polyamory

>Yes, this, exactly. "I don't give a shit if they leave me" (the literal meaning of "not caring about the outcome") is not an ideal to aspire to. It wasn't even just about losing me either, but also …

The pain of being unmet... — I'm never sure whether to consider myself anxiously attached, or mostly secure, because I generally do fine if I feel really loved in my relationship. But where I fall apart easily is when I don't. I …

Dismissive - Anxious dynamic catch 22, how could we make it work? — I'm having issues with a relationship that's really important to me. It's someone who I dated last year for 6 months. We have very intense and wonderful attraction and connection in a way that is rare…

The absolute dearth of any kind of help for victims of polyamory under duress — Nobody understands. There is literally nobody to turn to. Since the APA mandated that polyamorous relationships be accepted this has become a topic I cannot bring up anywhere. Nobody wants to talk ab…

When does “just being single” cross into being non-monogamous? — If someone is having sex with multiple people, on an ongoing basis, I always thought that was polyamory/ENM. I myself automatically go exclusive after the first time I sleep with someone, and verball…

where do i go from here? — hi friends, i’m not sure where to go to heal. i posted in a different thread about the situation leading up to my breakup with my now ex: https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/UQCEcqeyRU today is the…

Forced polyamorous relationships are the worst — What happened was that I was with my ex-girlfriend. When we were a couple, she started joking that she wanted a threesome with a friend of ours. I took it as a joke, but I was curious about what it wo…

Close Friend Unicorn hunted my girlfriend while we were still together. I wish I wasn't worried about her. — The guy encouraged me to date her. Was my confidant during the talking stage and told me he wanted the best for me. Meanwhile he set himself up as emotional support for her and started slowly pursuing…

Divorce on the Horizon? — Sorry this is a long one so grab some coffee or tea. I (38M) have been married to my wife (35M) for 11 years together for 14. We have 3 kids, 5yo twins with autism and a 2 year old. When we met we ha…

Trying to feel confident about ending a relationship with my (25M) girlfriend (26F)/ — I ended my 7 month relationship with my girlfriend because she told me she wanted to be polyamorous after me being unequivocally against it from when we start dating. I broke up with her but part of m…

I agree with this. I also agree that it’s fine to talk in theory about what someone is looking for in a relationship as soon as you want and there is sufficient basic rapport/compatibility. Asking if …

True. When I started online dating, I thought I had to agree to things that are dealbreakers (like polyamory/open relationship) because, in my head, that was to ”compromise”. Now I know how to set bou…

The whole ethos of polyamory, for example, is honesty, respect, transparency, boundaries, open communication. These are all things that are very “secure” in a relational context so it’s confusing that…

If you have insecure attachment I think polyamory is a disastrous idea. You’re surrounding yourself with people who won’t choose you. Your attachment is actually triggered by your partners rejection o…

I don't "know this," otherwise I wouldn't be struggling. Polyamory isn't mutually exclusive with being chosen. I do think my ideal form of polyamory involves a very secure "home base" relationship th…

I've heard (and taught) all this stuff so many times. I just...have a lot of snags around it all. Let me go through each of your points. I have other hobbies and interests, but it's hard for me to ac…

Every day I get closer to living the dream (polyamory)

Would you be open to polyamory? Not saying that you could never find someone who would want the same thing but if you want a part-time partner or one in shifts (which is what this list sounds like), t…

The combination of anxious preoccupied and polyamory sounds lethal in it's own. Add your Avoidant  attachment style and a need to tell this person about your other romantic interests when they don't w…

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/NRNlpEAId2 Not to discourage you in any way (I was non monogamous for the better part of a decade) but do want to say its a lot of inner work for everyone Involv…

On feeld - I'm a little confused about why people are recommending it when the original comment didn't say anything about an interest in kink or polyamory/enm. It's... fine but not really the ideal pl…

In the book Polysecure by Jessica Fern, she explores attachment theory in the context of Polyamory and Open Relationships. She talked about deciding with someone if you want to have an attachment-bas…

Hey dummy, fellow anxious attacher here. Polyamory is the opposite of what is gonna help you . This doesn’t end well

I don't have strong thoughts about what other people do in that situation. For myself, I'm of the mind that i'm bad enough at dating "regularly" that people with extra current baggage or unique circ…

I’ve been in your second scenario (open marriage) for a couple of years now and it repaired my failing marriage. Because we weren’t currently sexually compatible — I’m the wife with a higher libido th…

OP please look into asexuality. If you are actually wanting to repair you and your husband should have a serious conversation about it and see a professional on how to navigate it. Polyamory isn’t a…

You are not sure if you should marry her but you also ask if you should confront her. That's strange. Maybe you are still in denial? Which I get because this is a shock. You are fighting like crazy fo…

i have a hard time believing your generalization that no therapist is able to provide empathy for your experience. what more do you want them to do? get upset themselves and commiserate with you? of c…

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP, but with respect, this feels like displaced anger to me. If someone wants to be polyamorous, who cares? They can live their life however they like. The issue i…

But polyamory is not the villain in your story. Your spouse is and directing your anger to an entire group of people for what your spouse did to you is not going to help you heal.

