the Spark

It's easy to say what happened - your relationship has been killed by "the Spark" cancer, one of the worst illnesses of modern dating. I would recommend watching Alain De Botton on "Why Relationships…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

I (31M) seeing someone (33F) but I never got the gut feeling that they're my person. How important is the gut feeling? Does it develop over time? We have been dating for a month and a half — TBH I never felt the spark even on the first date. But we got intimate on the second date and that added a new layer to the relationship. I also have anxieties of my own when the relationships get "re…

Is it a thing that when you find something out that they did, they become almost fake normal with you? — But it feels off. It feels different. I have discovered my partner has been sleeping with massage girls and was on tinder at some point. Since discovery, he says all the same things, but in person, …

28M, 30F, wife and I are distancing and I don't know what to do. — 28M, 30F, wife and I are distancing and I don't know what to do. Throwaway account for obvious reasons. My (28M) wife (30F) and I have been distancing lately. We have been together for almost 5 year…

Writing about my experience with Iboga medicine 🌱 — Earlier I made a post and someone commented that they didn't want to watch a video. Understood! Here is an account of what I saw during my time with ceremony number one with iboga. It was not what I i…

It’s so hard to move on — And I mean it. We met in the most exciting chapter of our lives and we absolutely glowed the first year and half together. Exchange students in Japan, and by a miracle found ourselves together back in…

Just random thoughts — I've tried my best to move on, but even still, some nights i find myself thinking about what we had. Even if it was merely a drop in the bucket in our lives. I remember when we she started first havi…

Is this the beginning of the end? How can I work on it? — I (19F) and my boyfriend (20M) have been dating for 3 years, we have a good relationship - never had any rows - I’m not saying that no arguments = good relationship, but we get on like a house on fire…

I(M27) don't know what to do about long-term relationship I'm not longer feeling like I'm 100% into with girlfriend(F25) lately. — Lately I (M27) have been feeling like I'm just not into the relationship with my gf (f25) anymore. We argue a lot and she has a history of being very jealous even though I've never given her a reaso…

Gf going to Europe for 6 months while fighting. — Im (19)M and my girlfriend (19) have been dating for almost two years now, the last couple of months have been rather challenging as we seem to fight a lot more. It’s always over the smallest things t…

I (18F) want to leave my boyfriend (19M), but I'm not sure if it's the right choice. — Hello, throw away account because he has reddit. I'm going to start off by giving some back story. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 months. We had an okay relationship at first, I no…

My ex (F23) and I (M26) came back into contact after a year. I'm still in love with her. — Quick backstory. My ex (F23) and I (M26) came back into contact after a year. We broke up after being together for 4.5 years. We met on a dating app, I was 21 and she was 18. Everything clicked instan…

The disrespect after the breakup — Me (M22) and ex (F20) we were together for 3 years, when all of a sudden a conversation got brought up by her saying she’s checked out. She didn’t wanna feel this way she gave us time to see is I coul…

My ex (F23) and I (M26) came back into contact after a year. I'm still in love with her. — Quick backstory. My ex (F23) and I (M26) came back into contact after a year. We broke up after being together for 4.5 years. We met on a dating app, I was 21 and she was 18. Everything clicked instan…

Miss feeling alive and having the spark now I am all numb and feeling half dead inside — I lost part of me when I had a long term relationship (13 years) breakup. It’s been years but still feeling like I am half dead inside. It’s easy to say - do the things you did in the past or find new…

Divorce — My wife left me, we been together for 6 years. High school sweet hearts. We got married and everything. We had a talk and she dosent have the emotional connection in what she needs. She lost the spark…

Thinking about just leaving for a while.. — New here.. I got out of a 10 year long relationship with a physically abusive boyfriend in 2016. I started my healing-journey and felt joy again. Got both my PTSD diagnosis as well as ADHD. Was sing…

How do you cope with the fact that you didn’t just lose a partner, but also your best friend? — I won’t go into too much detail about my breakup. We ended things mutually, even though we still loved and respected each other. It was simply very bad timing, and the spark faded and my partner was t…

F17 I’m confused about my feelings for my best friend M16 after everything that happened — Hi Reddit, I need some advice. I’ve been going back and forth in my head for months and I’m really lost, so I’m just going to lay everything out. I’ve had a male best friend, let’s call him Apple, fo…

