetings out there? If not, I'd like to start one. I'm looking for something that's very specifically focused on anxious attachment. I…

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

How do I ask for support in a secure way? (Hyper-independent) — I used to be more anxious-ambivalent and now I’m more secure with a bit avoidance. The pendulum has swung a bit to the other way. My problem now is that I don’t know how to tell someone that I’m curre…

learning to trust with new potential partners — What do you think are some healthy ways to slowly trust someone again in a romantic context so if things go wrong it doesn't feel like moving on is like an impossible task emotionally? I don’t mean t…

For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…

What do secure bids for connection and co-regulation look like? — I am a dismissive avoidant trying to get better about reaching out to others for connection, co-regulation, emotional support, etc. I am really struggling to figure out what's normal/healthy/reasonabl…

Should you announce that you're avoidant early on? — Not just in dating (in fact I don't even want to date right now), in general? I really want to start correcting my fear of engulfment and vulnerability but I can't make the jump from avoidant to consi…

how to apply skills from therapy and date like a sane person? — tl;dr how to keep a connection going with a secure potential love interest who likes to be alone when you’re anxious-preoccupied af 😭 i’m a lifelong anxious-preoccupied and through years of Doing Th…

"Love bombing" and anxious attachment — At tonight's Anxious Attachment Healing Group meeting, we read the following reading: **1. “Love bombing” and anxious attachment**  “Love bombing” is a pattern of excessive, intense affection and at…

Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…

how to be "chill" in early stages of dating? — hi everyone! something i struggle with in the early stages of dating is obsessing over/thinking about the other person constantly. i know this is not a healthy habit, but i have trouble getting myself…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

We live in a culture that glorifies self-sufficiency and punishes inter-dependence and needs. That impacts what we start labelling as anxious attachment, and how we are encouraged to heal. — Disclaimer - anxious attachment style is real, it creates distress in those who have it, and causes real strain to relationships. That being said, we cannot ignore that cultural norms have *always* di…

There aren't many but as far as I can tell there are a couple which could qualify. 1. Escapism. Just like anything fun, let alone of the "reality substitute" type, there is the potential to use it e…

I was neglected from birth till, well, now, and have CPTSD for 28479227392 reasons related to my parents and to other experiences. I don't think focusing on blame is useful. I can't blame my one paren…

I'm beginning to realize this is the only healthy option, at least the only one I can see. I still love her 3 months later and I believe we could have worked it out. I broke down and sent her pages o…

I realized recently I have no internal source of validation, but have always needed validation from some external source. I suppose my marriage gave me that, in a way, and it was clearly not healthy/s…

Fortunately I've taken my separation (and inevitable divorce) as an opportunity to quit drinking and make healthy lifestyle choices. I've been working really hard to practice mindfulness and radical …

Hi! So one thing I can tell you from lots of therapy and recently spending time around her is I realized I had been only remembering her good qualities and putting her on a pedestal in my mind. When w…

You're allowed to feel anger. If that's how you feel it's how you feel, it's healthy to express anger if it's authentic to your experience. People deserve kindness and compassion, AND it's not wrong t…

None of it *should* stop you from moving forward and healing, but for some people it still nevertheless does. I'm sorry, I know you said this more than half a year ago but I'm going through my situati…

What does that look like??? Find a new hobby. Anything. Try learning to knit. Learn to build robots. Take a class in 17th century blacksmithing. Join a woodworkers guild. Join an improve troupe. Volu…

I think its more about your relationship to it, like personally and privately. Before you bring your caregiver into the conversation. If you hurt your child by ignoring their feelings when they were c…

It’s also “impossible” to change your eye color using self hypnosis and I did that, at 13, 10 years ago, before I even knew who Dr. Murphy or Neville Goddard was. Both Dr. Murphy and Neville talk ex…

I’ll take a crack at it Point 1: The answer is sm vs cm thought. Daydreaming is not focused with intent, the mind often wonders and you still feel it’s not true in the end or with emotions that are …

“If it’s isolating me, that would be my own doing” lol. You are brainwashed and in a cult. You sound exactly like the people in Jonestown did before they drank the kool aid. Cults have nothing to do w…

I’m sorry to hear you had an experience like that. I do think my current relationship is a little more consistent than what you’ve described. We see each other usually at least once a week, more if we…

I'm FA and I identify with this. I value my alone time, and generally speaking, consider myself an introvert. A recharge period is definitely necessary, not just after a social interaction but at the …

FA leaning more towards DA here, when I’m dating and we spend a lot of time together or talk/text a bunch I typically take time to myself after. It can be pretty overwhelming “dealing” w my partners i…

>I have had conversations with my partner over time about attachment styles, and they eventually determined that the descriptions of Avoidant Attachment sounds awfully familiar to them. They have star…

Agreed. The best and healthiest relationships to pursue as someone recovering from a disorganized attachment style is a slow burn. Recognizing everything you have in yourself is a tremendous accompl…

I disagree with comments saying it’s a “vulnerability hangover” bc that implies they shared too much too soon in a way that crosses their own boundaries. This just sounds like recharging their social …

I am saying crushes, when the other person is not also choosing you, are unhealthy and to please stop that behavior.

