he doesn't

Feeling trapped — TW: unwanted advances, rape?, molested I’m in a relationship that’s slowly destroying me, and I don’t know how to navigate it anymore. I don't feel like I have a voice. I’ve been with my partner for…

How Can I Manifest Someone I Don’t Even Know? — Hey everyone, I need some advice. I recently saw a really handsome guy at my university fest, but he was an outsider. We didn’t talk, didn’t exchange contacts, and I have no idea where he came from o…

Advice with how to deal with problem customer (aggressive) — I recently opened my local game store and the community has been great. The other day a customer came in and was rude and combative right out of the gate. I was polite back but that seemed to make no …

You know what sucks about being in the process of healing your attachment type? Dating someone who has no idea they have an insecure attachment and you're just wasting all that hard-earned security on someone who doesn't care — I've been fearful avoidant most of my life, and it's helped me in abandoning very healthy partners because I was too blind of my issues. For 2 years now I've been working on myself and seeing huge s…

Question regarding the mind, marriage, and what's possible — Hi everyone, I'd really appreciate some help grappling with a few concepts after reading Dr. Murphy's books. I've read POTSM and excerpts from a few other books. How do we build the belief and knowi…

Deactivation or undisclosed breakup? — I'm a FA woman...in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant....all was good, until past Christmas holidays , his bday and all situations when they deactivated.. he was the one who planned being wit…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Is "good on paper" a thing for guys our age? — I can't help but feeling like I'm good on paper and that's why my boyfriend is with me. I'm conventionally attractive, I make really good money, I take care of myself (and him) and my things, I'm kin…

I have done absolutely horrible things. I might be the worst human being to ever live. — 20M. This might be the longest post you'll ever read. I believe I have OCD and do nothing but ruminate 24/7 about my past. I have been in isolation for the last 3 years. It started as a fear of adult…

„Did you forgive them yet?“ — I stood my ground and said NO. — I opened up about my abuse to a 'spiritual friend'. His first question was: „Have you managed to forgive them yet?“ I said NO. And it's NOT my duty to forgive. He said „But forgiveness causes healin…

What s month it's been — The title says it all. Confronted my wife last month on the 7th last month at 1 am and learned that she cheated on me and was talking with someone. This was after an emotional affair that I discovered…

The divorce was the best decision of my life and I have to talk about it. — I'm 27f and I've been in a marriage with a man who absolutely did NOT connect with me for six years. Like... In the beginning, we were best friends since we were tots. Best friends through high school…

How do you stay present even when you are feeling the pressure to run? — My bf and I are long distance and he's very very very loving and sweet. The best bf I could have ever asked for. He understands and accepts my feelings even when I'm feeling avoidant, but right now I'…

Opened up to my wife about how I feel about our relationship and she just said "That's your problem" - am I crazy? — We're both in our mid 40s, been together for 20+ years and we have two kids who are both teenagers and I've been thinking about divorce for quite a while now as I feel like I just don't get anything b…

Friend said something that shocked me and explained everything... — Edit: added an extra story to the bottom since this post seemed to resonate with people so much. Be strong folks, you're no one's NPC. You can go back and find a lot of my story on my page, but essen…

Cheated on after 10.5 years together, divorced at 11 years together. — Hi Everyone, This is half venting and half hoping for advice or people to listen. I'm at a low point right now so I thought reaching out to a community might be beneficial as opposed to holding it…

Have your parents ever given you an illusion of choice? — My mom gave me a choice today, but in reality it felt more of an illusion. We were stuck inside a diner as we had no umbrella for around 45 minutes. By the time the rain had stopped, I was already ha…

Coworker with anxiety simply stopped talking one day — I don't have anxiety disorder myself. But in Dec I randomly started talking to a coworker from another team (our work and teams are completely unrelated to each other) who does. Apologies in advance f…