They just write notes that I am angry about polyamory without giving me the benefit of communicating to other people who might see that going forward, the exact reasons why. It is a bit like my child…

how do you even have access to all their notes? saying you're mad with polyamory is not pathologizing you. it's shorthand for the truth

I wouldn't deny that there are some polyamorous people who believe that polyamory is superior to or in some sense more enlightened than monogamy. However, on the flip side, there are some monogamous p…

Polyamory is a numbers game by definition. My anger at my first spouse. My anger at the people into that lifestyle they brought home who tried to coerce me into threesomes. My anger at my SECOND spou…

By the way you've described it, I'm wondering if you were in a coercive relationship where you felt pressured to perform and behave in certain ways. It can happen with coercive control that one partne…

It sounds like you've already found thousands of people in the support groups you mention who acknowledge and reaffirm your point of view. I guess I'm struggling to understand why finding a therapist …

If you're asking me to give my own view, I don't think it's healthy to spend one's life hating anything. Best-case scenario, you destroy whatever it is that you hate. Worst-case scenario, you make you…

I think I'm a little confused on what exactly you expect from a therapist. One to agree polyamory is a "cult" (in your own words) that should be condensed by society? Because that's unrealistic. Thera…

I cannot comment, because it would be vile. Well, 3 things... polyamory is not, Not, NOT the problem. Your HUSBAND is the problem. And to some degree you are, why do you keep getting into relation…

therapists notes are not meant to convey what people other than the client did or said—they record how clients are reacting to stressors and functional impairments caused by those stressors, typically…

Original copy of post by u/Upbeat_Main_7141: If someone is having sex with multiple people, on an ongoing basis, I always thought that was polyamory/ENM. I myself automatically go exclusive after th…

I follow the same pattern that you do: after I start having sex with one guy I stop pursuing other guys, and the exclusivity talk comes not long after that. I think you’re right that most of us are mo…

>When does “just being single” cross into being non-monogamous? >If someone is having sex with multiple people, on an ongoing basis, I always thought that was polyamory/ENM. Polyamory is an agreeme…

"only 3 drinks" on an empty stomach is a lot. I get tying one on when you're under stress, but not being aware that that's how alcohol works is on you. and then blaming the polyamory community you ran…

This isn't polyamory though. And she was very straight forward and downplayed nothing.

>Polyamory and ENM mean there has been a meeting of the minds that is verbalized between at least two people Being single and sleeping around is ethical and its non-monogamy and it doesn't require a…

Being nonmonogamous doesn't mean someone isn't enough. ENM and polyamory are more like venn diagrams, not puzzles with pieces missing.

Just want to add a bit of a sciencey explanation to what's already been said by others. The easiest way to frame all these tems in your mind is by defining non-monogamy as an umbrella term. Lots and l…

OP is from the UK. She married a Japanese man (who physically forced her to enter a polyamorous relationship) and later an American who brought her to the United States (which got her American citizen…

>Yet they are allowed to make blanket ethical statements to pathologise someone who drinks too much alcohol. That's not even comparable. No ethical therapist will say you're a horrible person if you …

Casual dating (with or without casual sex) is the precursor to ENM or monogamy in my experience. Until a relationship becomes more emotionally meaningful and established, I don't classify it as anythi…

I'd say you're confusing polyamory with exclusivity in early dating. Polyamory is a goal/preference to have an open relationship or relationships, monogamy is a goal/preference to have a relationship …

Actually here is a great over view https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/XyobG73R3J

Why is the label of polyamory or non-monogamy so important to you? The implication I'm getting is that you're trying really hard to characterize your views on exclusivity as "normal" and other people…

Check out /r/polyamory. But ethical non monogamy is the relationship structure youre looking for. More specifically solo polyamory if you're not interested in standard relationship escalator esque pri…

Polyamory is an intentional relationship orientation, not a default setting based on sexual activity. It’s just important to have the conversation with the specific person about your desires and exp…

It seems like your dating partner might have a stigma with the term "polyamourous". If you are monogamous only on certain conditions, then you are essentially polyamourous otherwise. It may be a …

That hot tub is the first time they have sex. Your wife is not cheating. To be honest there is no way to explain to you but she is not cheating on you. I know you are gutted. And her bestie should hav…

ENM is essentially an open relationship, with one primary partner and the ability to see others on the side either for dating or for sex. Generally, secondary partners aren't full relationships (havin…

Lol which is the exact opposite of what my ex-wife kept telling me after poly bombing me, she said polyamory was about "deepening connections" with people (but certainly wasn't focused on deepening he…