crush

are you saying you are interested in those women in a romantic sense? your use of the word "crush" sounds confusing because i read it as you admire these women

Handling another crush as a FA — Hello all, spring is here and so is a new crush. I really can't get used to how excited but anxious my butterflies and fantasies make me. Sometimes they make me so anxious to the point I get dysfuncti…

Cannot stay attracted to dating app matches — I've never been in a relationship but I've been working on myself a lot and trying to put myself out there to find love. And I've just noticed a pattern of mine. But I just keep losing interest or ge…

The soul-crushing reason I may leave UX — You'd think I'd say because I'm over 40, because I'm exhausted by this long unemployment, that I see the the current market and impact of AI clear-eyed, yada yada yada. It's none of those fill-in-the…

Interview for associate devops role, not sure how it went, need opinions — I had a technical discussion with with a smaller company(around 100-200 employees) and they are filling out a new devops team. I have 7 YOE at large tech companies as a software engineer, but my dutie…

Are Trump’s new tariffs going to crush traditional ecommerce? — With all this tariff talk lately, I’m really wondering if traditional eCommerce is about to take a major hit. Importing from China was already tight on margins, and now it feels impossible. Has anyone…

Why do people in LOA communities ALWAYS go to Reddit for their problems when JM advised against that? — Hello everyone. I've been into JM's (and NG's) teaching for quite some time. I enjoy it thoroughly and dipped my toes into the subreddits, so hence why I'm here instead of the NG subreddit since I wo…

Voice-to-text recs for sales professionals — Happy Monday killers! Hope everyone's crushing their quota this quarter. So, I've been in sales for about 5 years now, mostly SDR roles, and I'm starting to feel it. My wrists are *screaming*. All th…

Finally in Dev!! Your input would help — This journey as a non-technical founder has shaved years off my life, but fuck it - I am in Dev and ready for this next stage!! 😤 Any suggestions on what I should be looking out for while in develop…

Underestimated fulfillment in my eCommerce startup, nearly paid the price — When I launched my first eCommerce brand, I thought fulfillment was "easy" find a product, set up a store, ship orders. Simple, right? I couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as we got traction, thi…

After raising for 7 startups, my pitch decks have fallen into three categories (I will not promote) — Over the years, I've raised funding for 7 startups. I've also raised for startup funds and stare at a hundred pitch decks a month. Based on the patterns, I've realized my pitch decks have fallen into …

If I could just stop deactivating!! (FA) — Follow up from some of my previous posts. I’m deactivating again. I think? Or maybe lost feelings for my partner and I’m just lying to myself and not wanting to let go. The thought of that makes me cr…

Starting over — Heya, I don’t want this to be a negative thread— looking for some positivity and hope maybe? I (34F) am recently out of a one year relationship. It was my first secure relationship in my entire adult…

Women I’m dating is afraid I’ll lose interest when I learn who she really is. Seeking FA perspective. — I’m ramping up my dating efforts because I’m doing well—both financially and mentally. Things have been going really well with a new woman I’m dating. We shared a nice moment on our last date, and I’m…

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

The way trauma shapes your attachment system... — I'm FA and I was reminiscing on what my love life was like as a teenager and young adult. I remember the feeling I had when someone showed interest in me, it was very much of disgust and suspicion. …

Is there a way to manifest myself to STOP being attracted to someone? — I’m curious if anyone here has used manifestation or LOA techniques to intentionally lose attraction or romantic interest in someone. There’s a guy in one of my classes that I find really attractive.…

Recovery. I don’t care to be in a relationship.. did he break me or is this healthy? — 1 year and 2 months! Getting better (and who ever said this is a quick recovery is wrong this takes a lot of time, dedication, work and lots of waves of emotions.) Things are mentally getting better …

Mom is being kicked out — Parentified eldest daughter here. haven’t spoken to my recovering alcoholic mother in years. Doing so always sends me into a spiral. She puts herself in awful, high-risk situations, never chooses her …

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

Shame has dictated my entire life for 41 years — And I didn't know it until now. It was the silent background noise, the "I'm not good enough," "Don't do that or you'll fail!" "Look how stupid you are, you can't do anything right," "Don't notice m…

The divorce was the best decision of my life and I have to talk about it. — I'm 27f and I've been in a marriage with a man who absolutely did NOT connect with me for six years. Like... In the beginning, we were best friends since we were tots. Best friends through high school…

I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…

Would you stay in a relationship with someone like this? — I’m in my first relationship post-divorce after 20 years of marriage. We’ve dated for a year and I love and care deeply for this man, but I’m struggling with whether I’m ignoring red flags. The good:…

