safer

Success Story: FA/Disorganized Attachment Healing Roadmap, Resource Recommendations — **Hello, fellow Fearful Avoidants! The below post has grown out of almost 3 years of research and healing this attachment style, which in my case was coupled with Relationship OCD (ROCD). ROCD is a vi…

Posting anonymously is now possible! — Considering the topic of this subreddit, we acknowledge that in some cases users may feel posting through their own accounts may be possibly problematic and obstructs safety to an extent. For those wh…

Can I legally register a P2P fund-matching app (not handling money)?( I will not Promote). — Hey founders, I’m working on a startup that helps users abroad (e.g., Nepali students in the US, UK, etc.) connect with others who want to exchange funds in opposite directions locally. The app doesn…

Wordpress Staging vs. LocalWP for website redesign — Hey everyone, I’m working on a full redesign and cleanup of an existing WordPress website, and I want to make sure the development process doesn’t hurt the site’s current SEO at all — both during deve…

Turns out I needed a "middleman" to have a successful relationship with a DA — Now the title may sound wild, but stick with me. # The Story So I (26M) have been dating someone (24F) who, as I came to realize, is a dismissive avoidant. It's been about a year now - though truthf…

I (re)earned my secure attachment this week. What a journey this has been. — I just wanted to share this diary dump with anyone who wants a success story. I believed myself to be FA/A for a long time, and this week I can finally call myself secure. TW: sexual assualt Despite …

i feel safe with being almost loved | disorganized attachment style anthem | i want love but i'm scared | (cathartic release) — Lyrics: Love, for me, is just a hallway, Soft light, shadows drifting slow. I see a silhouette approaching Then I turn before my heart can get too close. Sometimes I feel a brush of something ten…

Question for DA's — If you’re dismissive avoidant in relationships, what does your partner do to help you feel safer and more secure?

The fear of intimacy — I have started to realise that anxious attachment is also a fear of intimacy rather than only avoidantly attached people. I think many of us (when triggered) can prefer to live in the fantasy of a per…

I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …

Recovery. I don’t care to be in a relationship.. did he break me or is this healthy? — 1 year and 2 months! Getting better (and who ever said this is a quick recovery is wrong this takes a lot of time, dedication, work and lots of waves of emotions.) Things are mentally getting better …

Coming to terms with possible childhood emotional neglect - curious how others turned out — As I’ve gotten older and started reflecting on my life, I’ve slowly worked backwards and realised that I might have experienced childhood emotional neglect (CEN). What’s funny is that it actually sta…

Why keep on livng? — First of all, let me state that I do not have intent to take my life. I do have some ideation thought, but I'm doing therapy and I know will be fine. I just genuinely want to know, why keep on living?…

Almost 1 year since I left... And I just started my own business!! I'm living in MY own apartment and I own everything I need — I decide how ALL of my days are gonna go now! FU! — I can't say it to my nex(because I am keeping absolute no-contact), but I'll say it here, hell I will scream it: #Fuck You!! Fuck you for every time you put me down Fuck you for every time you deci…

I’m doing 1g of golden teachers tonight and I’m pretty nervous any tips? — Looking for some advice/tips from experienced trippers. Tonight I’m planning on doing 1g of Golden Teachers. This isn’t my first time I’ve had a 3.5g Penis Envy trip for my first trip, and then a 2.5…

Psychiatrist said "We all have some form of trauma" and she also said "blah blah" when I was sharing my trauma — Before anyone jumps in to say "try a different psychiatrist or therapist" you just need to find someone the "one". Well this is my 4th and I have concluded they all suck equally! Each new one was wors…

Got what I wanted !! Again !! — Hi everyone, **Context** So I made a post called “7 Seeds - 1 Harvest” and mentioned there would be upcoming posts since writing about each desire that came true would’ve made the post way too long.…

Regular Dose LSD + Low Dose MDMA Candy Flip Neurotoxicity — LSD (or other HT2A agonists) increases neurotoxic effects of MDMA. I am trying to find out if this also applies to the above mentioned combination. Wondering if this could be a way to develop therapeu…

I want to give medication a try to improve my mental health and so i can be safer. — I'm currently at a crossroads and could really use some perspective from others who "masked" their way into a high-stakes career before hitting a total systemic collapse. On paper, I look like I have…