Why could I enforce boundaries in the first years of my relationship, but after 7–8 years I couldn’t do it anymore? — I have Codepedency. I am with my abuser for about 14 years (Now very low contact and hoping to completely sever contact once I completely heal and can let go off the unhealthy attachment.) We don't …

please, take your time to hear my story, because no one else ever did — My mom gave birth to me when she was 41 years old, I have a sister and a brother, my sister is 27 years old, but she has mental problems and behaves terribly immature, so she is always making screamin…

Why am I so insecure now that i'm skinny? — I, 23F, lost over 100 pounds over the last couple of years. When I was 16, I was put on steroids for my eczema and birth control (nexplanon) on the same day. I gained weight rapidly. My boyfriend at t…

How do I tell my boyfriend he is wasting my time? — I, 21F have been dating my boyfriend, 24M for almost 3 years now. Recently more than ever it seems as though he never wants to do things I want to do... like, not even consider it. We always end up pl…

My boyfriend (31M) is upset I prioritize money and don’t want kids, even though I (24F) told him this from the start — I (24F, in university) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 3 years. We both still live separately with our parents. From the very beginning, I was **extremely upfront** about my priorities: I do…

Boyfriend of 3 years keeps storming out during every disagreement - feeling lost — I'm a 28F and my boyfriend is 30M. We've been dating for about three years now and I'm starting to wonder if this pattern we're stuck in is ever going to change. The main issue is that whenever we…

I think I want to get divorced. — I'm so tired of swallowing myself to make room for him. I'm exhausted by his casual homophobia, misogyny and racism. I hate that I cannot speak the way I want to because he doesn't "get analogies" or …

My (M38) wife (F34) has been very quiet since a conversation we had of why I love her. Confused about her silence. — So I'm a little bit confused about this. A couple of days ago, my wife came to me asking the question that has been asked many times during our marriage. "Do you still love me? And why do you love me?…

Considering divorce from my husband. I need perspective. — Hey everyone, I've been lurking, but it's my first time posting, so sorry if this is inappropriate. For starters, I'm not asking for advice, as in "what to do", but more like perspective in case I'm …

why do I feel bad for someone who emotionally cheated on me? — why do I constantly feel bad for someone who hurt me numerous times? I just had a recent partner of 4 years emotionally cheat on me and for some reason all I feel is bad for THEM. we are no longer tog…

My mother is super affectionate now that I'm an adult and she has dementia. It disgusts me. — My mother doesn't remember the screaming, my mother doesn't remember her calling me stupid everyday, she doesn't remember her telling me to get out of her house. She talks to me now in a baby voice, s…

Ex-wife is adamantly opposed to me introducing anyone to the kids ever. Any advice? — My ex and I have been divorced for almost five years. In that time I’ve dated casually, but never seriously enough to introduce anyone to my kids. For the past year, though, I’ve been in a committed r…

If he broke no contact I would fold — I made a mental note that if he doesn't reach out to me by a certain day, I'll move on. Today is that day. If he breaks no contact I'll fold. I'll get back together with him. But it seems like he won…

Pulling the trigger but terrified, Male 48 — I'm a male, 48 years old. Married for 24 years to a woman two years older than me. I'm sure my story isn't unique, but here it is anyway. On the outside, we look like a great couple. We have a teena…

2 monts into breakup. Here's what I'd tell my younger self. — 1. **Zero Contact.** Unfollow her, and if necessary, unfollow people in her inner circle. I unfollowed her **close group of friends** and her sister. I have absolutely nothing against them; I just don…

My (M19) Gf (F19) constantly asks for details on me being raped because she "can't wrap her head around it", is this worth it? — Me and my gf (both 19) have been dating for 2 years. 4 or 5 months before we started I was raped by an older woman. She tried to play being my friend and it just happened. I have never told anyone ab…

