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I'm posting the meme again: you're the meme: https://preview.redd.it/zoiyh2yecuug1.png?width=1200&format=png&auto=webp&s=5541e4b430e5c01fee99b697d44f0af90520f214 >And you’ve agreed with me tha…
A Procedural Update for the Continued Health of Our Subreddit. — Hey everyone on r/NarcissisticAbuse. We get it, we really do– the U.S. political situation right now is a bloody mess with further escalation, rather than some kind of stability, on the horizon. W…
Seeking Technical Co-Founder for Fantasy Football Punishment Platform (I will not promote) — Hey everyone, I’m in the process of building an exciting startup focused on **fantasy football** and I’m looking for a **technical co-founder** to join me and help bring this idea to life. The core i…
Learning to take space, self regulate and set boundaries as an AP earning secure — I have always leaned AP but working on security and now in a relationship with an FA leaning heavily avoidant I've realised a big goal for me is learning to self regulate and set better boundaries. Fo…
I posted a while ago about being Fearful Avoidant and, since so many people reached out about how to overcome that style, I've decided to compile a sort of list of things that are helping me become more secure — (based on what is working in my life, what I've observed, what i've read, etc. They may not apply to everyone but even if it helps a couple of people I'll be happy) **These are things to practice in …
🕊️ Community Reminder: Respectful Dialogue & Open Exchange — Hey everyone, We just want to take a moment to thank all of you for helping make r/AstralProjection one of the most interesting and supportive spaces on Reddit. Every day, people from around the worl…
Dating someone with a fearful-avoidant style has been unexpectedly… gentle? — I wanted to share a relationship experience that’s been genuinely interesting and surprisingly positive, especially for FAs and anyone curious about FA dynamics. If you are not interested in some per…
A letter to my fearful avoidant ex — 31st December 2025 So here we are. Another night, another thought. It’s been nearly 25 days since Eddie left me. Recently, so many emotions have been running through my mind. I never thought I would…
We live in a culture that glorifies self-sufficiency and punishes inter-dependence and needs. That impacts what we start labelling as anxious attachment, and how we are encouraged to heal. — Disclaimer - anxious attachment style is real, it creates distress in those who have it, and causes real strain to relationships. That being said, we cannot ignore that cultural norms have *always* di…
I'm so tired of people. — For reference, a couple of years ago, I was in an abusive relationship that kinda changed who I am. I won't go into too much detail, but let's just say that I used to be outgoing and fun, but also I h…
I finally realized my fear of closeness is really a fear of being known — I've been working to understand myself better as a DA, in part with the help of Reddit. I now feel the last puzzle pieces fell into place and I finally have a coherent story of why I am the way I am. …
Girlfriend told me she was going to kill herself on my birthday. My attachment was almost healed or so i thought - all of that is in shambles now. — There were a lot of other red flags I have previously chosen to ignore, but this is what made me wake up. I suppose after hiding from people and feelings for so long, I felt like if I just broke it of…
I'm not sure about my attachment style but I want to discover it right now 'cause I want to start healing!!!!!! — Sorry for the long text, I want to be thorough. So, I just ended my first ever relationship. I'm 20, I'm a lesbian from a conservative background and had a lot of internalized homophobia and religiou…
I just need to rant, Y'all. I'm so angry!!!! — My 83YO Ndad is selling the farm/family business Emom left my brother (48) and me (52) in an irrevocable trust. Dad is tickled pink with himself for installing legal loopholes to fuck us over. His IQ …
It's not lovebombing. It's grooming. — Adult grooming is a pattern where someone gradually (or rapidly) builds trust, lowers boundaries, gathers leverage, and conditions an adult target to tolerate confusion, dependency, secrecy, or sexual…
Unhealthy Living Conditions with Piano — Like many asian kids I was made to play an instrument. Specifically I was made to play the piano. I'm not that particularly gifted at it. I have hearing issues in my right ear (tinnitus). I didn't hav…
She snuck out with a "friend" while we were at a party — Hello everyone, this is all still very new since I just founf out about everything 3 days ago. I (24M) am in deep intense pain in knowing that my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me at least 4 times …
People underestimate the power of connections that were formed during childhoood — And I dont mean positive connections only. Negative connections also seem to stick around till we die. And since our parents chose to form negative bonds with us, unfortunely that is what lasts up…