Post Divorce Breakup — After seven months of seeing someone who I thought was the absolute love of my life post divorce, she absolutely ripped my heart and soul from my chest and abruptly broke up with me over the phone las…

This hurts badly — I’ve been with this girl for a year now Since November 2024 till now April 2026 For a year Atleast half a year stuff we’re going decently a lot of trust issues from my part Insecurities , Overthinking…

I (17M) fear I may be falling out of love with my girlfriend (19F). — First of all, I am sorry for any vocabulary-related mistakes, english is not my 1st language. So, we've been together for now a year and a half, we started dating when I was 16 and her 17, we met via…

Husband never attracted to me, spent a whole year bullying me, I asked for divorce and now he’s sincerely regretful. Idk whether to say or go — Married 15 years 3 kids. Husband settled for me, never made me feel beautiful or desired. But I loved him so much and we were compatible on all other levels. Year 10 of marriage he broke apart and sai…

girlfriend (20F) and i (21M) aren't fighting. we're just… fading. and i don't know how to stop it — me (21M) and my girlfriend (20F), together 1.5 years. no cheating, no blowup, nothing dramatic. just this slow quiet drift that's been happening for the past two months and neither of us knows how to…

Me(F22) and my ex(M21) broke up after 5 and a half years. — my ex bf who I still love and admire broke up with me 2 weeks ago and it hit me as a surprise. It was really all of a sudden after we had a small argument about having children(he doesnt want them, an…

I 19F feel like I’m not a good girlfriend, I’m constantly causing arguments with my boyfriend 21M — Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 and 1/2 years it will be 4 in August. We got together in 2022 when I was 16 and he was 17 and now I’m 19 and he’s 21. tl;dr For the whole first year of ou…

I get it now! — There’s these little robots that deliver food. Beep boop beep boop. They’re so slow and stupid. Everytime i see one i get the urge to kick the shit out of it. I wonder if that’s how some people view c…

I (34F) have been slowly iced out by my (34 F) gf and today she said she doesn’t feel romantic towards me after 1.5 years together. Do I commit to our plans to move to another state to be near her brother and his wife with a baby on the way? — We have had a beautiful and open relationship, have weathered many emotional storms with unity and even lived together for a year alongside her great mom who loves me, too. We have always talked abo…

I texted my ex on her birthday — So my ex & i are not together for 4 months now. Long story short, in our 4 years relationship i suffered with some personal depression & issues and projected it many times on her.. (regret that a lo…

Confused — My boyfriend sent me a text last week saying he thinks we should break up due to incompatibility. I called him and we spoke and I apologised for nagging recently and being stressy and said id relax (w…

So Had a Honest Talk Today — Please Help me on This ! Had a Hard Talk with my recent ex-wife today, and she does not look to reconcile, the entire separation is too fresh and i agree. But me beeing me, i asked what of the fut…

How to cope with the somewhat sudden loss of a loved one? — I say somewhat as we (family and close friends/family friends) unfortunately kinda knew my maternal grandmother wouldn't be long for this earth around this time last year, where she was told by a hosp…

My ex Is now my friend but I can't get over her — So over the past months I got a girlfriend, and then many things happened. we were eachothers pillars, And everything seemed good until she attempted, days later after the hospital she became distant …

So hello uhm, I just want to share my thoughts about this man I'd really believe that we could stay together til' the end. And now I am hanging with these thoughts that it's seems like I no longer have the spark since we broke up.

Sexless relationship feeling like roommates — My partner and I haven’t had sex in over a year. We’ve been together nearly five years, aren’t married, and don’t have kids. As I’m turning 30, I’m starting to wonder if this is what my life will be l…

Am I wrong for getting the ick when someone’s been in a relationship before? — LET ME EXPLAIN (cuz the title sounds kinda crazy lol) Im 16F, no experience whatsoever with love or intimacy, and there’s this boy, 16M, that I started crushing on, we’ve talked for around a month no…

How do I move on from a breakup where she lost romantic interest. — This will be a bit of a long one. I don’t know what to do. Over the past 2 years I (22M) been on a slow decent into depression and stopped being excited for life and doing things I enjoy. I didn’t ev…

