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Nparent
Evidence
Citations (101)
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“My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.” - Alice Roosevelt Longworth — Written by Alice Roosevelt about her father, Teddy. I feel like this quote perfectly captures the dynamics of having an nParent. Whenever sympathy, positive attention or adoration is being doled out …
No one understands the effects of being trapped inside for years with an Nparent. — As flair said, its a vent. So please excuse my weird formatting. I'd also really love to know if Im not alone on some of these things. 1. Not being given the support or permission to learn how to …
Anyone's Nparents raised you to become dependent, then complain about your dependence and pressure you to be independent? — I was raised to become dependent. As a child, i used to not speak and be selectively mute, because i thought i didn't need to speak as my mother controlled all aspects of my life. She didn't just pres…
Is it normal to hate your nparents? and To what extend do you hate them? — I wanna know if it's normal to hate your nparents cuz even if you know they are bad sometimes it just feels like I might be over doin it. And what extend do one can hate them? Cuz I sometimes actually…
My "Alzheimer technique" worked on my NMom again but I almost chickened out — About a month ago I shared a [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1qyh9x9/at_age_40_i_finally_found_what_works_with_my_nmom/) here how I visited my NMom after 3 years of NC and…
Update: Tried to set boundaries, now they want to be paid 25k — It's been a few months since my \[last post here\] (https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/s/lXVFmvyxxM), but its mostly come to a resolution. I wanted to do an update because I got some really …
Your birth is seen as a debt that you must repay — I’ve been trying to figure out why so many narcissist parents treat their children the way that they do. The guilt tripping, the asymmetric hierarchy, the way that they treat others horribly. Not only…
Does your nparent give off weird "ick" vibes? — I wasn't sure how else to phrase this. My mom was gross to be around. As a kid, I thought it was normal, but as an adult, I slowly understood and shiver about how I grew up and became a person with he…
Anyone else taught that if you don’t get it right away, you’ll never learn it? — Was anyone else’s narcissistic parent really bad at teaching things? And on top of that, did they lose their temper immediately if you didn’t get it 100% right the first time? My narcissistic parent …
Has anyone else’s nparent had a psychotic break after abusing GLP-1s? — My nmom proudly admitted to lying to her doctor and shopping around to get her GLP-1 dosage increased. She also admitted to taking more than that high dose. As a result, she lost a lot of weight at an…
NParent using other parent's absence for sympathy — The last time we saw our father was 10 years ago back in 2016. He's still alive, but he's working far away from us. Between my father and mother, my mother is the narcissistic one, and my father is th…
How about parents who were just ignorant or mentally unwell — Alot of posts here talk about very narcisstic and actively horrible parents. But what about parent who just weren't mentally well. My dad is like that. He's emotionally neglectful, but he's not acti…
How did you go NC - quietly or with a big bang? — For those of you that went minimal or no contact, how did you do it? Did you do it "quietly", as in just stopped proactively reaching out and letting it fade away? or was there a big arguement? what …
Do you have a fucked up relationship with money from being raised by narcissists? — I am LC with nparents and is financially independent... but I struggle with so much guilt just fulfilling my basic needs even though it's necesarry for living and it's from my own money. There's an in…
Struggling with dating and it’s causing me anger towards my nparents — M28, I’m having so much trouble with meeting women or even getting matches on dating apps. It’s causing me so much anger towards my nparents. I was not allowed to go out in my early 20s and I was cons…
I noticed a pattern with nparents as an adult who likes their job... — Everytime I get a job nmom never shows any interest, even though it's a shared hobbie! she will offer a lift to the train in the morning and dry beg but never once ask me about it, for context I work …
can someone tell me that things get better — how can your teens and early 20s possibly be the best times of your life when you have to spend it with parents constantly going from a good mood to yelling and belittling you for no reason whatsoever…
abusive Ndad changed with age.. i cannot — Growing up ndad abused me, my younger sibling and mother emotionally/psychologically/physically. I have instances imprinted in my mind that I can never forget, sadly. I was extremely under confident i…
Are my parents the nparents or am I just the shitty kid? — Hello everyone, I'm Subha. I'll get straight to the point because this will be LONG. I've always wondered if whether my parents are narcissistic or not. And I needed your help to make me realise …
Any Practising Muslims? — What would your life look like if tomorrow you got green light to cut off your nparent?