The dreaded day has finally come — I've been low contact with them for years but one of my literal nightmares has come to fruition, dealing with my parent's hoarder house. They're in their 70s, increasing mobility issues, and have fill…

Sanity check: is not drinking alcohol immature or hurting my dating chances? — A woman recently reached out about a personals ad. She was sarcastic and mildly insulting, so we weren't vibing at all -- it was strange -- but the conversation was somewhat interesting so I figured I…

I get immediately anxious around him. — Except for one year, ever since moving out over a decade ago I’ve lived (usually) one thousand miles away from him. He doesn’t visit, namely because I’ve never asked him to and we aren’t close enough…

Don’t love husband and never have — using a burner for obvious reasons. I (F40) thought I would grow to love my husband (M37). I married him bc he was kind and had the means with which to take care of me and give me a secure life. I sti…

I (33M) felt triggered by my partner’s (43F) response to a message from a past situationship — unsure how to handle it — **Yes I used chatgbt to help write this out. My thoughts were too scattered and it helped break it down.** **TL;DR:** My partner (43F) got a reflective message from a past emotionally complicated par…

anyone else feel like their mind is always “on” no matter what? — I don’t think my problem is just overthinking, it’s more like my brain never actually switches off, even when there’s nothing going on I’ll be sitting quietly and suddenly I’m thinking about someth…

could card games make the hard talks with my FA more low pressure? — Some context: I've been in this relationship for the past 6 months, and things were great until month 4. Since we were both in relationships at the beginning of last year, I entered this connection …

I [30F] and my boyfriend [30M] are struggling with recurring drawn-out arguments and communication issues — My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years, and the last 2 years have had a lot more ups and downs. I care about him, and we’ve built a life together that I really value: we have a home i…

let's share our depression hacks that no one ever talks about — 1. depressed in bed: i just switched onto the other side of the bed (head is where feet normally are.)I'm still depressed, but it's a hack and I feel \*different\* at the very least. 2. sit up. I'm no…

What is your safest coping machoism right now? — I’ve noticed that I tend to fall into loops of “pleasing” people in ways that aren’t actually good for me. After sitting with it, I realized it wasn’t what I really wanted, so I’ve been trying to chan…

36F Twice Divorced Now? — Really trying not to get down in the dumps. I married my high school sweetheart when I was 20. Divorced at 26. Married my 2nd husband at 28. Now divorcing at 36. With therapy, I've acknowledged I hav…

My “dad” always audibly sighs and shakes his head whenever I’m within vicinity of him… — For context I’m “emotionally estranged” from my dad. I would’ve left the title at estranged but since my life hasn’t really gone ideally… I’m currently and reluctantly living at home with my “parents”…

My “dad” always audibly sighs and shakes his head whenever I’m within vicinity of him… — For context I’m “emotionally estranged” from my dad. I would’ve left the title at estranged but since my life hasn’t really gone ideally… I’m currently and reluctantly living at home with my “parents”…

I'm in a love marriage and am facing a separation phase more than an year now. — I'll be honest, coming from an anonymous account feels much safer than being direct about it as I've seen people to just hunt for justifications which prove their side of the story even if it is an ut…

Who else was both adultified/parentified AND infantilized? — Basically the title. **Adultified:** \-I had to listen to my mom dump her trauma and her regrets and her problems on me at a young age \-Was expected to just know how to do things without being …

I (30M) struggle with how my spouse (31F) parents — A disclaimer here: we communicate about this, we go to therapy. My spouse and I have been married for 7 years - we were best friends before we got married and are still best friends today. The reason …

How much can one change / work through their childhood? — Hey. First time poster, hope I'm doing this right. I was raised a meek quiet girl who took a lot of abuse and was scared silent by my family. It was never without consequences when I stood up for my…

I'm so scared — (Sr if I make mistakes, English is not my first language) I often get sleep paralysis and today it happened again, I always get a bit scared when it happens, had one yesterday too and I was very cal…

I desperately want to be held and the idea of being touched makes me recoil and it's driving me crazy — My bf broke up with me about 5 months ago and I still feel like shit. What a looser, right? But he said he loved me and treated me with more kindness and love I've ever experienced. I've been high fun…

i (22f) feel nothing after dates with (23m) advice? — i (22f) recently started dating again after roughly two years of a hiatus. before the hiatus i was in an emotionally abusive relationship at 18-19 with a man twice my age. and at 20 got my trust and d…

