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5 years later and you're still attempting to heal? Did I read that correctly or have you finally accepted that he's in your past and you can move on? No need to dissect (IMO) his hows, why's and when'…
The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…
We open-sourced internet’s largest incident response glossary with over 500+ terms — We just published a public glossary with **500+ terms** related to incident response, on-call, alerting, SLOs, postmortems, and more. I think this is perhaps the internet's largest glossary for incide…
Got ghosted after 3rd round — Hey everyone, Just wanted to share my recent experience and see if others are going through the same thing. I’ve been applying for DevOps roles for the past few months, and finally landed an intervi…
The successful are not here — After years of watching YouTube videos about startup / founder stuff and reading blogs, Reddit, and the horrible place that is LinkedIn, I came to realize that 99.9% of advice (especially in the SaaS …
My DA bf broke up with me Saturday morning. — We’ve been together three years, living together for two. He (38m) wouldn’t ever give me (43f) emotional depth or physical connection. (I had to *ask* for hugs. Anything more was off the table.) Pri…
This is what happens when your FA ex comes back — This is my personal experience for those who are curious. Of course everyone will be different but I thought it might help those who are waiting or wishing (APs I'm talking mostly to you) Firstly the…
I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …
Seeking self-closure — To give a brief overview. Had a multi year situationship with someone I had fallen for, a fearful avoidant. Much pulling and pushing until it ended by her pushing everything away. A year later she st…
Is this Deactivation? Seeking insights from FAs. Please help me understand this — We're together for 6 months, a lot of push/pull in the beginning, but by the 4th month everything was finally going fine between us. He even called me his girlfriend nd promised to heal and everything…
For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…
Global Policy Journal: “Don’t look up?“ – Why it is past time for serious holistic research into Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena — Karin Austin, Michael Bohlander and Kimberly S. Engels have contributed an excellent article to the Global Policy Journal. Two of these people I've met personally and they are experiencers who are doi…
Happy and healing but still need to be "chosen." Advice welcome — I have been on a healing journey for my anxious attachment for a few years now. I am in a secure relationship where I have found a deeply vulnerable and safe connection and also know that if it ends I…
how to apply skills from therapy and date like a sane person? — tl;dr how to keep a connection going with a secure potential love interest who likes to be alone when you’re anxious-preoccupied af 😭 i’m a lifelong anxious-preoccupied and through years of Doing Th…
Anxious Attachment Injury - Nervous System Stuck in Fight/Flight — TW: attachment injury, trauma-bond withdrawal, panic attacks, obsessive rumination I think I’m in severe attachment-injury / trauma-bond withdrawal and I’m struggling to function. I’m asking for nerv…
Is this an emotional affair? — I (36F, single), have a good guy friend (40M) who has been dating a new woman for 2 ish months now. Full disclosure I don’t like her very much and I think they’re moving super fast (already saying I …
Another real life example of how clear communication can be distorted into a victim narrative. Emotions can rewrite history, too. There are two sides to every story. — Receipts! Slides 1-2: Their version of events Slide 3: only a snippet of all their comments on vent/rant threads and others. Removed by automod for not having a user flair (a clear rule and automod …
did i mess up by telling my therapist i feel like i'll end up killing myself in the end? — i had been going to this therapist for like year and a half. at one vulnerable moment i told her i feel like i'll just end up killing myself in the end. (i maybe didnt word it correctly, i just didnt …
No contact year 6 update: — Hello everyone! I’ve made some update posts in the past and figured I would make one for year 6 as that anniversary is coming up soon, and with context it will make sense why I still specifically reme…
Ex of 6 years dumped me and after two months he is already seeing someone new. I'm so hurt. — I had my closure earlier and he told me he was seeing someone new, I'm still in love with him.Thr thought of him being intimate with this new person is nerve wracking but I know I can't do anything ab…
Why do I keep looking up my ex’s life even though I know it’s unhealthy? — I’m trying to be honest with myself about something that feels kind of embarrassing. I still find myself looking up my ex online sometimes. Not just her, but trying to figure out if she’s dating some…
It's not lovebombing. It's grooming. — Adult grooming is a pattern where someone gradually (or rapidly) builds trust, lowers boundaries, gathers leverage, and conditions an adult target to tolerate confusion, dependency, secrecy, or sexual…
NHI that Stop Time and Timelessness of the Oversoul; More Research that Supports how Aliens Obscure Human Memories. — Hi everyone. This is [me](https://www.reddit.com/r/Experiencers/comments/1ai4nzi/i_had_26_physical_contact_events_with_grey_aliens/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_c…
