resolved

I broke up with him and God, does it hurt — I broke up with my boyfriend of 2.5 years a week ago. Every day that passes I'm overcome with waves of despair and regret. Our relationship was so much work, and I worked so, so hard on us for so long…

Shopify Bill Pay - international vendor payments cannot be funded by Shopify Balance anymore — Im not in love with Bill Pay as its so sloppy and support is lazy. Plus they lock down accounts left and right and don't tell anyone. Once the new balance account numbers went out I saw that they were…

Studying attachment theory — I’ve been studying attachment theory for a couple of months now, and I’ve only recently started to REALLY look into it. I started reading a book called Attachment Disturbances in Adults: Treatment for…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Feeling alone because my partner lives in his own Fantasy World — Recently I discovered I am a Codependent. I've been with my boyfriend for about six years, and he has this habit of always engaging and interacting by talking a lot about marvel or superpower fantas…

I (28F) care deeply about my fiancé (28M) but feel like the romantic connection has faded after years of imbalance. How do you know when it’s truly over? — From a burner account. I’m looking for some perspective because I feel like I’m at the end of a long internal process and I don’t know if I’m being unfair or if this is just the reality of where my re…

I think I’m falling out of love with my boyfriend — I’m 21 F and my boyfriend is 23 M, we’ve been together for three and a half years. Hoping to get some advice, but I know it’s a really complicated situation, I just don’t know how to wrap my head arou…

I just lost my brother. Is listening to the tapes a bad idea? — My brother just passed away unexpectedly and there are some unresolved things I want to work through early on. Part of me hopes to see him, speak to him, with the help of the tapes, part of me just w…

Some recent examples of my manifestations. Very convincing for skeptics. — Ever since I learnt about manifesting, which has been only few months, I manifest every single day, so much that I dont even keep track of it, and no its not some god mode, I manifest cryptic shit mos…

How to have a helpful conversation when you feel something is wrong. — I am working to become a therapist and I have run into a situation in my life that I don't know how to have productively. My fiancee is Catholic and has decided to wear a cilice. For those of you who…

My (19F) Boyfriend (18M) Called Me His Managers Name During Sex — UPDATE: wow I really did not expect this post the get the traction it did. thank you guys so much for the kindness you have shown and a lot of you guys gave some really good advice. the first thing I'…

Considering divorce from my husband. I need perspective. — Hey everyone, I've been lurking, but it's my first time posting, so sorry if this is inappropriate. For starters, I'm not asking for advice, as in "what to do", but more like perspective in case I'm …

You cannot build a future with someone who is incapable of repair — I think that repair is the backbone of any real relationship. Its not the chemistry, not your history together, nor how amazing it was at the start Its about what happens after things go wrong. Becau…

Feeling "unresolved" — I tend to feel stuck and unresolved. I feel as if there are a lot of unclarified information in terms of both emotion and logic. It's too many what ifs or thoughts at the same time, so most informati…

What do you guys text when you break no contact? — This is probably a dumb question. But I’m going through my first real breakup right now and I see so many posts about people breaking no contact. Which I get, because I want nothing more than to talk …

I Stayed For WAY Too Long — I just found this sub (after watching the Ben Affleck movie *Deep Water*, which was super triggering), so I thought I'd tell you my story. Maybe someone here can relate. My ex-wife struggled with a …

Can deactivation be permanent? — I’m in a year and a half long relationship and recently deactivated hard after a disagreement we had. Up until that point I was really happy and found the relationship quite easy, we’d had a few minor…

My mom cheated. She refuses to understand why we are upset at her — # Trigger warning for suicidal content My mom cheated. Looking back, I’m not entirely sure I’m surprised that she did, but I was still so shocked when I got the news. For most of my adult life, my …

How do you handle conflict? — Correct me if I'm wrong, but I guess the stereotypical avoidant way to handle conflict is to... well, avoid it. Withdraw, stop responding, take time to yourself to process etc. But as for me, once a …

if you're in this vibe, you're not alone — some of the vibes I've observed on a personal level now, has a lot to do with past pain resurfacing around "muggles," and the "muggle world." specifically the antagonistic energies we experience as in…

1.5 Years Update 💀 My predictions became true — No, I do NOT want my ex back—like ever 😭 but I do have a story + some lessons from how everything played out. So basically, about 1.5 years ago, my ex randomly broke up with me out of nowhere. Like……

I messaged my EX and I feel better :) — Its been a LONG journey, but last night I was playing Farcry 5 on my PC for the first time in a while and I noticed my EX was on (we played together a lot and I helped buy the game and her laptop). An…

