book
acts of service
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"words of affirmation" is my love language too. I dated someone for a long time who was autistic and couldn't really show me love that way. He instead did "acts of service". I struggled feeling truly …
Bf of 14 months hasn’t said I love you — My bf (35M) and I (33F) met December 2024 on a dating app and became exclusive immediately after our first date. On our first few dates he asked what I was looking for and I said I was looking for som…
They say you shouldn’t try to change your partner, but what does that mean? (38F;37M 3yrs) — I (38F) have been with my boyfriend (37M) for three years. we have lived together about 8 months and have been talking about marriage and kids. It is something we both have always wanted, and want wit…
28F and 28M sex drive incompatibility, feeling stuck? — This may be rambling and I’m sorry for that. Also sorry for formatting, I’m on my phone. I 28F and my boyfriend 28M, have been stuck in a rut. A month ago I told him that we are incompatible with …
I've finally realised that my role in my relationship is to stay out of the way, life feels grey. — I'm with a dismissive avoidant, and it's close to 4 years now. Engaged for 2 years - he's still making his mind up on marriage. I just wanted a space to share honestly, most people don't seem to under…
My (M24) Partner (M30) Needs me to Initiate Everything (I mean everything) help! — TLDR Summary: I realized I have slowly turned into the partner who must initiate everything for their partner and relationship. nothing gets done, we wouldn’t eat, sleep, get out of bed if i didn’t do…
A different kind of suffering in marriage - you have tips how to solve my situation? 28F and 33M — We just got married after a year of intense planning for a large wedding that I ultimately did not like and that was far too expensive for my taste. Of course, I did enjoy some parts of the wedding, b…
Introduction, Valuable Healing and Attachment resources — # Hi, and welcome! It is a pleasure to have you with us. Please come as you are, we encourage you to share openly and vulnerably. If you do not wish to share and just browse, you are welcomed here to…
Sounds pretty avoidant. That sucks - I’m sorry. Does she actually understand how important this is to you? If so, I might try having the conversation one more time, being clear that it’s a dealbreaker…
This is super AA! When they start distancing, it triggers your fear of abandonment so much that you preemptively disengage from a stress fawn/freeze response. I'm also AA and also leading in a relat…
Is he not meeting certain needs on the relationship that are important to you? I was just telling my bf that my libido, and many other women’s that I know, is tied to if needs are met in the relation…
I literally have been having these same conversations with my bf the past month. There was a week or two where he wasn’t initiating— i told him that this made me feel not desired which was emptying my…
I hear you. Loving someone and especially wanting to take care of them is very easy for me. I'm a problem solver and the main giving love language of mine is acts of service. I'm learning that when…
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So I recently learned that everyone has their own love language. There are 5 and it sounds like you two are the spending time together one. In order for any person to be fulfilled in any relationship …
Okay, first I just have to get this out of the way: you were pretty wild for bringing up moving in together after less than a year of dating ESPECIALLY since he had JUST gotten his divorce finalized. …
Did he tell his ex he loved her after 5 years in the context of their relationship falling apart? To be honest, when i was younger I would have said leave. But i've seen friends say it after 2 years a…
But she did concede that his families love language are acts of service. Planning dates, cooking for her…. It’s what he knows, and she cannot allow to completely fulfill her. Maybe he isn’t for he…
She did concede that his families love language are acts of service. Planning dates, cooking for her…. It’s what he knows, and she cannot allow to completely fulfill her. Maybe he isn’t for her, y…
Ahhh this is so cute. I’m such a sucker for acts of service.