The relationships that I prefer to be in, not that I actually get into them because I know it’s unhealthy, would be very emotionally intimate and very romantic quickly, but not at all committed.

I found security in friendships first as well- I was severely DA to start. Friendships are more malleable in expectations, less conditional, and you can experience emotional intimacy, practice healthy…

Therapist will navigate with you your core wounds which will help you to identify your fears and patterns, learn healthy boundaries, learn about attachment in deeper and learn more about yourself, wor…

If you want to talk, I invite DMs but I'm only here sporadically. I'm a healed avoidant. I say that, but it's not black and white. I measure now for mostly secure. I still experience the initial resp…

I'm also a recovering FA and I recently realized a few REALLY important things that are actually really simple. Figure out your boundaries and enforce them from a calm place. Our anxiety builds in our…

I think that we are talking about different points in our healing journey. I think we first recognize we’ve been betrayed and victimized, which I’ve gotten really stuck there before, then it moves to …

If you have ever had to watch a secure friend get destroyed by someone with Anxious attachment it is awful. Sometimes healthy people get tired of being smothered and decide to end a relationship. An…

Its really about acknowledging your self-worth and step into your power. Once you realises that you deserve a healthy and consistent love, you will be able to let go of connections that does not recip…

Simply get back to the things that give me joy in life. Nature, cycling, career progression, healthy cooking, travel, caving, gym, movie buff, research, etc. Never abandon my identity ever again when …

Irritating the ones you love, polysecure (because it deals with a lot of attachment education), women who love too much, polyvagal theory and exercises, legit anything to do with different therapies— …

Also I imagine AI could be somewhat ok as a soundboard to work out or create your boundaries if you don't have someone healthy or a therapist in your life to create them

Thanks for your opinion on my 10% figure. Besides that, I did not say partners should be at my convenience. I said other aspects of life can throw a relationship’s typical patterns out of balance. Ha…

You don't go up to a mountain and meditate to heal your attachment wounds, then come down and jump into a healthy relationship. That isn't how the human nervous system works. Healing happens in relat…

I think typically the people we get along best with, will feel boring. Conflict is where excitement stems from. When things are easy and flow naturally, there is no conflict, and thus no excitement. Y…

Take time to actually get to know someone, go slow, keep things light at first, don't jump into a relationship. Instead think about true compatibility in things like communication, lifestyle, values, …

One of the most powerful things the "and" theory / method does, it stop you from suppressing negative emotions. Feel them. Say them. Write them down. Your brain is programmed to remember the good tim…

Yes! And communicate our needs and be able to hear theirs. Aka, being healthy instead of toxic 😆

💯💯💯 OP is being anxious Edit: Oh. I only just remember his handle. Yeh. Unhealthy.

There are many factors to consider with regards to attachment styles, especially towards different people / situations a specific style might be more prominant. There is also a spectrum - mild, modera…

Thanks for sharing the reel. I really liked how it acknowledged the full range of the trauma spectrum. It was both enlightening and validating. I wonder if I should find a therapist who specializes i…

You are welcome, you do sound healthy. I cover mostly attachment wounds / relational trauma in my IG series if you want to read more about that. I think an attachment therapist might help if you ar…

Thanks! Crazy how we are conditioned to think this anxiety and nervousness as genuine attraction and love. I've calmed down since then and getting to know this person with clear mind. Yes, the wrong…

It absolutely can. Also can I just say all hats off to you, that is such a well reflected and intelligent post. Well done. I'm so proud of you how you kicked those people out. >Have any of you exp…

fwiw it took me years to get this far with my therapist. I always had a deep trust in her and I'm glad she encouraged me to stay when I was thinking of bailing (that was a common defense mechanism for…

It’s unhealthy to project or “mind read”. I think there’s a bit of this going on in your post. It may feel (to you) they hate you, because rejection feels bad. It’s not a good feeling to an ego or o…

Your feelings are valid, AND they are not facts. The above commenter is trying to offer you some wisdom; you can choose not to be reactive and take it personally and look again and ask “what can I lea…

Did you try and address the concerns or did you just "forgive them" until you decided there's one last straw that you may or may not tell them about and bail? If so then that's toxic and unhealthy; I …

I think what others are saying unless someone says I hate you, then it's based on your feelings. Feelings are 100% valid but not facts. I'm anxiously attached and felt many people have disliked me ov…

Reading over the threads it’s apparent that lack of communication is a key component in the avoidant flip and leave confusion…If they actually communicated how they felt and what they needed and wante…

You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …