book
family.
Evidence
Citations (101)
Anyone else abandonded by their mom? — I have met maybe one other person in my life who was abandonded by their mother. Its something I feel makes me act and feel so differently than anyone else, which is a super lonely feeling. Mother hun…
REMINDER: be kind to yourself. This is hard, and you’re handling it with grace and strength. — I know of what I speak. I held so much guilt, sadness, anger, and regret for so long. I hated myself for failing to make my marriage work. That mindset was getting me nowhere good. Do the little thing…
Does attachment style start to shift after cutting out toxic family members? — Recently, I removed a toxic family member from my life after years of emotional turbulence and manipulation. This person liked to gaslight me, hold past mistakes over my head, and blame me for everyth…
Finding Like Minded Business People — **TL/DR :** Looking for people who are stuck with unsure with what business they want to pursue and end up learning a little bit about all of them; that want to partner up to stay focused with each …
Having trouble differentiating between anxious attachment / normal needs, feeling lost and alone — First Reddit post here! (It's a long one, I just really need a place to put it all down and get some support, so thank you). I (19F) got out of my first long term relationship about 3 months ago. It l…
For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…
I had a breakthrough tonight! — Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another anxiously attached person. It didn't w…
Is deactivation the real her? — When my FA and I started dating, she said, “I’m afraid you won’t like me when you get to know the real me.” She was sweet, caring, thoughtful, and made a real effort to be part of my life. We were i…
DAs, do you find that you avoid things in wider aspects of life, not just relationships? — I’ve noticed that I sometimes avoid things that stress me out. For example, I avoid looking at my bank account and I just don’t look at it unless I absolutely have to, because it makes me stressed. I …
Feeling conflicted, I don't know if I don't love him and I am settling or if I love him and the "cons" are avoidant deactivation? — I 33F have ve been dating this guy 32M for 8 months. He's chased me for years and eventually recently I started to feel attraction back, he figured it out and kissed me. For some months I didn't feel…
I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…
College was supposed to be my escape plan — I'm so angry that I'm literally shaking while typing this. My dream all four years of high school was to get good grades and standardized test scores and participate in extracurriculars to get into a …
Mom is being kicked out — Parentified eldest daughter here. haven’t spoken to my recovering alcoholic mother in years. Doing so always sends me into a spiral. She puts herself in awful, high-risk situations, never chooses her …
I (28F) cut off my in-laws after how they treated me before and during my wedding, but I get anxious when my husband (27M) still talks to them. How do I move on? — TL;DR: My mother-in-law and sisters-in-law insulted me, fat-shamed and color-shamed me before our wedding and caused major drama during the wedding itself. Now they act sweet in front of my husband. I…
Life's expectancy for life & love — Unfortunately, I think for the rest of my time on this planet, I will carry a quiet fear. Even in the midst of real, full-blown love, I may never truly trust that one day I won’t be lied to, cheated o…
My boyfriend and I had an argument over his marriage demands, and now he claims he means none of it... — Tl:dr: My boyfriend of two years has a list of requirements from me after we get married, and after our argument over it, which lead us to break up-- he said he didn't mean any of it and wants to go …
DDay - 2/19/2026 - Online Emotional Affair Led to Full Blown Infidelity — I found out my wife was going on “solo” concert trips, but was also using them as a way to vacation with a guy she had been talking to online for years. Seventeen years together and seven years marri…
I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…
Six Months of Dating in Europe as an East Asian Guy — Honestly Better Than I Expected — Today marks my sixth month living in Europe. Looking back at the past half year and all the European girls I’ve interacted with, I thought it would be fun to do a little reflection—what I did well, wh…
I (28F) had an affair and don’t know what I’m doing. Please help. — I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2. He is genuinely the best person I know. Kind, safe, loyal. He’s my best friend. When I cry, he’s who I want holding me. When something funny happe…
I Genially Think My (35F) Husband (36M) is a Psychopath — Hi everyone, please I need help. I’m 35F and my husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 10 years and have two boys (7 and 5). I honestly don’t know what to think anymore. About three months ago my hus…
I feel like I am probably wasting my potential because of family and not making a decision that I should?! — Today I was just enjoying the day. The weather felt quite warmer than few days ago. Love the spring season! Then I started wondering... Started thinking like how I feel that I am at a stage where i sh…
I'm 26 and i'm lost. — Hello, I’m a 26-year-old woman. My family isn’t wealthy, so when I started college at 20, I eventually had to stop because of financial problems. I began working instead. Since then, I’ve mostly been…
My mom called my son’s birthday party “f***ing embarrassing” because she cares more about what people think than celebrating him — **UPDATE:** Thank you to everyone who commented and shared advice. A lot of people suggested going no contact with my mom to protect myself and my son. I understand why people said that, but I want …
My [30F] husband [34M] may be a functioning alcoholic — Buckle in because this is a long post. Tl;dr my husband drinks and I am sick of it. (TW: mention of miscarriage) Throwaway account because I need advice and I am at my wits end. I have been with my h…
