no contact

This is one of the most honest breakup frameworks I have read on Reddit. The "no reach out" distinction over "no contact" is exactly right. Most men miss that completely. The one thing I would add …

The "and" theory... — I saw this a few days ago and started to implement it, I can't tell you how much it has allowed me to have more compassion for myself, create a clearer head and process my emotions. The and theory is…

How do you actually feel safe believing and knowing when it comes to an SP manifestation? — Brief context: I've studied the law on and off for 6 years. Tried to manifest 2 old SP's with varying success, then eventually having them both try to contact me, but I realized that I was shooting so…

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

A little positive reflection for anyone feeling they’re in the trenches right now. — I only learnt what attachment theory was during a breakup with my most recent ex 2 years ago. When he dumped me seemingly out of the blue because ‘I deserved better’, ‘he needed to be alone.’ Etc etc …

The most painful relationship and breakup I've ever had, but it cracked me open so that I could heal. I created a text message llm analysis tool that revealed insecure attachment. — EDIT - TLDR; 8-month, high-intensity relationship. I was DA-leaning; she showed a lot of push–pull/negative lensing. We loved each other and still couldn’t repair, so we went NC. Post-breakup I focuse…

Detachment or deactivation? — Me (23M) and my ex (22F) broke up one month ago because she was feeling overwhelmed by some arguments we had due to changes in our lives (new place to live, new work). She's FA. I was secure for almos…

For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? — For avoidants (and those leaning/earned secure): is this avoidant behavior? Do you really move on—and why no closure? I began therapy 4 months into our situationship because of how strong he came on,…

Losing (F23, AA) my mind in my relationship with my (F22, DA) sister. — We’ve had some real struggles, and I’m at a loss for what to do. I feel generally pretty secure outside of this one relationship, but recently it’s been making my AA flair up in my romantic partnersh…

I broke no contact — Well - after a month I broke no contact. I thought I was in a really good place for it, and I still believe that I am. But he did not answer and it hurt still. My message was a friendly check in, and …

Physically Reacting to Jealousy — My first post was about my deep attachment to a former friend who cut things off because she is now my employee. I'm actually making a lot of progress with that. Well my stress level is very manageabl…

Today marks 6 months since we last saw and spoke to each other — As the person on the receiving end of testing behaviors, ghosting, and a discard, I would love to hear that my former flame is doing well or even an apology. We have known each other for almost…

FA breakup & prolonged limbo - does avoidance calcify over time or can it still reverse? — I’m hoping to hear from people who’ve been through something similar, FAs, or anyone who has opinions on this. I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I later realized is fearful avoidant (I didn…

PSA: Posts to RBN must be about your parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s). — Folks, For a while now, we've been getting a steadily increasing amount of posts that we consider to be off-topic. As our subreddit name suggests, submissions must be centred around your parent(s) or…

A Splash of Cold-Water for you — **Background** Hey everyone, I'm a contributor to this subreddit, and spend time lurking from time to time. I'm quite familiar with every attachment style. I, myself, had to earn security from my ow…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Are pre-birthday discards the norm? — I’m trying to understand this through attachment theory because I genuinely don’t know what just happened. We’re both women. I was 23 with a grad degree, she was 38 and just got her culinary degree w…

No contact but want my stuff back — I put another thread on but basically he’s broken up with me and gone no contact. I initially reached out to find out what happened and if we could fix it (the next day), and a few days later asked fo…

It does get better (dumped by an avoidant) (personal advice that helped me) — Too anyone who deems themselves as a hopeless romantic, anxiously attached, etc, this may relate to you. After three months of what I thought was the worst time of my life, it truly gets better. T…

DDay - 2/19/2026 - Online Emotional Affair Led to Full Blown Infidelity — I found out my wife was going on “solo” concert trips, but was also using them as a way to vacation with a guy she had been talking to online for years. Seventeen years together and seven years marri…

DA healing update: searching my true self, my inner child finally seen — Some of you may know me at this point. I'm (40M) dismissive avoidant, my wife fearful avoidant (41F), together 17 years, married 13 years, 3 children. I've been working on my attachment style for 5 mo…

Does the dumper ever reach out? — Almost a year of no contact with my ex, our mutual friends said she has been craving forgiveness from me, but she hasn't reached out. I have a new life so I don't need it, but its really weird for t…

Day 47 of no contact. Here's what nobody tells you about what happens to your brain. — I didn't plan to go no contact. I just got to a point where I realized every time I reached out I felt worse for three days afterward. So I stopped. Day 1–7 was the worst week of my life. Worse than …