If U Experienced Abuse as a Pre-Verbal child, IS IT Harder to Identify the ways you Struggle, in a Compassionate self responsive way.....if you Don't also consider include Neglects impact + how TRAUMATIZING that would have been for a Pre-verbal Child? — # [](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/?f=flair_name%3A%22Trigger%20Warning%3A%20Neglect%22) Someone asked me once " *but why would you feel ashamed for having Trauma symptoms, and suffering from that…

Astral Projection: Quick Start Guide — This post contains guides, FAQs and the fundamentals that are suitable for both beginners and experienced members. Explore the links, videos, Astral Projection stories from experienced community membe…

No, it is not. People talk a lot of nonsense. The only demons people get possessed by are by their own egotistical psychology or some other fantasy 👍 I'll also paste an answer I gave to someone a whi…

I'm not sure but I have some FA tendencies in dating and have needed "cool down" periods in past dating situations, as sometimes they really ramped up my anxiety and I needed space to regulate again. …

Thanks! Crazy how we are conditioned to think this anxiety and nervousness as genuine attraction and love. I've calmed down since then and getting to know this person with clear mind. Yes, the wrong…

Thank you for your sympathy! 💕 I reported them on the app, but didn't feel comfortable going to the police since similar behavior hasn't been consistently regarded as assault in other cases. My expe…

Gees what a nightmare!!! I hope u find a way to feel safer like I would consider moving to a difference city even. I think people like that should be in a maximum security mental hospital for life.

Yeah it's crazy. Also in places where gun licence is possible, I mean, I feel safer knowing how to shoot. I'm glad I learnt that. And yeah it takes many years to at least alleviate the stress. I rep…

There's all sorts of reasons why it might take that long, though I'd echo that 24 hours doesn't seem that long to me considering their scale of operations. Ignoring all of the technical side of thin…

Taking space from a group of friends during a prolonged outing (like in OP’s case): “Hey guys, I’ve had a great time but I’ve been feeling like I need to recharge my introverted batteries for a while…

Agree with these. With mine, there was just a general lack of sweetness or playfulness. Anytime anything veered to something romantic, he’d say something casual and offputting to change the moment to …

The thing is the more I have aged and worked on myself getting higher self esteem and confidence, the more I have self reflected and become more aware of myself, the more I have slowly recognised the …

OP please read the above and take it to heart! (FA here, married to DA) Way too many people confuse attachment style with: A) personality B) their feelings for you. It's just attachment style,…

Of wanting to be in a relationship, if he was ready for fully committing, and he was EXTRA scared of hurting me. He knew he liked me but being in a relationship felt stressful. And I was able to stay …

Who said anything about enabling? And ur right they don’t decide but when they truly care, yes they can see things not going the way they want it to go. Sometimes that leads to no change but for other…

Ah...interpretation. Right. Yep. Always a safer bet than taking words at face value. Because facing something, is, after all, too difficult for an avoidant. Easier to win at a game only you know th…

I used to send walls of text in my early 20s, and I have definitely healed that. The ironic thing is that part of this is when we strengthen our own sacred no, get clear on our needs, and then learn h…

Avoidants do not disengage because they do not like people, they disengage because it feels safer. No one would accuse anybody of being self-centred for focusing on staying safe. It’s okay I understan…

Not OP, but, as an FA, I would say that if pride or anger is an issue, it's probably actually fear and insecurity. When we're afraid and insecure, we go into fight or flight mode. When the mode is fig…

I second this! I also loved that book and was able to read it during the pandemic. It was my first exposure to the attachment theory lol and it really helped me gain insights as to how I could determi…

Woah, this is a very comprehensive list! Thank you so much for all the resources that you shared. I truly appreciate this :) I'm also gonna suggest an app that I've been using so far and it has r…

I totally get where you’re coming from. I used to feel the same way, like every little cue was a siren, and I had to act immediately to fix it, even when I knew logically that nothing was wrong. What …

Honestly, I get this so much. In my experience, that cycle of noticing every little change and then later using it as “proof” that you were right to worry is such a mind trap. I used to think that mea…

Him being online doesn't mean anything. You're different as you are/were in a relationship. It's much more emotionally loaded. It's very possible he doesn't have the capacity for that even if he has o…

