loved

Having trouble with situation with someone where we were friends for a long time prior to giving it a shot: Gist of the story - she got a new job, hours are brutal, it is stressful. She also got out …

The song “I love you, I’m sorry” by Gracie Abrams makes me think of the POV of a DA — I'm DA, and I just listened to this song. It feels like a DA talking about how they sabotaged a good relationship, and they regret it. This line particularly hits: "I like to slam doors closed, trust…

Even as an FA the one thing I'll never understand about avoidants is how they can hate someone they cared about a week ago. — I was reflecting and journaling on my past relationships, and taking full responsibility for past mistakes. I'm an FA so there were times when I thought I needed external validation to feel whole, and…

Adventures of a South African Engineer: Lessons from 3 Startups (I will not promote) — **Adventures of a South African Engineer: Lessons from 3 Startups** These are a few things I have come to learn while doing "startups," maybe it will help some entrepreneurs in their startup travels.…

I will not promote - The best company merch box you have received? — On a light note, show off the coolest swag or merch box you’ve ever received! Whether it’s a quirky collectible, a stylish hoodie, an electronic item or just something that make you smile—share that o…

Being a parent exposed everything bad about running a small business — Before kids, I founded and ran a small food delivery business for 5 years. It was locally loved, I had a steady stream of orders, and from the outside, it looked like freedom. But then I had my first…

Add Border to an Inverted border-radius — You loved this inverted border radius generator, but it lacked support for borders, so I added this feature where you can give it a border that works as a background image, which means it can accept c…

Small Business Case Study: How We Grew Our Instagram & TikTok with an AI Social Media Assistant (No Ad Spend!) — **Post Body:** Hi everyone! I co-own a small business (a boutique cafe + online store) and wanted to share our experience using an **AI “social media assistant”** to grow our Instagram and TikTok. W…

Spent 1 year solving a problem users “loved” but wouldn’t pay for: my learnings [I will not promote] — We are 2 years into building our SaaS, but spent 1 year building something people “loved”, “were excited about”... yet did not pay for. Since then, we have slightly pivoted and gained traction, but I …

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

What are the signs to spot a DA or FA in early talking stage? — Hi, I am myself something of a FA leaning towards secure (I was anxious but became the secure one in my previous relationship with a DA after some years). My previous relationship was pretty bad beca…

Starting over — Heya, I don’t want this to be a negative thread— looking for some positivity and hope maybe? I (34F) am recently out of a one year relationship. It was my first secure relationship in my entire adult…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

What makes an anxious attached person feel loved? — I’m a dismissive avoidant in recovery. That means I have been working on myself. I would consider myself slightly secure but not secure enough to call myself secure Anyway, my boyfriend is anxious…

Help me to recognise my attachment style please! — I (26F) am struggling with this a lot, since my patterns of romantic behavior don’t seem to fit neatly into any of the four categories (AA, FA, DA, SA). On the one hand, I clearly crave intimacy and…

The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…

I need some FA to give me insights on this situation — Break up with a FA need some insights Hi guys, i really need some insights as someone whos desire is to be a safe space for a FA girl. Breakup context: I (M, 23) was in a 2-year relationship with my…

Will my ex FA ever stop resenting me? — I was with my ex (FA) for 2 years, amazing connection and relationship. She broke up after a rough period (lots of changes + frequent arguments, not too intense) saying she was overwhelmed. Later she …

We should keep in mind that its a spectrum.. — I realized something in my relationship and it is not much shared in this way so maybe it helps someone else I am anxious and my fiancee is avoidant. He is very introverted and trying to deal with hi…

I think I'm in the process of healing, but it hurts so much. Feeling very forgotten and abandoned tonight — I truly recognize and see how much I've grown and how far I've come. I have so much self awareness, gotten good at soothing myself, talking to myself, even managing anxiety attacks. It's not always pe…

Life is too short to live in fear — Life is too short to live in fear. The fear of saying the wrong things and earning their scorn. The fear of ~~asking for~~ loving too much and being branded 'suffocating' again. The fear of a co…

Unsent letter to a prior ex, in the midst of a current breakup. — I am in a crash course on my own nervous system while in the midst of a breakup with a dismissive avoidant man I've loved for almost five years. I'd known about the anxious-avoidant trap for some time…