From ‘soul mates’ to strangers — How does one even trust again. Learn to open up again. Let their wall down again. After 2 years, she’s gone. She was my girlfriend, my best friend, my partner, support system, ‘soul mate’. We had …

The dumper never regrets it — Just to vent. From my previous relationship that lasted six years my ex discarded me like trash. He felt so much relieve when he left and we have been in no contact since the break up. Never once …

Break up + no contact update (post 4 months) — I thought I’d give an update into my healing progress since my breakup, in hopes to shed a little light on the small positives that can come from heartbreak. For context, my ex and I broke up in Octob…

Why did it take me so long to realize the neglect? — I was always a fairly gifted child and after puberty I started to question everything in the world, society, meaning, etc. I was aware that I was depressed at the time and having clear symptoms of lo…

My mom called my son’s birthday party “f***ing embarrassing” because she cares more about what people think than celebrating him — **UPDATE:** Thank you to everyone who commented and shared advice. A lot of people suggested going no contact with my mom to protect myself and my son. I understand why people said that, but I want …

Met up with ex after no contact for over 10 months.It went pleasantly. — For anybody wondering whether they should reach out, it went well for me. I was also uncertain how it would go. The relationship ended very badly, we did therapy and it didnt help. I thought id never…

No contact year 6 update: — Hello everyone! I’ve made some update posts in the past and figured I would make one for year 6 as that anniversary is coming up soon, and with context it will make sense why I still specifically reme…

You've Tried Manifesting Them Back Multiple Times - Here's Why It's Not Working — **"I've manifested my SP back multiple times but it never works. Now it just feels draining."** **You're not failing at manifestation.** **You're failing at creating coherent field states.** And th…

I did it, I broke no contact. — So I had made a previous post about reaching out to my ex after a month of no contact. I was super hesitant about it and almost didn’t do it because I was worried about the result. But after some hesi…

She started hooking up with multiple guys right after our break-up... — My ex (F25) and I (M29) were together for almost 4 years. She broke up with me on the first of March. I respected her decision and we said goodbye with respect and love. The past few months were defin…

Friend said something that shocked me and explained everything... — Edit: added an extra story to the bottom since this post seemed to resonate with people so much. Be strong folks, you're no one's NPC. You can go back and find a lot of my story on my page, but essen…

For those who stayed no contact with a parent until they died did you regret it? — Went from the golden child to the scapegoat between about age 30 and 40. When I was 55 my father told me he did not love me anymore. I am 64 now he is 91 and we have been no contact for 8 years. Some…

Do not break No contact — Don’t judge me. When you are in love you do stupid things. After long no contact. I did send a text if they like to meet up over the weekend. Why did I do that?! I saw them, they are active in socia…

Got an insane flying monkey voicemail this morning — So long story short: My dad is an abusive piece of shit narc in a family of narcs. 7 years ago was the last straw when he beat up my little sister who was 19 at the time. Rather than harm him, I went …

Just deleted her number — She left me for greener pastures in June of '25 and went no contact in July. I miss her dearly. I loved her with my whole soul, but she left regardless. She isn't the villian in my story. I am. I …

Think them being in therapy is a good sign? Think again. — Mine was in therapy for 10+ years. He even invited me to a couples session at 5 months in (red flag here) but she basically called him out and said yeah you treated her bad, you are wrong. He backed i…

Did your narcissist go through pets like they were handbags? — I remember so many pets that were either sold after the narc only had them for a few months. Or the pet just wouldn’t make it. Snakes, dogs, cats, hedgehogs, ferrets, chinchillas, possibly more. Whe…

Beware of taking back the ex that broke up with you and wanted to rekindle with you — Let this be your testimony that you are much better without them. My ex of 7 years and I rekindled after a couple months of no contact. She broke up with me cause she said she relied on me too much an…

Ever had an ex told you that they would never get back together with you? but eventually reached out after months of no contact? — Curiosly asking as my ex did the same and he was very firm and serious about it. I'm also curious if the phrase "they always come back is true" but just how true is this based on your individual exper…

Should I help repay my sister’s debt to protect my parents? — I’m 31F. My sister is 29F and lives in Canada. We come from a lower middle-class Indian family that has mostly lived paycheck to paycheck. My sister always dreamed of studying abroad. She completed …

Ex reaching out after 10 years — Hi everyone, my ex reached out to me after 10 years. This was a tumultuous high school relationship that gave me the blueprint for the life I’m living now. The heartbreak was so intense I went on a so…