my "method" to manifest everything — I got into manifestation back in 2025. I studied a lot of techniques, rules, and read so many books about the law of attraction and all that stuff. And honestly? I heard millions of rules about manife…
what is therapy actually supposed to do? — Ive has people tell me that I should go to therapy. Countless times. Random people I vent to, ex-friends, psychiatrists. I went to therapy and it did nothing. We just talked about stuff. Not really he…
My husband (34M) told his friends about my miscarriage as a “joke” and now says I’m overreacting (32F) — I don’t even know how to explain this without sounding insane I had a miscarriage 3 months ago. It was early but it still wrecked me. My husband (together 5, married 2) knows that. He saw how bad it …
Why The Universe "Punishes" Excitement — I think it's actually quite simple. When you feel excited for something, what usually happens is the anticipation of getting that thing is usually a better feeling than actually having that thing. So …
Apologies for posting again. Apparently I am the abuser and narcissist - I am beyond devastated. No more sharing stuff online for me. *TW - unaliving mention* — I apologise for posting again but this may well be the last social media post I ever make. I am totally devastated and feel close to unaliving. I know that sound dramatic and I am deeply ashamed but t…
I (21M) have survived two decades of severe physical, emotional, and financial abuse from my Indian parents. I'm finally exhausted and need to tell my story. I am not free yet. — # TL;DR: I'm a 20-year-old only child in India who has endured severe physical, verbal, emotional, and financial abuse from my parents since toddlerhood. They have beaten me, medically neglected me, …
(tw: trafficking) I can't interact in queer (or even fandom) spaces because of all the sex — *"Oh yay, someone recommended I watch this fun, light-hearted new movie about a gay couple! I sure hope it isn't actually an uncomfortable, borderline-rapey story about a 24/7 bdsm dynamic that goes p…
I Can't Stand My Mom — When I was younger, my parents basically used me as an emotional punching bag. Most of the memories I have of my childhood are them screaming at me over some minor mistake that I made. A lot of the ti…
So Called "Punishment" or "Discipline" My Parents Did To Me — Hello fellow Asian folks, I have been lurking here for very long time, and I want to share with you all about some of my early life. (Trigger Warning) I (17M) did have some of happy moments in my…
No contact isn't about them. It's about teaching your nervous system that you survive without the response. — Nobody told me this when I started and I wish they had. I thought no contact was a strategy to make them miss me. Or a test of willpower. Or punishment for both of us. It's none of that. Your brain…
I have an energy parasite — I had some bad stuff happen to me when i was a child, it created a wound that a energy blocker has attached to, it uses fear and paranoia to shield me from the anger and sadness from the betrayal of t…
Blue Therapy Mike and Yasmin — Wow. Literally. This man is unbelievable. He’s a lazy, liar. Sitting around all day expecting his partner to not only work her arse off but deal with EVERYTHING alone, kids, home, financially. H…
[Partner] Wife’s suppressed severe trauma surfaced. She’s in extreme ‘flight’ mode, refusing therapy, and I am burning out. Need honest outlooks. — \*\*Added some new context at the end Hi everyone. I’m hoping to find some perspective, hard truths, or shared experiences from those who have navigated severe PTSD/CPTSD dynamics. I am completely e…
Religion might be trapping people in their own hell 💀 — We know that assumptions and beliefs create our reality. Think about people throughout history who did absolutely horrific things, yet genuinely believed they were doing the right thing in the name o…
How do you hold space for, not necessarily judgment, but rather accountability and ultimately grace and growth for the dark side of codependency and insecure attachment styles — A recent poster who shared a story about his coworker got me really thinking about one of the standard FA rituals, and probably the cruelest FA rituals. We can be such experts on lulling people into…
She turned sunlight into homework. I left her house years ago. My mind still hasn't. — The sun came out today. And the first thing I felt wasn't warmth. It was guilt. A full-body, immediate, almost chemical reaction: *you should be outside. You should be using this. You're wasting it.*…
Stop Asian Hate's iconic victim Grandpa Vicha's murderer Antoine Watson is going to walk free now without punishment — [article 1](https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/grandpa-vicha-sentencing-murder-case/4058429/) [article 2](https://www.cbsnews.com/sanfrancisco/news/granpa-vicha-killing-san-francisco-suspect-relea…
