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Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life

r/DivorceUpdated 30 days ago
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Citations (40)

Should I wait until the feelings are gone?

He cheated. Kissing \*that you know of\*. He lies. His feelings for you are not the same as yours for him. You need to move on without him. Do yourself a favor, read or listen to "Leave a Cheater, Ga…

r/Divorcecomment4/12/2026
Stuck In My Head After Affair

As long as your wife is working with this guy, the affair is still going on. It's also an indication she has no remorse for cheating on you. Emotional affair is cheating. By continuing the affa…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/8/2026
My (26/M) Girlfriend (26/F) Of 6.5 Years Emotionally Cheated and I Don’t Know What To Do

Sorry you are going through this. The first thing you need to know is that voluntary confessions are extremely rare. It is more likely something happened to force it. Either the friend told her to t…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/10/2026
Cheated on after 10.5 years together, divorced at 11 years together.

OP - Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn. She also has a podcast on Spotify, but I want you to read the book first.

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/12/2026
How to begin the “healing”

Read "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life" for insight and inspiration. Sadly, your experience is all too common, and you will get plenty of advice here from those who have been through it.

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/17/2026
I'm going to meet AP for the first time

Your feelings are perfectly normal and they will lessen over time as you get more distance. Each encounter will have less and less impact. Just try to remember, these two losers got together and the…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/20/2026
Those of you who were blindsided, discarded, or abandoned- how are you doing now?

2 years out - much better now. Finding out about the affair actually made things a little easier for me, since before that time he led me to believe I deserved the discard. Read “Leave a Cheater, Gai…

r/Divorcecomment3/22/2026
My husband cheated. I don't want 50/50 custody. I also don't know if I can stay with my husband. I don't know what to do.

"leave a cheater, gain a life" by Tracy will have some perspective on the matter. Unicorns don't exist. If you become happy with an open relationship to keep the marriage... so be it. But a relationsh…

r/Divorcecomment3/24/2026
My husband cheated. I don't want 50/50 custody. I also don't know if I can stay with my husband. I don't know what to do.

’m so sorry. This is brutal. You’re trying to weigh betrayal, your baby’s wellbeing, your husband’s mental health, and your own survival all at once, and that is an impossible load for one person to c…

r/Divorcecomment3/24/2026
My husband cheated. I don't want 50/50 custody. I also don't know if I can stay with my husband. I don't know what to do.

He cheated because he wants to. His actions say I want out of the marriage, want to be with her and I am a selfish narcissist and don’t care about you or our child. He is not remorseful, but narcissis…

r/Divorcecomment3/25/2026
After 9 years together she cheated, moved on fast, and dropped the bomb during 'final goodbye' – advice needed to survive this

Read “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life” by Scorn or the website “chumplady.com” It’s an infidelity survivor help site. Your ex is trash for cheating on you, but she inadvertently did you a favor by leavi…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/25/2026
New device at my husband car

Sorry you're here - yes it is really, really hard unfortunately. I suggest you read 'leave a cheater, gain a life' ASAP. It will go through what appears to be the almost universal steps and stages of …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/26/2026
I caught my dad cheating, told my mom, and now feel resentment and guilt for their divorce.

You did the right thing. You have no reason to feel guilty. Your mom is finally doing what’s best for her. Hand her a copy of Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn

r/Divorcecomment3/26/2026
Books to help after betrayal

"Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life" by Tracy Schorn. The audiobook is on Spotify and other streaming services. It's the one that comes up the most on this sub. It's short, and amazing.

r/survivinginfidelitycomment3/31/2026
Books to help after betrayal

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life Cheating in a Nutshell Navigating Infidelity The Betrayal Bind

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/1/2026
I stumbled on my husband’s reddit account. One of them, anyway.

You should read "Leave a cheater, gain a life."

r/Divorcecomment4/3/2026
Should I try and reconcile or is the writing on the wall?

I would highly advices a few things Read Tracy Schorn - go to her website. Read Leave a Cheater, Gain a life. Cheaters have a pattern, and they all say the same things. It’s rather pathetic, once …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/4/2026
I stumbled on my husband’s reddit account. One of them, anyway.

Your ability to be self critical was the lever he used against you. A normal caring partner would cherish this amazing trait. In my case, my narcissistic like STBXW bludgeoned me routinely as I reflec…

r/Divorcecomment4/5/2026
What are boundaries?

Your wife is not taking accountability for what she did. You need to read Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life. It doesn’t mean you need to leave her but it will give you a deeper understanding of your reacti…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/5/2026
He didn’t change, I hate myself. (D-Day 2)

*"If anyone has any advice for developing greater confidence/self respect and retraining your brain away from the WP, I’m all ears."* \- A good therapist for you, you will not need lifetime therapy, b…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/5/2026
Being Told Sexting Isn't Cheating Because It's Not Physical or Emotional...