Ex confronted me, then broke down. — About a month ago, my ex broke up with me because she said she was "confused." I immediately went No Contact. didn’t beg, didn’t text, just started focusing on myself and moving on. Last night, we bo…

why are they able to put in more effort with the affair partner than in their own relationship? — In December, I found out my partner of 12 years was having a 3 month affair with a coworker 5 years younger than us (we're 28). We were high school sweethearts and only ever had been with each other s…

Stop wanting a relationship with neglectful parents. — All of us are so attuned to their emotions and how THEY feel. But I’m here to tell you that being low contact/no contact is okay. You aren’t withholding energy from them because you’re compassionless,…

The trauma bond is wild — I really wouldn’t wish untangling a trauma bond on anyone. It is the wildest/most painful/most persistent thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve been broken up with my nex for 10 months. I’ve been no con…

Differentiated from narc and enmeshed family system and now my interest in being around them is low — Is that normal? I'm not mad at my immediate family anymore. I love them. I've healed a lot. If I could describe it, I simply have no desire to spend a lot of time talking to anyone who is just putting…

For those of you who hoped an ex would break “no contact”, but they never did, do you still wish they had reached out in hindsight? — And how long ago was the breakup/no contact period to now?

Got back with my ex: DON’T DO IT — So, as the title goes, I got back with my ex for a one-week long situationship. We were together for six years, then she decided to break up with me a month ago. She went on to live her “single-colle…

Another ex messaged me today. The thing was I'm better off alone. I'm contemplating whether to reply or not. I've been left with no contact for months. 🤷🏼‍♀️

In my experience, No Contact is for you first and foremost as a human being to heal and be a better version of you. If (and I mean IF) your ex contacts you, consider it icing on the cake. And hearing …

Cryptographer went into No Contact on ya after your question. And it's eating us up inside!

Oh dude last year I split up with a man and I was DEVASTATED. Like, thought I’d never meet anyone like him again, tried everything I could to get him back, and then finally went no contact with the in…

No contact feels good when you remind yourself that you're empowering yourself. No one should dictate your self value, especially an ex.

Yea! My ex is doing the same thing, I went no contact after HE said he needed time and space. He’s the one who broke up with me. he continues to text me and add me on Instagram every other day. I dele…

New to the group, and restarted my no contact phase…I really do want to talk things thru with him. He looked so sad when I got my things and said I’d miss you

I'm about to get divorced. I don't want to go back and forth with her. She's driving the divorce. We have 3 kids so I can't go totally no contact. I can cut it down to the bare minimum and focus on my…

Apologies, I know this is an old post but I just read it for the first time today and felt the need to reply. Yes, what you're saying is absolutely true. However, at least for me, this is the motiva…

I'm into 24 hrs of no contact. 3.5 yrs and I kept giving him chance after chance, just for him to do more effed up crap to destroy my heart. I broke up with him for good this time. I can see my bl…

Lol I have been visiting this sub for about a month now and when I first saw this post stickied I refrained from reading it because I didn't want them back, I just wanted no contact to help move on wi…

Omg that’s horrible. I was ghosted to, that feeling of no clarity hits. You get so desperate that you reach out in so many ways in the beginning just to get an answer onto why?. I was never able to mo…

I contacted mine with a text and she didn’t respond back, it’s been 21 days. I know she probably saw it and I want anyone who reads this…DON’T! Because it’s been about 3 years about 2 with no contact …

No contact is so hard I ain’t gon lie. And then the fact that their just not even saying anything makes it worst I’m sad af.,, but I’ve been doing good so far

In my experience no contact doesn’t make a difference.

In this case no contact would be sticking to logistics only. Be neutral and deadpan and polite. Don't share insights, emotions or vulnerabilities with this person who is essentially gone from you fore…

One thing i have seen, but not learned fully yet. Is that relationships are extremely dynamic. A woman who hates you to death, who literally wants you see you dead. Or a woman who completely disrespec…

No contact is NOT about getting the ex back! It’s about truly moving on, breaking free mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It’s about freeing yourself and truly letting go. It’s not meant to be a …

So my long story short.. yes I reached out after almost a year and not with any love or dating intentions. We started to reconnect and things started to happen for us again. We’ve been back to togethe…

I believe its driving my ex crazy that I've had no contact since I left 7 months ago. Saw him on the highway, he kept changing lanes and stayed behind me. I got off of the next exit.