UPDATE: My (32f) fiancé (28m) repeatedly does not clean the house — Hello lovely reddit. First relevant links. My first post I deleted (so you can peruse the comments if you are interested): [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/18yjl0g/my\_32f\_fianc%C3%…
I hate everything — I got threatened with marriage because I seemed like I gained weight through video call. And because I had the audacity to wake up late. And my brother is a piece of shit that sees nothing wrong ever …
My cop husband cheated and now I can't trust him when he leaves for night shift. — My husband became a cop in 2024 and our entire relationship changed. We've been together since 2019 and we have three kids. Before this, I truly believed he was loyal and strong. He always told me he…
Buffalo Boys(2018) and Grisse (2018): about Indonesian resistance to Dutch colonizers — WARNING SPOILERS!!!! Buffalo Boys is an Indonesian movie about two brothers who return from working on the American transcontinental railroad to overthrow a Dutch colonizer who killed their father an…
Anunnaki Contact — At about 5am this morning, I woke up and stayed up, realizing and releasing deep seated fears from past lives recently stirred up. Lying there, I fell into a deep state of meditation. I found myself i…
I (29F) have cancer and my estranged father (60M) is funding my treatment but forcing me to leave my boyfriend (24M) or marry him immediately. Do I have any way out? — Please be kind. I was unable to type so used audio to text converter and ai to fix the spelling mistakes. I m already in a terrible mental state so hope this sub can be a little gentle on me. Haven't …
How to help my wife? Severe depression over lack of suitable work after 2yrs. I'm desperate. — My wife has been struggling hard with life since we moved over a year ago. She has anxiety and depression which has gotten worse. I help by doing more stuff around the home and trying to be supportive…
Differentiated from narc and enmeshed family system and now my interest in being around them is low — Is that normal? I'm not mad at my immediate family anymore. I love them. I've healed a lot. If I could describe it, I simply have no desire to spend a lot of time talking to anyone who is just putting…
Today was the worst day of my life — I am beyond heartbroken writing this. Need any help, advice, anything because this has crushed my soul. Today I found out my (M29) girlfriend (F24) of 4 years cheated on me 3 months ago during a gir…
Husband racking up credit card debt while we are divorcing — My soon to be ex husband and I separated in December. The kids and I left our house to stay with my family. My husband is a raging alcoholic and it was no longer safe. I was a stay at home mom for the…
My mom always expects the best from me when I don’t get as much in return. — I am a 27 Korean American female. My parents divorced when I was really young and ever since, my mom has taken care of me as a single mother who can’t speak English in the US for 25 years. We were fi…
I was in Barbados… Well actually it was Turks and Caicos but close enough! — I was in Barbados… Well actually it was Turks and Caicos but close enough I just came back from a 4 week long vacation in Turks and Caicos in the Caribbean. This was the 10th year in a row I have don…
My ex wife changed after the divorce and I don’t want her back but I am angry — I see little bits of my ex wife life through my kid and I just don’t see the women I divorced anymore. She immediately got a new husband not even 2 years later. I original thought it would fail becaus…
Gambling Epidemic Among Asians in North America — I recently came back from Vegas, and I was shocked by the number of Asians gambling at the casinos. I talked to a few of them and some of them were from Canada, Los Angeles, Texas and all over. There …
My wife keeps helping her sister and husband — Hello, I need some advice, I'm a male of 45 yo, and my wife 44 yo, live a good life together with our dogs, no kids, because we got married at the end of our 30's and realized we didn't want kids. …
UPDATE: I thought my marriage just felt loveless…turns out there was a reason — Original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/9esS6gNKMJ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/9esS6gNKMJ) Hi everyone, I posted a while ago saying that my marriage felt empty and loveless, but th…
Is there something in my chart that explains attracting obsession that turns into betrayal — Hi everyone!!! ❤️ I’ve been noticing a recurring pattern in my relationships and wanted to ask if my chart might show anything about how I approach or experience them. A lot of my friendships start v…
need help protecting + restoring — so due to a family emergency about a year and a half ago, my partner, 2 kids and i moved in with his family. he’s always lived in a multigenerational home—culturally the norm. i’ve been so anxious &…
I made my husband confess to OBS and here’s what happened — For your education and entertainment purposes, this is the story of what happened when I forced my husband to confess to OBS. Quick backstory: (you can read the full post on my profile) my husband h…
Who else was "the lost child" in their dysfunctional family? — I just came to realize that was my role in our family. So hard, I check all the boxes: - fundamental loneliness growing up - escaping into books, - develop creativity as a mean to escape (love this …
I am ruining my life and I feel like i cant stop it — Hello everyone and let me say thank you for taking the time to read and/or respond. Our time is valuable and I want you to know thst I genuinely appreciate you giving your time to a stranger... This …
I Stayed For WAY Too Long — I just found this sub (after watching the Ben Affleck movie *Deep Water*, which was super triggering), so I thought I'd tell you my story. Maybe someone here can relate. My ex-wife struggled with a …
My (26M) brother (35M) has impregnated my ex wife(F27) and is engaged to marry her. How do I move on going forward? — I started dating my ex wife(key) when I was 14 and she was 15. Her parents were shitty so we lived together with my family throughout our relationship(my mom, older brother(jay) and older sister) so h…