What should I do ? — I 25\\\\F is in relationship with 30\\\\M we had been relationship since 6 years , we are struggling financially for a while now , he's working too hard I get it and I support him but I think our rel…

All insecurely attached people tend to show up the same early on in relationships. They're usually all persistent at the start, which is a sign of someone that is insecure. Secure people don't priorit…

Orrrrrrrr.... In the early thaw of spring, when frost still clung stubbornly to the edges of the earth, the apology remained unsent. It lingered like a letter never mailed. Its seal unbroken, its tru…

Why would an avoidant push me away, but then orbit me for almost 2 years — even while committed to someone else? I feel ashamed for being stuck on this.. I (32F) had a short but intense connection wi…

The spark comment is what makes us spiral and over analyze. Think of the worst-case scenario. We tend to internalize, and it drives us crazy. Without knowing the situation and I can only use my own …

Honestly, what you just shared sounds completely normal (I’m saying this not in an invalidating way). When you move from an on-and-off relationship to a healthy and emotionally secure one, your body a…

Becoming part of this group definitely self-selects people who are already touched by the spark of insight and change. You can’t unring a bell. However, that doesn’t automatically place everyone in “m…

Hi everyone, I need some outside perspective. Last summer I had my first relationship at 31. It lasted about 2 months. I was very inexperienced and insecure. She is also very insecure and has hot-and…

Ah, I know, or getting the “not feeling the spark” after fooling around in the bedroom during which we both agreed we needed at leats some level of feelings to get to sex 🤷‍♀️

Different strokes for different folks. I am never able to experience the spark, whatever it is supposed to be. My first dates are either "thank you not interested" for whatever reason or ok this fe…

Well, my avoidant ex-situationship giving it one last shot dating has finished. He told me he didn’t “get a consistent spark” to pursue this further. Crushing, as he also told me that 99% of when we a…

Sometimes when I’m getting to know a guy I will feel the spark pretty immediately…and then ONE thing will immediately wipe it out. For example, I was chatting with a match yesterday and I was feeling …

I have a date tonight. My friend set me up with him. Her trusted friends have been trying to find him someone. She's met him once. All good things.  To be totally honest cause this is a ~safe space…

I'd cancel the date, you're just setting him up with unrealistic expectations and the both of you for disappointment. Stability and the spark are a dichotomy to you. If you go through it with, you're…

Do you find him attractive? Do you look forward to seeing him? Do you think about him? At this point I'd remove your own feelings and think about whether this is fair for him. Even with someone who gi…

Hahah yeah I was also thinking to add a little emoji to my message 👻 How long has it been for you? You know, there was a guy who said he was looking for serious relationship and then after we had s…

Haha I should have! But that was a few months ago. Should I reach out saying “hey, I hope you are doing well. I have been thinking all this time if you lost the spark before sex or after?” 😅🤣 I don’…

It's pretty rare. When we're young we're around at least 100 single people our age and we only really get a spark from a few of them. When dating from OLD, you don't get to neasure the spark before go…

Text is fine at two dates. I just say I’ve enjoyed getting to know them but I’m not feeling the spark I’m looking for and then like the poster below me said, I’ll wish them the best of luck in their s…

Chemistry without consistency is just a flash in a pan. Chemistry is the spark, consistency (in his behavior) is fuel for the fire.

Thank your lucky stars that she "didn't feel the spark" right now instead of after 15 years of a long-term, committed relationship. Some people are high-chasers like that.

People put way too much weight on "the spark". I did too in my 20s before by a total chance I learned that the very concept is flawed. My dating and relationship life improved much after making this l…

Could always be wrong, but getting the sense based on lack of a timely reply that last night's date won't be leading to a second, which will be the third person in a row of them sending me a like/init…

"The spark" is for Disney movies and fairy tales. It's embarrassing that people at that age give themselves leeway to not work towards a relationship

As a teen, she bought me neon orange hair dye, then acted outraged when I actually used it. "It was just a joke!" I looked like a cute lil teenage hayley williams megafan tho. A Christmas maybe 5 yea…

OP, I could have written your post. You’re not alone. I feel as though I’m either having an identity crisis or want a divorce and I can’t tell the difference between the two. I’m 34 and my wife is …