GOD IM SO FUCKING PISSED I'VE TOLD MY MOM MULTIPLE TIMES TO STOP "CLEANING" MY ROOM BUT SHE STILL FUCKING DOES IT !!!!! — Hello, I (21F) cannot physically fucking deal with this anymore. My mom is always going throug my room and trying to "clean" but she ends up just messing up the exact order and placement of things s…

How to stop being a caretaker in a relationship — I didn't realise how much I was being a caretaker in a relationship and how it impacted my mental health. I feel really bad because I love and care about this person. He's grown up in a very abusive a…

Leaving my relationship for the right reason — Me (m30) and my partner (f39) have been together for 8 years. We have two kids below 4. She has been diagnosed with different mental health issues. She has also had two very rough childbirths. During …

Apologies for posting again. Apparently I am the abuser and narcissist - I am beyond devastated. No more sharing stuff online for me. *TW - unaliving mention* — I apologise for posting again but this may well be the last social media post I ever make. I am totally devastated and feel close to unaliving. I know that sound dramatic and I am deeply ashamed but t…

I need to let go — Me bf (32M) and I (31F) have been off and on for the past 2 years. We were engaged at one point but I called the engagement off. During our relationship he was angry about alot of things...money, his …

Revision can alter physical incidents — It hasn't been long since I truly started grasping how magical revision is, and I just remembered an incident that happened a few months back last year that actually made the concept of revision sink …

28M, 30F, wife and I are distancing and I don't know what to do. — 28M, 30F, wife and I are distancing and I don't know what to do. Throwaway account for obvious reasons. My (28M) wife (30F) and I have been distancing lately. We have been together for almost 5 year…

Dealing with an energy vampire parent? — I'm pretty sure my dad's an energy vampire, anytime i'm around him i get sick, ALL the time. Which never happens on the months he's gone for work. I feel down, lazy, i don't want to get out of bed, ev…

It's truly over — I spoke to her yesterday. It's been almost 3 months since the breakup (she broke up with me) and we've spoken a bit back and forth. I had so much hope until yesterday. I just told her how i felt, lots…

40(m) w/ADHD needing to be reliable/dependable at home — I am 40(m) and separated from my (39f) wife. We live together still but I am just trying to be dependable and reliable from a co-parenting and human standpoint. We have 3 boys and I have ADHD and a…

Single and celibate for 7 years -- how can I show a man I'm into him? — Hi all, I'm 41F and have chosen to stay single now for 7 years. I went through a bad breakup, then the pandemic happened, then I got into 12 Step recovery (not for drugs or alcohol, for family issue s…

Was anyone else chronically misunderstood as a child? — I know that a lot of teenagers go through a phase when they feel misunderstood, but honestly, a lot of them are right. Between the ages of 14 and 17, my parents would treat me like I was the devil r…

UPDATE 1 my sister (F32) got married to her husband (M32) 5 months ago and is having an affair? — my sister (F32) got married to her husband (M32) 5 months ago and is having an affair? I (21F) am looking for advice as I'm in a really tricky situation. so backstory..... my sister and her now hus…

BF of 3.5 years broke it off. I'm so happy and free. — Sooo these last couple of days were a lot. I (29M) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for 3.5 years. If you asked me a week ago, I'd say our relationship had its ups and downs, but we were generally ha…

Why it works. — The reason why letting go makes it manifest faster is because you no longer hold it. I was manifesting my sp and I was so desperate and needy and of course I was not able to manifest him. But when I …

What is the difference between being too clingy/attached and being neglected? — Theres no doubt I have a codependent relationship with my best friend (scrolling through the top posts of this sub did it) and it caused her to want a second break from me. I really want to change for…

Out of body experience, just met, Jesus? Question mark — **Perface:** I have never identified as religious. I've been listening to binaural beats (4hz) lately, almost every night before bed. The intent is to meet higher vibrational beings. Tonight, I took…

I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…

Another update: My ex did want me back, but I rejected it since I know she doesn't want to work yet on her issues, which meant that we're only going to go back to the same situation as we were before.…

Yeah, it's fucking hard. I don't think I'll ever get closure because she's never been the sort of person to really make an effort to give that to me. I obviously can't be inside her head and speak for…

I hear you buddy. I loved my ex so much, and still love her, even though I could never take her back. But what really hurts is as you described - she blind-sided me and could not care less. I, on the …

I needed this pinned post today. When I don't reach out, I am kind of ok.. if I cave and she doesn't reply, the pain is absolutely unbearable..