The most painful relationship/breakup I've ever had, cracked me open for healing. Plot Twist: The text message llm tool said I was an FA, I ignored it for 5 months before I figured it out. — For five months I was absolutely certain I was dismissive avoidant. Monthly attachment coaching—as a DA. Studied obsessively, could recite every AP/DA/FA trait. I even built this text analysis tool, a…

Global Policy Journal: “Don’t look up?“ – Why it is past time for serious holistic research into Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena — Karin Austin, Michael Bohlander and Kimberly S. Engels have contributed an excellent article to the Global Policy Journal. Two of these people I've met personally and they are experiencers who are doi…

Master’s degree, big scholarship, and leaving a toxic situation — Background: I was keen to leave my toxic family situation for years but let’s just say it wasn’t happening. I got a good job in my hometown, I found someone I loved who was desperate to marry me, I …

Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…

For those hurting, advice for your 2026 and my story — Hello everyone, **Preface** I am an anxious attacher, so my experience by-and-large is with dismissive avoidants and fearful avoidants. It is not my intent to villainize these attachment styles; thi…

Did I make my Avoidance worse by pushing through it? — Hi all, I’ve been aware I have issues with commitment/avoidance my entire conscious life, but despite it I’ve always wanted to find love I didn’t meet my first boyfriend until I was 22, and it was l…

I have been feeling a capacity for love I never knew existed and I'm a bit scared of it. — I'm a dismissive avoidant now leaning secure after 1.5 years of therapy. I've made huge progress and communicate much better in my romantic relationship and with my roommates. I have 2 toddler nieces…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

The pain of being unmet... — I'm never sure whether to consider myself anxiously attached, or mostly secure, because I generally do fine if I feel really loved in my relationship. But where I fall apart easily is when I don't. I …

how to apply skills from therapy and date like a sane person? — tl;dr how to keep a connection going with a secure potential love interest who likes to be alone when you’re anxious-preoccupied af 😭 i’m a lifelong anxious-preoccupied and through years of Doing Th…

A letter to my FA Ex — I don’t even know why I’m writing anymore. I don’t know why I still pour my feelings onto paper when the person they’re meant for has emotionally switched off. Maybe this isn’t for you. Maybe it’s jus…

i feel safe with being almost loved | disorganized attachment style anthem | i want love but i'm scared | (cathartic release) — Lyrics: Love, for me, is just a hallway, Soft light, shadows drifting slow. I see a silhouette approaching Then I turn before my heart can get too close. Sometimes I feel a brush of something ten…

aromantic, avoidant, or both? — recently i discovered i'm definitely on the asexual spectrum and this lead me to also wonder about whether i was aromantic or not. looking into my romantic feelings (or lack thereof), i found out abo…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

A letter to my fearful avoidant ex — 31st December 2025 So here we are. Another night, another thought. It’s been nearly 25 days since Eddie left me. Recently, so many emotions have been running through my mind. I never thought I would…

Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

so what is ”healthy”? — so i’ve read over the several attachment style subs and something interesting i’ve found is that on the anxious side people are talking about how the society is pushing us to be hyper-independent and …

The way trauma shapes your attachment system... — I'm FA and I was reminiscing on what my love life was like as a teenager and young adult. I remember the feeling I had when someone showed interest in me, it was very much of disgust and suspicion. …

Did your partnert felt like your mother emotionally? — I’m 26m and my partner 29f. We broke up almost a year ago but I cant cut my ties with her emotionally or spiritually . I dont want someone to be in her place so I don’t want to move on from her. Basi…

i hate how i still care about someone who doesn’t care about me — real. who else agrees? it still feels unbelievable how i was the only one who loved them.

It does get better (dumped by an avoidant) (personal advice that helped me) — Too anyone who deems themselves as a hopeless romantic, anxiously attached, etc, this may relate to you. After three months of what I thought was the worst time of my life, it truly gets better. T…

Life's expectancy for life & love — Unfortunately, I think for the rest of my time on this planet, I will carry a quiet fear. Even in the midst of real, full-blown love, I may never truly trust that one day I won’t be lied to, cheated o…

Found out 10 year situation-ship has been married the entire time — I’m absolutely gutted. Sick to my stomach. We’ve (now 28F 35M) been on and off in a passionate, toxic, can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other “relationship”, and we couldn’t seem to ever stay away from…