Anunnaki Contact — At about 5am this morning, I woke up and stayed up, realizing and releasing deep seated fears from past lives recently stirred up. Lying there, I fell into a deep state of meditation. I found myself i…
The best and 5 worst things I did after 5 breakups in 12 years chasing unavailable partners, and I just got marriaged on 2.14.2026 — I've been through 5 painful breakups over the last decades, all with the same pattern: I'd chase someone emotionally/physically unavailable—either a cheater or straight-up avoidant—who'd pull away jus…
Worth the wait — About 6 years ago, I (34F) hit rock bottom. My life was in shambles after an abusive relationship, so I had no other choice but to go back to live in my mother’s house for a while. At this point, I wa…
How do you give yourself closure? — I have accepted that I won’t get closure from the person even though my brain relapses thinking it will even a year later. How do you give yourself closure? I am in therapy, I am doing the affirmatio…
I did not handle the breakup well and became obsessive. Never again. — This is gonna be long and messy, so just a warning. My ex ended things with me on text, without a call or meeting me. I requested her to give us proper closure in person, but she had asked for time, …
My partner (f34) “quiet quit” our relationship and I (m37) need closure. — We had been together for approximately 4 years. Engaged for the last year. Bought a house. Had big plans to ride off into the sunset together. It was the best 4 years of my life; we were absolutely cr…
I Changed Myself and Got it All — Hello, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a very long time. Grab a snack and come along for the ride! **The Beginning: April - October 2022** I discovered Neville 4 years ago; after a year of …
Met my ex after a year apart. It was the best day since our breakup. Here's what happend. — A year ago, I said goodbye to someone I truly loved. A year and a half together, big plans, intense love. The breakup was painful and messy. For a year I processed it, analyzed it, doubted myself. Ev…
Ex is back on dating apps looking for a ‘life partner’ 4 weeks after — He (33m) ended our 1,5 years relationship (34f) as he said he can’t commit to anything long term 4 weeks ago. Prior to that he asked me to move in and said how beautiful our kids would be… it was a co…
In love with my (26F) best friend (27M) and it’s killing me — Me and my best friend have only been besties for about 3-4 years, but we grew close extremely quickly. I initially didn’t find him attractive at all, and we were also not single at the time, but aft…
Did anyone get over the “unfinished business” feeling with no contact and no closure?
I messaged my EX and I feel better :) — Its been a LONG journey, but last night I was playing Farcry 5 on my PC for the first time in a while and I noticed my EX was on (we played together a lot and I helped buy the game and her laptop). An…
After 9 years together she cheated, moved on fast, and dropped the bomb during 'final goodbye' – advice needed to survive this — Hello Reddit, new user here using a throwaway account. I've heard this community gives solid advice, so I'm finally posting. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for 9 years. We broke up in May 2025 …
I can't get over death — Hey my fellow lobotomites, recently I've been overwhelmed with the loss of a loved one and its kinda sent me in a spiral of contemplationing death. I've always accepted death as a natural thing but th…
You're not trying to text them. You're trying to soothe yourself. There's a difference and it changes everything. — Every "just checking in" text. every perfectly worded message rewritten 20 times. every "I just want closure" conversation you've rehearsed in the shower. it was never really about them. it was about …
Leaving this subreddit and what I learned — It’s over and i think I’ve come to terms with my break up . After three months of being on here and almost six months since the ending of my last relationship , I’ve used this forum to pour out my fee…
Scared to move on? — I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I’m romanticizing my own damage but it’s been two years and I still feel like I left a part of myself in a room I don’t have the key to anymore Like…
Three Tabs Yesterday. — So in the past two months I’ve tried LSD three times. Yesterday I went to the zoo with my girlfriend and her family and dropped three tabs right when we got there. Everything was cool things were brea…
Have 3I/ATLAS on October to December 2025 have you feel more connected to the unknown? — This is a question I thought about asking everyone as I feel it's related to the disclosure and missing people possibly. I had related experiences Dreams, Out of body, images and vision during the d…
Anxious (me) + Avoidant (her) breakup — still stuck after 1 year, need honest perspectives — Hey everyone, I really need some honest advice. I’ll try to explain this clearly. I was in a 2-year relationship where I now see a strong anxious (me) + avoidant (her) dynamic. Looking back, I also …
Need opinions — 3 months since she broke up with me. We met up in person 2 weeks later for closure and whatever. In the convo we mentioned we didn’t feel the need to block/remove our socials from one another. So we d…
It has been two years since I broke up, and here we are, folks. — It's a strange day/event to commemorate, yet it's undeniably a significant one. I feel like it's important to pay a token of respect to the journey I took. So here we are. 1. Before diving deep into …
