what ifs

I love this intellectual response but so much speculation going on you made up. I don't know all the answers but personally I draw my sources from the best of the best. Robert Monroe was one man, and …

For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…

Is there a way to manifest myself to STOP being attracted to someone? — I’m curious if anyone here has used manifestation or LOA techniques to intentionally lose attraction or romantic interest in someone. There’s a guy in one of my classes that I find really attractive.…

Why do I keep looking up my ex’s life even though I know it’s unhealthy? — I’m trying to be honest with myself about something that feels kind of embarrassing. I still find myself looking up my ex online sometimes. Not just her, but trying to figure out if she’s dating some…

Feeling "unresolved" — I tend to feel stuck and unresolved. I feel as if there are a lot of unclarified information in terms of both emotion and logic. It's too many what ifs or thoughts at the same time, so most informati…

Divorced WS is doing a lot better after 5 years of no contact after divorce for cheating — An ex cheating partner is thriving after the divorce. He confessed out of the blue and he took accountability for all the bad choices that he has done. Before the divorce he confessed to my parents an…

Well I'm no longer am allowed to miss you. — We dated for about 2.5 years and he got a new partner all of the sudden, I don't feel upset and I don't feel happy I feel shockingly at peace, like it was just what I needed to move on with my life, I…

I’m just so ANGRY at him !!! — my ex and i broke up 2 months ago of a one year relationship and we see each other EVERY FUCK\*NG DAY at uni I’m just so angry at him. we had trouble talking to each other about what was bothering us…

I still miss her after months of bettering myself — We broke up at the end of November. She (22) left me (21), and I couldn’t let go. For a full month, I kept trying to win her back, texts, calls, the works. Then I booked a flight to her city, determin…

breakup with someone who didn’t communicated issues — My ex (20M) and I (20F) broke up at the beginning of March after almost a year together, and I’m having a hard time moving on. It felt like a really special connection to me. He made me feel genuinel…

I’m getting him back — It ended in December, we were never anything official and I’m really struggling to move on from that as I hate what ifs. I’m not here for advice on that, I will be reaching out in the summer when I …

(35M) (31F) broke up today. — Honestly, where do I even begin… I believe a big reason my significant other became overwhelmed in our relationship was the amount of emphasis she placed on our future and decisions. It was honestl…

Breakup due to circumstances, not feelings… why does this hurt so much more? — This breakup doesn’t feel like any other one I’ve been through, and I think it’s because it wasn’t caused by either of us doing something wrong. It was external life, timing, pressure, things outside…

I loved an avoidant — And I abandoned myself. 2023 I moved to a new state. Long story but it was another relationship that took me there that ended after I committed to the move (professional licensing, apt, etc). He chea…

it's a rollercoaster — there is this "ex situationship" i have been in no contact with for 4 months and i can't get over him. every first romantic experience of mine happened with him unfortunately and everyday is a rolle…

how do i get rid of the guilt? — the what ifs, the uncertainty, the hope i’m still holding onto even though we’re far past any chance of fixing things, the guilt i feel for the things i said and did. does it ever subside? how do i le…

The idea that dumpers could be afraid of reaching out, is killing me. — I’m 4 months out from the breakup and 2 months into no contact. The idea that the dumper might also be scared or afraid to reach out, just like I am, is killing me. You always hear that pride, fear of…

Mutual Breakup. No contact. Not toxic relationship. — Hi! So my ex boyfriend and I recently broke up around three weeks ago via chat. We were supposed to see each other the same day, but the timing was not on our side. It was a mutual break up. We didn…

How to get over ur ex no bs 💯 — Heres how i got over my ex who had me trapped in a trauma bond. I feel nothing, no lingering feelings make it hurt anger nostalgia Its just.. nothing like today i opened his profile as usual i wann…