San Gabriel Restaurant Removes Stinky Tofu from Menu due to Citations and Complaints — San Gabriel is one of the last places I‘d expect this to happen given it’s a Mecca for Asian food, restaurants, and culture. A restaurant in San Gabriel, CA called The Golden Leaf was forced to remov…

I got my psych report back today, and it’s damning. — Hello everyone after a few months of intense therapy including EMDR, I got my psych report back today and truthfully, it made me cry. It was 8 pages long of just the most negative stuff anyone would w…

Validated today that ending a friendship was a good thing — I am a formerly anxious leaning mostly secure person. I ended a 4-year friendship about 8 months ago with someone who is anxiously attached and also still my colleague, and I’ve been processing someth…

I'm exhausted of doing everything myself — This is more of a vent but I do actually have a question, so stay with me. I thought I'd have someone by now. I wasn't raised great at all (post for another time/sub) so I know that figured into my …

I figured out why my affirmations weren't working and most folks miss it. — For two years I did everything right. Access state, feeling it real, present tense, thinking from not of. My sessions felt good. Nothing moved. Then I found something in Murphy that nobody in this sp…

3 months of no contact and I still can’t let go. What should I do? — I’m Mia (20 y.o) and I have clinical depression. My ex Daniel (19 y.o.) and has the same diagnosis. English is my second language, so sorry if something is hard to read, an also sorry for such a huge…

Don't know where to go from this, is my marriage dead? 38F and 38M, 15y relationship — Hello. Context: Im 38F in a couple with 38M since 2011. We have 2 kids (8yo and 6yo). Our relationship has never been very smooth, we both have huge characters, fights can be very heated (but without…

Could unresolved anger be keeping me sick? — I’ve had a sinus infection for a month already. It doesn’t seem to get better, even though I’ve tried so many things. I’m starting to wonder if there might be a deeper cause. For a few months now bu…

I'm fourteen and I've been in a really weird situation my entire life. I don't know what to do. — trigger warning for sensitive content such as abuse (only financial abuse is really explicitly stated), alcoholism, s icidality (in the past, censoring in case it gets the post removed or something)?…

My (26F) ex(25M) ended our 5‑year relationship out of nowhere and I’m devastated — Hi, I’m going through a very painful breakup and I’m really depressed. I don’t know what to do. My post might be long, but I’ll try to keep it as short as possible while including the details that fee…

I am experiencing traumatic memories even 2 years after our relationship ended. — Throwaway account because my family knows me from my main. Buckle in for a long, long ride. Sorry in advance! For context I belong to a desi, Muslim family. Cousin marriages are very popular here and…

I think I’ve been minimizing what I’ve been living in because it wasn’t “bad enough” — I don’t really know how to say this cleanly. I think I’ve been telling myself for years that this is just a “difficult marriage,” and I don’t think that’s true anymore. But if I’m actually honest, m…

The "other" is just vibration & how to use non-resistance for stable contact and AP — The boundary between "self" and "other" often dissolves in the presence of pure vibration. In the realm of the experiencer, where phenomena challenge our linear narratives of order, the distinction be…

My [F 33] boyfriend [M 42] is jealous of my brother [M 29], how do I address this insecurity in my bf? — My bf, Ted, and I have dated for about 3 years. He has always been weird around my brother. But now its starting to make sense why... He's clearly deeply insecure and jealous of him, for reasons I can…

Is it right to apologise to an ex or someone who you hurt years later even if you are in a relationship with someone else or they are? What if you still have unresolved feelings for them?

Doctor didn't Believe that Psychedelics Cured my Depression. — In 2024 I had a trip that felt like turned my brain right-side up. It took away my self hatred, ruminating thoughts, and deep depression literally overnight. But I still struggle with executive dysfun…

After many failed attempts for me (31M) to change, my wife (30F) of 7 years has suggested divorce. I want to be better. — My wife and I have been married for 7 years and together for 10. We’ve had our ups and downs throughout but the past few years I have pushed her to her breaking point and she has suggested legitimatel…

AI is your friend. — I am an expat in a foreign land, and fell in love with a delightful woman here. The first month was glorious and beautiful, but soon after she began exhibiting many of these traits (before I even knew…

Growing up is realizing you were never the problem — Ever since I was young, I understood that my family was not like other families. Whether it was because my parents were immigrants from China, or how I always felt lonely and disconnected from others…

Need advice navigating ldr in college — I(18F) have been with my boyfriend (18M) for almost two years now. We both had to move away from home for college last year in August and we get to see each other after 3-4 months. When we first start…

Should I try and reconcile or is the writing on the wall? — 35 M, married 12 years, 4 kids. We’ve had a lot of circumstantial challenges but I really believed our love and connection was solid. Last year an old flame reconnected with her, they met up (withou…