> because even the act of seeking out a boyfriend feel so pathetic, desperate, and needy. have you accidentally done the thing I've done where you've internalised being in a happy relationship as …

okay so I actually think I lean more towards anxious preoccupied attachment now… not that ChatGPT is always right but I used it not too long ago when I questioned my attachment style tbh and it made s…

You’re being avoidant by staying with this guy that you know isn’t right for you and that you have plenty of justified reasons to break up with. By staying with someone you suspect it won’t work out w…

You'd need to understand what a cognitive driven attachment strategy is to begin with before asking what they need to feel safer in a relationship. I'd recommend reading about Type A attachment strat…

Text of original post by u/Alarmed-Most-2410: I have started to realise that anxious attachment is also a fear of intimacy rather than only avoidantly attached people. I think many of us (when trigger…

I think this is accurate. I often prefer to imagine scenarios with people I’m attracted to, than actually make a move. I’ve been hurt before when my dreams or hopes for how they’ll behave don’t match …

I feel like being vulnerable with someone emotionally unavailable it’s easier/safer. BUT when it’s someone who is emotionally available. It’s so scary and I’m afraid of being seen/rejected

On dating while being disabled and Covid-cautious: Health updates! 1. My partner went for an STI screening to do "whatever that gives me the peace of mind to be with him" and tested negative so far! …

I'm so sorry you tried to heal with someone who obviously needed to do their own healing first. I know it can feel like you're back-sliding or like you've failed in some way. But you truly haven't. R…

Doing it via text afterwards is completely appropriate and *much* safer.

Yes, I do get the sense that some people are more suited for it, the same way I’m more suited for monogamy. I don’t know what the case is with my partner. When we first met they said they were able …

I’m not sure what you describe has anything to do with your attachment style. Women are very picky, they have to be in an evolutionary sense. We risk a lot with pregnancy and so forth, so we have to m…

You and the OP describe same/similar pattern to OP…. attraction then repulsion. That IS a big FA marker. I’m a recovering FA as well. The pattern is: desire or crave intimacy, and when we meet it, it …

Closure is something we give ourselves. I would question if there was some type of codependency or enmeshment that came into play here. Like you are defining your self worth through the friendship. So…

For the regulating myself bit, I give myself a 24-72 hour window to be unhinged in private then return to the aspects of my life that fulfill me and bring me joy. Is this something you’ve spoken to th…

Damn man. Sounds like he wouldn’t tell you but was still trying to keep you safer. Not excusing him AT ALL. It should have been your decision, not his, especially because condoms don’t protect 100 per…

Wow, what an awful situation. I really feel for you OP, and it’s so clear that you’re trying to make the right moves and continue to grow and heal here so big kudos to you for that. \> “you used to d…

I'm by no means secure, but I think these examples are pretty clear cut. Secure people know how to say "no". Our childhood emotional neglect taught us that it's easier or safer to just comply, but we'…

Really strange phenomenon in online dating for me. I live in a relatively small town thats an hour between two large cities. I can run out of people to swipe on within 25 miles in one day. I get hun…

My starting point was wanting to be a better person overall. So I did a lot of introspection and noticed I was avoidant. Then I kept on working on it, by myself and in therapy. People accepting my nee…

For me the best use of moon info is understanding where there's likely internal conflict that I can consciously work on. Example: My personal challenge is my moon's drive to suppress emotion + rising…

That’s great you are centering yourself! I think it sounds like you are doing a great job. I totally get the feeling of having taken care of yourself and not wanting to risk anyone destabilizing it. …

One silver lining I find, is that the city I'm in right now is so much more diverse than before. POC are starting to outnumber the Euro/Euro-Canadian population. It's glorious because there are defini…

Far less than 1/1000. As has been said of MDMA, which is less safe than mushrooms, taking mushrooms is safer than going horse riding.

We tend to seek common ground as a species. This is why a friend introducing you to someone you don't know is more of an immediate acceptance on both parts because you both know someone in common and …

How do you know she wasn’t? Condoms are SAFER sex, they’re not 100% protection

Don't be ashamed. It happened, there's nothing you can do. Sounds like he took it well. Finish your course of antibiotics. For future reference, having unprotected sex with someone you met online a …

I do really understand where you're coming from. I agree with a lot of what you're saying. Being attractive doesn't fix everything. Being attractive also comes with it's own set of struggles, traumas.…