Update: How can I(20F) tell my boyfriend (20M) about my sexual preferences when he has already expressed disgust over it? — Alright, so even though no one asked for it I’m back with an update. First of all, thank you to everyone that commented, I swear on everything that I read each and every single comment. Thank you for…

Alone — The loneliness gets you. Not having those goodmorning texts,"I love you" "be safe" or ""l miss you" after hearing it everyday is crushing. It's lonely and sad. I don't miss them. We split a while ago…

Revision is where it's at. — People say that revision works faster and this is my experience as well. I'm a fairly good manifestor but there were a few things I was stuck on, namely my height. I carried a bit of disappointment …

THE PHOENIX LIGHTS 29th ANNIVERSARY This is what I saw that night March 13, 1997. It was a totally solid piece of machinery not just lights. I could see the bottom of the UFO clearly by two light sources illuminating the bottom of the craft as it flew over my head — I posted this also in UFO sub. March 13, 1997 I was working in East Mesa, Arizona in a 10 bed Hospice inpatient unit as the Charge RN. We worked 12 hour shifts getting off at 7:30 PM but that night t…

Think them being in therapy is a good sign? Think again. — Mine was in therapy for 10+ years. He even invited me to a couples session at 5 months in (red flag here) but she basically called him out and said yeah you treated her bad, you are wrong. He backed i…

I’m so frustrated!!!! — I have not dated in years because I was tired of getting used. Was introduced to a guy a few months back who was a very polite and seemed like a great catch. I made it very clear early on I was hoping…

My ex-wife tried to kill me a few years ago. She just moved in three houses down from me. — I’m struggling with how to even process this. A few years back, things with my ex-wife reached a breaking point. She was struggling with substance abuse, alcohol and pills, and I had discovered she’d …

First post here, don't normally do this but I need help. 27M — Gday all, firstly just want to say hi to all who come across this post, and also forgive me if my grammar is bad. I was never really good at it... What is mentioned in here could be quite triggering …

Today was the worst day of my life — I am beyond heartbroken writing this. Need any help, advice, anything because this has crushed my soul. Today I found out my (M29) girlfriend (F24) of 4 years cheated on me 3 months ago during a gir…

Why did I always have such a hard time making and building solid connections with people? — Ever since I was school-aged, I've known myself to have issues with connecting to people. I could get along decently, but never really had a "best friend". So no one paid attention to me or wanted to …

My best friend (F35) with BPD has dropped off the radar and I (F30) don’t know if inviting her to my wedding will be too much pressure or not involving her will hurt more. What should I do? — My best friend and I met 8 years ago at work. Our friendship was very full on as we worked together and lived in the same city but even when we both left the city we met in, we stayed in close touch. …

Has anybody here got crushed that their dreams didn’t work out and it finally worked out in ways you didn’t imagine? — I had a dream since school to have an experience of doing my masters in the UK or Europe mainly for two reasons - the exposure and the pure joy of having an experience of living there on my own terms …

I asked my T what she thinks about me, I wish I didn‘t — Today I told my therapist that I‘m not sure how other people perceive me and that I would be interested in her honest impression. She said that this is purely her subjective experience but that I som…

Husband left for reasons I won’t know — My husband (29) just up and left me (F 29) yesterday. I tried to talk it through with him but he got up at 3am said he was done and he can’t do this anymore and there’s no changing his mind. I’m compl…

I burned out so badly I couldn't get out of bed for two weeks and the recovery taught me everything about my limits — Last year I hit a wall that I didn't see coming. I thought I was fine. I was working sixty hour weeks, maintaining an active social life, going to the gym, keeping up with everything. I felt like I wa…

Literally Crying Right Now — I have been going through so much and struggling to stay positive. This morning I decided fuck this..I have the power to change this. I’m shifting my mindset and I’m not going to feel stressed or depr…

I need to let go — Me bf (32M) and I (31F) have been off and on for the past 2 years. We were engaged at one point but I called the engagement off. During our relationship he was angry about alot of things...money, his …

How to be okay being below average — Being in the majority was my goal, but unfortunately even that was too much. I’ve accepted that I’m not mentally capable of working full time. I can force it through, but my thoughts get so dark. Almo…

she reposted this and my heart dropped — omg she just reposted a tiktok saying “how it feels to finally have a crush on someone after a terrible ex” and it’s like a girl cheering. fuck dude i want to reach out so bad. i cant believe it. i’m …

the anxiety is gone... but now there's just a massive void. How do you handle the "nothingness" after liberation? — Hey everyone, First of all, thank you for the incredible support on my last post. It’s been overwhelming. But I need to be honest with you today: while on the outside it looks like I’m finally "winni…

