codependency.

That's tough. One time I got really hurt by a man, and I was young...maybe 24. I had a counselor, and she said, "could it be that you're more angry with yourself, for putting yourself in the situation…

Should I meet up with my ex? — Back in November 2024, I went on a couple of dates with a guy from my friend group, “Frank” (41M now). Looking back, it’s obvious to me that he was a rebound, but I genuinely didn’t realize it at the …

I think I might have extreme codependency and I don’t know how to break the cycle — I’ve been realizing something about myself that’s honestly kind of scary, and I’m wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar or managed to get out of it. I feel like I’m at a really e…

How would you explain to a codependent person what a healthy relationship actually feels like? — I am a recovering codependent. I am in a relationship with someone who is incredibly codependent. I‘ve tried explaining codependency to him in various ways but he seems to view it as an accusation, a …

Self-Love: Self-Care, Self-Containment, Self-Possession — At some point I realized that I couldn't show up for a relationship with someone else until I could consistently show up for myself. 😁 I put this together in response to seeing discussions and posts…

Accidentally became CODEPENDENT due to a kind GESTURE I had made for a friend — Past 4 months since maybe december, i let a dear friend of mine stay at my place. we would game and hang/watch movies and cook n stuff on the regular weekly. BUT... Since december, they stayed over…

Realizing there is caretaker codependency happening in my relationship — My own journey with codependency has been a lot. My previous relationships were abusive. I’ve been in intense talk and EMDR therapy for a very long time and made lots of progress, but it feels as thou…

Detachment — I've recently been researching and learning about detachment. Initially, it sounded like a repulsive concept, but something in me has changed and I seem to understand just how important and healthy it…

How will an ex be feeling when I don't wish him for his birthday after being together for so many years? — I am a person with Codependency. I know calling someone toxic might not be the best, but this is the only way I can describe my ex-partner with whom I was with for 10 years. For the past 10 years, …

Realizing I Cheated — TW: mentions of sh and si I hate, hate the title and the fact that this is something I’ve come to realize, because the severity and betrayal of my actions is so blatant. My ex and I were friends for…

It's very, very painful. I'm so sorry. I went through something similar 2 yrs ago. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, felt incredible low self-esteem and rejected. I never pegged him to ghost me, and we ha…

Melody Beatty is the author that has several books on Codependency. I recommend those.

This relationship sounds horribly dysfunctional. She is acting abusively controlling and then trying to punish you with a break up in hopes that you will change and conform to her demands. This is all…

I would suggest looking up codependency. It typically can go along with anxious attachment.

You might want to look up codependency. That sounds like what you are dealing with. It tends to come along with anxious attachment.

I agree! There's an abundant amount of attachment style information out there but not much that demonstrates secure attachment style. Although this lady is not a psychologist or therapist, I think her…

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There is a sub for r/codependency. There are some good books out there too.

It sounds like you are hoping there is one quick trick that will make it all stop and there isn’t. Healing is a journey. It takes time and effort. More than likely you learned this behavior from child…

It’s not real empathy if you’re using that as an excuse to pursue something for your own benefit. What you’re describing is frequently labeled as codependency. Or even vulnerable narcissism. Anyways —…

I came out of it last March, so it's been almost an entire since it. And it was mainly due to depression, not codependency. Loneliness was a big part also which was pretty much fixed after that.

The irony of your comment is staggering. You claim APs can’t look inward, yet you’re completely blind to the fact that walking away is the most intense form of looking inward there is. It took massiv…

Had a roommate like this, they are DEEPLY troubled individuals, they put a LOT of effort into creating narratives and realities and will protect their delusions at all costs, often supported by addict…

Hi there, yes 💯. I spent most of my life shifting with the ways of people in my life. I genuinely didn’t know what music I liked or my favorite color, let alone the more important personal values and…

" feel like I’m at a really extreme level of codependency. It’s not just caring too much about people or wanting approval, it feels like I don’t even have a stable sense of my own values, opinions, or…

Your self-awareness is a huge first step. How did you come to realize this? By going to Al-Anon for a different reason, I learned how codependent I was. I haven't started regularly attending 12 step …

I was in step one but didn't realize it... Until I recently broke up with my now ex-girlfriend who has undiagnosed BPD...n Now all of my healing seems to have back slid completely coming out of that …

Yeah, as kids we internalise the messages we get from our caregivers, and we often end up unconsciously repeating those patterns. Some people never recognise it, but others - like you and me - do. Tha…

For future reference- a long term healthy relationship is between 2 equals, not a master and her servant. There is nothing wrong with being a giver as long as it is balanced and comes from a position…