I am in a similar position to you OP. I've been seeing my fiancée for over 2 years. We live separately due to circumstances at her end, and we see each other roughly once a week, usually at weekends…

So pardon the length (I haven't told anyone yet) and thank you for reading. I might have a crush on a good friend ("Steve") who I've reconnected with after a few years of not hanging out. We didn't …

My brother i think it's good you posted here bc you can begin to recognize you have anxious attachment. It was one date. Even if she's brushing you off and lost interest, she doesn't necessarily owe …

I know this is difficult to do, but my advice, as an anxious who's moving towards secure, would be to stop texting and calling. It's only been a few days and you know that he was having phone problems…

Your partner sounds Fearful avoidant, is he aware of his attachment style? I think all you can do is let him know in as blame-free way as possible that you notice a pattern in his behaviour that con…

So he's great when he's not triggered, but he gets triggered every couple of weeks. That's not a rare occurrence, it's very often. Replace this with any other issue whether attachment related or not…

Thanks...we are marriage counseling, individual therapy...all the trimmings. I tried to gently bring up attachment science, and I think our MC knew where I was going. I led with something like, "I t…

Well, like I said, if she didn't improve, I would walk away. But things have been on the up trend. We no longer have periods of no contact. I interact with her every day like we used to at the start. …

To be fair, not exactly pressured because I just wouldn't do it. The implication of one day not doing it and the relationship being tied to this little game would make me avoid it. And how do you real…

My relationship with a DA just ended about 6 months ago, after being together for about 6 years too. My real healing didn't begin until I decided to go no contact with him. If he had it his way, he wo…

While I understand your motivation, the dating scene has changed, and situationships are now part of it. You must find a way to incorporate it into your mating strategy.  You should come up with a ti…

I don't think this person identifies as secure though. I think he does realize he has an insecure attachment style, but he doesn't realise that's exactly why he keeps getting attracted to other insecu…

"They are going to learn". You don't even know if she likes you. She doesn't need to learn anything, let alone about your long-term expectations. Anyway, good luck with whatever this is lol

This picture was taken in Marseille, where my ex and I had our first (unforgettable) date a couple of months ago. We were walking around the city at night, so in love. It felt like we were perfect for…

As others have mentioned this is called, "Hoovering". In attachment theory, particularly with someone who is dismissive avoidant, they may feel threatened by too much intimacy and push you away (brea…

OP I just think it's important you don't idealize her. It's not a good start when you create a mental binary that basically goes "I'm FA (dysfunctional and in the wrong) and she's secure (healthy/al…

The massive problem I see and read in your post is there aren't boundaries. It sounds like the whole status and line between the two of you are blurred. So, you are not wanting to label what you have…

I'm sorry mate, but this is a break up. She says so plain as day when you ask about being faithful, and she says you're not in a relationship. The thing about recovering from this style of attachmen…

Truth is, I think I already see it more clearly, hence today she told me that she doesn't really want to meet with me in nearest time because she's feeling too much tension and guilt; as for talking s…

I think it depends on what you want. If your boyfriend is FA and he doesn't know how to regulate his feelings then the exact thing that he would do is breakup/ghost you when he started to become emot…

I am feeling lonely. Like I am not a priority to my partner. Yet? Or any more? Who knows? I know this is mostly her communication style over text/online. But in the beginning, we would call every da…

The last FA I dated shit tested me early on, dumping some not so flattering info about herself just to see how I would react. I'm not an FA but I've dated quite a few of them. Fear of abandonment is …