It sounds like everything is great. Divorce sounds silly really, working and fighting for it is harder. You have someone who genuinely loves you and cares about you. Do you know how rare that really…

When I stopped being the one that carried the date, this happened all of the time. Who knew I was being freaking ray of sunshine and the spark I always felt was to me not them?! Haha

You’re not “the problem” because the spark isn’t there right now, but I do think you may be looking at love as if it is only a feeling. Love is also a choice, a duty, and a set of actions you keep tak…

Dude, totally get this. It's like you're hitting it off, but the spark just isn't igniting for a second date. Maybe you're looking for that undeniable pull, and it's just not there with these folks. D…

Dude, I totally get this. It's like you're having a good time in the moment but the spark just isn't there for the long haul. Maybe it's okay to not feel a burning desire after every decent date. Focu…

I understand that approach, but you need to be able to balance it out. Without measurable progress, people lose interest fast. I can attest to thinking: meh, she's most likely not feeling the spark. H…

This happens in my city so frequently I get the “I didn’t feel the spark” over a 2 hour coffee date? Like yeah no duh let’s GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER in different settings.

Man, I feel this so hard! It's like you're checking all the boxes but the spark just isn't there for more. Maybe it's just that early stage awkwardness, or maybe you're just not feeling that *click* w…

So I dated a girl from mid Jan to mid Feb. I also dated her friend in October. They are part of this larger friend group in my city/neighborhood I live. Turns out, I also met 2 other girls from that s…

Are you sure this isn't just a midlife crisis kind of thing? Have you put any effort in trying to rekindle the spark? Relationships ebb and flow over time, how long have you been feeling this way? Hav…

Marriage is hard and love comes and goes. Dating after divorce is horrendous (been doing it for 10 years). The good and decent people are not single for a good reason. I would try to reignite the spar…

Most good marriages come from a place of calm. It’s up to you both to keep the spark that feeds the hearth. Love isn’t always a bonfire, but a controlled fire that both people feed via actions and int…

Ugh, I feel this. It's like you're checking all the boxes but the spark just isn't there for a second date, right? Maybe try to analyze *why* you feel ambivalent. Is it a gut feeling, or are you just …

Totally get this. It's like you're on a first date with a friend and having a blast, but the spark for something more just isn't there.  Maybe it's a good sign you know what you *don't* want, even if …

Role model up here! Everyone has needs and feelings. They're usually there for a reason. Running from them instead of addressing them won't ever get you far in long-term relationships. 99% of the tim…

1 year on the apps, hundreds of matches, dozens of first fates. Last night I got the 'you're great but the spark is not there' talk after the 3rd date. At this point I doubt it will be there.

I liked her alot but then it got real and I pulled Back a bit. She then didn’t feel the spark she was looking for and ended things. Took 4 months and then u realized I really liked her. Texted her I m…

Before making any decision talk to her. Not to announce anything just to see if she feels the same distance or if youre both just stuck in a routine. Relationships have seasons and sometimes the spark…

Dude, that's a classic conundrum.  Sometimes the sparks just aren't there for a second date, even if the first one was objectively good.  Maybe try lowering the pressure a bit and see if something nat…

Agree with this. Met a number of nice people, but the spark wasn't there (sometimes me, sometimes them, sometimes both). My last GF was someone I met at a singles group, and although physically we wer…

I sort of align with your last partner in that if I am single, I do not mind having sex with multiple people. I rarely actually do this, but I will if I want to. And I always pretty much just assume t…

What’s important “spark” vs “dullness “ for serious relationships (marriage) in 30s? For me, it’s dullness, lethargic , bordom, simplicity, and yet sharing the strong bond together. That’s the key to…

This is me. I feel as though I’m either having an identity crisis or want a divorce and I can’t tell the difference between the two. I’m 34 and my wife is 35. Two kids aged 7 and 5. We are high schoo…

I know it’ll never happen because the ruinous concept of tradition would prevent most folks from agreeing with me, but my ideal would be living near each other in separate units or houses. Then we hav…

She's rushing things with the new guy, my friend. And there's a good chance it's been going on for longer than you think. She and he are just now ready to go "public and official." Mine waited three …