I lost everything to the war and I'm completely broken. 7 months of daily 6-hour work gave me nothing. How do I not give up? — Hey everyone. I'm writing this because I'm genuinely at a dead end and need some perspective from people who actually get this stuff. I'm from Ukraine, had to flee the war, and lost literally everythi…

In love with my (26F) best friend (27M) and it’s killing me — Me and my best friend have only been besties for about 3-4 years, but we grew close extremely quickly. I initially didn’t find him attractive at all, and we were also not single at the time, but aft…

Single and celibate for 7 years -- how can I show a man I'm into him? — Hi all, I'm 41F and have chosen to stay single now for 7 years. I went through a bad breakup, then the pandemic happened, then I got into 12 Step recovery (not for drugs or alcohol, for family issue s…

Only child (30F, Indian, US). Parents financially exploited me and my husband for years. Set boundaries. Now they’re trying to destroy my marriage. — **The financial fraud:** My father retired with 1 crore and started building a house. Behind my back, he took a loan using my husband’s documents — claimed 45 lakhs, was actually 80 lakhs (POA fraud)…

Someone from your dr manifesting YOU — There is something I have been thinking about and that is someone from your dr manifesting you to come into their life. I persinally think yes, as the people in our desired realities are real people l…

What do I do when a crush starts to become obsessive? — I’ve struggled over the years with very obsessive crushes that were unhealthy. It’s something I’ve learned to live with and try to manage. I try to separate my actual relationship with the person fro…

I think I manifested way more than I thought was possible — Okay… so I think I just came to the realization that I manifested ALOT more than I actually knew was possible…. Whether it was positive or negative. For instance. My elementary/ middle school crush…

Yea. Its really like a death. My wife left me for a guy thats taller... bigger muscles...bigger everything.... My ego is crushed and my soul is gone.

Agreed. The best and healthiest relationships to pursue as someone recovering from a disorganized attachment style is a slow burn. Recognizing everything you have in yourself is a tremendous accompl…

So pardon the length (I haven't told anyone yet) and thank you for reading. I might have a crush on a good friend ("Steve") who I've reconnected with after a few years of not hanging out. We didn't …

I say stop having crushes. I can't think of anything more unattractive in a partner than someone who isn't excited about me.

Crush doesn't mean that someone is in a relationship...?

I am saying crushes, when the other person is not also choosing you, are unhealthy and to please stop that behavior.

Also, not to be cheesy but working on self love and self confidence. Like, real confidence from doing shadow work and also awesome shit that you’re actually proud of (both take time but so worth it). …

Thanks! Crazy how we are conditioned to think this anxiety and nervousness as genuine attraction and love. I've calmed down since then and getting to know this person with clear mind. Yes, the wrong…

I’m DA and I feel hurt when I’m rejected in favour of someone else. For example if someone breaks up with me, and then they date someone else. Or someone I have a crush on is not interested in me but …

These are all classic avoidant attachment distancing techniques. Your latest crush is a form of a phantom ex.

The crushes you have with people in your everyday life sounds like limerence to me. Have you heard of this before?

" But I just keep losing interest or get unbearable anxiety around guys I meet on dating apps. As a man who has been on over twenty dates from dating apps I can say you are not the only one and you m…

By ‘phantom ex,’ I mean that the most recent crush is serving as an idealized image of someone they can never have, which makes it easier to compare others to this unrealistic standard. It’s common in…

I have anxious attachment but I get over people very quickly if I feel their interest wane. I think U could have a bit of romance/fantasy addiction. For people suffering that, they tend to fantasis…

I relate mostly to being anxiously attached or AP and tend usually to score most in that category. But I really relate to everything you described still despite not being DA so perhaps it’s a sign of …

I see where you’re coming from and can understand why it’s hard to see such vilification of FAs. However, just because it may have been difficult for him to express his feelings doesn’t mean that his …

I'm curious what those complicated feelings are with having to earn someone's trust. Sounds healthy, though! I think sometimes we have "scapegoat thoughts" (like about someone's nose) that distract us…

Oh that sounds just like my situation! He didn't analyse himself as much as I had for myself, but I think that's because he leans quite dismissive. He definitely didn't recognise when he was deactivat…

You're romanticizing her avoidance? She wasn't really being vulnerable. She was telling you your ass is grass. It makes you feel secure that you're choosing to be "okay" with her FA attachment because…

>...that once I see the real her, I won’t like what I find. Ironically, her vulnerability in sharing that actually made my infatuation deepen into a real crush. You wrote that.