>There's a good chance she might have a kickback dismissive avoidant response when things get real and she has to "choose you". That'll start off a progression of fault-finding. You're not going to th…

Use video conversation exclusively for a while. Trust me, it helps. If he's too raw and unhealed though, it will continue to sabotage your progress. Make sure he's doing his part to heal too. He does…

"The last FA I dated shit tested me early on, dumping some not so flattering info about herself just to see how I would react." • Mine has done it throughout all 4 years! I faltered a few times, yes…

This is interesting. my ex was fearful avoidant, and she broke up with me just after 12 days of coming in relationship, and mind you the relationship was at its best at that time.  I'm a secure guy,…

she probably liked me cuz I wasn't only her partner at that time. I was her emotional support as well. someone she confided in, fully trusted, and used to share everything with me, and I was also her …

It is usually if I bring something up ("hey, would you be able to take your golf bag out of the car next time when you're done?"), and he turns it around ("you leave stuff in there too," "I filled up …

Honesty is the best policy. I would rather have her. Be honest with me about the whole affair thing, then not? And I would not break up with her, in fact, that would give the x more power, why would y…

I'm feeling some shame for staying in an on again off again situationship for a year (me AA, him FA). I've worked a lot on myself during this time, understanding how I was showing up in the relations…

I'm sorry to hear that. I saw your post about it, that sounds rough. I was going through it in a big way when I wrote this comment. I'm back to some level of stable, if heartbroken lol. I did reach …

I totally get it. I was usually the one to process his emotions and fix things when the relationship crumbled because of his doubts. This time, I am not around to do that for him, he has imposed 'No C…

Wow, you have done a significant amount of research. I am just now learning about these Avoidant Attachment Styles. I'm not real sure what my SO has, and I'm also not sure which attachment style I hav…

I'm a FA in therapy (although with another FA/DA was leaning anxious). A lot of people don't have the skills and guts to communicate uncomfortable things. Here comes ghosting, which is way easier to d…

Okay you're putting all the blame on their bf when you know nothing about him at all, he could be very considerate and op is the one with the problem I also have anxious attachment, the person I'm t…

Hey, put yourself in the girl's shoes. Would you want to date a girl who's not over her ex? Would you want to date a girl who settles for you cause she doesn't want to be alone and is using you to f…

This is difficult. it sounds like there is the continued "forgetting" (possibly divergence, which requires a behavioral strategy you both practice) of something which you agree to, which is reinforcin…

Hey, I'm in a similar situation, do you have some suggestion on what to do when those shut downs happen? We end up arguing on super stupid stuff, because of her, she doesn't want to recognize it and…

I'm anxiously attached to a friend of mine who broke up with her longtime partner 4 months ago. I made the mistake of telling her 2 months ago that I have feelings for her. I'm not sure now if I reall…

Uh it's thoughts like: "I love her, I love her, I love her" "I really like her, how can I love someone who hasn't even said they like me" "No I love her" "Oh god, she's getting tired of me" "I like ke…

I found an engagement ring in his office and fucked everything up. I've been with my boyfriend for 2ish years now, he's definitely avoidant but secure leaning. Since the beginning, we have had the sa…

Chase red flags. I should have taken the bad and delayed texting as well as her only reaching out when I said I feel she doesn't have interest (in the first days) as a sign. I think deep within I knew…

I've got an ex situationship who's very avoidant in all facets, we split around 9 months ago yet she periodically messages me some low effort "how are you:)". I have learned to give very bland generic…

That's how stuck I feel too, when we're not talking. I'm so afraid just at the thought of him leaving me or cheating because I'm insecure and incomplete. But he doesn't threaten me to break up and nev…

Yes this is definitely what I do. I don't internalize all the evidence the guy likes me, instead focusing on whatever evidence I can think of that he doesn't. What makes it even tougher is that someti…