My girlfriend drove 10 hours to see me and my mom showed up at 3 am and ruined everything — Someone told me I should come over here and check this community out. I’m not sure if my mother is a narcissist or not. I just need some similar stories, advice, or ways to handle this going further. …
dealing with jealousy/comparison — I have a cousin who is one year older than me and I struggle to have a relationship with her because I am jealous. I’ve always felt like we were being compared growing up especially in looks because s…
My life changed after a k hole / astral projection with ketamine — 8 years ago I was in a terrible moment of my life, struggling with heavy depression and addiction. All I wanted to do was doing parties with friends and having drugs. One day I was at a music festival…
The very first paragraph really struck me. I haven’t learned how to copy text here yet since I’m new to Reddit. But “Non-intrusive and engaged curiosity from parents about what you were feeling and ex…
Thank you I am sorry for you as well. It makes you feel as though our whole relationship was a lie and he was just playing pretend to look good for his family.
This is so hard to do for me. It’s only been a week or so now but I would end my life if not for my 3 little kids. I can’t believe the woman I’m still in love with thinks so poorly of me she wanted to…
So I just wrote a comment today on another post that might help too: You’re being too hard on yourself. Your divorce is completely fresh and you need to give yourself grace and allow yourself to feel…
I swung from anxious to avoidant after going NC with family. Therapy will help you find secure. It’s also easy to feel more secure when you’ve removed someone rather than when you’re in relationship- …
That’s an interesting point, the possibility of dissociation. I have actually been quite conscious about remaining present through the pain. And there has been quite a lot of pain. So many emotions su…
I can relate to this. For myself I have been wondering why I think I need to be in a relation to have more intimacy and a deeper understanding. I think it's better to get those things from myself, fri…
Guys I’m in a predicament. I am with this girl(20) and me who’s(22) we started talking around April, and everything has been going good. We started talking and having fun together and building a deep …
Wow, you have done a significant amount of research. I am just now learning about these Avoidant Attachment Styles. I'm not real sure what my SO has, and I'm also not sure which attachment style I hav…
This is a great question. I was in therapy for 10 years and also went to countless coaches and therapists. There are a handful of things that actually helped me significantly: 1. Creating deep, meani…
Text of original post by u/DaniT0n: Hello! Brief backstory here. I recently got divorced, and dating has been an interesting experience since. I went into one relationship very quickly with another an…
I had a similar situation. This person I met physically for 1 month, we hung out 3-4 times a week in this one month, then he went back home temporarily for 2 months, I was chill but the texting got my…
How to balance contact with friends and family after a breakup? I'm here after a breakup less than a week ago which left me in shattered. After doing a lot of reading, I concluded I have very much AA…
I shared this with my therapist eons ago. I don't remember what she said. I concluded that it's because friendship has flexible rules and have stood the test of time. For instance, friendship is a man…
Do you already exhibit anxious attachment tendencies with your friends and family? Just because you have it with romantic relationships doesn’t mean you will with friends and family. There is no spe…
Amen! I'm a 59F dealing with parents 84 and 85. I'm an ambivert/othrovert. My dad keeps thinking he's "the man" of the family. He was when I was a kid, but as soon as alI moved out on my own, I became…
Yeah the anxious spiral can be brutal. Treat this like a breakup almost. There's grieving involved in a chapter of your friendship ending and another one beginning. Allow yourself and make space for…
Thank you! I can answer some of these! 1 & 2. Why she is my attachment source. Several years ago I moved (back) up to HQ when our satellite location closed. At that spot, people of every background …
It sounds like you need to let yourself grieve. Make sure you are doing self care. Journaling your feelings can help. Be gentle and kind with yourself. Try engaging more with friends and/or family. Do…
Sure, here is a portion that resonated with me a lot and made sense on what attracts me to the avoidants or unavailable or troubled people. Shall share more if you are interested: The need to be need…
I’ve been dating an avoidant woman for 4 months, we’ve been through two short break ups (2 days and 5 days long respectively). We’ve been together for about a month since the last break. Last week, a…
I dated a DA. I didn’t know what a DA was until I met him. His son was having a mental breakdown when we just started dating and he asked me to talk to him. I thought it was weird he couldn’t talk to …
I had not heard that before in therapy, but that is what I have always done in relationships, romantic or not. I give up all my wants and needs just to feel secure and loved. I did overlook her situat…
Currently in a relationship (F/32) & (F/25). I am anxious and my partner is anxious/avoidant. We are currently on a “break” and in couples therapy. We’ve only had 2 sessions and our therapist asked us…
Not that it is a requirement, but is there any chance you could work with a therapist? Preferably one who works with people on their attachment wounds. I've found it really helpful in my healing journ…
TL;DR: I moved to a new country and invited a coworker (married with a kid) to be my roommate. We got along well, and I thought we had a genuine connection. On my birthday, no one showed up, but he of…
[trigger warning] I have a lot of childhood trauma related to a horrible abusive stepfather ( stabbed my mother when I was 4-6, shot at our house when we were inside) I was the oldest sibling and at…
Learn some self soothing techniques. Make plans with friends and family. You need to stop making them the center of your world. It sounds like you might need to look up codependency as well.
