book
Grey Rock
Evidence
Citations (70)
OP, cheating people "re-invent" the history of the relationship they choose to betray. Their partner was not enough, not good enough, abusive, etc. - NOPE - that's projection. The cheater is the one…
Update: My mom actually showed up at my friend's home to get my therapist's contact info. — First post: https://old.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1qgkzxj/mom_threatened_to_go_to_friends_house_to_find_my/ A month ago she threatened to do it, at which point I told her the truth: n…
My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out — About a month ago I shared a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1qyh9x9/at_age_40_i_finally_found_what_works_with_my_nmom/) here how I visited my NMom after 3 years of NC and…
First visit after going no contact. Support needed. — I (31f) went semi no contact with my narc mother in November 2024. What I mean by ‘semi’ no contact is that I had her blocked on everything except for email - which she of course utilised to the best …
How to grey rock when conversations are already superficial? — I'm taking a step back from my family since I've realized I was emotionally neglected 😪 I'm currently trying to figure out how to deal with them when I will see them again. I ve been reading about …
Spiraling about the future when home — Hi all, looking for some advice and support - I often spiral whenever I go back home (currently a college student) due to the following thoughts about the future: uncertainty about the mortgage of the…
I’m saving money living at home, but it’s costing me my peace — I (31f) live with my mom (61f) right now to save and pay off my student loans, but living with her is exhausting. Literally everything she does or says irritates/triggers me. Growing up, she put all…
Today, my narcissistic mother won: after a month of Grey Rocking, I finally snapped. — First of all, I'm using AI to help me write this because English isn't my native language. The realization hit me recently. After years of normalizing abusive behavior because it was all I knew, I st…
NC since christmas. got ambushed at easter. abuser parent showed her colors infront of family(socially), first time ever. need emotional support. (struggling to come to terms with MBP,/captivity /starvation abuse and abusers complete refusal to acknowledge) — to preface , id like to say some of my story/past (although, for those of u who are regular here im sure u have seen some of my olde rposts from 2 years ago) the easter incident will be at the bottom…
Spouse in denial about past/recent addiction, wont stop gaslighting — My spouse has alcohol and prescription misuse issues. went to rehab, stayed sober for a while, started up again with both, not to same extent but does not want to have a life of sobriety and no longer…
Need advice - Mom used my abusive brother as a flying monkey. — I'm estranged from brother after he harassed me with anonymous calls and abusive texts during an inheritance dispute earlier this year. Contact with my mother is minimal grey rock. I don't reach out b…
Tired of my parents — Why the actual fuck was I out of every fucking person in the planet given a shitty ass family who makes me feel dumb for just asking a simple question. I’m genuinely just about to go grey rock on my p…
I have no one left — warning :talk of abuse I have finally realized after being almost 50 that I like being punished. I can't relate to society anymore because of my isolation and the abuse I allowed to happen to me. I…
🤣😭 hypocrite!!!! — I had a nice day out with my mum for once, grey rocked the few snide comments (a really. laughed about them behind her back because they're as ridiculous and old fashioned as she is) She's now tagged…
Nmother treats me like she's a clingy girlfriend. — I constantly feel like I am never safe around my mother, and that I have to be her parent (grounded, able to control my emotions, realistic, etc) in order to prevent her from losing her mind with anxi…
Advice Needed: Dealing with Elderly Covert NMom — I am looking for advice ideally from a specific subset of RBN folks: those prioritizing a low contact relationship and either care managing or caregiving for a covert narcissistic elderly parent who d…
Do I grey rock or just stop the contact for a while? — I’m (17F, turning 18 soon) trying to figure out how to handle my relationship with my mum, because emotionally it feels very one-sided and I don’t know what the “right” next step is. These are just s…
Does anything other than grey rocking even work? — I think that grey rocking and no contact are the only two things that can work on N parents anything else, no matter how strategic you try to be with them, it will just trigger their narcissistic ra…
I broke greay rock and delivered sweet sweet suply — I am so deeply trapped, baby trapped, financially trapped, my house and car in thire name, in a country i speak none of the language. I so nearly escaped a year ago but when I landed a contract that w…
Partner traded me in for in laws — TLDR: has anyone had a partner go back to their nfamily after going no contact and then blamed you for everything while the nparents refuse to apologise for anything at all and are treating your partn…
Completely untrue for me. If your only source for this is chatgpt, please dont believe that. Ive never seen an avoidant including Dismissive Avoidant people describe their relationships this way. What…
No it's not a boundary at all for me and same for most avoidants I've known. It's only annoying if it's so much when I'm not answering that it's an overwhelming pile up. Or if it's a lot of "are you o…
Jonice Webb PhD Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect Ichiro Kishimi The Courage to Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How to Change Your Life and Achieve Real…
That sucks. But yeah, you’re letting her in too much. Let her be obsessed with you. You just go on and do your thing. Grey rock her if you have to directly interact.