No Contact does not mean literally no communication. How unmannered and uncivil it would sound if a person asked you "How are you ?" as you were exiting your office, one evening after work. You should…

There is victim blaming and then there's some attention whore showing up to make sure actual victims voices are never heard. You can easily tell the difference and most subs are filled with them pushi…

Congrats it worked out. Did you go completely no contact with her up until the 6 months?

It’s 1 month to a year since we broke up and I’ve never heard a word from her except 4 months into the no contact where she asked me to take her off the lease… I’m still struggling everyday and miss h…

Ah..he was supposed to have space. Not you. You were supposed to be "waiting" Good on you for the No Contact. Serves them right.

I say just get used to it. This is a breakup subreddit and in the early stages of grief it’s pretty much impossible to not ask those questions. I do believe no contact is a boundary that cannot be era…

Yeah I've seen a lot of increase in those posts too. I don't think is the subreddit to tell everyone else that NC led you to get back with your ex, first of all is giving everybody false hopes or unre…

I don’t understand your take on this. No contact has time and time again been proven to be the best thing you can do for mutual healing if the breakup was bad or not mutual. Giving eachother time an…

Time to move on. 3 months is a blip in your life. Go no contact and in the months from now you'll feel so much better.

I've been in this exact situation when I was an FA in a LDR with another FA in another country. And our f2f time was very little like yours but we spoke daily, intensely and talked and had plans. I kn…

Pretty sure I was an FA (schizophrenic dad, sadistic mom who wanted to abort me—I took care of the family’s emotional needs, disregarded my own). I was still confused/hurting 2+ years post no contact…

Living through this right now. Was dating a DA last year and I really liked her, but she would put me down and be generally disrespectful at times. She would often say things that minimized our relati…

Same happened to me. I was only ever modelled detachment, avoidance and rug sweeping by my avoidant mother. One year no contact and I don’t even recognize myself - after inner work and emotional turmo…

Thank you. Still learning to trust my internal compass. Also, wanted to add to those going through 💔 : “grief is love unreturned.” To give closure to yourself you have to grieve. This is why the no…

If someone makes me feel strongly, I can be certain it’s LIMERENCE, which is more about the person representing a trauma figure (or some sort of unconscious model of who I’d like to become). I have f…

Well, like I said, if she didn't improve, I would walk away. But things have been on the up trend. We no longer have periods of no contact. I interact with her every day like we used to at the start. …

So instead of replying individually and repeating myself, I'm just going to make a comment addressing it all. Firstly, it was interesting to read all these perspectives. I see where some of its comin…

My relationship with a DA just ended about 6 months ago, after being together for about 6 years too. My real healing didn't begin until I decided to go no contact with him. If he had it his way, he wo…

It’s a cottage industry of dating coaches that all suggest you do no contact to get an avoidant ex back. I hardly see information about anxious attachment and how to heal those wounds. I’m in therap…

Ahhh, I'm sorry to hear that. Thanks for your sympathy : ) How did you handle no contact? I found the short, sharp disconnect (after something that had initially seemed so promising) extremely diff…

>The no contact has been brutal. As if none of it meant anything. Especially when all you hear is so much “if they wanted to they would” and “they always come back” rhetoric. For me it was confusing a…

So the FA I dated for over 3 years sent me an almost identical message like clockwork everytime he would discard me(usually took 1-2 months after no contact) I didn’t know what attachment styles were,…

Sorry to hear of this situation. I can only imagine how frustrating it was or still is to you. I can't speak on behalf of this person, but from my own recent experience, Im only now coming into expl…

I’ve dated someone who was in your mental state before, I haven’t had a chance to say anything to her as I’m keeping her in the no contact zone. Now that I understand more and put a lot of effort into…

Yes it is closure and don’t be his friend right now . Could he really be a great friend being DA at this time ? Friendship also requires a certain level of intimacy . ? I think your shell shocked from…

This is typical DA deactivation. It has nothing to do with you. He's not wrong, he has a lot of work to do but sadly he probably won't do what's needed to become a securely attached person. It's reall…

Yeah, we are now fully no contact. It’s been a bit over a week and I’ve moved far away so we’re now officially severed. I just want to call him all the time, he really was my safe space and now the gr…

He broke up with me but I had broken up with him a few times the previous months I went no contact and then we talked once or twice before I blocked him so I couldn’t see him on anything and we’ve ne…

The fact that she brought it up so early, to me, is a green flag. Those who have been repeatedly hurt by FAs would say it’s a green flag in a sea of red, but IMO to be able to openly have discussions …

Why would an avoidant push me away, but then orbit me for almost 2 years — even while committed to someone else? I feel ashamed for being stuck on this.. I (32F) had a short but intense connection wi…