Do your nparents ever have phases where they act normal? — I can never be secure ever. My mom can be perfectly normal for awhile. We can have a perfectly fine conversation. She may even go a few days without any significant issues. And then mid word she will …
Does anyone feels like their nparents destroyed them but also judge them for not knowing what they want in life as adults? — My narc parents and especially my cover narc nmum destroyed my self esteem and my potential and now that I am an adult I don't know how to navigate life and what to do with it. for example I don't kno…
nmom and dad were asked for space but now they are trying to move into my apartment building, directly below us! — I told nmom that I needed space and that we could repair our relationship if she was willing to achknowledge what they did to me. Ive been living in apartments with my husband of 2 years, moved around…
Ndad has gone half-silent and will only reply if I take the initiative. I am worried and I am done. — Hello everyone, I need to vent a bit and some advice is needed. For the last year my relationship with my Ndad has gone very badly. Everything went wrong since I was trying to help him think about hi…
Anyone's NParents use your mistakes to pull you down and destroy your self-esteem? — 3 years ago when i was 19, my mother was always mad at me for any small mistake. I answered back at her, but i said some things that are too harsh. She responded by putting me in a psychiatric ward ag…
Maybe biased because past experience, but I can't see even ASKING if I want/don't want something I bought for myself as anything but "Don't you know how to use a trash can?" any more. — Or as a suggestion that it's perfectly logical to assume I'll spend my money for the sole purpose of wasting it. Yeah, sure, sometimes I'll find out I don't like whatever, or I'll take too long to eat…
Does anyone else's Nparent(s) hate religion and spirituality? — It seems like a pretty common thing for Nparents to be religious fundamentalists and use that as a weapon against their children and others. However, it seems less common to have a mom like mine who d…
After 2 years of NC I will have to be around my brother this weekend — Need to vent in the only place that gets it. My cousin gave me a call today to warn me that my brother would be attending my uncle's memorial service this weekend. That uncle was who I considered my c…
Mother keeps guilt tripping me regarding my grandmothers' death. — I am a female in my early 20s. I just want to get this off my chest. I lost my grandmother around 2 months ago. We were super close and she meant the world and more to me. I am also a Muslim, which wi…
Did your nparent try to prevent you from having friends/destroy your friendships growing up? — curious how common this is
What is it with nparents and expecting domain over all holidays? — One of my biggest struggles with trying to remain in relationship with nparents has been their complete lack of respect for my time, specifically relating to holidays or PTO. Throughout high school an…
My NParent volunteered on a school trip 🤣 — So when I was about 10 we had a school trip to the zoo. My mother volunteered as parent help. All the kids put in my group asked to be moved because she was horrible 😆 She didn’t come on the schoo…
Regret from leading my younger life based on nparents distorted world view — Like some stories I’ve seen here, my parents weren’t 100% monsters. It’s not hard to recall good things they did, but they are massively overshadow by the horrible narc things. I knew something wasn’…
Advice Needed: Dealing with Elderly Covert NMom — I am looking for advice ideally from a specific subset of RBN folks: those prioritizing a low contact relationship and either care managing or caregiving for a covert narcissistic elderly parent who d…
What are some double binds you remember from growing up? — A double bind is a trap where the victim is presented with two possible options, both of which work against them. What are some double binds you remember from growing up in households like the ones we…
This sub is one of the few places i can talk about my abuse to. — Aside from very good close friends, this sub is amazing. I feel like im going crazy seeing people justify the abuse NParents do! (And N family member in general) They get away with so many things …
Birthdays with nfamily members? — Did anyone else’s Nsibling and Nparent (Nmom for me) manage to ALWAYS make your birthday about themselves? For me, my birthday was never special. I was raised hearing about how special my NBro’s birt…
Have you ever re-established communication after NC? — Have you found success in restoring minimal contact with strict boundaries? It’s been 5 years and the separation has allowed me to grow so much through therapy, counseling, finding the right meds an…
Anyone elses nparent run on the "nothing is free" mentality? — Just realized this is one of the whole reasons why she's so miserable, and wants me to be like her too in this sense as well. Blew up on me today because I tried helping her, yeah no more lol.