I agree with this!  But be careful about jumping to conclusions too... "Ironically, her vulnerability in sharing that actually made my infatuation deepen into a real crush." I would go as far as s…

Just went through this. She has a crush on a guy, who's in a relationship, 1.5 weeks after breaking up with me. She clearly wants him and it's so sad seeing how messed up she is. I could never try wit…

I don't exactly have advice, but this is very similar to what I experienced with a former colleague that I dated for a bit and developed limerence for. I'm still conflicted about whether I actually "f…

So relate to this. I can be perfectly fine until I have a crush or am in a relationship. Then my world starts getting consumed by them and I lose focus of myself and my wants. My advice would be to ma…

Same. I pushed away 2 crush then only realized that. There is no going back anymore. I take that as a lesson learned and move on. Using the pain to remember the mistake I made and continue the journey

No. No. No. It's not about you being "worthy enough." It's about people's preferences, their own emotional issues that makes them choose someone, and a host of other reasons. I learned through my Avoi…

hi , posting from a throwaway since my gf follows my main. i, 20f, am dating the most wonderful person, 22f. we’ve been dating for around 4 months now and are both healing from previous toxic relatio…

Get a celebrity crush. Don’t become an obsessed stalker but it helps to crush on someone who is seemingly unattainable. It helps with your motivation, and it keeps you distracted enough so when a girl…

I am so scared to date again. I don't know if I can open up after my last relationship. It sounds so stupid, but as a lover girl, I don't wanna lose it. I wanna stay a lover girl, stupid & naive. But …

I’ve been dating my guy for 5 months. He has been extraordinary. Patient, kind, loving, basically says all the things my soul has been dying to hear. He reached out to me, and by date number 2 said he…

My ex and I broke up 7 months ago.. we never fought and his reasoning was he felt we were too different (we were together for 2 years).  I was crushed... he stated he felt he needed to end it so that …

Just talk to him about it. If he’s not ready to talk tell him y’all can table it for a week and revisit it. Hell, write him a letter. Handwritten. Give it to him when he’s going to have time to read a…

All ya gotta do inorder to crush these pathetic weak scumbags is tell them completely about themselves and what pigs all of them are.  Works like a charm.

Dating is one of my biggest struggles in life. I think I am disorganized leaning avoidant attached. I have never been able to date. When I was younger I didn't understand how people do it because of h…

I appreciate this. My mind and body continue to tell me it’s exactly jealousy of being left out, & when I’m extra sensitive, it comes up other times too. But really - why do I care? Makes me crazy. Pa…

Part rant part question. I don't know how to handle these things. I fell for a friend but it won't work out. However, the crush is consuming me. It is like a flame that has gotten out of control for m…

Hi, (18M) sorry for the long story: For context, my girlfriend and I have been dating for around 7 months now. Her and I both have avoidant tendencies but she talked to me about my avoidant tendencies…

Feeling the same, had a crush and got rejected. Now she is acting cold and doesn’t want to call or talk to me much ever since though she stated we should be friends first. Idk about you but what i wan…

I 19M have an anxious attachment that most likely arise from previous long distance relationships, my partner 18F has an avoidant attachment and we just started our relationship. I’m just wondering i…

I am navigating a post-breakup friendship. I really thought long and hard about keeping this person in my life because yeah I know myself and the last thing I wanted was to spiral into an insecure dyn…

Absolutely. I relied on my ex partner for my sole means of fulfillment and when he left I was absolutely crushed. Making sure now, that I am my own source so that never happens to me again. When I w…

An acquaintance came back into my life after months and he was so sincere in what he wrote and everything but it has been making me feel nauseous because it feels too intimate. I feel sick and so gros…

After seeing the comments, i am quite amazed how many avoidants say the same thing (not in a bad way but more surprised). I dated/ a crush with two avoidants of different avoidance level. Both mention…

Well, I’m really intrigued by attachment theory…and I’ve got a crush on an avoidant guy. Our connection has not been advancing beyond mostly text conversation and sort of “fantasy.” I get mixed signa…

I used to only feel intensity and the push/pull of chaos as chemistry. Like Spiritual Twist said, I had to heal my own wounds and nervous system to be attracted to peace. If you haven't read it, I HI…

I just had this thought recently. I currently have a crush on a girl who i think is slightly avoidant and she doesnt deactivate that much with me. I confessed and she said lets stay as friends first a…

No I really should. I tried to reach out again but I'm sure she's not replying at this point. I just connected with her so well. So even if we did hook up again I'm sure that would just crush me lol. …

Hi, avoidant aplspec aroace (the quadruple a!) here :) It's important to differentiate a trauma response with sexuality but it can be tricky. I think first things first, you should acknowledge whic…

thanks for taking the time to write such a well-thought response!  for me i didn't worry about romance for a good while, assuming it would "become stronger" in the future. also things like never havi…

This was my reality for the last 2 months of 2025 and first weeks of January after having pushed away the girl i was seeing during a few anxious meltdowns. Felt the same crushing defeat of my self est…