Wife cheated on me with multiple men over the course of 3 months. — Me (31m) found out this past December that my wife (27f) had been talking to as many as 20+ people on Snapchat (non nude but inappropriate photos, sexting, ect.). I confronted before new years by tell…

F**CKKKKKKKKK — I don’t really have anywhere to say this, so I’m just putting it here. I was with someone for a long time who I truly believed was my person. From the beginning, there was just something about her th…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Reflection on over friendly therapist? — Hi readers. This is something that has been on my mind for months and I don't know how to wrap my head around it. Some professional insight might be helpful. I left therapy a few months ago. I had …

Stuck In My Head After Affair — So 3 years ago, I found through phone bills that my wife was texting a coworker more than anyone else. I confronted her as she had also been very distant. After trickle truthing she admitted to having…

I was neglected from birth till, well, now, and have CPTSD for 28479227392 reasons related to my parents and to other experiences. I don't think focusing on blame is useful. I can't blame my one paren…

a) law of assumption, not law of belief. And where did you get the other descriptions from? I've been on Neville sub for a while, literally noone describes the law in those words or speak in a spiritu…

I sometimes question though: was it good that we would have stayed with them forever? If they were that disinterested? Wouldn’t it be a bad choice on our part to stay with them? I know what you…

I’m trying so hard to let go but he was the only person who treated me nicely and loved me until he randomly dumped me via text. No one ever asks me out and when I ask people out I am rejected. I am a…

You are right. Saying they left because of our flaws isn’t completely right, they left too because of their flaws. The most important thing is to recognize our own flaws for the purpose of self-accept…

Loved to read this. However, a riddle; how is your silence going to work if they block you on everything. So you can't reach them even if you wanted to.

So my long story short.. yes I reached out after almost a year and not with any love or dating intentions. We started to reconnect and things started to happen for us again. We’ve been back to togethe…

I hear you buddy. I loved my ex so much, and still love her, even though I could never take her back. But what really hurts is as you described - she blind-sided me and could not care less. I, on the …

It's so easy to resent and want to blame your parents, but don't you think the way you where raised where how your grandparents raised them? Finding compassion, and understanding that your parents did…

I think its more about your relationship to it, like personally and privately. Before you bring your caregiver into the conversation. If you hurt your child by ignoring their feelings when they were c…

Exactly. This is one of the reasons why all the old exes or random flames pops back up in your life when doing an sp-mission. Old unbeleifs being unraveled as you sit there feeling loved as fuck.

Well, you can believe me or not, I have no incentive in lying. But the Neville sub has messed me up. Those LOA “teachers” there are messed up - and they don’t even know what they are talking about. “L…

1. That is why it’s called maladaptive daydreaming. The person does so to escape their current reality. They are not making actual changes, thinking different thoughts, reconditioning the subconscious…

This breakup was one I never wanted to experience to. Take my heart more sees were there then any other. From the outside looking in I loved the look. I bought her nice clothes and always she rocked t…

FA leaning more towards DA here, when I’m dating and we spend a lot of time together or talk/text a bunch I typically take time to myself after. It can be pretty overwhelming “dealing” w my partners i…

I agree it was a shitty thing for him to do, but “I did nothing to make him feel unsafe, ever” is a statement you should probably introspect on and consider unpacking with a therapist. For one, if you…

It’s been a year (yesterday) since my ex cruelly and coldly discarded me by text (after 18 months of dating… and lots of life experiences).. “I can’t see you anymore, I wish you well”.. It was massive…

'For one, if you’re saying he’s avoidant then there definitely was something you did that made him feel unsafe— you loved him and you wanted him to love you back.' No, no, no. Someone steps into a re…

'Romantic relationships are great, but I will become resentful and actually deactivate for real if it feels like I can't correct that imbalance.' <-- I would suggest don't be in romantic relationships…

I do understand and I can agree it’s not a behavior that can cultivate a long standing relationship with someone who is secure or anxious. But the same can be said about other attachments aswell (no…

All this to say, anxious, avoidant, something in between. Neither style will be a great partner. They will be selfish to ease their insecurities cause they don’t have proper coping skills. Villainizi…

I've been experiencing something similar, broke up in December. In my mind, it's almost as if the person I knew and loved severed (like from the show Severance) themselves and returned from a trip as …

Sure! Some happen in conversation Let's take the example of a simple question to which you can answer with a yes or a no Example 1: Question : - " Do you want to go to the movies tonight? " ( You…