My (27M) partner (30F) are having issues with disagreements around spending money in our relationship — Hi. My wife (30F) and I (27M) have been having escalating issues with money. For context, I make around $120K per year and they make $180K. I came into the marriage with substantially more assets and …

What's the meaning of "Feeling"? A detailed answer — The following quote is from an old comment by u/ Olutrageous-Vast9607 which I think more people will find it helpful It is a mood, an emotional state in res.ponse to something you contemplate (such …

I'm not okay. Not really sure why I'm writing this. — I don't know what anyone can say to help me. My wife is divorcing me, I thought we had a happy marriage, we didn't fight or have any conflict. she just says she no longer has feelings. I had no warnin…

is this possible if so how? — Hi… I really need some help. I can’t shake the feeling that what we had isn’t completely over—that there’s still something unresolved between us. We broke up about a month ago and have been in no con…

How can I do better — My Story — A Journal Entry Where It All Began I grew up in a joint family — grandparents, cousins, relatives all around. On the surface, there was warmth and togetherness. But my immediate family wa…

My therapist was upset with me for suggesting we cut back from weekly to every other week — Ive been seeing my trauma therapist now every week for 3 years. Ive been through really dark patches but in the last year have significantly healed most of the trauma i started with when i initially s…

I go back and forward between ending my relationship every week, even though it's essentially perfect — My boyfriend \[22M\] and I \[22F\] have been together for over two and a half years. It was originally going to be a summer fling. I had gotten into a different university and was planning on transfer…

Do you feel like its much harder to start healing while in a relationship as opposed to being out of it? Diving into a serious relationship very fast, I realized I have a lot of issues with avoidance…

It was difficult untill last summer when I joined a men’s group, and got some feedback to my story… at the same time I was deeply committed to learning about avoidant’s and how they manage (or more to…

That’s an interesting point, the possibility of dissociation. I have actually been quite conscious about remaining present through the pain. And there has been quite a lot of pain. So many emotions su…

There are many factors to consider with regards to attachment styles, especially towards different people / situations a specific style might be more prominant. There is also a spectrum - mild, modera…

You are correct. Your perception of love is warped. And thus it can be really hard finding it without accidentally finding yourself in shit relationships. As many have commented, avoidants typically …

Thank you. This research at least is not wedded to what is seems to me to be a very over simplified model. I've just read the abstract and will chew through the rest of it. Then look at what else …

You apply as much as it makes sense for the people and time. Making those decisions for now while maintaining a long view is an important part of DevOps. It's a process that introduces people into th…

Thank you so much for your answer! So, so much good advice. ''it's really strange, but I can actually feel when I flip from anxious to avoidant.''-- I just wanted to share with you: I too can tell …

I am a FA learnt secure, and I'll say almost half of the women I have dated are avoidants. Ken Reids and Dr Sarah Hensley have given lots of advice on this. I'll paraphrase them: 1) Ask them early,…

I disagree. Some avoidants will be good at hiding yes, and that's because in their avoidance + arrested emotional development, the initial playful energy will cause you to mirror and stop noticing the…

Ikr. So tough. "Idk why you always bring up the past" um, because we haven't resolved it? Stonewalling, silent treatment, dismissing.

I'm definitely not a philosopher by any means, but here are my thoughts. The article references previous research by Monroe & Malle (2009), where it's said that people's concept of free will consists …

I think skepticism is always warranted. But I would make the case that psychological processes like cognitive dissonance and projection are likely magnified in insecure attachers.   Plus some peopl…

No, it’s not normal to ask for that much space. The idea that dismissive avoidants “need space” gets thrown around a lot, but here’s the truth: that need for space usually comes from emotional overwhe…

I tend to agree. While some alone time is fine, “space” as in “the expectations of the relationship are a problem and I want to absolve myself of the responsibility temporarily because I want to live …

I like a lot of what you said and have lived that scenario and yes, the best thing is to act normal once the conflict has been resolved. One thing I don’t know if I agree with is trusting words over a…

Oof, yeah same here. I definitely felt like he set me up to fail in a lot of the same ways and he just couldn't see the impact. Yeah, when he'd apologise for something he'd also still justify or blame…

It sounds like you're disowning and shunning your negative feelings. Since they don't seem logical, you're pushing them away. But they're not going to be logical. They're probably the result of repres…

What makes me feel better is having healthy calm communication skills. If you approach them with that (chat gpt can help but you need to change the wording to sound like something you would say), and …

I’ll add I would snap out of it at some point and realize I reacted disproportionately or maybe didn’t treat someone as they deserved somewhat soon after this kind of thing. Like my head would clear a…