I just want to share my story — My wife and I met as young airmen in the airforce at our first duty station. We dated for a year and then she got orders to overseas to Europe. We had talked a bit about getting married prior - and in…

parents forcing me to break up with bf — i’m 21 (f) and my boyfriend is 20 (m). we have been dating for 3 years. he is a white man and i’m indian. i come from a strict conservative family. when i moved abroad 4 years ago my parents made me p…

my brain wont slow down at night and i dont really know how to stop it — lately this has been happening a lot and its starting to get really frustrating im tired all day then i finally get in bed and suddenly my brain wants to think about everything stuff i forgot th…

I’m functional and getting chores done, but the 'What Ifs' are keeping me mentally paralyzed. How do I shut my brain off? How do I move on when I know I caused the damage? How do I forgive myself for letting a lifetime of trauma ruin the only healthy relationship I've ever had? — I think I need some advice. I (22F) am at a point where I can still push myself to go to work and keep my space clean, but my mind is on a constant loop. My partner (22M) and I just broke up, and the…

Partner (22M) and I (22F) broke up. I'm still functional, but the 'What Ifs' are keeping me mentally paralyzed. How do I move on when I know I caused the damage? How do I forgive myself for letting a lifetime of trauma ruin the only healthy relationship I've ever had? — Sorry for the lengthy title. I think I need some advice. I (22 F) am at a point where I can still push myself to go to work and keep my space clean, but my mind is on a constant loop. My partner (22 …

Does anyone else lives in a never ending feeling of regret? — idk since when it started (i dont remember my childhood) but i have this thing that im always wishing to turn back in time for any little things. everytime i open my mouth i feel regret, thinking tha…

It’s not gonna be a smooth ride but it is a ride you must ride. The what ifs and what nots you can probably turn into a alternate reality movie once nothing hurts. Eventually you will realize that…

Early in my career I’m pretty sure I did a technical home assignment and the company just took my work and never hired the role. It sucks. It happens. But recently, companies ghosting candidates on t…

Making a longer comment to OP in your reply because I want to dive deeper into this: >Not being into someone =/= avoidance. Youre correct in this, however avoidance does make it harder to judge if y…

Hey OP I remember your previous posts. I'm sorry you're going through this. Expecting warmth from someone who's gone cold is a punishment in itself, so stop punishing yourself and stop waiting for som…

Me too. I’m gonna try to start meditation. And in general just learn to ground myself, focusing on the present and not the future/what ifs?

I understand. The grey areas in between are real and in all honestly, no matter what anyone tells you, even me, no one can guarantee a fulfilling relationship. People are as complex as they are, the f…

I just got out of a 10yr relationship, we still talk and have talked since we broke up. We broke up due to distance and needing to become our own people after having been in a relationship for so long…

How long did it take to finally break the anxious–avoidant cycle and move on for real? I’m a 25F with an anxious attachment style, and I just ended an 18 month on and off situationship with a fearful…

I’m pretty sure I read it on this sub but I could be wrong. But I’m 3 months into my first relationship in six years and have anxious attachment style I actively work on healing in therapy, but someo…

Tried an open relationship because I wanted to be with the person, but in the end it didn't work. I feel like part of the reason they wanted an open relationship was to sleep with their long time frie…

Thanks for the reply! I’ve gone from being a guy who was never treated as 'special' to being treated like the most important person in the world by someone I’m still not sure about. Up until my birth…

Hahah I acknowledge they are people too (and not just heartless monsters 🥴). I stopped engaging with him yes, after asking for clarity if he wanted to keep seeing me in an intentional way. It’s just …

Yesterday I [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/1ri0wrv/comment/o879jlq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) about this guy…

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

Yeah this scenario is what will drive someone toward insanity for an entire lifetime... this reason (amongst many others) is why cheating is blatant abuse. Now you forever question everything, her, yo…

All those married couples you are seeing are not necessarily happy couples. To some of them your life sounds picture perfect compared to theirs. So try not to compare yourself to others. I know it’s h…

First off happy birthday! It sounds like you’ve made some great progress and have really put in the work, and it shows. Sometimes you can do everything right but still can’t make someone choose to…

As someone who was damn near destroyed my husband EA, do it beat yourself up over what ifs. If she says it don’t happens the you have to take her world for it in order to get some peace. I know it’s h…

You have to learn how to gray-rock. It sounds from your description like your mother has been harping on about this for weeks or even months. She has to be the last to find out about anything you are …

Thank you for that.. I really want to be the best version of myself.. I can see that you have had your share of tough times.. I didn't know this was what IFS was.. I had used it previously to talk to …

60M, Separated 10 mths and we are just starting with the Mediation process. So far no surprises. That being said. I have been planning this for a very long time. Like 15 yrs at least. Started with …

Its normal, specially when you have strong bond and lots of good memories together, but don't get your self too attached with those memories, you might get drown on what ifs..