I would say I actually keep count of my lies on one hand per year and I grey rock the hell out of anyone trying to regulate through me that does not reciprocate. I barely contribute to society anymore…
Yes. Closer to my discard, when they would respond "I'm Fine", I would leave it at face value and no longer press the issue. At the time I didn't realize it, but I was grey rocking. In my mind, if the…
Once you leave, it's important to put everyone back home on an information diet. Create separate social media accounts for yourself after you leave home. Ones that have no connection to your family in…
Grey rock method with her at the very least tell her this is your son and you are planning the party the way you already planned and you are not worried about your guests judging you as a mother based…
Document everything, date, time and what happened. That is evidence. The parenting app used to abuse you should be show to the judge. Many areas have public areas to do visitation exchanges with vi…
Tho post reminded me of my ex. When she was going through a manic episode she was screaming at the top of her lungs like you described. I just realized I had started to unintentionally grey rock her a…
Your reply hits the nail on the head. I'm in therapy and my therapist and I decided low contact is best through the divorce process. I'm also trying to grey rock so he gets bored and leaves me alone.
isn't it weird, I mean I get texts from him every day - sometimes necessary (about when he can come in the house and pick up his stuff) -- but always more words than necessary to convey the message. …
The only way forward is to accept that you did nothing to cause this and stop accepting any blame. She has shown who she is, believe her. Move forward as quickly as possible with the divorce. In the i…
Sometimes you just have to through the towel in on a relationship. Your wife doesn’t give a crap about you why are you still putting in the effort? Time to give her the 180 or grey rock to give back…
It sounds satisfying, but grey rocking would be the better approach here. Anger clouds your thinking, it won’t be good to fight in front of the kid, and we can’t know what other kinds of abuse he will…
Do not leave the house under any circumstances. Use the grey rock method on her and do 0 things for her. Inform both families and friends in common why you are divorcing and it's because she chea…
I have only ever lurked here. Its been awhile though. This one finally got me.. > Golden Firstborn here. First of 4 boys. Parents got progressively more picky when they didn't get the daughter they wa…
>She still refuses to take any accountability. If she is your ex, then don't bother. Her lack of accountability will take its own toll on her if you grey rock her and don't fixate on that.
Brother, what are you doing for you? If you are going to the gym to look attractive to her it defeats the purpose. You need to quit living a life for her and live life for yourself. I would sugge…
Don't try to figure out stay or leave right now. You would just be guessing at what door to take. Prioritize yourself. Grey rock her. Look and ask literally nothing of or from her. See how she chan…
Actually this is not even about the second hand clothes at all. This is about her rage and control issues. The fact that you bought something of your own choice, angered her. It made her realise that …
Clever! I already try and make myself boring by grey rocking, giving flat responses or simply not talking at all. It doesn't always work but I try.