I guess it depends if he goes into a more "deactivated" state between conflicts or not. He will probably pull away and be more distant and more avoidant for a time. Sometimes he will get closer and lo…

I'm not the person you responded to, but in my opinion, insecure attachment patterns (like trauma dumping early on, keeping score, or obsessively seeking out your partner's time) create "faux-closenes…

It's not just great, it's essential. It's not at all worth staying with someone who can't compliment your attachment style. It will drain you until there is absolutely nothing left. And personally, …

How did she apologize and take accountability? In my previous unhealthy relationships my exes would say sorry, but then get angry and sulk. They wouldn't let me talk about it until I actually felt be…

Hey I've been facing some issues in my relationship. Need advice on how to fix everything. My partner very recently expressed her concern for my health and that i should really avoid drinking at all.…

Essentially the same thing. So my tolerance for it sounds a bit higher. I can spend full days together, I just ignore my needs but it absolutely catches up with me. Yesterday she was talking to me and…

Ok chiming in as earned secure: I don’t think secure attachment automatically means “no casual sex,” but I also don’t think casual sex is some kind of requirement or proof of security either. In my …

I had an issue with my cousin (who is also avoidant of things, we’ve discussed it before) and I carefully but firmly stated my needs and my solution to them. I was in total fear of having to follow th…

Hahaha anxious attached codependent best friend hahahaha are you me Also lol @ wounded subreddits But yeah, honestly there is that last bit, about people who just have unresolved stuff and rather…

If you wanted to post this in an ENM or poly subreddit I'd be happy to suggest some communication best practices. Try r/polyadvice or DM me. If I'm understanding correctly, you are broken up and d…

exactly. i'm fearful avoidant so i am a mix, i hate conflict, but im working on myself and have gotten to a point that i hate things being unresolved (personal conflict wise) but i would never go in t…

If you want a truly peaceful relationship, keep as many people as you can out of it. Everyone has their own reference level and what is acceptable to some is a dealbreaker to others. The amount o…

You're overthinking - you feel it when you feel it - the timeline doesn't really matter. Not saying ILY doesn't make you un-feel it, but you can still take things slow and be cautious. My bf and I fel…

I felt this way too early on in my relationship. I have a similar history with dating - haven't been in an LTR for \~10 years and a lot of dating that went nowhere with men with unresolved issues or w…

This is mostly just a vent, but open to any comments… Tonight really solidified that I’m doing the right thing by taking a break from dating (if that’s what you call what I was doing). All apps are p…

Thanks, and you’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s been four months of steadily realising we have very different communication styles. It’s good when it’s good, but he withdraws emotionally when confli…

OH we both definitely have moments where we get very anxious and need lots of reassurance and sometimes we even fight and don't rest until the fight is resolved because we are still activated and driv…

I don't think "settling" should necessarily be conflated with *emotional immaturity.* You've said that your boyfriend "openly struggles with the emotional stuff," so if there is a lack of emotional c…

I mean, the most healthy advice here is to communicate directly? Tell your partner how you feel and problem solve together? She hasn’t said that this has been attempted I’m often suspicious of anyone…

Man, anxious attachment is so frustrating. I keep adding to this insane note on my phone with everything that triggers me, then striking it out when it gets resolved so I can see how irrational I am. …

Several years ago I (30F) started seeing a guy with whom I have mutual friends. We only spent a few months together before they cut things off because they had unresolved feelings for a recent ex who …

From an astrological perspective, the most challenging **Sun-Moon transits** usually involve Saturn, Pluto, or, sometimes, Mars. These planets tend to create pressure, emotional intensity, or confront…

Ghosting is hurtful too, leaves things unresolved for the other party

What's unresolved about someone not talking to you anymore??

I was always that person who said I’d never date someone who is separated/not officially divorced or even someone who is less than 6 months out of the divorce being finalized. Welp… I somehow ended …

At this point I am not even trying to troll. I feels like you may have unresolved trauma. Think logically the set of events that got you here. U would have to go out of your way to search for this …

I have been speaking it for 10 years with my wife, but I manifested more confidence in word choice/grammar after months of struggling to improve. And I manifested better understanding when listening t…

I am sending you virtual hugs! I struggle with very similar feelings. I’ve only had one physically intimate relationship, and it took me until I was 25. It ended very quickly, and ever since the…

Based on your feelings, yes this should be addressed firstly with your husband and your husband then needs to address it with his parents. Moving away permanently is context and is separate to all thi…

Indeed, true healing requires more than simply cessation of certain behaviors. and I can see how there is risk of bypassing the root issue if someone believes that negative feelings come from an exter…