me and my husband are BOTH dissmissive avoidant... but found comfort in eachother so it works. i think the biggest thing is to learn eachothers love language, because even DA's have a love language...…
This is exactly what I mean. I am also the oldest daughter and my parents were absentee. My entire life I've had to be the leader and in charge. If at work and in family, I'm the one who has to keep…
The third point of this comment outlines why I’m with a man who finds it hard to show verbal emotions. Do I find it frustrating sometimes? Yes, but I’ve had so many persons I’ve dated telling me how m…
Thanks for putting it this clearly. I thinks was a bit of a challenge in my last relationship. She once mentioned that I gave her compliments but would appreciate more. And I tried to increase it, and…
Some people just aren't very emotionally expressive. They express their love in other ways, like acts of service, physical affection, spending quality time with you, checking in on you, and so on. Tha…
Sounds like he’s an acts of service primary person and you emphasize words of affirmation
Hey OP! Judging from your OG post and many of your comments… I absolutely think this is a love language thing. You (like myself) are a words of affirmation (WOA) girly. And there’s nothing wrong with …
"I'm conventionally attractive..." "I make really good money, I take care of myself (and him) and my things, I'm kind and caring and I'm a good cook - which he loves. Our sex life is great." (That d…
I haven't given the valentine I made to my guy friend yet, but we hung out this last weekend and I was going to give it to him, but chickened out again. After he left I texted him and said "I keep for…
My bf (3.5 months) is a bit reserved when it comes to vocally expressing his feelings. He has admitted this is hard for him due to growing up in a traditional Asian family where they don’t share much.…
Police getting involved is unhealthy. Hopefully some time apart will clear the air and give you the perspective you deserve. Go for a long drive. Even the smallest acts of service or self expression …
There were just eclipses, the last one in Virgo- your 10th. It was conjunct the S Node. The tail of the dragon. It eliminates and gets rid of what we don't need anymore.It's a perfect time to work on …
I buy expensive and thoughtful gifts when I'm feeling nothing but want to show affection. It usually works. If I feel like I owe them affection I level up to acts of service. (I always struggle sho…
Hmm, your situation and choices are a combination of psychological and evolutionary aspects. Let's look at why you are inclined towards emotionally unavailable men: 1) So, the ruler of your marriage…
A man shows his strength through his ability to reject, to cut off emotionally, to utterly abandon, those who would treat him poorly. She even told you herself... she knows that her own choices have…
I do know about the love languages though that’s what she asked for. Gifts, acts of service and quality time. I will never know what Greg is offering that is different if anything. She didn’t have a b…
Seems to me that 90% of what you love about her is not who she is as a person but what she does (for you). So if a completely different person was willing to perform the same acts of service, both em…
I think unfortunately it speaks to a deeper issue. You mentioned that your previous relationship was quite rocky, and so this guy’s calm demeanour feels like a relief by comparison I’m guessing? That’…
7th house lord in 10th house saturn The partner may be older, mature, serious, and deeply involved in their career, likely in a position of authority or a legal/service-oriented profession. They are…
Can only speak from my experience. I wish my mom took better care of herself so she was more within her window of tolerance and wouldn’t take all the stress out on us. She was so proud of how she gave…
he already told you: "he was really grateful to have me in his life." life is hard, it's nice when you have someone who does nice stuff for you also, his love language might have "acts of service" b…
This is very easy. most men these days don’t get appreciated or thought of, and we get used to have to do everything ourselves. So the fact that you took it upon yourself to make him a lunch, maybe t…
I know youre not offering, Im just saying look at your behavior and see where you might be making the idea in their mind start to look feasible.. Acts of service is one of my primary ways of showing…
Right, I don't have a problem with helping out, just like I want to BE helped out. If he's busy and the dog is whining, I'll take the dog out. If the trash is full I'll take it out. That's part of bei…
You'll be obsessed with relationship. He'll be more mature and practical. Might express love though acts of service and care, if not vocal about feelings. Very stable marriage and would improve with t…
Lots of good advice here, I'll add two things: 1) Sex and intimacy are connected (as you say). Sex by itself is less important than sex as a symbol of intimacy. There are other ways of showing intima…
I told someone on a third date that I really appreciate verbal affection and it makes me happy. He said that he really was more of an acts of service guy but he would love to be better at the verbal a…
This exact thing happened to me about 4 1/2 weeks ago in a 2-year relationship. As a recipient of this, it does bring me some comfort that she still loved and cared about me. I do feel some resentment…
You should talk to them and try to understand why that is. My parents didn't grow up with these skills as love languages, but they made sure I was taken care of. Acts of service and gifting are their …
The way you describe it sounds more like a stable response, and we wouldn't be here in the first place :P. E.g. you go on a few dates with someone, slowly get to know them, and realise you're just n…
The asking if you dreamed of him after your 1st date gave me the heebeegeebees.. like what? Even if he thought it, dont text it, dont say it. He is clearly looking for sex. Cooking food is not a lov…
I've been with my husband for 20+ years. I've always loved jewellery. My husband would buy me fancy jewellery early in our relationship. He just... had boring taste. He'd spent good money on them, bu…
i also have my north node in 12th, and i dont think the 12th house is primarily about the psyche, at least not as much as the 8th house. 12th can relate to mental illness and introspection, but typica…
This is a great reply. This is an opportunity to discuss eachother’s love languages. There is nothing wrong with gifts being part of your love language and making you feel acknowledges. It happens t…
I agree with this to the extend of one part where, many people just don't know how to do that without failing at it. Romantic gestures and acts of service are definitely learned with trial/error. Tho…
Everything you wrote in the last paragraph is useless. A list of acts of service won't do away with the methodology that you had adopted, where you greenlit the abusive treatment of an entire gender j…
Stop trying to win her back through acts of service. you need clarity. you cannot fix someone's emotional withdrawal with more effort, kindness or responsibility. in this stage, effort often doesn't h…