confused with a thousand techniques? — i got an analogy - see if it helps. what's GOD for you , there exist a million religion housing million gods , each with its own rules , regulations, cultures, do's and dont,s , people define the…
Did anybody else have a parent get mad at *them* for being groomed online? — A funny realization that hit me just now. When my mom found out, I basically just got screamed at and punished. No support or discussion of what happened. I was 11. My online "boyfriend" was in his 2…
Is this childhood abuse or strict parenting? — . Slapping your child . Spitting your child in the face . Waking your child in the middle of the night, taking his stuffed toys head of. . Leaving your child on front at a orphanage, telling him he…
How Many Times Can You Break Up Before It Sticks? — I’m having a really hard time getting over my ex, and I don’t know how to move on. We met 4 years ago and dated for about a year. The relationship ended largely because of me—I’m bipolar, but at the …
How to know if a kid is normal or needs counseling? — At what point do you take a child (11 f) to counseling or therapy for the following: Avoidant about interacting with non-familial adults (teachers, waiters, doctor, dentist, store clerk, literally an…
I cheated. Not looking for excuses, how do I grow from this? — I'm admitting it on very first sentence that I cheated, and I'm not looking for ways justify my infidelity or going to act as a victim. What I did was wrong. But I want to know how do I grow from th…
How to ACTUALLY be alone? (Trigger warning: mentions of suicide) — Not sure if this is the right place to post this here. Coming to terms that I have an intense addiction to love and romance, going through TWO messy breakups in less than 6 months, unwillingly single …
What's your view on this situation? — When we became classmates, in the first few days she approached me and we became friends. After that, we were friends for 2 years. We did a lot of things together during that time, and little by littl…
My story, just have a need to vent somewhere — 25 years old desperately trying to finish his uni to maybe finally have some independence, crying in the bathroom stall at the internship again. I guess I'll just put my story here to cope. Througho…
I hate children so much(tw child abuse — I know I can’t say out loud irl and I know it’s unacceptable in society That hating children is a malice of society It’s just feeling it doesn’t lead to any action I named that hatred, discussed fo…
He said he doesn’t have to pay for his past sins. — We have had a disrespectful marriage given we both cheated on each other but always tried to reconcile. Most recently my husband was lying and cheating with prostitutes and chatting with women on What…
I realized my “discipline” with money was actually self-punishment — I used to think I was being responsible with money. Tracking everything. Denying every impulse. Never letting myself enjoy anything unless it felt “earned.” But I started noticing something… Ev…
My 71 year old mother escalated to throwing objects at me tonight because I started vacation from work — Quick intro: I'm a 49-year-old man earning \~$225K/year, living with my 71-year-old mother in a house that's fully paid off. I'm planning to move out within the next few weeks. You can see the post hi…
Codependent Dynamics shifting but sex life decrease — Has anyone realized all of a sudden their relationship had codependent tendencies and kind of blew the structures of it up? I kind of did that recently and am proud of the boundaries I’ve established …
I found out that my abusers lost everything because they k*lled a child and I don't know how to feel — I'm an institutional child abuse survivor and lived in an abusive boarding school for \~1 year (felt more like 5 years) when I was 13 yo. It was a terrible environment in which every aspect of our liv…
SC middle school teacher made a racist comment in class! — A teacher made a comment in class suggesting that **Chinese people eat cats and dogs**. This was said publicly, in front of students. I reported it immediately to the principal. Instead of addressing …
I've asked two different entities, and they gave me partly conflicting answers. The self-proclaimed deity said most humans and all animals go to an enormous astral...warehouse waiting room thingy. Th…
>If it comes to new age stuff like LOA/LOB/Law of assumption I actually agree with you to a certain degree but not entirely. So let me explain where I disagree. Most people who follow Joseph Murphy, L…
What you are describing is punishment. And while it’s understandable to a degree, it can also cross into territory that is incredibly toxic. For example, one situation that caused this “escalation” w…
This isnt wrong. Think about the way we used to punish people in our societies of the past - we would exile them. Being socially ostracized used to mean certain death for us. Somewhere in our genes we…
MySQL did this, most moved to MariaDB or alternatives. They should punish the CEOs for this, not give them bonuses like it's Friday.