Just trying to gain closure on my own... — This is something I wrote in my journal, trying to process emotions and gain closure. Lori, Since you would not give me the opportunity for closure, I'm going to do what I can to get it here. This…
Why do some people hurt others so badly and still live happily ,where is karma? — I went through a difficult marriage where my partner emotionally hurt me and walked away without any accountability or even a simple apology. What I struggle with now is not missing him, but the fact…
I broke up with him and I still can't move on. — Hey, so I dated a guy for four months, he was my first adult boyfriend. It's been three months now since the breakup, and still am struggling to come to terms with what happened and idk I just want an…
I hate that I miss him. — I miss my ex a lot today even though I hate to admit it. He was horrible to me and hurt me in ways I never thought were possible. But at one point, I loved him with every fibre of my being, and truly…
Should i Be that hurt??? — I just needed somewhere to vent, not even sure who’s gonna see this or respond, or even look at this whole thing tbh lol I’m 24M, she’s 23F. We met on a dating app Jan 15, 2026, made it official Feb…
It’s Been Four Years 😢 — If anyone can share some advice, I’d really appreciate it. It’s so embarrassing for me to share this, but I need to get it off my chest. I still haven’t gotten over my ex-situationship (would’ve been …
Kinda cruel to do something that hurts them. Haven't you both hurt enough from breaking up? I mean most couples did have allot love or strong feelings for their person at some point. Getting closure i…
Long term actions are important when you're doing something in protest. I really like the idea of once a week closures, which for Reddit means a permanent loss of revenue until they satisfy concerns.
Hey, I’m glad I saw this comment. My ex is the same way. But I couldn’t seem to get a grip on my emotions. It just hurts… I’ll never have closure and it seems like the best I can do is tell myself she…
Yeah, it's fucking hard. I don't think I'll ever get closure because she's never been the sort of person to really make an effort to give that to me. I obviously can't be inside her head and speak for…
Something my therapist said to me yesterday: closure in these situations has to come from within you, since the other person has opted to disconnect. I chose to write a letter to my STBX before our …
To me, right now, this is so simple but so profound. In my own journey I’m struggling for understanding, for rationale, for healing and resolution, and ultimately closure with a partner who is unwilli…
No Contact does not mean literally no communication. How unmannered and uncivil it would sound if a person asked you "How are you ?" as you were exiting your office, one evening after work. You should…
You have the right to your truth! And accountability is needed at times for you and for them. I think there is such a thing as loving through high expectations. Avoiding the hard truth of things means…
Hey I understand what you are saying. I’m with you. It’s a battle of who is more damaged. I look at it this way. No matter what the DA or AA has done, both attachment styles are insecure. Digging to f…
Feel all the emotions! But, when only the good keeps you stuck on rumination, remind yourself of why it couldn't/ didn't work out! It's very easy CBT, that is incredibly effective and offers a peace …
Absolutely! This stops the suppression of feelings we want to push down, as well as helping to accept the reality of a situation! If you can do it every time a thought comes up, it helps with the pro…
Didn’t even know that was an actual theory but wrote something like this in my journal yesterday with regards to my feelings towards the end of a relationship with a DA. I wrote “the patterns that of…
Reading over the threads it’s apparent that lack of communication is a key component in the avoidant flip and leave confusion…If they actually communicated how they felt and what they needed and wante…
You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …
My lil cousin(20F) was having relationship issues- she is an avoidant and he is an anxious. I pointed this pattern out and she said, "My therapist said the same, does having this attachment mean I'll …
This is interesting. A DA I was with didn't want to commit or name the relationship but seemed shocked that I started dating someone else. He was too busy chasing an ex that he refused to believe was …
The issue is, I hurt him unintentionally by crossing an unspoken boundary..and im left reeling and in pain because he ghosted. I begged for forgiveness..even not fully knowing for what, but he just re…
I think silence can be closure, painful yes, but he's saying ' I don't want to communicate any further' perhaps he thinks it's the kindest thing to do especially if he's very angry. It's incredibly t…
Thank you. Still learning to trust my internal compass. Also, wanted to add to those going through 💔 : “grief is love unreturned.” To give closure to yourself you have to grieve. This is why the no…
As a regular of that sub, I dare to disagree. While it's indeed true people (and early on myself included, until I knew better) confuse or wrongly attribute abusive patterns and narcissism to avoidant…
>While it's indeed true people (and early on myself included, until I knew better) confuse or wrongly attribute abusive patterns and narcissism to avoidant attachment, I don't think it's intentional. …
This is called “hoovering”, it’s a known technique for toxic individuals. They’re saying whatever they think will suck you back in to the scenario. Note the expansive, emotive but oddly totally no…