My ex (cheater) got caught communicating with her ex. She met up with him and took our son. I demanded she cut it off immediately. She told me he had just turned up after a decade wondering what her …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/5/2026
He didn’t change, I hate myself. (D-Day 2)

Don’t beat yourself up, @u/Few_Purpose243. So many of us try to make it work. After DDay 1, I was convinced we could survive it. She agreed to go to CT. Said she “wanted to save it,” and even said aft…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/5/2026
After 14 Years together and 10 years of marriage, today is the worst day of my life

Lock down your credit, get ahold of some cash,change your passwords, make yourself the “ owner” of your phone plan and dig for call records and text times. You may need to prove something, even if it’…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/7/2026
After 14 Years together and 10 years of marriage, today is the worst day of my life

I cannot recommend Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life enough, it took the swirl of things that I took 3 weeks alone to start to put together and crystallized them immediately, I wish I had read it much soon…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/7/2026
My(40m) fiance(34f) cheated for a year and I’m leaving but haven’t yet so she’s telling me I should stay

I kicked mine out almost 8 months ago (for neglecting me and the kids) and have found out in staggered D-Days since then that she was having an online emotional affair before I kicked her out that she…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/7/2026
In desperate need of replies as distractions please, I can’t take the pain

Edit to add at the beginning: YOU DESERVE BETTER. You deserve someone who won't cheat on you. Nothing is wrong with you. Him cheating is his own character flaw. HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU. 21 years toget…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/8/2026
11 year marriage imploding

OP, cheating people "re-invent" the history of the relationship they choose to betray. Their partner was not enough, not good enough, abusive, etc. - NOPE - that's projection. The cheater is the one…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/8/2026
Thoughts of reconciliation

I highly recommend reading Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life (book and/or blog). Even if your STBX didn’t cheat during the marriage, you’d probably find that a lot of the same unhealthy relationship dynami…

r/Divorcecomment4/8/2026
Betrayal : side chick knew

If you both are keeping him accessible, he is unbothered about the nagging....from neither of you. Let her have him, its obvious he is not a respectable man, husband, nor father to do what he has do…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/9/2026
My partner says she chooses me but keeps an emotional affair with her coworker — I’m losing myself

Sorry, but I'm not reading all of that, the title gives me enough info to respond. Either cheating is a dealbreaker or it's not. You have to decide that. I have given this advice so much over the pa…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/10/2026
My partner says she chooses me but keeps an emotional affair with her coworker — I’m losing myself

Your trust in her is broken. It’s near impossible to rebuild, although it can be done, but she needs to stop talking with him, find another job, and fully commit to you, or you need to start divorce …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/10/2026
Contacting the affair partner?

First off, I'm sorry you're going through this and I empathize with you. I don't know how long my STBXW had been having an online affair with her AP before I kicked her out for seemingly unrelated rea…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/11/2026
Don’t know what to do

Dude, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It is not your fault. You deserve better. I know how you feel, I've been there recently. She does not give a fuck about you. She stopped loving you the se…

r/Divorcecomment4/12/2026
7 years down the drain

Every word of the above, u/sfwsatan. I was in a similar situation. Discovered the first affair (EA with her ex). Asked her to cut it off. Asked her to go to CT which she agreed to. A month later, ca…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/12/2026
Telling the "full truth" only when there's no other way out

Read, leave a cheater, gain a life. Updateme! 

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/12/2026
7 years down the drain

I sound like I'm being paid to promote it at this point, but I'm not. I was in a similar spot as u/sfwsatan for months. I suspected my wife of 18 years of having an affair and I was still putting in a…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/12/2026
Bf crying inconsolably and asking for second chance

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it doesn't feel like it to you, but this is a very short relationship compared to most of us on here (21 years for me!). He has given you a tremendous gift …

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/12/2026
What actually pushed you to make the final decision to divorce?

Consult a lawyer. Many do free consultations. If you have to pay, it'll be worth it. See more than one if you need to. Write down any questions you have beforehand. They'll give you a more accurate pi…

r/Divorcecomment4/12/2026
Therapy is a scam. Especially for BSs

Abusers and manipulators are really good at getting allies, even therapists, on their side. You need a therapist who is trained in abusive dynamics for them to be able to avoid the manipulation and ca…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/12/2026
Sleep and coping with nights.

It’s only been 16 days since d-day for me but here is what I’ve been doing: exercise whenever I feel restless (even if it’s multiple times a day), listen to a podcast or book (I’ve just finished leave…

r/survivinginfidelitycomment4/12/2026