I went on a first date Sunday. We had some odd sort of chemistry lol. She also gave a few “red flags” which was that she doesn’t have many friends and doesn’t get along with much of her family. I’m pr…
You'll pick it up very quickly. It's no different to what you already do with friends and family. Enjoy the new relationship!
I (27M) met my fiance (22F) about 5 months ago through family. After speaking to her virtually for 2 months and then meeting her in person about 2 months ago, we got engaged. Now in the beginning of t…
❤️ I'm 34... I started getting a little nervous around 30. I feel like I'm out of the "omg calm down" range into the "yeah, you're right, this is cutting it a little close and definitely not the timel…
I’ve been dating my sweetie since October, and we’ve been exclusive since November. Despite a few challenges (he’s a divorced dad and I’m childless currently), our relationship has grown so beautifull…
Still seeing the guy from work... think it's going a bit better, he organised a date on Sunday and last night he also made us some plans for Friday night. I have been feeling up and down about it (che…
So I'm going to focus on one thing, which is the word love. I think that people use it very very differently across the spectrum. Some people say I love you too practically strangers. Some people rese…
I've always enjoyed being a bit of a loner as a child, coming from a big family. I absolutely love being in relationships but I also thrive when single. I've lived with boyfriends in the past, but po…
I started dating a guy, about half a year ago, I'm not sure when exactly. We both have kids.. When my partner met my kid, my ex was there, my ex was aware, my ex and I communicated about this relati…
I’m considering a fairly extreme professional change/track. It would solve a lot of problems in my life but would probably also make me even less dateable. I don’t even know what I’m doing with my l…
That's not a good reason to not bring you up to his family. It's weird not to mention you at all until he literally brought you around and they found out. Good communication is one of the requirement…
There’s nothing wrong with fun and good, but I don’t want a relationship JUST for “fun and good”. I want depth, emotional connection, vulnerability. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how long you “marinate”…
I can meet you halfway on that. I grew up religious too and I still am by choice. No one makes me go to church on Sundays. I go for my own peace. It works for me. But if someone doesn’t want to go to …
I’m going to assume this was a response to me. Sure, it’s fine for a man to want to provide for his family. It doesn’t always work out that way. A majority of my relationships I have made more than th…
I had a good night at speed dating last night. Two of the three women I had said yes for was mutual so now I need to set up times to meet them and get to know them further. What was funny is that …
People grieve in different ways. My last break up was 7 years ago. He ended it. Both in our 30’s. I never spoke to him again. Unfollowed. Deleted his friends and family. Blocked his number. Cried an…
Yes and no. I was laid off recently, dumped and moving back in with family. I have a strong support system back home so that’s a plus. I’ve been packing today to prepare and it’s just so much stuff. T…
Okay. Are dating apps still a thing? 39 and single again. Not really sure where to start in terms of dating again. I can’t say I’m thrilled about the idea of using the apps, but I also don’t want to d…
I can’t speak for your boyfriend because I know next to nothing about him. I can tell you that when I hit 35 I refused to settle. Period. I was at the age where I knew I wanted to get married and ha…
wanting you to come by is a big thing. She might just be thinking logistics especially if she is busy with work/family. it's like if I say "will you watch my 5 year old brother?" and even if the an…
1000% this. Ok I will admit I do not “approach” anyone. It is so rare I see someone out that I am into. But I basically talk to everyone out and about. This works well for a lot of reasons. I get f…
I’ve been thinking about what life would be like if I were to go child-free. It makes me anxious because I’ve only ever seen myself with a family.