Dude, word for word I'm in the exact same position. I tried going full grey rock and it just wasn't right for me. Instead I offered marriage counseling bland being civil. Fuck it I'm going to lose her…
This is exactly why I had to practice grey rocking/yellow rocking over and over again. I’m sorry about your Ndad but *CONGRATULATIONS!* that’s very exciting!
Love me some grey rocking! Thanks so much!
Ditch that narcissist ASAP! As a late middle age male I say this. You are an empath being worked on by an unrepentant narcissist. It sounds like you are already ‘grey rock-ing’ him and emotionally che…
No you’re right. The best thing to do is to grey rock until you can get out.
It’s about control. If you can find ways to be happy on your own and learn to be emotionally self-sufficient, you wouldn’t need them. You’d probably leave them at the first chance. That’s why they i…
No contact, if you need them financially or for whatever else then I guess it becomes self-evident. Perhaps grey rocking would be wise. The solutions aren't rocket science really, theres no good sol…
Mine breadcrumbed me for 4 yrs after abusing me For a year. He hasn’t texted in 102 days. lol I never blocked him. Told myself I was doing the grey rock method. I’m okay most of the time. When I’m tir…
In that case I'd just try straight grey rocking. Ignore it and change the subject. Talk about whatever you want to talk about. You're probably still looking for a level of genuine engagement that sadl…
They want validation from you as a supply and anyone they can get it from.. Hence wanting to be seen as "great". Validation can come in many forms, and it can be as simple as you giving them complimen…
I don’t want to pile on with the “burn the witch” commentary, because that’s not what you need. See a few lawyers to understand what divorcé looks like. You don’t have to file, but just know your opti…
I was a single mom. My husband of 7 years left when I got pregnant with the baby we were trying to have, and then didn’t want custody. I worked full time, went to grad school at night, and it was al…
Try grey rock then accepting it for what it is, that it’s not personal towards you but rather how it’s the culture and how they are hardwired. Then focus on the future and breaking the cycle
Might seem silly but I haven’t heard the term grey rock accepting it, but—that’s what I’ll do specifically about the interests thing. It feels personal? But… hardwired. Not that APs are robots (or are…
You can go, and still have no contact with them. I would grey rock. You don’t need to acknowledge your abusers. Focus on your daughter and keep your distance. Make it clear (if necessary) that you…
While it was to be expected my ex changed drastically. She wanted it, so of course she grey rocked me. But the responses I received if I wasn’t respectful, showed any type of emotion or expression th…
Growing up I had no idea my family was dysfunctional. I did however, think my Dad was a bit overbearing and controlling and had too many expectations. After Dad passed (2018) I thought mom and I wou…
I spent my childhood walking on eggshells because my nMother was very volatile and there was no knowing what might set her off. I was also grey rocking because I even knew the term. I also buried my…
I'm the same way. I think I grey rocked for so long that it became my entire personality.
🗿 Grey rock ftw 🗿
Yes this is the reason I finally decided to go non contact with my Nmother. I responded with hurt to her anger which led to a TORRENT of abuse and cruelty. It was like she was *incensed* that i was hu…
1. Dated a narc coworker (I know I know terrible decision) she was inquiring about hanging out outside of work March 2024 while she still was in a relationship she labeled abusive. That was my first…
Look up grey rock method. Don't engage unless is ultimately necessary
I honestly can’t understand how a dad could do this to his daughter after everything your ex did and since you don’t have children you don’t need to still be connected. I think it says a lot about you…
Go no contact or go low contact and learn how to "grey rock" so that abusers find you less interesting.
You're at the hardest part. You've found a technique that works but your narc parent is still acting like nothing has changed. The boundary will bed in, your confidence will grow, give it time. You k…
I also accidentally discovered this technique. Yes, I had read about grey rocking or JADE but the things I read didn't really say anything about just keep repeating the exact same sentence. With my …
Every time it happens, it’s like their face turns over and another one replaces it. And the tone of their voice changes. And I get that familiar feeling in my gut like I drank drano. And I go complete…