I am FA but lean dismissive so take my response with a grain of salt. I tend to disappear from time to time not out of anger or resentment but because my nervous system just demands space to reset. I…
Pushing past boundaries is not cool and could trigger anyone! But it also sounds like you’re using deactivation as a type of punishment or control. ?
It feels like a child is clinging to me and then getting angry with me if I try to have a life or any interests outside of them. It starts with needling comments from them, passive aggression, accusat…
The demonization of avoidant people really annoys me. I'm fearful avoidant so I see all perspectives in this and yeah avoidance is hurtful, neglect is painful, creating space through fights is toxic a…
[We just had a discussion about this in the AvoidantAttachment subreddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AvoidantAttachment/comments/1kp4duk/the_hottest_hot_take/) What you're describing is very indicativ…
By not chasing and instead matching their pace. Absolutely reply when they text you, and match the energy if you can. Ideally you’d want to be perceived as safe, so when they text you should be detach…
It isn’t. Avoidance, more so than AA, is deeply unconscious. Consciously, we want to show up for our partners and to be vulnerable, which makes it difficult to recognize the fact that we are distancin…
I understand the thought patterns here, and I definitely see how expectations are triggering for avoidant types. But I've also found many of them project what they assume my expectations are onto me? …
I tend to agree. While some alone time is fine, “space” as in “the expectations of the relationship are a problem and I want to absolve myself of the responsibility temporarily because I want to live …
It's everything, I feel so guilty because they are being nothing but lovely and I'm still feeling the need to step away, so I try very hard to show that I also care, I'm also dedicated, I also love th…
I think you're on to something, I was just replying to another comment where I said that I give a lot to prove I'm also committed and then feel unappreciated and either shut off or start a fight over …
Sounds like gold what you just said though - “punishing for something you weren’t aware you needed yourself “
Hey OP I remember your previous posts. I'm sorry you're going through this. Expecting warmth from someone who's gone cold is a punishment in itself, so stop punishing yourself and stop waiting for som…
You've got a good head on your shoulders. Don't punish yourself for what you didn't know and don't try to do it all alone. Definitely share your struggles of suicidal ideation with your people. I woul…
Your anxiety is stemming from the fact that you are abandoning yourself in this relationship. It’s also why you self sabotaged. Clearly the relationship has been struggling before this even happened. …
Being ignored by a partner isn’t “uncommon”, but it’s not ok and it’s a behavior that is seeking a negative reaction/to punish. You don’t have to get used to this in order to be ok.