Ndad texts once every 6 months, to the day, to ask if I'm still mad — I am no contact with both Nparents after years of abuse plus one Christmas blowup that ended in me clearly stating I was done with them. I made this very very clear. However, my childhood was filled…
Golden child can buy an apartment but I'm NOT allowed — A year ago I happily told nparents I'd been approved for a mortgage, they flipped out and stopped speaking to me for months, then turned around and said they'd sell me one of their existing properties…
Brother is no help in dealing with nparents’ estate — My ndad died a couple of years ago and I’m the sibling who lives closer. My mom just died last year and they made me executor of the estate. My brother has done absolutely nothing to help plan her fun…
Their apologies are so fake — Just got an apology text from my nparent. They said sorry and that they regret their actions but follow it up with how they were “simply hopeful” that I wanted to see them. I don’t want to get into de…
Do your Nparents get mad when you cook for yourself? — I used to cook/bake and share with the rest of that horrible family I come from. But most of the time, when I make something, they act as if they own it and go into the fridge and eat most of it with…
Having “Second” Parents — Do any of you have adults older than you that you consider your “second” parent to not replace your biological nparents, but to fill that void of having a supportive older adult that’s your parents’ a…
Life 360 — Has anyone's nparents forced you to download the app Life 360, and threatened to force you to move back in with them if you don't??
Partner traded me in for in laws — TLDR: has anyone had a partner go back to their nfamily after going no contact and then blamed you for everything while the nparents refuse to apologise for anything at all and are treating your partn…
DAE have extreme workaholic nparents? — My Ndad is a complete workaholic, to an extreme amount, expecting 20 hour workdays, sleeping at the office and constantly bootlicking corporate. When I was a kid, he was never around, always at work.…
The fake emergencies have made another appearance — It's both comical and infuriating. My work from home days decreased recently. This means I'm not "available" to nparent as much. The first day I was in office was fine, but I'm pretty sure nparent f…
Anyone else with an nparent also lose out in the in-law lottery too? — As a child, my emotional needs were not met by my parents who felt children should be seen and not heard. Feelings and emotions were never discussed or considered. My brother and I had a very isolated…
My therapist assured me that if ever anyone were to contact them they would not even confirm knowing me, let alone that I was a patient. Which was reassuring as I had a therapist about 20 years ago t…
OP Im so sorry for what you are and have gone through. My Nmom is an alcholic and only attempts to have a relationship with me when she needs something. I completely understand the situation that O…
Not really. My mom saw me as an extension of her that reflected on her. If I looked poorly kept, it would reflect badly on her. I guess I was lucky in a way, but not fully. Because the fact that I wa…
I have two young children and I’m very much a “baby person.” I think what you’re demanding of OP is WAY over the top. A simple, “Congratulations, you guys must be so excited, can’t wait to meet baby,”…
At the end of the day, nparents only care about themselves and children are seen as a projection of them (to them anyway). And if the child turns out to be very different to them, they want to sabotag…
Say if my own child turns out to be terrible, I would reflect that it is on me - failed parenting. On the other hand, the nparent will no doubt push the blame to the child being difficult etc.
Narcissists don't respect boundaries. What your original post describes highlights is exactly that. Low contact leaves the door open just enough for an nParent to do anything and everything to wedge i…
For 1 and 2, my nparent is the opposite. Made me learn to drive and get a debit card to do his bidding. 3 wasn't exactly a thing, as he forcibly threw out or sold most of my stuff several times. For t…
My nparents didn’t give me enough time to get home to say goodbye to the grandmother who actually taught me how to be an adult. I learned later that she was looking for me and it just about broke me. …
🤣🙄 You are exactly where you need tk be to resist the idiocy of their expectations. No response speaks volumes more than any response! I actually love when this happens. It shows me several thing…
There is a combination of really good advice, and horror stories about the lives with and the deaths of Nparents on here. My own Nmom was just that, and an enabler to my much more violent and derang…
I'm glad you got the validation. I'm surprised they didn't put on their nicer Public facade to impress your friend. Most narcs do, including my ndad. But the non-stop talking may be their narc stress …
You described my Nparent to a tee. Absolutely zero ability to think long term, and zero ability to see and accept reality for what it is. Small wonder they're in an urn in the living room now.
Yeah, let's unpack my realization of this: all I ever say to my ndad regularly is "welcome home," and he always responds in a monotone, annoyed voice and he never looks happy or smile. So I suddenly s…
https://www.reddit.com/r/AsianParentStories/s/1lzTbW9E7X
My Nparent did the same: sabotaged me hard, but told their friends that I was their retirement plan. How, if I can barely afford to keep myself fed, am I supposed to support another person? More and…
Nparents really do see us as some sort of property without our own lives that they could claim and command on their will. Worse when they say things that are hidden agendas behind "just concerned".