It is! The highs and lows here are called intermittent reinforcement. That’s what makes gambling addictive. It’s also why it’s so hard to leave abusive relationships. The occasional highs really mess …

I too was codependent with my mother and my obsessing about my dad and some things i didn't like that he did was was brought me to 12 step program for codependency. I was babied by my mom. It took me …

Thank you for sharing. I understand this and have experienced the extreme compulsive nature of codependency. I am also trying to figure out how to break free from the obsession. I am in Coda. And do …

Hi there, thanks for sharing. I also have a codependent mind, and it often doesn’t make sense when I look back on things I thought and did in the past. But in the moment they seemed like “the right th…

I don't belong to CODA, but a different 12 step program for codependency. I can message you the name and website to check out if you want.

Exactly. It is toxic to be only like a pulling down weight without being in any life of your own! I fully understand codependency. I used to be clueless on what to do with myself when my partner lea…

Coda and al-anon really helped me, you can check out meeting online if you want to dip your toes in. They’re both programs specifically for codependency. I suggest al-anon too because you might find t…

I always recommend Codependency for dummies. The first section is about the roots of codependency, shame and low self esteem. It's so informative and it also discusses how other emotions are impacted …

The whole empath thing became SO overused, and in many cases just seemed to be describing people who were not empaths, but who did have codependency. Empathy is great, but using the empath lane is us…

For me, step 1 is admitting I’m powerless over my codependency (others/relationships) and that my life has become unmanageable. Happy to share more of my experience in 12 step recovery from chronic co…

I would gently push back on you and ask if you as truly recovered from codependency as you believe you are. If you have stayed despite becoming physically ill and are still trying to find a way to ex…

Never knew that about codependency. Makes sense looking at my 24 years as a coda. I would guess, under the surface, I didn't like my reality but didn't do anything about it. Was never bad enough to ma…

Hi there, glad you’re reaching out :) I also spent a lot of time in my head in my codependency - would imagine conversations / defending myself with others, or being somewhere different. I didn’t real…

OP, I’m going to gently suggest you prioritize and continue YOUR journey as an individual focusing on YOUR OWN codependency. Also, please consider that recovery from snakebite may be needlessly and u…

I don't like to use the term "normal" when describing relationships because every relationship is unique to the two people involved. From what you have written here, this does not sound like a health…

This is so spot on. What triggers you, triggers you. What you can and will accept are your choice. You shouldn’t just let something be if it bothers you. You should be honest about how it makes yo…

Hi there, thanks for your post. I can relate - this is so common in codependency. I also struggled with craving validation - initially in romantic relationships but then I noticed it was in most of my…

I struggled to be honest with other people because of my codependency. Even when I saw what was happening and what I was doing, I couldn’t stop. Are you looking for help?

I completely understand your situation. In my marriage I often felt like the child and my partner the caretaker. There were times when the opposite was true, too. We took care of each other at the cos…

I haven’t read the comments yet so apologies if I’m repeating someone, but this sounds more like codependency than narcissism (speaking as someone who has put a lot of work into overcoming codependent…

this isn't codependency. but why are you with him exactly? like what do you gain?

Okay, a 12 step program for codependency. It helps me step out of of my head and into the solution to my problems, rather than just ruminating and not being able to solve them

I couldn’t leave a toxic romantic relationship until I worked a 12 step program for love addiction. I’m also in a program for codependency. I’m happy to chat with you more about how it’s helped me if …

You need to be in individual therapy. You can’t change her. You need to learn to set your own boundaries. I’ve had some of the same issues with my (male) partner. I’ve insisted he goes to therapy an…

I believe you're mistaken. This doesn't sound like codependency, to me. Maybe read some of the other posts on this Reddit to see if your experience lines up or if maybe you had something different. It…

Oh, this is exactly what I mean by start to study the pathology specifically. I'm a clinical social worker who had drug him to couples counselors, had family sessions while I was in a trauma center a…

No no its codependency. Like we both depend on eachother. I the caregiver, her the taker. Im drained and catered to her. It reeks of codepency

I would suggest looking into r/codependency. They have support groups for that as well.

Somehow having messed up relationships seems to have made my brain wired in such a way that a relationship built in mutual respect feels… bland, I guess. Like my brain has somehow associated love wit…

In my case, I found I need to work a 12 step program for my codependency. Otherwise my mind focuses on past, replaying refueling things & I rely on others to do what I want so I can feel good. Also, …

It’s not a breakup book, you should be single and continue to work on yourself so you can find a better partner. I think your boyfriend is an idiot and you can do better than someone you can’t get alo…