Thank you. I really do appreciate it. I am trying my best to get out of this idea that I am at fault or belief in the what ifs. I really do need to shake myself out of it but I have been so close to h…

No, you’re not insane, shorter relationships leave you with the “what ifs” whereas longer relationships let you see how it played out. You are mourning the possibility, the potential, and sometimes th…

It's just the unavailability of the person and the what ifs... that's it. Nothing more. It still ended for good reason, but it takes a lot of time to process that. They may be an avoidant, too.

This is such an important point that a lot of people don’t realize until they go through it themselves. After a breakup, the brain has a strange way of romanticizing the past. The painful moments slo…

i WISH my ex would send me this. i miss him so fucking much. he always said "i'd rather hate myself for failing than hate my life for never having tried" ... go give it a try. go text your girl. pleas…

Ok, I understand completely where you are. I was let go two weeks ago, we'd been seeing each other for 10 months. She changed my life in ways I never thought I realized, but because of my inaction, I …

I read your post after the update, but your girlfriend still looks horrible. I hope your "what ifs" don't turn out the way you think, because even if she would seem remorseful and says everything you…

>I am a straight, white, Christian, college educated, Conservative Male who believes that we SHOULD be doing what we can to Make OUR America Great Again. https://scontent-sea1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30…

Sorry you got cheated on mate. That's brutal and I hope it happens to her to really feel how awful it is! And yeah once you've done everything you can even before the cheating it's done, no 2nd chanc…

Ah yes, the what ifs often enter my mind, too.

A prenup is literally for planning “what ifs.” This is just a very specific “what if"

I am happy to hear that. Yes, the what ifs are so hard to ignore lol for me it is easier to let my guard down when I think about what I am hiding from. When I think about someone leaving because I am …

apparently he is going to find someone better than me - more pure, more empathetic, more giving and yada yada, i didn't respond to that and i feel nothing but numbness and soon indifference, am sure. …

My mind is full of worries. When I meditate, I let them come and go but then when I am back to regular things, all these worries again come to me. And not big worries. Just usual what ifs kind of.

Even if you dated people with flexible jobs it's highly likely they won't want to leave their support system/fam in town/nearby city. Also moving away for the person you're in a relationship with is …

This is somehow a relief to me. Same situation at first, shared a connection with someone for a few months that we both agreed neither of us had ever experienced with anyone else, before i moved overs…

You get to decide who you are, not your cheating, lying, gas lighting POS ex. Just because she says it doesn’t make it so. You are a good man and plenty of women would love to date you. In the mean…

Thanks. How about you don't judge yourself too harshly? You don't sound weak to me. You sound like a person who has the strength to be open and kind towards a person who you loved who keeps coming in…

I think he never felt good enough for me honestly, which was something internal with him and not by my fault. I always loved and appreciated him and always let him know that too and tried to let him k…

pisces rising with 12th house Neptune squares my mercury, total overthink central. You see all the patterns but they dissolve into what ifs. Virgo transits ground me when it spikes.

First you gotta accept you don't want and need this person. It is over. Then you gotta actively stop ruminating, if you are. Give yourself 30mins day to ruminate in total and if ti happens any other t…

It's the little things and the what ifs that come up in every day life. Like doing hobbies we both shared or little mundane things we used to do together that now I do alone. It will be different for …

What you’re feeling right now loss, grief, fear, regret is intense because what you had wasn’t just a relationship; it was a deep, formative part of your life. You didn’t just fall for her you grew wi…