I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby. That’s awful. I’m glad you’re no contact. She doesn’t deserve access to you or your daughter. And what’s frustrating about when you go no contact is these peopl…
My ndad wanted me (scapegoat) to take care of him in his old age. As in, quit my job, lose my health insurance and move in to be his full time maid, nurse, and abuse target leaving behind my job, my s…
And you should be wondering - why do they want a pervert taking care of them in old age? My Nparents go around telling everyone I’m mentally unstable, so I am using that if and when they decide to co…
Have a huge hug if you would like one. Well done for getting out. It is truly delusional of your dna donors to think you are the one who needs to change....or due them financial support in their re…
> Nparents view scapegoat children as fully disposable. being the scapegoat, this is a very true, and very sad statement. I've been 5 yrs NC, and they still rarely ever contact me, other then to say…
My guy you ain’t allowed to support the NParent here.
Nparents looking for replacements so they can use the person in one way or another isn't too surprising. My nMom will take in near strangers just because 'it feels good' or they 'make her feel good" a…
No, like it's honestly laughable because what exactly do they want from their kids? Like if I met a stranger who looked at me the way my nparents look at me, I would think they hated me and did not wa…
My Nparent told me (oddly, rather gleefully) they'd "let me cry" a little bit before tending to me; that I started off with a quiet cry and they would let me work up to a wail before coming to see wha…
Yes and calling me dumb and stupid everything I tried to do. Always complaining no one helped her but criticized every one's efforts. I was lazy, ungrateful, spoiled brat, all of that. Fast forward…
But every time you try to become independent they want to insert and involve themselves into it. When you try to go and a trip they say why don’t we all go? Then burden you with their horrible plannin…
Yep, both my nparents did me this way for as long as I can remember. From jump scares to horrible pranks. The more my sister and I reacted, were scared, the more they laughed and kept doing it to us. …
I found the article. The first page starts with "Real harm deserves acknowledgment and accountability, full stop. Parents who were cruel, violent, emotionally sadistic, or truly neglectful caused dam…
> "life is short, I want you to know that" Sounds like my nParents typical ' life advice', "thanks captain obvious for some more obvious yet generic, vague life advice, just like the advice you ha…
I think the person who suggested you call a shelter for domestic violence had the best idea. They will have the most resources and relevant advice for you, which may include calling law enforcement. O…
It’s fascinating how all our nparents are all the same. In that same vein, I’m a fucking joy to be married to.
Oh god. I copped this all through my childhood. Always being told how difficult parenting is, how stressful it was. How much all us kids cost, how they had no family to help them. Then I had my own c…
Ah yes the annexation of good deeds by narcs. Been there many times. I would point out an issue, action the relevant solution and then they would claim it was them that resolved it. Often happened wit…
No, not okay to deny a kid sleep as punishment. As we all know here, being illegal and a known form of neglect doesn’t stop nparents from using their favorite “punishments”.
The thing is. I was afraid of my father because he was overtly abusive. My mother was the "nice" one, to "rescue" us from him. But she was really the NParent the whole time. So much covert abuse from …
Same. It’s always the covert one that hurts more. The overt Nparents are obvious
I feel for only children of NParents. You are the scapegoat and the golden child, I cannot begin to imagine that.
It took me years to figure out the Eparent was a willing partner in the abuse from the Nparent. First and last, the spineless E parent will do anything to protect their peace — even feed his kids to…
I'm in my 50s now, and I can tell you what I wish I'd done 35 years ago. My nparent hated the thought of me going away for college, and sabotaged several of my college applications. They let me apply…
About a year and half ago I realized the enabling parent was just as toxic as my nparent and has covert narcissistic tendencies. She expected me to “save her” from an nsiblings and I had to draw a bou…
Oh my god, I am so sorry. I know exactly how that feels, though it’s not related to my nparent. It was a horrible situation where I was trying to support a friend going through a mental health crisis…
Sounds like you’re already getting off Facebook. That is truly the best thing you can do right now. Please promise us you’ll at least try to see how it feels staying off that cesspool of a social medi…
When my Nparent died, the enabler "took over the job" and became the new Nparent!
They hate that we have feelings and decisions. The Nparents who treat their targeted children like shit, also expect those children to be the one taking care of them when they're old. So really, the o…
College is the time a lot of Nparents start to ramp it up because they realize you’re out of reach and may soon be out of their control. Th worst thing to happen to them is to lose control of you. Exa…
In another way yes: My nmom had a hyper focus on my education, i.e. she forced me to do 5 hours of schoolwork every day after school (from 3.p.m. til 8 p.m. ) with her as my uber teacher. I had one fr…
I was indifferent for last few years of my nparent's life, but to get to this stage... oh, my. It took years of stress, tears and, finally, escape. I so wish I could had gone NC, it would have made my…
I don’t think you’ll get hate here. We’ve all suffered immensely in some way and know how evil nparents can be. I cut ties with my parents officially back in October last year. As in, numbers blocked …