If it will help for closure, you can absolutely ask him to tell you what went on. But please be so damn wary about this again. What could have possibly changed in the last two months, that would make …
I believe "closure" is something we give ourselves - not "get" from a serial abuser. With respect, what good is "needing to know". Whatever the reasons, it most likely won't make sense to us and it op…
Good god, serial abuser!? I don't need to read the rest of the comment to know we're not going to agree about this at all, if that's your take based on a single text and the post from OP. And no, I do…
Yes it is closure and don’t be his friend right now . Could he really be a great friend being DA at this time ? Friendship also requires a certain level of intimacy . ? I think your shell shocked from…
The avoidant(not sure which type of avoidant) I was dating of 3 years broke up with me 2 weeks ago through text. We had our flaws of course and there were times where she felt unwanted or unseen (I ta…
Why would an avoidant push me away, but then orbit me for almost 2 years — even while committed to someone else? I feel ashamed for being stuck on this.. I (32F) had a short but intense connection wi…
Hey OP I remember your previous posts. I'm sorry you're going through this. Expecting warmth from someone who's gone cold is a punishment in itself, so stop punishing yourself and stop waiting for som…
I had a pretty similar experience and landed in a similar spot that you did, even down to the same number of dates and spiraling when I would run into her afterwards (we work in the same building so i…
Do you really think telling her things will change anything? Are you expecting something out of that? She will learn from this (from you), and the next person (if she wants it) will enjoy her best ve…
When someone stonewalls you, flips the script, seeks to erase your history together, the effect is traumatic. This is deep relational trauma. You need space to process the deep grief of loving someo…
>I came off way too intense, begging him to atleast give me a closure instead of the silent treatment, and I am ashamed to admit this but I tried to prove my worth and how I'm ready to accept everythi…
\* HINT \* - don't be dismissive, arrogant, a pompous azz, or rude. ASSUME Experiencers are, in fact, telling the truth. Also assume we are smart enough to have gone down the checklist of prosaic an…
TLDR: Seeking advice re: Dismissive Avoidant 50F dumped my Anxious-leaning Secure self (53M) but posts her upcoming travel to our once-shared calendar. ..... Yes, it was the classical Avoidant's int…
Fairly common and explains the reason behind anxious behavior strategies in your attachment system. As I’m sure many of you struggle with fully letting go of the past and probably struggle with emoti…
Have you ever reached out to someone months after going no contact? Like by text, or even a letter? I (28M) cut off contact with someone (32M) back in mid-June. We had a very intense anxious-avoidant…
Maybe try remembering that there may not be answers to the questions you have. And getting “answers” is not likely gonna give you the closure you think it will. Cuz the “answers” will not likely be th…
That's ok if he's sad about it. It sounds harsh, but people get dumped and have to move out every day. Pain after a breakup is normal and natural, not something to be prevented. He's allowed to be dis…
I wouldn’t send it. If you’re anything like me it will send you into an anxious shame spiral of overthinking, fretting, and self-doubt. If you’re in the midst of a breakup with some other avoidant the…
This is such a mind jogging content. 6 years down the line? You should just let them be, that is my take unless you want to open a can of worms or you feel that the letter would help you two get the c…
Your reflection is really thoughtful and brave. You're doing a lot of deep work, practicing self-compassion and understanding anxious-avoidant patterns while also taking accountability for your past b…
About a year ago, we got new seasonal hires at my job. One of them ended up being this woman. I usually chitchat with new hires if they have questions regarding the job and that’s about it. I would ch…
Its an important story that one. Though I will say my own references to us growing out of childhood involve way less of a catastrophic forced disclosure than what happens in that story. It involved gr…
I'm really sorry that this person keeps lingering and making it hard to move on. Ultimately they have broken up with you. This little lingering is not enough of a behavioural change to actually have a…
I almost got into a new relationship before I was properly healed from the previous one. It was the first thing I said, I gave a huge warning label, but we tried anyway. Every step forward was accompa…
I’m going through a really painful situation with someone I love, and I’m hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar anxious–avoidant loop. My ex(?) and I were slowly reconnecting after a …
I’m 22 this month and had to breakup with the only person I’ve been in love with back in September. I originally ended the relationship due to too much toxicity and fighting, the usual bs At first I …
Closure is something you give yourself. No one else can give it to you. I think that maybe by staying in contact with this person you are actually hurting yourself more and that abandonment of self is…
This might genuinely be terrible advice, so please take it with a grain of salt, but here is a process that has been helping me when my anxiety flares up like that. This might be long, forgive me (ADH…