Yes! I was thinking about Jung's Shadow and Assagioli's Subpersonalities just the other day. There are so many parts to our personality, often contrasting with each other, but we grow up feeling like…

It is a valid question. They are core beliefs(about selfs,others and life) and other beliefs rooted in the core beliefs. Core beliefs are about enoughness, worthiness and deserving, love, security, c…

I can have flaws/not be completely healed and still be loved

It’s good that you’re reflecting on past relationships - that’s what transforms them from painful failures into learning experiences. 1) In confronting your deep sense of unworthiness (which I totall…

It’s unhealthy to project or “mind read”. I think there’s a bit of this going on in your post. It may feel (to you) they hate you, because rejection feels bad. It’s not a good feeling to an ego or o…

thank you for being vulnerable. After the alarm fades, is there ever an awareness that the metal walls shredded someone on the way up? I understand and empathize with all of this, I just have a hard t…

I think what others are saying unless someone says I hate you, then it's based on your feelings. Feelings are 100% valid but not facts. I'm anxiously attached and felt many people have disliked me ov…

I'm so sorry, this sounds so hard. If you can, I think it would be amazing to focus on yourself right now and what you need. My long distance boyfriend dumped me out of the blue after one disagreement…

It's very, very painful. I'm so sorry. I went through something similar 2 yrs ago. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, felt incredible low self-esteem and rejected. I never pegged him to ghost me, and we ha…

No, my statement has nothing to do with validation. I find when someone says 'that's invalidating', they haven't sat down and thought about what they're saying. And why would I need to constantly vali…

I think the statement "it doesn't take much" is both true and a simplification. The truth is, there's probably a greater part of them that still wants to see you than a part that pushes you away. They…

I made a game on Roblox so my kids and I could play it together. They loved being part of the process and I loved making it! If time and money and talent were not an issue I’d be a weekend warrior m…

Loved your story man, very well written, I hope you find the farm of your dreams and you keep on dreaming and that failure doesn't stop you from dreaming ever.

Someone’s gotta be on the other end. He might be pushing, and looks like he usually is, but you’re pulling every time you entertain him. Because most people wouldn’t keep letting him in again, which y…

Thank you for your supportive words :) I am definitely still an AP, but in comparison to some years ago I am able to identify my patterns and self regulate my emotions much more. This is the big diffe…

I think it all depends on whether or not you are able to communicate your need for space. If you just disappear without saying anything to the person you’re traveling with, dating, or communicating wi…

Kudos to you for gaining self awareness and thinking about how your behaviors can affect the ppl around you!! This is a major accomplishment and a big step towards becoming secure!! I’m wondering if y…

This is incredibly sweet, Im wishing the best for both of you :) What comments are missing is that love and safety is often the best medicine, for everyone. Im not a DA (avoidant leaning FA) but I sta…

Same. 1.5 years with a dismissive avoidant were the most painful period of my life other than my childhood. I’ve been married to a secure guy for the past 21 years and he’s great at communicating an…

I totally felt the same, like he loved me but had contempt anytime I had a need or comment that somehow threatened him. Like “yeah, so” turns completely cold::: and just sooo many easy ways out, shots…

I can see why she didnt accept to seek therapy. In their mind its like we are exaggerating and everything is fine and anything having to do with psychology is actually bullshit (but obviously because …

I actually agree with a lot of this. I used to be a completely unaware avoidant. Shut down, withdrew, pushed away people who loved me and then blamed them for needing too much. And for a long time, I…

I have just learned about attachment Theory and believe my partner is avoidant( not sure if da or fa as still a bit confusing to me) I felt like my avoidant partner was putting me through test. At the…

While I agree with the idea of having empathy for others, that empathy should also extend to ourserlves. If someone is unaware and hurting us, we still get hurt. I think at the end of the day, we ha…

I did a course with PDS a few years ago to help get over a break up. It was something like overcoming grief. In the course she discusses something called the Golden Shadow, traits in another person th…

Love this comment. I’ve found it to be so true. For a regular ex I was with for nearly a decade and we had a fairly normal/stable/secure attachment to each other, maybe a little bit dependent on each …

"I was literally BLINDSIDED and DISCARDED by my DA who said 50 times that they need space and I'm overwhelming them. Don't they understand I just want to love and suffoca- I mean support them?! Why…