you're punishing your partner because you have health anxiety and are unable to manage your own emotions so you expect them to do it for you - like you do for others. but really, people should manage …
I appreciate this perspective. I lost a previous partner to suicide, though he and I were together 1.5yrs and he was clearly devolving with mental health and addiction trouble. But I can tell you, I h…
What’s actually happening (in plain language) Roughly, your system is doing this: 1. Distance = danger. When you don’t see him (or replies slow down), your body reads it as “I’m about to be abando…
I think two things are true: what she did initially was something most people would not be okay with in a relationship. So that was bad and it was a big deal. However, two, It sounds like she handled…
The anxious behavior strategies are fairly more obvious. >C1 (Threateningly Angry): They use anger to coerce attached figures into proving care and comfort. >C2 (Disarmingly Desirous of Comfort): Co…
This relationship sounds horribly dysfunctional. She is acting abusively controlling and then trying to punish you with a break up in hopes that you will change and conform to her demands. This is all…
Thank you for this perspective. It actually helps more than you probably realize. What you describe about deactivation replacing anger resonates a lot. Looking back, I don’t think he’s trying to puni…
> Thank you for this perspective. It actually helps more than you probably realize. Happy to be of help! > Looking back, I don’t think he’s trying to punish me or manipulate the situation. This is …
This is bang on to how I operated back when I was more DA. And really, it just comes down to the fact that even though it doesn't show on the outside, we are so, so scared of other people even as we l…
Just to add on top of this - I never knew I was actually de activating and I thought how I handled situations was the best way to handle them. You have to understand some of us won’t/didn’t realise o…
Watch your internal narrative. No punishing yourself or leaning into narratives that have no evidence. Start doing daily affirmations in the mirror. Don’t read too much into his online behavior!
It only becomes ruminating when you are stuck on a blame spiral. Reflecting on the past to help learn from your experiences can be a good thing. But when you are simply blaming and shaming yourself or…
What you are experiencing is a pretty typical thing to deal with in anxious attachment. It usually is related to the relationship with yourself. Your self esteem and self worth is tied up with this an…
Yes, I understand your point. My outlook is that nobody ticks all your boxes so compromise in a few areas is essential if you're mostly getting what you want in a partner. True, I tried to not get ahe…
All feelings are real. You’re punishing yourself for feeling what’s right. Right now, you are your only priority. Waves of pain will come and go until they slowly dissolve. And you need to be there fo…
It truly feels so awful when you are not doing anything wrong and get punished for it anyway.
exactly. all disordered attachments come from unreliable caregivers, and experience similar amounts of distress in intimate relationships, but anxious people externalize while avoidants internalize th…
You explicitly told him "You can't say the wrong thing," then he lowers his guard. The moment he did and honestly admitted he was afraid you immediately judged him (the coward's route) and are now moc…
You can love someone before knowing them fully. That’s just human nature, having feelings doesn’t follow rules. You can always say later “this isn’t right for me” and being over 30 makes that bit much…
Their definition of accountability is "you need to feel bad about what you did! Because I feel hurt! So you need to hurt too!" Meanwhile ours is "x action caused harm and I recognize the harm so I w…
I'm so sorry you tried to heal with someone who obviously needed to do their own healing first. I know it can feel like you're back-sliding or like you've failed in some way. But you truly haven't. R…
Threatening to kill herself on your birthday…obviously I don’t know anything else but that’s a classic move of a personality disordered person to ruin a special day like that. Especially if that’s the…
As for the end of my post - I meant that I kind of feel like god is punishing me, or the universe, I don't know, I'm not really religious. It's just a thought... I don't actually believe it I suppose.
I am likely being ghosted or broken up with. Valentines day we had a date. He told me he was hurt by something I did a few weeks before. I apologized. Then, It honestly turned in to him dogpiling a …
I hate this for you, can relate to feeling like you're being punished, been there and it didn't end well. I do hope when you talk, he listens, apologies and makes it up to you by changing his behaviou…
It really is just a frame of mind. It’s all about catching yourself being upset and saying it’s ok to be upset. “This person hurt me because they lied, I’m allowed to be angry with them and I’ll let …
>Would you be okay with elaborating a bit on the wound triggering? I’m not sure if this is something I did *to* her or just happened to be around when it started. You didn't do anything to her, its n…
I think there's always some value in taking the time to sit with your feelings and really process them. Anxiety or avoidance, it's always good to understand where your feelings are coming from. I see …
For me… Aquarius Jupiter is my chart ruler and is in my 2nd house (3rd in whole signs). I’ve somehow chosen things to study that require massive machines and lots of space lol. Like printmaking, piano…